CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
(there is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again)

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE
(without you in it)

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
(we haven't had a fight in a while)

NO, PIZZA'S FINE
(you cheap slob!)

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW
(I just don't want you as a boyfriend now)

I DON'T KNOW; WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
(I can't believe you have nothing planned)

COME HERE
(my puppy does this too)

I LIKE YOU, BUT
(I don't like you)

YOU NEVER LISTEN
(you never listen)

WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY
(I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend)

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE
(I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will)

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF
(I'm just being nice; there is no way I'm going dutch)

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE
(well, near there; I just want to get this over with)

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS
(We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends)

I'M HUNGRY
(I'm hungry)

I'M SLEEPY
(I'm sleepy)

I'M TIRED
(I'm tired)

I'VE GOTTA PEE
(Get out of the way)

CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

CAN I GET YOUR COAT?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

LET ME GET YOUR DOOR
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you)

YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE
(I want to fondle you)

WHAT'S WRONG?
(I guess sex tonight is out of the question)

I'M BORED
(Do you want to have sex?)

I LOVE YOU TOO
(OK, I said it. We'd better have sex now!)

GOOD MORNING
(That was great sex. Let's have more!)

SEE YOU LATER
(That was great sex. Let's have more!)

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR
(I liked it better before)

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR
($50 and it doesn't look that much different!)

LET'S TALK
(I'm trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me)

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
(I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys)

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
(I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks)

While shopping:........

YES, THAT ONE'S NICE
(Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway?)

THAT ONE LOOKS GREAT ON YOU
(Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!)

I LIKE THAT ONE BETTER
(Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!)

UH HUH
(Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!)

I DON'T THINK THAT BLOUSE AND THAT SKIRT GO WELL TOGETHER
(I'm gay)

IT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT
(I'm really stupid!)

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