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KIDS WISDOM


No matter how hard you try,
you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad,
don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother
to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Reading what people write on desks
can teach you a lot.

Don't sneeze
when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath
even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dustbuster
and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli
in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear
under white shorts.

The best place to be when you are sad
is in Grandpa's lap.





For those who already have children
past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children
nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children,
this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous
mother in Austin, TX (poor woman)

I received this in my email.
At this point, I can't remember
who sent it to me. There was never
an author's name attached so I have no idea
who wrote it. Don't sue me!!!

Things I've learned from my children
(Honest and No Kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water
to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies
and run over them with roller blades,
they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than
200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan,
the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42
pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
a superman cape. It is strong enough, however,
to spread paint on all four walls of
a 20X20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up
when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat,
you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can
hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane)
doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words
"Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox
makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock,
even though a 36-year-old man says
they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire
even on an overcast day.

10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive
tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwaves should never
be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a
swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches
even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots
of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know
what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin
has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does
not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however,
make a cat dizzy and cats throw up twice
their body weight when dizzy.





This is one of my own experiences
with the things a child will try!


THE BOY WHO LAID A GOLDEN EGG????


My grandson is ADHD and has an very strong
fondness for animals, all animals!

Being hyperactive, you have to understand
that this child never sits still. His
mother had taken him to the park for the afternoon
and when they returned, he made a bee-line
for his room. I, naturally, thought
he had gotten into trouble but his mother
said everything was fine and they had
had a great time. When two hours
had passed without hearing so much as a sigh
coming from his room, I decided it was time to
check up on him.

When I entered his room, he had fashioned a
large pile of bedding, clothing and anything
else that was soft and he was curled
up in the middle of the pile watching television.
This in itself was not unusual. What struck
me as strange was that he wasn't moving anything
except his eyes and they were not meeting mine!

"You look like you are nesting.
Did you lay an egg?" I teased.
"No, Grandma, I didn't lay an egg."
he replied seriously.
"Then why aren't you moving? Are you hurt?"
"No, I just don't want to break it."
"Break what?"
"The egg!"
"Did you take an egg out of the refrigerator?"
"NO!"
I lifted the blanket covering him.
"What egg?"
"The goose egg!"
"What goose egg? Where is it? Show me!"
In answer to my demand, he reached into his
undershorts and pulled out the biggest goose egg
I have ever seen!
"It was all alone in the nest, Grandma."
"But why in your shorts?"
"Well, Grandma, I'm too heavy to sit on it
and I had to keep it warm!"
All I could think of while I tried to
keep a straight face, was how surprised he
would have been if it had hatched and tried
to make the contents of those warm shorts
its first meal!

The goose egg was immediately returned to its nest.