=================================
USS CHESAPEAKE (NCC-31813)
Hood-Class Light Cruiser (CL)
Tactical Squadron 33, Green Fleet
=================================
======================================
Mission 3: Cats and Crates
(A Joint Mission with Deep Space Four)
======================================
Next Week....
Announcer: One crew defined insanity....
Armstrong: I think our mousetrap has a problem.
Baer: You don't say.
Six-Foot Giant Mouse: SQUEAK!
Announcer: Another crew perfected it....
Murray: Harding, I'd like to discuss your recent proposal.
[Slaps him with a pad.] ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?!
Announcer: Next week, see both crews together to... act solemn.
Brennan: Our next mission is to do what?
Announcer: Just kidding.
th'Tellan: Whew. You had me going there for a minute.
[Start playing "In The Navy"]
Brennan: Our orders are to bring the Cats troupe to DS4 for a
little R&R.
th'Tellan: The Admiral ordered the Chesapeake to cart our
bartender's cargo? The Admiral won't even answer my phone
messages.
Amos: What do you mean, they can't find the cargo?
Brennan: We've got to find it, first.
Kishdal: They took hostages AGAIN?!? What, do we have a "Please
Kidnap Me" sign out front?
Announcer: See the mission filled with humor....
Malveo: The door is locked. Give me a few minutes to attempt a
site-to-site transport....
[Gar shoots open the door.]
Malveo: Unless you want to use the brute force method.
Announcer: .... action....
th'Tellan: Do you expect me to talk?
Villian: No, Mr th'Tellan. I expect you to die.
th'Tellan: I just wanted to make sure.
Announcer: ... and...
[Various shots of gunfights and explosions.]
Announcer: That's about it, really.
Dave: What do we need plot for? We've got special effects.
Announcer: Guest stars.... Neve Campbell....
Stock: I'm not bad. I'm just....
th'Terryal: No, trust us on this one.
Announcer: ... George Clooney....
Livingston: Do you know who I am?
Wood: Of course. You're Batman.
Announcer: ... And the cast of the USS Chesapeake....
O'Greaech: That's supposed to make me feel better?
Baer: Hey, works for me.
Announcer: .... in the Season Finale of Star Trek Deep Space 4.
Trewidden: I should have just stayed lost.
Announcer: Oh, just watch it.
[Fade to Black.]
(by Melvin Pollack)
Subject: [ds4-rpg] Closing Credits....
Date: Wed, 15 Sep 1999 11:57:50 -0400 (EDT)
From: Melvin Harry Pollack
Reply-To: ds4-rpg@egroups.com
To: DS4 RPG Mailing List
Newsgroups: alt.starfleet.rpg
Finn: Well, aren't we egotistical. I guess I'll be seeing you in my
office.
th'Tellan: I'd face mutant vampires first.
Finn: I can force you to come tomorrow morning.
th'Tellan: Well, the vampires arrive at 3 this afternoon. So there. [He
and Finn walk off stage, but th'Tellan can still be heard.] I'm
getting too old for this.
[Camera focuses on Brennan's face.]
Brennan: Yep. It's great to be back.
[Fade out. Flash directors credits, then cue to show credits. The screen
splits in half. The right side scrolls the names of all involved. The
following appears on the left side.]
Melvin: Okay. And action.
Di Master: [Holding a gun to Murray's head.] I am the Master of
Eternity. I am the leader of the Brotherhood, and the follower of
justice. I am the man who controls the lower half....
[Murray starts laughing, causing everyone to laugh.]
Murray: Sorry.
[Wipe cut.]
Sereh: I cannot escape my destiny. And neither can Brennan.
[Sereh throws her sword to Brennan, who drops it.]
Brennan: Looks like I escaped my destiny after all.
[Wipe cut.]
Ennian: I can't believe that son of a dog.... [Looks at Rodriguez.] And
who are you?
Rodriguez: Uh, woof?
[Both start laughing.]
Ennian: Uh, hiss? Meow?
[Wipe cut.]
Melvin: Okay. And action.
Di Master: [Holding a gun to Murray's head.] I am the Master of
Eternity. I am the leader of the.... Will you stop laughing!
Murray: Sorry.
Di Master: [Laughing] You should be scared. I'm evil. Boo!
[Wipe cut.]
Di Master: Guys, tell them what we want.
Extras behind him: We want a pitcher! Not a belly itcher!
Melvin: [v.o.] Uh, let's break for lunch.
[Wipe cut.]
[th'Tellan is lying on the floor. Nikka and Baer stare down.]
Nikka: It's too late. He's dead.
Baer: Quick, you get his car keys. I'll grab his wallet.
[Wipe cut.]
Soames: All Romulans keep a signet ring in a display box. th'Tellan
probably has his in one of the front pockets.
Nikka: Baer, go get it.
th'Tellan: [Sitting straight up.] Woah! Let me see that script again!
[Wipe cut.]
Melvin: Okay. And action.
Di Master: [Holding a gun to Murray's head.] I am the Master of.... [He
starts laughing.]
Murray: [laughing] This time, it's not my fault. You all saw it!
Melvin: [v.o.] I left Seinfeld for this?
[Wipe cut.]
Sereh: I cannot escape my destiny. And neither can Brennan.
[Sereh throws her sword to Brennan. Brennan flips it into the air a few
times before finally catching it.]
Brennan: Impressed?
[Wipe cut.]
[th'Tellan and the guard are fighting near the death ray. th'Tellan
suddenly slides through the guard's legs. We hear a bang as th'Tellan's
rear lands on the floor.]
th'Tellan: [grabbing his back.] Ow! That was a mistake! Ow!
[Wipe Cut.]
Ledoux: [Lifting Ennian into the air.] I'd like to thank the academy for
this award....
Ennian: [Laughing] Put me down. I mean it.
[Wipe cut.]
[Murray, Dryden, and th'Terryal all lean into the camera for extreme
closeup.]
All: We love you, Jerry Springer! WOOOOO!!!
[Wipe cut.]
Kishdal: Now I'm part of a time travleing group. The Time Traveling
Teenagers Telling Touniquets.... No, wait.
[Wipe Cut.]
Kishdal: The TIme Traveling Teentaget.... Bleh!
[Wipe Cut.]
Kishdal: Now I'm part of a time travleing group. The Sallys that Sell
Seashells by the Seashore. At least I can get that one right.
[Wipe Cut.]
Kishdal. The Time Traveling Teenagers.... Uh.... Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Melvin: [slowly] Tortilla Tasting Troup.
Kishdal: Oh, we're going Mexican, not Italian. So, Pablo's talking
dog....
Melvin: Says "Yo Quiero Taco Bell." Now, can we do this?
[Left side blanks out. Right side expands, as the rest of the credits
scroll. Then Paramount symbol, followed by fade out.]
Submitted by....
Melvin Pollack....
Cdr Avikar th'Tellan
CO DS4
mpollack@wam.umd.edu
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