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Episode 3: Mush and Violence

Subotai looked around quizzically.   "Strange," he muttered to himself. "Now I'm even beginning to hear things.   Must be the curse of Kitsu Kizu at work .... <grmbl mutter mutter grmbl>"  Seeing one of his guards motioning to him, he made Conan canter in that direction.

As soon as the tremendous weight got off him, Kashunokyu finally got to bring the panty at hand to his face.  Immediately he was restored.  Spotting a twin pony-tailed cutie near his most recent source of joy, the fisherman readied his fishing pole yet again.

"Super Ultimate Final Fishing Cast!"  Like an arrow, the cast flew towards the mini-kimonoed girl. Her large eyes grew larger as she spotted the incoming hook.  Scant inches away, the line was deflected by a metal fan.  The owner of the fan, glaring past his outstretched arm.  A lightning bolts stare directed at the old man.

"None can touch my PRETTY PRETTY NUOMI."  His deep masculine voice melting the hearts of any girl, "None but me."  With that statement DARLING NEKOASHIDORI's partner clutched her hands together and went starry eyed, tears of joy flowing down her face.

"Oh DARLING NEKOASHIDORI." she crooned.

The man broke his intense gaze and looked tenderly at her, "PRETTY PRETTY NUOMI,"  He produced a pristine white cloth and wiped her tears. "Never fear for I shall always be there for you."

"Hey!  What about me?"  Ukyo demanded.

"Oh, don't worry, Ukyo-chan.  I'll protect you too but my PRETTY PRETTY NUOMI is special and knows that she is my one and only."

"Oh DARLING NEKOASHIDORI." she breathlessly whispered.  Producing yet another pristine cloak out of nowhere, the dashing man tilted his kawaii partner and brought his lips to hers.  Ukyo-chan?  The single stray thought crossed PRETTY PRETTY NUOMI's mind before it was engulfed in blissful rapture.

Ukyo was starting to feel nauseous.  "I'm outta here."  Using the two as a shield, she took a back route to get to her store and relative safety, promising death and destruction to any who gets in her way.

The old perv barely flicked his wrist and his line came flying back to him.  "Feh, MUSH."  Spitting out the last word like a curse, the fisherman looked around for another to add to his collection.  The Okonomiyaki chef had gotten away before he could get them all.  He knew where she lived and it was much more fun to tease them after they've replenished.

Spotting another cutie standing near a crossroad, the old man took sight.  Good, she seems distracted.  He grinned a lech's full grin.  She'll never know what happened.  I think I'll go fer her undies first.  Hee, hee, hee.

"Extreme Distance Skipping Rock Cast!"  Again the fishing pole whipped, and the hook went streaking to the new target.  DARLING NEKOASHIDORI and PRETTY PRETTY NUOMI were too busy smooching to stop the cast.

Just like a flat stone skipping on the surface of the water, the line bounced several times on the ground before shooting up the girl's kimono. Its flight was halted when a hand also shot up the kimono and grabbed the hook before it could latch on the panty.

Feeling an arm between her legs, Reiko looked over her shoulder to see who had dared do such a perverted thing.  Hotaru grinned from his kneeling position.  He definitely looked guilty.

"Didn't I just punch you to the heavens?"

With his other hand, Hotaru touched his sore jaw.  "Uh huh."

"Then why are you back here?"

"I had to stop the old perv's line from hooking your underwear."

Reiko arched her eyebrow.  "I see.  Is that the reason you have your hands between my legs?

"Believe me, it's the truth."  Hotaru gave his best innocent look, full eyelashes and all.

The eyebrow went higher.  "Oh?  Care to show me this hook?"

"Of course!"  Hotaru pulled out his arm and was surprised to see that his hand clutched nothing.  Flipping his hand about, he found no trace of the line he was sure he had caught.  He looked up at Reiko sheepishly.  She didn't looked amused.  Spinning to face the fisherman, he saw that the old fart was walking away, whistling an innocent tune.

"HOOOOOOTAAAAAARRRUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!"

Another large sweat drop appeared.  Oh shit.  Here we go again.  A loud impact resounded off the walls and a visible shock wave traveled outward, flinging dust and debris and ruffling the kissing couple's hair and clothing.  Hotaru streaked skyward yet again, this time on a more vertical direction.

"Geez,"  Reiko muttered, "If he was that horny, he could have just said so."  She resumed her interrupted journey, this time vowing to tell the other 8 cousins about Hotaru's behaviour.  "To think he had just been to the Plum Blossom inn."  So preoccupied was she about Hotaru that Reiko didn't notice that she was wearing one item of apparel less.

Tucking the newly acquired silky panty, Kashunokyu tucked it into his Kimono alongside Ukyo's.  Smugly, Kashunokyu reviewed the trick he had played on the foolish samurai.  He had cast two lines, one after the other.  The fool had caught the first one.  The second line had succeeded in reaching his target.  He had knotted the first one in such a way that it would slip off the hook and leave him holding nothing.

Gloating, he never noticed the barreling horse until it was too late. 

"Whoa there Conan!  I sense we had inadvertently struck some hapless fellow."  Looking back, all Subotai saw was an untrampled mini-kimono on the ground.  It had a repetitive print that said 'girl'.  Dismounting, the captain of the guards picked up the garment and dusted it.  Hmmm, this kimono looks familiar.  Now, where have I seen this design before.

From a shadowy corner, Kashunokyu silently snapped his fingers in frustration.  At least I have these silky jewels.  He brought Ukyo's to his nose and inhaled the aroma.  Ah, the smell of a working woman.  The kimono will be missed, but not by much.  Cackling softly, the perverted fisherman blended deeper into the shadow.

Leading Conan to the reported disturbance sight, all Subotai saw was a couple kissing.  Standing discreetly to one side, Subotai waited for the two to finish before he interrogated the only eye-witnesses around.

Several minutes later, Subotai had no choice but to clear his throat. Another minute passed before the two disengaged.  The girl, who looked familiar, seemed ready to faint.  The man had a satisfied smile on him.

"I'm sorry for interrupting my dear sir... oh, it's you, Nekoashidori-san."

"Ah, Officer Subotai-san, what brings you here?"

"I was given word that there was a minor disturbance in this area." 

"There was one, but as you can see, has been dispersed."

"Ah, thank you for your timely intervention, Nekoashidori-san."

"It was nothing, Officer.  Oh look, a citizen that needs your assistance."  As Subotai looked at the direction DARLING NEKOASHIDORI was pointing at, he picked up one edge of his cloak, spun it over his partner and himself and disappeared.

"Are you sure Nekoashidori-san?  I fail to see..."  Turning around, Subotai smiled wryly.  Ah, that trick again.

"Look out below!"  A falsetto voice warned.

Looking up, Subotai saw Hotaru heading towards him.  Seeing a barrel full of water, Subotai manhandled it to catch the falling Butterfly clansman.   Then he took an umbrella from Conan's saddle, opening it just in time to avoid getting splashed.

Soaking wet, Hotaru crawled out of the barrel and flopped onto the muddy ground.

Subotai watched his friend in amusement.  "I say, what happened to you, oh friend Hotaru?  If I didn't know better, you look like you've been punched by Reiko... again."

Hotaru groaned and slapped his head.  "Don't... remind me."

The officer held out his hand.  "C'mon ol' boy, let's get you home. Don't worry I'll strive to keep your cousin Reiko from reaching you."

A badly bruised Hotaru took the offered hand and pulled himself up. "Hah!  As if anyone could.  Thanks anyway."

Subotai smirked and mounted his trusty steed in one jump, wearing armor and all.  He reached out to Hotaru when the world went black.

Hotaru winced and frantically grabbed Subotai, nearly pulling him off Conan.  "Quick, we gotta get out of here.  That guy's a maniac."

Not understanding but knowing that it wouldn't be wise to be under whatever is falling, Subotai had Conan go at a brisk gallop.  "Hyaah! Hyaah!  Run Conan!"

With impeccable timing, the horse and riders cleared as Nakasone finally returned to the earth  with an earth-cratering boom.  Although they had avoided the falling 'body', they were too close to the impact point and were blasted into the air in a lazy arc.

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