| My Days.....page 47 |
| Click here to go on to the next page or to go back to the previous one... |
 |
 |
 |
| Jul 29 , 2002 11:32pm ES |
| "The circus is falling, down on its knees. The big top is crumbling down. Its raining in Baltimore 50 miles easy. Where you should be no ones around. I need a phone call. I need a raincoat. I need a big hug, I need a phone call. These train conversations are passing me by 'cause I don't have nothing to say. You get what you pay for but I just have no intention of livin' this way. I need a phone call. I need a plane ride. I need a sunburn. I need a raincoat. I get no answers, and I don't get no change. It's raining in Baltimore, baby - but everything else is the same. There's things I remember, there's things I forget. I miss you, I guess that I should. Three thousand five hundred miles away - what would you change if you could? I need a phone call, maybe I should by a new car. I can always hear a freight train, well baby if I listen real hard. And I wish, I wish it was a small world 'cause Im lonley for the big town, I'd like to hear a little guitar, I think it's time to put the top down. I need a phone call. I need a raincoat. I really really need a raincoat. I really reallly really really really need a raincoat." I feel like a monkey caught between his brain and his tail. Yeah, yeah. I'm still in the same state. Maybe a little bit brighter, I doubt it. Baltimore sure is dismal this time of year. The rain just makes the concrete stickey along with the air. There are so many homeless people. It's not like in Atlanta where I'm used to. There are so many kids. I just want to cry. When I say kids, I mean babies almost, 12, 14, 15 years old some of them. Oh, matt - if you read this, email me please, and give me your number, I dont have it with me, and I'd really like to talk to you. Ill be home soon, but it would be good to hear from you. I guess I really don't have a lot to say, I'm just really dissappointed in society in general. I guess I always am. Maybe one day, things will change. |
 |
 |
| Aug 08 , 2002 02:00am CS |
| "We ordered up one more bottle of wine, you told me your story and I thought about mine, except mine was my fault. You said when you lost him you lost everything - It all started having a familiar ring. So I ask you to talk me, some place quiet. Somewhere around the break of day I could hear it coming from a mile away,. Don't say that word not the one we've both heard too much, you may think you do but you don't it's just the fear of being alone. Reckless hearts can clear a path wider than a hurricane's aftermath. we've both traveled down that road where in the name of love anything goes. Like the child in the night, with no one to hold you and tell you everything's gonna be all right. I guess that's kinda how I feel. And the fear of being alone is totally real inside me. I'm not sure why it has come up so suddenly, but I dont think I've been this lonely in years. I've said hello and goodbye to so many people in my life, been in so many different situations. I think I;ve learned a lot from them, and I think I am a better person for it. But none of that changes the past does it? I guess life is about changing, nothing ever stays the same huh? It just really sucks when change doesn't consult you, and then one day you look back on your life and wonder if you have ever made a difference in anyone's life cause there's no real evidence of it that you can carry around, that you can take out every onces in a while and say, "yeah, that's when it happened. I did a good thing." Anyway, I'm having surgery done tomorrow, so everyone think of me. Good night... |
| Aug 27 , 2002 12:32pm CS |
| "The sky has lost its colour, the sun has turned to grey. At least that's how it feels to me, whenever you're away/. I crawl up in a corner to watch the minutes pass each one brings me closer to the time youre comeing back I can tke the distance I cant take the miles I cant take the time till I next see you smile I cant take the distance Im not ashamed that with every breath I take Im calling your name I can't take the distance... I still beleive my feelings but sometimes I feel too much. I make believe you're close to me but it ain't close enough - not nearly close enough. I can't take the distance, I can't take the miles. I can't take the time 'till I next see you smile. I can't take the distance but I'm not ashamed that with every breath I take I'm calling your name. I'd brave fire and I'd brave rain to be by your side I'd do anything. I can't take the distance but I will go the distance - I will go the miles that's how mich you mean to me. That isn't really meant toward anyone specific - if you know me, you know that it's hard for me to be alone and be happy. I guess that isn't the best, I always tell everyone, "you have to find happiness from within." I really should follow my own advice. I'm just really lonley up here on my mountain top. The time alone has probably done me a lot of good. I usually depend on a person that I am with way too much, and I'm sure much more than they realize. But knowing this doesn't make the lonliness go away ya know. |
| Aug 25 , 2002 012:00am CS |
| "I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by - weep not for the memory. Remember the good times that we had? Don't let them slip away from us when things go bad. From the minute I first saw you smiling in the sun, I wanted to feel your arms around me - I wanted to be the one. I'm so tired that I can't sleep standing on the edge of something much too deep. It's funny how I feel so much, but cannot say a word. This voice screaming inside can't be heard. You were so afraid to love me, and more afraid to lose - clinging to a past that doesnt let you chose. But once there was a darkness - oh in the deepest night. You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me life. I will remember you - will you remember me? Another turning point a fork stuck in the road - time grabs you by the wrist - directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictiable but in the end it's right - I hope you have the time of your life. So take the photographs and still frames in your mind - hang it on a shelf for good health and good times. Tattooes and memories - for what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable bui in the end it's right. I hope you have the time of your life. We all have good days and bad days. Today is one of my certain bad days of the year. It was this day in 1998 when my life took a totally different fork than I wanted it too. Two totally naieve boys touched fingers a couple of months before that in a movie theatre. The movie was City of Angels. We had no idea that people would react so terribly to our feelings for eachother. Though we didn't really advertise it, it isnt easy to hide two boys in love. Since we were sepearated - I've taken those photographs and still frames in my mind with me everywhere I've gone. When I met him the second time, the world had changed him - he wasn't the same naieve boy that I once knew, I guess I wasn't the same either. Jason was one of the two great loves in my life so far and I'll never forget him. |
