'Cause every moment, we share together is even better than the moment before. If every day was as good as today was then I can't wait 'til tomorrow comes. A moment in time is all that's given to us in life & it's something we shoud seize. So I won't make the mistake of letting go, every day he's here I'm gonna let him know how much he is effecting my life. I can't remember being happier than I am right now. I am free of everything, of all past worries, and ponderings. When I am with him I think of nothing but us and how happy I am at the moment.
Each time I see him it's like the first time we met, I just look into his eyes and melt. It's sad really because he always has me under his total control and I don't think he even knows it. Something else that I have begun to learn, which is something that I've been searching for, is how to be happy from within. It is ironic that it took someone else to bring that out in me, but I guess we all need a little help once in a while at something.
"Everybody's looking for that something - the one thing that makes it all complete. You find it in the strangest places. Places you never knew it could be.
Some find it in the face of their children, some in their lover's eyes. Some find it sharing every morning, some in the solitary night, you'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry. You'll find it in the deepest friendships, the kind you cherish all your lives, and when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing the thing that can help you find your happiness from within.
For me it's waking up beside you. To watch the sun rise on your face. TO know that I can say I love you, at any given time or place. You're my special thing. Your the place where my life begins, and you'll be where it ends. Regardless of what may come."
Good night.
The time that we shared just a short while ago was awesome. Jonathan is amazing to me. I felt like a kid again, trembling with every touch. If I'm not falling in love with him, then I have some other sickness that keeps me awake at night, and every time I think of him. Every endevor I have made ever is coming into play. It's here and now. Today. :-) sigh, Jonathan, you were great.
That may seem a little extreme but it is how I fill right now. I am going home to Tennessee after Jon and I say goodbye this afternoon. IT will be good to be with my parents for a little while. My sister and Michael are ther with Perry to show off their baby to the mountain folk, as I so fondly like to refer to them as.
SMILES, I'm gonna stop asking to hear from people, I don't think it is possible for people to write emails anymore, because no one does. I look at the stats often and people visit this site every day from all over the world in increasing numbers. That is really cool, but you would think that I would hear from some of them. Anyway. Let me know how you are doing. And have a great day. g Today.
Sighs. To me each day from this point on is Valentines day. I love being with him, because of the way he makes me feel. But I think I may have alredy said that a few times. :-) Anyway, I just wanted to update really quickly before I left.
Jon just left and I am headed out the door for the rest of the weekend as well. I will be in Nashville until Sunday evening. I should be able to update then. Have a great evening and day tomorrow. Check below for the local Atlanta weather and the weather in tennesse where I am going to be. Later...
every moment that I spends with him, makes me want to learn more, to know more about him. I so hope that we become what I wan us to be...
The clock is ticking and the wind is blowing and I'm just staring at the candle burning. A bottle of wine that I never opened. Your voice in my head tossing and turning, the radio is playing my favorite songs but I can't sing along I can't even listen. I dial your number but I don't let it ring. I think about holding you and kissing you, hugging you and missing you, building up and breaking down walls. Finding you and keeping you, hugging you and needing you, I'm telling you I want it all.
It takes everything inside me to keep from pushing too hard, and I don't think I have done a good job so far. I just can't break free of him, I'm not sure I know how. But I am so worried, maybe for no reason, but I am just that same. I don't want to be too much for him. He hasn't really give me a reason to think that I have been. But I am going to back off just a little, because I can't remember when I have wanted something more that I want this. I want this to be real, what we have, real from the beginning from both sides. And I am so excited about what I have to look forward to, but so afraid that I am going to loose it before it even begins.
I guess this is what it does to you, the life. I can't trust anyone - but I'm trying, because I know it's a must. Sighs.
I had an okay time in Tennessee, I got to see my mom and dad as I said, and I went to church with them and we showed off the baby to everyone. It was weird seeing my friends from church, some of which who are just as Gay as me but will never admit it, at least not now. I am the only one who is gay, I mean, I'm not exactly out, but I'm sure EVERYONE knows by now. It's a small town so that news travels fast, and it has had a couple of years to travel since I left.
My weekend was great, and now I am going to study some notes for a while. I really hope that he calls, and I'm going to try my best not to call him, because I want to know if he wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk to him. I also have to realize that even if he doesn't call that doesn't mean that he doesn't care. Good night guys, :-) sigh... ( a happy one.) There is no way I can hide how I feel about him. I am usually very good at not feeling at all, but when it comes to hiding the feels that I do have, I suck.. But I am scared, because I don't want to loose what I have in Jon, what I could have, what I hope to have. I am in this for as long as he'll let me be. And I hope...I pray, that he feels the same way about me as I do about him and that we can have a wonderful relationship together for a long time.
9:35 ...
Smiles. I was about to save and close the window when I got the call. This is a small thing I know, but you can't imagine how much it meant to me. I am pathetic, without question, but I'm happy and pathetic and I have to go to work in the morning. Good night (again)
