Random Reading
Two farmers grew up as best friends and later became in-laws when they
married sisters. The first farmer worked hard and became very wealthy while the second
farmer also worked equally hard, but never caught a break financially.
After years of struggling, the second farmer finally went to speak with his
successful brother-in-law. "How did you do it?" the second farmer asked.
"We have the same education, we started with the same amount of land and machinery,
but yet you out did everyone in the county and became a successful and wealthy man. Please
share your secret with me," pleaded the second farmer.
"Well," said the first man, "When I faced an important decision about
buying or selling cattle or grain, or when to plant or harvest, I always followed the same
pattern in my decision-making. I would go into my bedroom, close all the drapes, shut off
the lights, kneel down beside my bed holding my Bible between the palms of my hands. I
would let the Bible fall open on the bed and my index finger would point to a passage on
the open page. Whatever that passage said to do, I followed that advice. If it said plant,
I planted, if it said reap, I harvested. The same held true for both buying and selling.
This method has worked for me all my life."
The second man thanked his brother-in-law for being honest and sharing this hopeful
advice. He went immediately home, headed for the bedroom with his Bible, shut the drapes,
turned out the lights, knelt down and let the Bible fall open upon the bed and his
trembling finger found the words of advice on the open page. The farmer quickly turned on
the lights and with new found earnestness looked at the words under his finger on the
Bible's page. His advice read:"Chapter 11."
FIRE
During a recent Ecumenical gathering, someone rushed in shouting, "The building is
on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Church of the Brethren held a congregational meeting.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
Te Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that fire was evil.
The Salvation Army served coffee and donuts.
The Roman Catholics passed a collection plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the doors hoping the fire would passover.
The UCC shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It is the vengeance of God."
The Christian Scientists agreed among themselves that there was no fire.
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee who were to
"Look into the matter" and make a written report to the session.
And the Church Secretaries got together, put out the fire, and went back to work!
How Old
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to
synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance
the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How
come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered.
"When I got to be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then
100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I
don't want to remind Him!"
Whoops
Then there's the story about the mother who gave her daughter 2
nickels, one for the Sunday school offering & one for an ice cream on the way home
from church (this was in "the OLD days"!).
She walked along jingling the coins in her hand. One fell out & rolled down the
sewer drain. The little girl said, "oops! There goes the church's nickel!".
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