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Ah'm takin' a bit of a risk heah, bein' upfront `bout mah shameless proclivities, but seein' as it was mah hungers and desparations that drove us-all into really lookin' at ouah selves as bein' seperate selves, it becomes real relevant.
Ah'm technically bisexual, because Ah do like a good man now an' again - but not to spend time oah anything laik that! Ah jus' want `em to do theah thing an disappeah.
Women are meals, men are snack food.
At this point, Ah `spose Ah should toss in some of the body's biography - an' this part you won't find in Bob's official bio. [chortle]
Back in the stone age, b'foah the Internet, b'foah AIDS, b'foah the cult, even, and definitely afore we thought of oahselves as seperate - we were queer. We used to hang out in steambaths an' have as much casual sex as we could stand. An' then we'd go home, worryin' `bout havin' caught somethin' and wracked with guilt. After a while, th' guilt wore off, but started to be replaced by shame - as we (well, some of us) became moah uncomfortable with treatin' human bein's as interchangable sources of stimulation an' amusement.
Weal, Ah can see th' point - but it wasn't laik they weren't lookin' at us laik that! But come to mention that, some of us didn't much laik bein' viewd as interchangable parts, neither. An' seein' as we could jus' as easily get aroused with women, as a whole, we gave up what we still saw at that time as a vice.
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But will us oah nill us, that's how we see men. An' Ah think that's mos'ly me - because Ah still think men are interchangable parts, `ceptn' for those few men that Ah don' think of as men.
So, on to mah prefered snuggles. Women. As Ah said, women are meals.
An of coase, it would seem that, with mah preferences runnin' towards women, that would make things real simple. But you know, women laik women foah real different reasons than men laik women. An' since if we are bein' sexual Ah'm in theah somewheare - oah was, until we figured out we wasn't all one polyfragmented smudge, but seperate an' distinct.
So we soata bust apart ovah that, `n othah things... an' the bes' thing that could have happened, all `n all.
So the bottom line is, whatevah Bob is (a somewhat fussy but tolerable male an' happily heterosexual), Ah am as queer as a three-dollah bill. An while we might appreciate some features of th' same woman, ouah tastes do vary. Me, Ah laik big, butch leathahmommas. Bob - weall... they do scare him some. But Ah don' `timidate ver' easy - an' what othah soat of woman is gonna make me feel laik Scarlett O'Hara?
Alas foah me, Ah cain't do much bout mah proclivities in real life, `cause th' body - well, it's incompatable with mah dignity to tart up Bob an' pretend to be what Ah'm not, even' if Ah could get away with it, which Ah couldn't, `lessn' Ah was willin' to be mistaken foah Dame Edna!
Anyhow, y'all don' worry `bout me. Now that Ah know what Ah'm about an' understan' that Ah exist within a shamanic reality, Ah get lucky `bout as much as Ah kin stand.
An' Ah do love bein' me! Which it itself is a minah miracle an' dates back - foah all of us - to the time we accepted oahselves foah bein' oahselves.
Theah's a profound lesson in there, anyone cares to dig foah it. Me, ahm' profoundly hungry, this writin' is hard work, so if'n you'll `scuse me, Ahm goin' to go find me a snack!
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Copyright 1996, Bob King
