Food with Calories!

Is food better'n sex? Darlin', it kinda depends on

who's cookin'! Wichevah way y' look at it!

Howdy, Sailor! If anyone asks, Ah won't tell!

The Guilty Secret of Southern Cookin'

Grits, ham, gravy, string beans an' black-eyed peas!

This is one of those things that it jus' ain't politically correct to talk about these days, `cause it's s'pose to be real bad foah you an' come to that, laikly is. But the real secret is drippin's. Usually' bacon drippins, although if'n you have salt poak oah fatback, thas' good drippin's too. Oha fo' thos' that ain't nevah heard of drippin's, it's good ol' grease!

Anyhow, we use it foah addin' flavor to greans an' snap beans an suchlike. We also use it to grease up th' skillet oah the bakin' sheet foah biscuits.

Some folks even add it to theah biscuit dough, but Ah do draw the line theah!

If'n you want to get somethin' that's sorta the same only not so heart-stoppin', you could take a mess of Crisco an' melt it carefully on the stove. Use a double boiler if you have one, no sense startin' a grease fire! Then you dump in a handful of bacon bits, them artificial ones, an keep it gently heated foah fifteen or twenny minutes, `till the flavor is leached out.

You can strain it, if you like, though Ah wouldn't bothah. Jus' pour it into an' ol' coffee can an' stick it on the back of the stove; you'll be a real Southern cook! (Although it might jus' keep bettah in the fridge, since it ain't chock full o' nitrates which keep the real stuff from goin' rancid foah damn neah foahevah.)

Cookin' is prolly th' bes' way to anyone's heart an' it's th' glue than holds a family togetha, or at least somethin' that helps make that glue sticky. Ah pride mahself on' bein' able to cook an' Ah consider it to be one of the bes' artfoahms there is. Surely is the tastiest. Bes' thing is, anyone that can boil water can cook somethin'!

Ah'm goin' to share some of mah favourite dishes an' kitchen tricks with y'all, so don' be shy `bout clipboahdin' some of this stuff to yoah kitchen database. Oooh, don't you love it when Ah get all technical?

Grits

Grits are the mash' potatoes of the South. Some folks laik yellah grits, some laik white ones but Ah always use the yellah ones `cause they cheer up a plate a mite moah.

Now, the firs' part is real simple. Get yoahself a pot, put in as much water as you want grits an' set it on to boil. Add salt to taste, `couple teaspoons to a quart `a water. Once it does, you gotta be prepared; have your grits ready to poah into the pot an' have a wooden spoon to stir with. You pour some in, stir like mad, then pour a bit more in until it's about the consistancy of lava, makin' bubbles an' spittin' atcha. Take it off the heat an' beat the devil outta it - ah use a hand blender foah this part, `cause devils can take a whole mess of beatin'!

Now, this is where it gets interestin'. You can serve it right away, jus' slap a blob `o grits on ever' plate, oha you can get fancy.

Ah like to add cheese, `bout two cups of shredded cheddar. But if you do that - well, even if you don't do that, either serve it fast or pour it into a loaf pan oah a ring mold, `cause it sets up faster `n rubber cement.

Once you start adden' stuff, thought, might jus' throw in some crumbled bacon, oah some diced Virgina ham. Chopped green onions are nice; so's diced peppers. Put a lot of that stuff in, plus maybe a couple squirts of Cajun hot sauce an' you have somethin real spiffy to pour into a ring mold, or into fancy shell molds to put on individual plates.

Either way, you want to make some pan gravy to drizzle on it; pretty much any kind is good, oahmake yo'self a sauce by takin' some vegitable or chicken bullion an' thickening it with cornstarch, add a little olive oil to make it taste rich without makin' in a heart-stopper.

Or you can make Virginia Lasagna.

Thas' when you make grits saturated with cheese an' layer itwith thin-sliced ham, tomatoes & peppers. If you want, you can divide the grits an' mix some with, say, mozzerella an some with Ricotta. Don't hurt to throw some fresh grated Parmasan in there, neither. The sauce can be a tomato-based, out of a jar, even, but Ah like to whip up a nice light white sauce with fresh herbs - tarragon, sage & cilantro, with cracked black pepper, cloves and mace, with jus' a hint of dark Karo syrup oah even less molasses oah honey. All this is to taste, y'see; ah don' measure much.

Anyway, you top it with bits of chopped ham or crumbled bacon an' shredded cheese, then stick it in th' oven at 450F until the top is brown. Then you can cover it with foil an' keep it in a warm oven until you want to serve it. It holds heat real well, so this is a good one to take to pot-luck suppers.

Greens

If you've nevah had a mess `o greens, you ain't nevah lived! Greens are jus' any ol' leafy things, `cept lettuce, cause it's bitter when it's boiled. If'n you have dandilions in youah back yard, you have some of the finest greens there is. But spinach, beet and turnup greens are pretty good too.

What you want to do is wash the leaves real good. Fresh spinach is usually pretty gritty, so be extra-careful with it. An, by the way, you might find you like greens bettah if'n you mix in a couple-three kinds. Greens is really a boiled salad, afta' all.

Anyway, you cut off the stems an' cut out any real big veins. You might want to keep the stems, chop them up and add them in too, foah texture. Theah ain't no recipe foah this, neither, it's jus' technique. Slice the leaves on the diaganal to make `em purty, `bout an inch wide. Now you are ready to cook yoah greens.

There are three ways to do this. First way is real simple. You get some water to a rollin' boil an' you dump in the greens. You leave `em in theah jus' long enough to get limp an' you drain em. Drop in a dollop of butter oah bacon drippins' (drippin's are best!) and serve. Maybe toss in some salt and pepper,although mostly folks do that at the table. Me, Ah laik lemon peppah.

Now, Ah like to do it this way; Ah simmer the greens in broth until they go limp, then Ah drain off the broth an' stick it in the fridge, `cause tomorra I'm gonna make rice with it, with all them good vitamins. Ah usually throw in some peppers an white radish, not because Ah'm s'posed to but because Ah can. Then, after Ah drain it, ah give it a good squirt of lemon juice, brings out the flavor real nice. If Ah don' use lemon juice, herbed vinagar is good too. That an' a good squirt o' olive oil. Bout a teaspoon to a cup of chopped greens, more oah less.

The last way is to steam yoah greens. This preserves all the nutrients bettah, has the advantage of bein' real fast, so they can be pipin' hot the moment the rice is done. But it jus' ain't ver' traditional.

Maranaded Steaks

Not `zactly a Southern' classic but one of mah personal faves. This is real simple an' it will make folks think you are a foah-star chef.

Now, this requires you have mah favorite kitchen gadget, one o' those bag-sealer thingies. Ah use the Decosonic, it's a reliable lil' gadget.

Anyhow, you jus' take a steak, any ol' steak, an dump it in a bag. Pour in red wine vinagar sufficent to cover, pinch of basil, pinch of tarragon, bit o' cracked black peppah, maybe some allspice ifn' you laik that. Seal it up an' freeze it. Leave it alone foah `least a week, let it freeze solid. Th' freezin' process jus' drives all that good stuff raigh into that steak, tenderizes it some, too.

When you want a steak, jus' drop it in boilin' water foah, oh, bout 2-5 minutes, dependin' on the size. You want to be able to bend it, y'see. Now, open the corner of the bag, poah off the liquid an' reserve it. Toss the steaks in th' fryin' pan oah onto the grill. Won't take too long, you jus' want to brown `em. They are juicer ifn' most of the cookin' happens in th' bag.

Now, put the liquid in a small saucepan, heat it gently an' thicken it with cornstarch. Makes a nice tangy sauce to drizzle ovah youah grits.

Stewed Tomatos an Black-Eyed Peas

Jus' the mos' classic of all Southern' dishes!An' this is one of the few that ah will use canned stuff foah, because thas' the way it's been made foah th' las' fifty yeahs. To serve foah, you take one regular-size can of black-eyed peas, one regular-size can of whole peeled tomatos an'you dump `em in a pot togethah `long with a good bit of fat bacon, salt `n pepper to taste. An if thas' a lil' bland foah you, well, good squirt o' tobasco perks it up raight nice.

You let that simmer slow, until those black-eye peas turn to mush - you want a real thick mush, laik refried beans. Put a nice dollop on each plate, top it up with diced green an' yalla peppahs, bit `o green onion oah leeks if'n you have `em. This is real nutritious an' high in protein; it keeps good an freezes bettah, so make lots an' freeze it up in boilin' bags.

Created: Sunday, March 02, 1997 01:26 PM
Last Updated: Wednesday, May 28, 1997 - 1:12:03 AM

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