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T'n'T Joke Archive Page 1 2 3
THE QUICKIE
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
In Peoria Ill., three 12 year old girls have plead guilty to putting laxatives in their teacher’s coffee. *It seems they served her a Crapuccino.
Updated May 29, 1998!
Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said that they were moose tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry cigarette and book of matches and lights up.
The ladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keep your cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them inside of a condom."
The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a condom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one of the ladies says, "Just big enough to fit a Camel."
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" he was asked. "Toilet pepper!"
Biology Class
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor
at a posh suburban girl's
junior college, asked during class, "Miss Smythe, would you
please name
the organ of the human body which, under the appropriate
conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define
those
conditions?"
Miss Smythe gasped, then said cooly,
"Mr. Perkins, I don't
think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you, my
parents will hear of this," and sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on
Miss Johnson and asked
the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied,
"The pupil
of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct Miss Johnson."
said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss
Smythe,I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two,you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful
disappointment."
The Nature of
God
A man is trying to understand the
nature of God, so he asked:
"God, how long is a million years to you?"
God answered: " A million years
is like a minute."
Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to
you?"
And God replied: "A million
dollars is like a penny."
Finally the man asked: "God, could you give me a
penny?"
And God said, "In a
minute."
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