FAQ
Do you really work in a super market?No. There is a Big K and a Super Target around here. But so far we haven't super-sized yet.
But you seem too clever to be a cashier.
Well how do you think I got the job as head cashier? On my back alone? Look, this was my dream and I made it happen. Hey! That wasn't even a question.
Do you prefer paper or plastic?
That's my line Bubs!
What do you do when people are buying embarassing things like condoms?
I usually point out that they mistakenly bought the wrong size. Then I get on the loud speaker and ask Roxanne to bring up a box of small Trojan Glow in the Dark Ribbed Ticklers. I never knew the human face was capable of such lovely shades of red.
What's the weirdest request you've gotten?
Once Lester Hobbs and Jake Jacobson bought 2cases of beer, 50 lbs of ribs and seven bottles of BBQ sauce. Then Lester asked me if I had plans for dinner. I knew he was setting me up, but I played along and said no. Of course he then said, "Good. You can come over to my trailer and cook these up for us." Then they busted up laughing. I just laughed, pulled the loud speaker microphone to my lips and professionally announced, "Roxanne could you get Lester a bottle of lice shampoo and a large tube of K-Y Jelly. He's having Jake over for dinner and he hopes to get lucky."
Do you secretly love the way paper bags feel against your hands? Come on, admit it. That is how you got the ambition to be head cashier. Right? (MoonStryk4)
Well I am a tactile kind of girl. However, I just love to hear my voice over the loud speaker. It was my dream to be able to say all breathy like, "Roxanne, I need a price check on Bush Pinto Beans with Bacon." I feel I've raised the grocery broadcast standards in our industry a notch or two. I go home feeling I've contributed.
R U as much fun all the time? (from Tim in Little Rock)
As much fun as what?
Do you really want children? (also from Tim in Little Rock)
And mess up an eighteen inch waist line? I think NOT!
When was the last time (how long ago) you had sex?(again Tim in Little Rock)
Uh, what time is it?
Did it just happen or did you set the guy up? (You guessed it, Tim in Little Rock)
Well Tim, he was pretty interested the whole time and only hollared at the appropriate moments.
You seem to have an excellent sence of humor, and you're absolutely a wonderful webmaster. Are you as good with whips, handcups and blindfolds? (Tim again.)
Are these new HTML programs? Could you send me a free copy of each? Handcups?
What's your favorite color? (ShdeDrgn)
I like most shades of green.
What's your favorite thing to say over the loud speaker? (ShdeDrgn)
Usually my favorite thing is to relay phone messages. Especially from our manager's wife, Ms. Maddox. Mr. Maddox and I have, shall we say, a history. Ms. Maddox, the former Lowretta DeWitt of Scrimshaw, was a case of the 'girls all get prettier at closing time' and got herself in the family way. Ever since she's been trying to be nominated for the Old Ball and Chain of the Decade. Now, I know it ain't Christian to hold a grudge, but when it comes to matters of love, I just don't think God minds if you get your digs in as a reminder to a former sinner of his grave mistakes. "Mr. Maddox, your wife is on the phone, she says to tell you that you left your gall durn (edited) boxers on the bathroom floor and she be gall durned (edited) if she's gonna bend over and pick them up for you. She says you are to come home on your cigarette break and take care of the matter and bring her some pork rinds."
I think this opportunity for service is one of those little 'graces' in life.
Who is Roxanne? (ShdeDrgn)
Roxanne is my best friend at work. She's also my right hand girl and second in commmand on my days off. Altho she is a great cashier, she aspires to work in the deli. She and I get into messes after work. She can drink any man under the table. I keep trying to tell her, that is just what they want, her under the table. But she won't learn. Her head is thick as tar. Her standards aren't exactly high, butI love her anyway. I've been maid of honor at 3 of her weddings. Currently, she is divorced.
Hey Bliss, where did you acquire your awesome knowledge of stain removal?(leslie in sunny florida)
Right click, copy, paste University of Mississippi Home Economics Web Page. Them girls been getting out 'organic' stains outta organza for years. "Delta Delta Delta, Can I helpya helpya helpya?" They are quick to point out that Monica never was a pledge much less a member. ;-)