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Bereavement touches all of us sometime during our lifetime. Although intellectually we acknowledge death as a natural part of life, when it happens on a personal level, it is difficult for us to accept. Most of us are in fortunate enough positions to believe that we hold some amount of control over events that take place in our lives. However, when a death occurs and takes away someone we love, we are expected to adjust to huge changes that we didn't ask for and certainly don't want. We are left feeling helpless and out of control. People who normally cope well with all types of crises can be left dazed and damaged. We go through a whole range of emotions. Feelings can vary from such things as depression, guilt, anger to even euphoria. Physical symptoms are not uncommon. These can include sleeplessness, dizziness, lack of appetite, forgetfulness and feeling of going crazy. Despite its extreme difficulty, most often we cope with the death of a loved one by ourselves or with the help of relatives of friends. There are occasions when our vision becomes clouded and we are not able to carry on in our normal way. People who are generally considered to be strong are frequently hardest hit when their coping skills are diminished in these ways. Unfortunately, it is usually this type of person that is most reluctant to seek assistance. A death in the Community is a public loss. The grief is shared with the community. When notice of a death spreads throughout the community, the family of the deceased becomes the focus of our attention. The first thought is for the relatives who are left trying to cope with the death of someone central to their being. The Community shares in the preparation of the deceased for burial and in the care of the family. Regardless of their role within a family, each person's grief is individual and they can be expected to react differently. A family is functioning well when the members can hold together despite having separate feelings. They are able to respect others' feelings and the right to grieve as individuals. Problems often occur in families when individuals can't express their feeling or they are grieving at vastly different paces. At times, it is necessary to seek outside help. It is vital to remember that recognizing the need for help is just that. It is not a sign of failure or weakness or of permanent dysfunction. We have no hesitancy in seeking the services of a doctor or dentist when we recognize physical symptoms. The case should be the same for emotional upsets as well. Grief Counselling can be an appropriate response to a temporary problem. Four to six weeks is an appropriate time to wait for people who have just sufferred a loss. Why? This gives time for the "Family" to settle the legal and monietary problems resulting from the death. Even if these issues are not completed after this time period, at least the processes have had time to begin. In our last edition of the Star, I wrote about the importance of "Not Confusing the Issues." By asking and attaining Grief Counsel during the appropriate period after a loss, counsellors have a chance to derail alot of crisis' that would otherwise have festered into a full-blown personal tragedy. They can help a person keep their 'emotional' balance, and put the other factors affecting our lives in perspective, and in order of importance. If you have failed to recognize your need for help, this is a classic case of "better late than never." It will serve anyone well to get the direction they need rather than ignore the issues and hope they go away. Deal with the situations and allow the healing process we all desire to begin. Until next month, take care of yourself, good health to all of you, and God Bless. Geodoctor*HUGS* |
