Regular reviewers will notice that I have made a change in the page's format. We are hoping this will make it easier to place the reviews on the page, but more importantly, I am hoping it will eliminate unnecessary errors. The reviews below look exactly the way they look when they come to my desk; I have eliminated the email address of each reviewer.
Cassie Hanaway
Critique Page Editor
Reviews For Feb. 12- Feb. 18
CRITIQUE OF THE WEEK
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name = Nathan Black
Submission_author = Angelique by Beth Adair
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = An interesting twist on a common type of story. I really enjoyed reading this, and the image at the end was wonderful. My one piece of advice: you could say a great deal more with a great deal less in your piece. Since you give pretty explicit accounts of how Ivy wants to kill herself, I don't think you actually need to TELL us she's depressed. Just say her mom died and leave it at that. You did a good job.
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name = Gerri
Submission_author = Josephine by Megan Estey
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Megan---your voice carries weight--that's quite an accomplishment--love the line--"You were trapped with a pile of bones...and it was your own body." I'm not sure of the meaning of the opening lines--it sounds as if he told her this was his first sexual encounter--I'm not sure. Still, liked this piece.
name = Gerri
Submission_author = I'd Rather Eat Glass by Megan Estey
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Megan--I didn't read the entire piece because of time constrants, however--I loved the elevator scene--crakced up when Paul says, "They ain't married, if that's what you're thinking." Your transition from that scene into Madrigal's history was great work--Madrigal screams, followed by-- a cry shattered the silence. Your writing style is great; you invented a good piece here.
name = GerriZ
Submission_author = Christmas Through The Eyes Of A Beanie Baby by Beth Adair
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Beth-Your tone is fine during most of the piece--first par. needs relaxing, but that's normal; we all do it--our writing is smoother in style as we relax. This is a fun piece, also a sad piece for one little guy. So, I there's pathos in this piece. I always go a little deep--it must be hard to be different, to try to be like the others, (having so much to offer) to be rejected and rejected. A revised "Christmas Through the Eyes of a Beanie Baby" would make a great picture book for kids. On some level it could carry a message to some kids; other kids can relate to the beanie baby who just doesn't fit into the scheme of life. Good stuff here.
name = Gerri
Submission_author = A Loathed Enemy by Beth Adair
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Beth- Some excellent writing here--good voice--unfortunately, as ads still tell women and now men that we must be thin, we're still dealing with eating disorders. Well done piece. Some mature writing
name = Jill Edelstein
Submission_author = My Trip To The Bridge by Janelle Zimmerman
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = it's a typical story, one any teenager would think of. what's missing: why the pain and sorrow? the feelings of the moment were also a bit unclear - the reader knew them, but couldn't SEE them. focus on the moment and thought process more for a better story. all around good though.
name = Raye McDonald
Narrative_author = My So-Called Life by Susan Hubenthal
Points = 5 points
opinion of the narrative and author = Susan, I give you five points for having the courage to write this sensitive account of your son's death. I cannot imagine that kind of pain.
Thank you for sharing what was obviously something very difficult to put into words.
name = Ken Bushnell
Story_author = The Incident by Brian Willmott
Points = 4 points>
opinion of the story and author = Takes a bit of skill to coordinate all the details of three perspectives like that. Amazingly well done. I don't see why you have to apologize for the ending though. Don't they get American television in England?
name = Harmony
Submission_author = Eternal Love Dance by Dawn Draper
Points = 3 points
opinion of the submission and author = Your poem was very interesting and neat.
name = Tabitha Smith
Submission_author = My Love by Aaron Martin
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Good job with your poem very smooth, but yet heart touching keep it up when you are going to ask a girl out write her a poam It is the best poem I've heard yet!
name = Tabith Smith
Submission_author = Change by Jennifer Lawson
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = great job!!! i'll look for you again. keep it up, it tells why.
name = keith moon
Submission_author = Socks by Ken Bushnell
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = It was very funny and diffenent
name = Mallory DeHaven
Poem_author = On The Wings Of The Angels
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Very Very touching I could see where you were coing from. Your poem could really get to the heart of others. It was extremely nice.
name = Ashley Roush
Submission_author = Breaking Up by Amanda Clark
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = I really like your poem and it should have a ten no matter what!!!!!!
name = Mallory DeHaven
Poem_author = Ode to Bladder Control by Karen Pospisil
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = Hey, good poem and so true!!!
name = Russell Martin
Poem_author = On The Wings Of The Angels
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = It's excellant!! {but a bit sad}
name = Katie Wilson
Submission_author = Wishing Daddy Out Of Heaven by Jo Ann Mann
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = I think that is a very good story. It would make some people cry but I liked it a lot.
name = Sarah Allen
Submission_author = Wishing Daddy Out Of Heaven by Jo Ann Mann
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = I think that yours is the best that I have read so far and I think that it is very sad.
name = abbey fowler
Submission_author = Breaking Up by Amanda Clark
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = That is how I feel sometimes but I just don't know how to tell him that.
name = billy hawkins+luke eaker
Poem_author = Snow! by R.L. Walker
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = you have a great story on your hands it is great
name = Mallory DeHaven
Submission_author = My Dad's Gun by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Oh my gosh that was an incredible story. It is so ironic.
name = Russell Martin
Story_author = The Girl In The Rain by Miko
Points = 5 points
opinion of the story and author = Excellent! But very Depressing
name = shanna tobar
Submission_author = The Awful Smells to Me by Jessica Sayer
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = the poem was great but i didn't understand the ending
name = Patricia Mclaughlin
Submission_author = What If by Jo Ann Mann
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = It makes me think a lot about losing someone. It is good motevation for someone who has lost someone.
name = Ashley Reed
Submission_author = Eternal Love Dance by Dawn Draper
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = I thought it was really good. She expressed her
feelings really,really good!!!!
name = Matthew Murray
Submission_author = Socks by Ken Bushnell
Points = 3 points
opinion of the submission and author = I wanted to know what will happen to the socks
name = Betsy Marschand
Submission_author = My Dad's Gun by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = It was a really good story. Usually I wouldn't read anything that long, but it inerested me so I did.
name = Patricia Mclaughlin
Submission_author = My Dad's Gun by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = It was very compeling. As soon as I read the first page I had to read more. I loved every minute of it.
name = TAbitha smith
Submission_author = Tears by Jennifer Lawson
Points = 4 points
opinion of the submission and author = Your poams are cute but yet funny keep it up and you can write some other good poams.
GREAT JOB!
name = pj
Poem_author = Ode to Bladder Control by Karen Pospisil
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Loved it!
name = TAbitha Smith
Submission_author = Why by Lizbeth Downhour
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Great LOb keep it up i'll look for ya again you've got a talent don't waste it!!!!!!
name = Ashley Downs
Poem_author = Evolution And Revolution by Jim Ciccolini
Points = 4 points
opinion of the poem and author = It was really good!!!!!! If scores could go any higher than 5 I would give you a 10!
name = Lindsay Lobenthal
Submission_author = My Dad's Gun by Eric Rodriguez
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = You're story was very good. At the end Ias totally suprised and for that reason the kid named Max didn't get shot as his brother tried to fire the gun but he couldn't.
name = Ashley Downs
Submission_author = Forever by Tyler Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the submission and author = Your poem made me cry. It was really nice.
name = keith moon
Poem_author = Snow! by R.L. Walker
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = it was funny and i have a sugestion... you should make a poem about rain and how a little five year old gets scared of a flood or drowning.
name = Glenda St. John
Poem_author = On The Wings Of The Angels
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Writing through my tears as a mom and grandmom, what a beautiful poem!
name = Glenda St. John
Poem_author = Mary Rose O'Donnell- Chapter 6
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Oh, how sad to have lost Theo!! I can hardly wait for Chp. 7!!!!
name = Glenda St. John
Poem_author = The Star Called Love
by Alice Bateman
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = Loved this one!!Effective use of one-word lines!
name = Beth Adair
Poem_author = Ode to Bladder Control by Karen Pospisil
Points = 5 points
opinion of the poem and author = This was a cute way of describing an embarassing problem. I bet you have a sweet personality. I really enjoyed this poem.
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