Go Back 20 Years Or So
April 1, 1976
Happy April Fools Day!
I was trying to figure out that problem about the circle again. I made a break through, but I think that there is still an easier way. The formula I came up with still has two variables and the only way you can find it is by substitution. On other topics we had a track meet canceled and rescheduled for tomorrow.
We had an argument at lunch today about the speed of technology. We discussed our ideas about World War III and I said 3 strikes and your out. We would have to colonize outer space, the moon or Venus. (forget about Mars) I also stated that we would have to look seriously toward outer-space.
I can not stand this, people are looking forward to technology. Like fantasizing about "1999" or "2001 a Space Odesy." I don't think that we are going to get anywhere unless people really want this. Somehow I feel that by the year 2000 we'll still be in the same predicaments. The political and economical problems should be worked out. I already wrote President Ford about this, but all he did was tell some guy to write me a letter. I would like to see some action in this direction. At this time I think that since I already went to the top I will have to write to NASA and my congressmen.
I really like to doodle and I have already done a page of it. Since the page following this is my lucky number (48) I am dedicating the entire page to doodling. The reason for doodling is that number 1 maybe some day a psychologist would find this notebook and enjoy studying it. Number 2, maybe if I write enough in this notebook it will be published and other kids my age will have to read this for an assignment. (don't exclude this if it IS published) Number 3, maybe someday I'll be scrounging through the attic and find this, an old dusty notebook and I would like to see some pictures. Number 4, for the enjoyment of doodling.
(page 48 pictures ==> insert here:)
Some of my other doodle pages are good, but I do believe this is the best in this book.
Absteigen.
May 1998
Without a picture, the arc of a circle problem is not really very difficult. The problem is, given a random arc of a circle, determine its radius. If you can make two measurements, then the problem is easy.
First, draw a straight line connecting the two ends of the arc and measure its length to be 2*L.
Second, measure the maximum distance the gets away from the straight line and call this H.
Third, draw three straight lines from the H point and the two ends of the arc toward the assumed center of the circle. The length of these lines all need to be equal to the radius R if they are correctly drawn to the center of the circle. We can calculate the length of radius from the measurements of L and H.
Use the Pythagorean Theory:
(R-H)^2 + L^2 = R^2
R^2 - 2RH -H^2 + L^2 = R^2
-2RH = H^2 - L^2
R = (L^2 -H^2) / 2H
April 9, 1976
Today was fun so I'll tell you what happened. Since no one will read this for a while (at least a year or two) it won't matter by then. My school day was fairly normal, nothing much happened, just a science test, a fun lunch period and Mr. Eby trying to explain sex to us.
After school I worked on pole vaulting and went home. I then ate my dinner and thought of a fantasy we (Ed and I) dreamt of during school. We were to take a cement mixing trough from down on Bellflower Rd. This way, nobody would suspect us being located 2 miles away.
We were off to get there. We took the reservoir to the far creek and followed it toward Bellflower Rd. We found a short cut that turned into a wet cut. Our feet were soaked. We got to the road and headed toward 306 until we came to the new development. We found what we were looking for almost instantly. We carried it along a dirt road heading toward Ohio Street. We got there faster than we expected. We threw it over a big tree, sort of hidden. Since it got dark we left it there while we planned to get it tomorrow. But, tomorrow I have to go to my sister's swim meet. Ed has to go to a wedding. I hope that no one finds it! They can't, I hope they don't.
October 21, 1976
I haven't written in this for a while, as you have probably noticed. Well, today was my brother's birthday, but it certainly didn't seem like a birthday. I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin. Since the last time I wrote was last spring I'll start with the last day of school.
The last day of school was a blast! It started out with a squirt gun fight. In the cafeteria there was a small fight between me and Chris Colleli. It was broken up pretty quick, but I did get some good punches in. We spent about two hours in home room were I did a great "79 is Divine" It was 3 inches high, maybe bigger. Mrs. Black told me to go to the lavatory and get it wiped up, but before I got back school was out, so I left.
I can't remember what happened every day, but I'll bring out some of the good stuff.
About a week after school was out I went to swim camp. That was a blast -- even better than the last day of school. I roomed with Rick Anderson. I brought a tape recorder and we listened to tapes a lot. The camp was great too. I learned, or recalled, a lot of facts about swimming. But just messing around together was fun.
After camp the summer seemed dull. But, I talked to Mary Ann Heiss a lot. I was sort of going with her the whole summer. If I wrote this then, however, I wouldn't have written it the same way. She came to all of my swim meets. Well, maybe she missed two. We went bowling. She came to my house. I went to her house. I rode my bike to her house many times. We hit it off just great, but when school started she didn't like me talking to other girls. She stuck around her friends, but she wouldn't even talk to mine. Then came the first dance. (She didn't go because she said that she couldn't dance. If she would have, I would probably still be going with her.) The dance was great. I met a Junior, Faith Ann Frowert, she told me about the problems that she was having with her boyfriend Ed Mitchell. I think that she likes me, but I can't be sure. She's great to be with and I talk to her all the time. That really made Mary Ann jealous. I also think that Judy Mitchell, Ed's sister, is great. She is a lot of fun to be with. Then, there is Cindi Misley from the University Swim Club swim team. She's also a lot of fun, but I don't know her that well yet. That brings me to my present place and time. This Saturday, the 23rd, we are going to a swim meet in Pittsburg and I'll get to see Cindi there. Maybe we can get it on.
Other than girls, I am trying to learn guitar with this John Lennon, Paul McCartney book. It is excellent because they are all Beatle's songs. I am borrowing an album by Steve Miller from Neil. Lake Catholic is doing fairly good in football.
November 7, 1976
Well, I didn't actually finish the last documentary in this log, and I can't finish it now because I'm on another train of thought. Last night was kool, neat, far-out, etc... There was a Football game -- Lake Catholic vs. Wickliffe. If it wasn't for the last 43 seconds we would have won. Anyhow, it ended up a 6-6 tie. Well, besides that the game was a lot of fun. During the last half of the game I hung around with John Feedack and Caroline Urbansic. We just call John "bird". Caroline is Ed Whitson's girlfriend. This is very interesting because I know both Ed and Caroline pretty well. I am sort of between. I am a go-between. Caroline is very nice and I like her, as a friend, at least for now. Cindi, at swim team, is nice also, but at this time she appears to be very "stuck-up".
There are signs that she likes me, I think. I wish that I knew. Well, I think that I'll ask Caroline how to find out (the best way, without hurting her (Cindi)) This will probably be a great help. I could probably ask any girl, but Caroline is probably my closest girlfriend at this time. (If I didn't say anything before, I dropped Mary Ann.) I could also ask Faith, but I think I would trust Caroline's views more. Maybe I'll ask both of them.
I think that I'm going crazy. It doesn't bother me, but maybe it'll bother other people. The ways I know that I'm going crazy are that:
1) Either I don't think as fast as others, or I'm just not to observant. To me, other people are always looking in the opposite direction. They pick apart my observations so finely. For example, I might say that we passed four Orange VWs and I'll be corrected, "No there were five."
2) I think too much -- well, I think an awful lot. People may call me five times and I won't hear them because I'm thinking. It may just be a habit that I got into from ignoring people that call me too often. For example, when I find out that it's my dad calling me downstairs from my bedroom to put some beer in the refrigerator in the basement. This is stupid, but I guess its because he's very lazy. Maybe even worse than me.
3) I be-little myself so much. But my parents think that I am acting like a "big-shot." This is probably one of my biggest un-truths in my life. The actual "big-shots" treat me like a joke. There are kids that are lower than me socially, but I am still not excepted in the popular circle.
4) I can't remember people's names, but I can remember numbers, phone numbers, addresses, etc... but it doesn't help if you don't remember the people that go with them. I wish that I could have a little self-confidence. I wish I could put up a little dominance over some of the people by learning this secret. That's all for now -- Auf Wiedersehen.
November 18, 1976
I must really be going insane. Either that or my parents are. Crap, I came home from school today and I got the mail. I came into the house and gave my mother the mail. I said, "Look, they made a mistake." I was referring to these envelopes they sent from USC. My mother got hyper and she began complaining to me. Right, like I told them to send the envelopes back to us, sure!
Then I ate something and went upstairs to do my homework. It was Biology and I knew it would be hard. I started at 4:00 (I knew that because my dad always comes home at 4:00.) We ate dinner at about 5:00. All during dinner my dad was complaining about me not hanging around the family. This is really stupid because most parents want to get their kids out of the house. Actually, I think that my parents are super over protective. Well, after all this complaining I went up to do my homework. I finished my homework and went downstairs. Just great, 7:00, we were supposed to leave at 6:30 for swim team. Well I figured tough, I'm a half an hour late, my dad is in a bad mood and I just sat for 3 hours doing homework, so I'm not going. My mother came home and historically stated her disappointment in my decision. So, she made me pay $0.61 for the practice tonight. That's settled, right? Fine, I guess that I'll just watch TV. I finally think that I'm relaxed when my dad angrily came down stairs carrying my telephone. He says that I left it plugged into the wall. I probably did. He said that the telephone company can detect an extension phone simply if it is plugged in. They probably could if the phone was hooked up correctly. I hooked the phone up by simply splicing the red and green wires. I didn't use the yellow and black electrical wire. Plus, I unhooked the bell in the phone. If they took a reading with a meter that read ohms, volts or amps they would get the same reading with or without the phone. As you can tell, I'm really pissed.
Tomorrow on the radio they are asking what the bravest thing you ever did was. I might call. If I do I'll probably tell about raiding the girls locker room. Maybe I'll think of something different. I'll probably write a lot sooner than before, because there is a lot to write about. I could say a trillion things but I don't have the time, wish I did.
January 25, 1977
Today is Mary Ann Heisses Birthday. Woopy, I really care. She is a stuck up bitch and that's putting it lightly. We broke up ages ago, and she still insists on ignoring me to great extent. Its not really that bad, because, as they say "there are more fish in the sea."
Besides that boring news I have begun writing a book entitled "My House." The book is pretty short now, about 50 pages, but very interesting. To sum it up I'd have to ask the question " What would happen if there was a party in an enormous house built under ground. And, the main party game was to elude servants and have fun with the other guests? (There are 5 guys and 5 gals, a perfect match) Now, what would happen if a nuclear war took place over this weekend and nothing was left except for this house, or now underground city?" It may go into a lot of sexual detail and some kids go for that, but personally I just write what I feel and that's what I feel. I'm probably too immature to realize the sacredness of sex. Now, sex is just too interesting.
Besides that book, I'm writing one about the questions that most people puzzle over for a lifetime. Of course it is not a fact, just a presumption. Now writing is becoming an interesting way to relax myself or put myself in a mood that I want. I just think back and wonder "What if."
At this time of my life everything is going excellent! Most people are worried about the gas shortage etc... Not me, my life has a purpose, and I'm positive about that. I've been at deaths door too many times. The closest of all was when I was about 10, I got locked in a freezer. I should say that I locked myself in it. Plus, I have the power of E.S.P. Its not as strong as some people's but sometimes I just know what is going to happen. It's 10:53.45 and I have to go.
January 28, 1977
Excellent, today we got out of school early today. We had a real blizzard today. I want to write my story, so that's it.
January 29, 1977
These (or this) are lyrics to songs that I'd write if I was in a band.
Blizzard
What the hell? the snow fell the wind blew the noise grew
* Blizzard sh.....eee Blizzard sh.....it piled up to your knees
The snow flew I too where it came from Was where the Lum Tum
*
When it stopped it was white The sun was bright And we partied the rest of the night
* * * (fade)
----------------------------------------------- *
Kelly, oh Kelly
Why did you leave me?
How could you deprive me?
*
It was sad We were had I loved you but you left me
February 4, 1977 I have reached an ending for my story, a timed suspended animation.
February 13, 1977
My mom and dad found out about my story today. My mother was greatly disappointed with it. I don't myself understand why I wrote it. I like it and I was going to use the sex just to flavor it. I completely do not understand why they make such a big deal out of one book. I have written many other stories that have been good but one bad one, that shouldn't change everything.
The biggest misunderstanding that I have now is why everyone is embarrassed about sex. Sex is natural and as someone once told me "we are all animals, we fight and kill each other. We are turned on by violence and sex."
My dad just talked to me. He wasn't very happy. I think that I understand something. You have to force yourself to learn everything you can about it. My father and mother didn't do this. They read one page and they thought that they knew what the book was about. I have concluded ...
(I don't remember what I was about to say, that was about four and a half hours ago.) What conclusion? I don't believe this. I thought that this only happened in the movies. Maybe I was right and God knew it and he didn't want anyone to find Man's Destiny. I just watched 2001: A Space Odessy. It was fantastic, an excellent picture if I do say so myself. I am still angered at how my parents took my book. I am pissed off. I can't take it. How can one book allow me to lose all chance of getting my driver's license. I wish my parents would read this book (or diary) through so they can find out how my mind really works. Maybe they can tell me what's wrong.
2BR02B
Later: I have just realized what might be the reason for the great hysteria in my parents. Maybe they didn't understand why I wrote it. Well, I thought that if I wrote this story in a serial form people would read it and become interested. Then I would suddenly shock them with the surprise ending that revealed that they all acted like animals. The people reading this would realize that their thoughts were very animalistic. Besides this I have no other reason for writing this except for entertainment reasons. I wish that people would not jump to conclusions, please don't, please don't, please.....
February 14, 1977
Happy Valentines Day!
This may be a potential article for the Lakeline, our school Newspaper. I won't know until I write it, so here it is:
Dear Lake Catholic School Body,
(Right here I would describe what happened at the High School District Swim Meet.)
Most of you didn't even know that if you were interested in swimming and you could swim far enough you could represent Lake Catholic in the High School Districts. Of course, Lake Catholic doesn't have a swimming pool. Tom Fellenstein once said, "We won't get a pool even if a guy were to die and will it to us." There are places to practice. For example, I practice at University High School. There are two coaches and one of them is Tom Fellenstein. Tom is a good coach and I think that the student body shouldn't only recognize him as an English teacher, Gym teacher, Soccer coach and ski instructor but also as the coach of the Lake Catholic High School Swim Team Coach.
March 1, 1977
My dad agreed to let me take drivers education. This is excellent. I've been writing more stories and I have intention of finishing my book, "My House." which my parents have forbidden me to write.
This following entry should be ripped out, in fact it shouldn't have been written at all. This is because I am embarrassed about it. I am a pervert. Well, I am and I don't like it but its true. I like to wear girls bathing suits. I would wear anything else of theirs, but girls bathing suits turn me on. I wanted to be open in this book so that's why I'm writing this down. I can tell you that the reason that I like to do this is because I am a partial sex-maniac and just thinking about where there parts of their bodies have once touched make me high. Not only that, but I would like to be a girl for a day. I mean, to try it out and you-know. I will try to discover how a molecular change machine could be made. The first test I would try would be to Jackie Smith's body.
That's all.
One hour later same day.
Normality of the mind depends upon people thinking the same. Then all of us are crazy because not everyone like the same subjects and not everyone has the same talents. Also, there are people who society has claimed that they are crazy and are not. But this doesn't mean much anyway. The fact is that I believe in obeying two laws that should govern all of mankind.
1) Do whatever you feel is right, to live and to have fun.
2) Whatever you do don't hurt anyone, physically or mentally.
If you do this and don't worry to much about gaining power and other unimportant things, your life will be filled with tons of good and the unpleasantness will feel like they don't exist.
March 5, 1977
How could the brain control physical appearance? Most people would say that it can't but Jesus said that you could move a mountain with faith. Changing your body appearance is less than moving a mountain. Jesus talks about faith -- faith today would be brain power. Just look at all the people who bend nails and other crap with brain power. Just learn how to use this. I want to learn, I could change into anything, especially my female counter part. I would be the top secret agent in the world and no one could find me. That gives me an idea for a book. "Secret agent X14." I have got to force myself to believe. I must have faith, it could happen at any time. Faith! Oh God, Jesus. Please let me have this mental power. Maybe I already have it, but then teach me how to use it. I wanted this since I was eleven or even before. Give me the answer. I have been asking for over 5 years now. How do I do it?
Women are getting more and more power these days. It wouldn't be bad to be a girl for a day or maybe longer. The perfect thing would be for me to be able to turn it off and on, back and forth. I could do lots or things and I would get a kick out of trying to seduce the guys. I also figure that if I get the power to change myself, after a little practice I could change other people, my friends with their cooperation of course. Of course, only a small minority would know my secret. At first I would tell them in a stylish way. Like when we cut out of lunch I'd go into a stall. In the John I'd turn into Farrah Facet Majors and walk out. That would be strange and probably the first thing they'd think would be that it was a trick or a disguise. I'd prove that it was real by taking my top off and telling them to go a head and squeeze. The expressions that I'd see would be something. They would probably look for me (Mike). I could turn on girls the same way. This would be the ultimate fun toy. Far-out! But God, please teach me, educate me. How does it work? Please!
March 5, 1977 -- Later.
Life is going great for me. I don't see how it could get much better, only worse. I had the craziest dreams last night. Two were outstanding and I know there were more but those were the only ones that I currently remember.
#1: I remember walking around school and people were talking about celebrating the 20th anniversary of our school. All of the classrooms seemed like Lake Catholic and my locker was in the same place. I walked around the school and met a girl. She was good looking and had blond hair. I had never seen her before. This was all in flashes of memories. There was no act of intercourse, but I do remember trading my jeans for her skirt. Then I was off to algebra class where I met some of my friends. I don't remember who they were but we talked about why we had all put on girls skirts. It was Sister Marie Ellen's idea. I do remember that my skirt was the longest and the guy that I was talking to had the shortest.
Mr Dryer, my algebra teacher, had lead us to the auditorium while we were talking. We sat in the main section. The auditorium was different but vaguely familiar. I remembered to myself that this was where the earthquake had taken place. This may seem strange to you, but this earthquake related to an earlier dream that I must have had and then forgotten the details. All of the seats were unsteady as if the earthquake was still going on. We couldn't do any work so we complained to the teacher in charge of the auditorium. They marched us down the isle to a different section to the left.
(Before I go on I must explain that the auditorium was much different than the one that we have now. First off it was brown and red while ours today is blue and green. Secondly, the entire arrangement seemed bigger and more roomy.)
We were seated and proceeded to talk. I could have sworn that I had heard some announcements over the Public Address system but the noise was much to much. I kept looking at my skirt. It was in flashes or glances. Then we were served refreshments, but what was unusual was that my mother was serving them along with other mothers of the students. I looked around again and there was a food table set in front where the old Alter was when Mass was being said in the auditorium. The rest sort of faded from my mind and there was more. For example, I recall someone say "What do you mean 40 minutes, I'm staying all day."
#2: This one began when I was driving down a road with Debbie Petrich. Actually, she was driving. We drove down route 84 and talked about going to a swim team picnic. We went down a big hill by Daniel's Park. When we got to the bottom everything was different. There was a parking lot to the left after we crossed the river, not before like it should have been. We parked for no apparent reason but we got out of the car and went into a building that was just like the information booth at Holden Aboritum. We talked to some people we didn't know, but talked like they knew what we were going to do, or at least what we had planned to do. We left and continued toward Painsville on route 84. When we crossed route 306 I said, "You mean that you're not going to take me home so that I can at least get some money?"
Debbie said, " You don't really need money, it's just a picnic and we have all the food." Then we took a right down another road that I had never seen before. It's some place between route 306 and the Great Lakes Mall. We headed south for a while and it seemed strange when it suddenly turned into farm country, but Debbie kept on driving. We came to a Rail Road crossing that was up on a hill. I mean you had to drive up a fairly steep grade to get to the tracks. A car went up the grade and somehow lost control. It fell back strangely and almost hit us. I almost had a heart attack, it was real then, but I can't explain it now. Anyhow, we were stuck on the tracks and so we made a quick reverse. This blocked both lanes. Cars were backed up as far as we could see. A train was coming from the right. This was about five tracks over and a line of trees were down the middle. Evidently trains had to follow the same traffic laws in this dream because trains coming from the left were on our side and trains coming from the right were on the far side of the trees. The train came and pushed a couple of cars out of its way and continued on its merry way. Another train was coming from the other direction. We couldn't back up any more and if the train came by it would rip off the front end of our nice little white convertibles. Some guy went down the tracks and switched the track for us. This way the train wouldn't hit us.
Some guy acted like he was drunk, and I wouldn't doubt that he was, ran to the guy at the switch and began yelling, "You'll kill us all!" The drunk pushed the switcher as far as it would go. When the train came it crossed all of the tracks and couldn't catch onto the last set of tracks. It then smashed into the trees. After one engine went through the trees the train was stuck. We couldn't get around it to go home because of the enormous traffic jam. We were stuck. I went to the car that was attached to the train. It had a door on it that was opened. I forced it entirely open and I was in the train. Inside, people were laying all around on the floor. I began helping people, but there were too many. So, I decided to get help. I knew there wasn't any help back where I had come from so I took off out of the other side of the train.
I must have fainted, because when I looked up it was suddenly dark and there was snow all over the ground. I headed up the road and came to a building. I walked through the front door and was greeted by a military officer. I said, "Hi, Mike Forbush at your service" He said " Hi Mike, General ????, I heard that you were accepted at West Point." I didn't believe him and I told him that I would rather go to the Air Force Academy. He just said, "To bad, just get your parents to sign these papers." I don't know why but I headed back to the train tracks. When I got there, there was a power struggle for control of the train. It was a snowball fight and the kid that was winning evidently was one of my friends. Every time a snowball hit someone they would fall to the ground. Almost everyone was lying on the ground and the kid was on the other side of the train throwing snowballs under the train at me. I whipped a high one over the train and knocked him out. When I did this my mom came in and woke me up.
March 8, 1977
With these dreams that happened to me I'm going to write a brief summary of each dream that I remember. Even if they are the stupidest most illogical dreams. I'll put down the time I go to bed, maybe the amount of sleep has something to do with my dreams. Also I just came home from swim team and I ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich. I'm listening to fairly easy music. I'm thinking about the German that I have to get done for tomorrow and a dream that I had when I was 4. This was a nightmare about watching Walt-Disney on TV. It was a movie in which the bad guy was going to blow up the world with a nuclear weapon. Suddenly they broke into the show with a special news bulletin saying that the movie was real and they could stop the bomb from exploding.
#1 try 10:17 PM
Short dream about ...(waking up) previous dream with remote controlled stereo - 4:15 am The previous dream was about school or swim team, I can't remember exactly.
6:30 am I had a dream but I can't remember it. But I just remembered it. It was about sneaking through a passage into the downstairs of a secret building. Watson's are spending the night in our attic and I can't get passed them. The downstairs building looks like Cleveland State University's athletic department. Very quiet. Finally, I sneak down there and put on a girl's swimming suit and take a shower. I dispose of the wet girl's swimming suit in a spot down in the family room.
March 9, 1977
That worked out well.
Sleep - 11:05 PM
Dream - Violins 6:20am awake
March 10, 1977
Excellent, I'm going skiing on Saturday. I don't understand the violins in last nights dream, but I know there was more. I want to write another story for the Forum, about my super nightmare.
Sleep - 11:00 p.m.
Dream - Riding home with Mr. Fellenstein. Stop in Wickliffe, eat cookies. Talk about how to join swim team. On route 305 in Wickliffe. Jerry Arko.
Wake - 6:21 am
March 11, 1977
Sleep - 11:30 PM
Yes, I had a dream, but I forgot it.
Wake - 7:32 AM
March 13, 1977
I went skiing yesterday for my first time. Skiing is a blast and I am only a beginner. I can't wait until I can try it again. I couldn't put down a dream for last night because I was beat dead. (or a dead beat ha ha.) Well, tonight:
Sleep - 10:25 PM
Wake - 6:30 am
I had a dream for sure, but I forgot it because Chicken man was on the radio. I have made one discovery already. If I see this notebook as soon as I wake up I remember my dream and the later I see it, the harder it is to remember it.
March 14, 1977
Sleep - 10:10 PM
Wake - 6:21 AM
The dream was good, it was about a swim team practice.
March 15, 1977
I discovered that you have to try to remember your dream as soon as you gain consciousness. Looking at the notebook helps a little, but not quite.
Other than my dreams my life is in recession if it was compared to the economy graph. It's not getting too uncomfortable although school work is getting to be a drag. I think that I need a girlfriend, that would be excellent, but who? There aren't too many girls at Lake Catholic that really turn me on although the ones who are good looking are taken or they are too stuck-up to be friendly to me.
Looking back to when I started this notebook, diary, or as I named it "Thought Book" (or meant) I think that I should have subtitled it "My High School Years." Of course, I don't want to finish it the day I graduate because college will be 10 times more interesting. In college I'll probably use this to get some stories for English or some crap like that.
My mind is flying with ideas and I don't feel like sticking to one thing. This may be confusing to a reader other than myself grown older looking back on this. So, I'm putting down many of the first things that I am thinking of.
Thoughts:
I read a short story by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. today. It was interesting yet not science fiction.
Girls, that's what I want. I can't get what I want and I must be the unluckiest guy when it comes to girls. I wonder if a psychologist got a hold of this book if he could figure me out. You know, I noticed that when I first wrote in this diary, or started it I was very open with it and I let lots of people read it. But after the bus ride fight meet I decided just to keep this as my book. When this book is done I'd let anyone read it. (I'd be dead.)
What's it like to die? I think that it is an eternal rest which will be interrupted by the resurrection. But that's not all of it and I feel it is wrong, very wrong. In fact, it seems to me that this thought has been influenced by my religious background. Actually, I think death is what you have accomplished on earth totaled together.
Did you know that spelling was just recently invented? Before 1700 there were no set spelling rules. I don't care if I can't spell, I think and that's what counts.
Sleep - 10:50 PM
Wake - 6:21 AM
Dream - Play at school. Bandannas are needed to attend. School is like an amusement park. Gym is cluttered with junk like a swim meet. Mr. Paulet is guarding a doorway. Caroline rides boat ride. I miss a few classes. I talk to the Rollas who are having a party at this place. Some swim team people came by bus.
March 16, 1977
Sleep - 11:21 PM
Wake - 6:19 AM
Dream - All about ESP and how it is related to the social system. Mainly an argument.
March 17, 1977
St. Patrick's Day
Sleep - 11:09 PM
Wake - 6:21 AM
Dream - I fixed Grandpa Music's roof. Two beams were broken.
March 18, 1977
Dream II: I didn't remember this one right away, it took a while, but it came back to me.
There was a hall and it was very long. To the left there was a glass window. This didn't touch the ground. There was a wall that you couldn't see below it. We walked with a group of kids. Mostly the swim team. Bob, Paul and Steve, plus more, were the people there. We moved down the hall and we noticed that the window had a type of covering on it. I parted the covering and Carrol and Ann were on the other side getting dressed. We watched the whole thing, but Carrol gave me a funny eye- like she could see me but I was positive that she couldn't. After they were dressed they joined us like they didn't know that we were there. There were other girls that joined us also and Sharon was one. We went down the hall but everything started to get hazy. (Actually it is getting hazy now when I am trying to remember it but I don't think that it did then.) I do remember looking through more windows. There were girls getting dressed that I had never seen before. Finally, there was a big green room. (I was trying to remember what happened here before. I mean in History class today, but I couldn't remember.) Now I remember what happened, we went in and got dressed while the girls watched us. There was a small window that I remember, but I didn't pay attention to it. It was pretty neat knowing that they were watching yet I didn't give a damn.
Suddenly I recalled that Carrol and Ann were talking about people watching them as they got dressed but they didn't care. This dream was almost completely forgotten. There was a stimulation that got me to remember it, but now I don't know what it was. I wonder what it was. What? Why?
Sleep - 10:51 PM
Wake - 5:30 AM
I had a dream but I forgot it.
March 19, 1977 Morning
We are going to a swim meet so I won't write tonight.
March 20, 1977
The meet wasn't very good, for swimming at least. Most of the time we stood around looking at the chicks. They were some good ones too. Getting up the nerve to talk to one was the hardest part. In fact, I only actually talked to one. (Her name was Ann and she swam for Warren.) I must have had 6 different dreams. Maybe more. Plus, I remembered the dream from Saturday morning (see 3-18-77 entry)
Right now I'll put down a title so that I can remember them later, but its pretty late now (11:15 PM)
Dreams: (Not in the order of occurrence.)
1) Grandma's house episode
2) Rollas, Watsons and us get together
3) Manns driving us around
4) Big red raw pussy (Radio blooper)
5) Pushing Henry's head under the water, or saving him
6) The one with mom in it
7) The wet one
That's it for now, but there were many more, because we slept in the van.
Sleep - 11:25 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - It had four people in it and that's about all I can remember.
6:50 AM - I just took a shower and one of my dreams just came to me. First of all I rejoined the YMCA swim team. There was a practice at the Coliseum pool. Warm up was a 500, but by the time I swam 200 yards everyone was getting out of the pool early. It seemed that everyone's parents had to go to a swim team parents meeting, so there wasn't anyone in the water. I still know that there was another dream, but I can't remember it.
March 21, 1977 (First day of spring)
I have got to try to get something! But I have to want it bad. How bad? The worse you want it the more that you'll strive for it. I'm going to try it on track.
I think that I am all bundled up in a little ball. I have to stretch my way out. "Stretch", jump out of bed fast, etc... I have got to live.
Sleep - 11:28 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - forgot it.
March 22, 1977
I don't really understand how people work. They all work differently than I do. How much?
I can't give examples, or maybe I can. The number one force in human beings is fear. I have fear, but I lack enough of it to be different. I think I need someone to scare the hell out of me. Some how, Some way. Well, anyway the dreams:
Sleep - 10:28 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - Christ's Crucifixion and I was there. I was asking 20,000 questions.
March 23, 1977
I just thought that you could predict the weather by using sugar and water. Then cause temperature changes by using artificial forces. It could be set up in an aquarium, but it would have to be big.
I was also thinking about how you can control your mind. I can make myself forget everything around me to the extent that I am actually drunk with out alcohol or buzzed without pot. That feels fine, but I can also become very serious and concentrate easily on most things. It does take a little effort to train your brain as I say, but I think that if I become aware of things around me, someday I'll be able to be aware of very small things such as radio waves or perhaps thought waves. Psychologists say that we only use 10% of our brain. If that's so we must have had control of the other 90% at one time in order for a brain of this size to evolve.
Sleep - 11:19 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - Interviewing and exploring was the main body of the dream but I can't remember the plot.
March 24, 1977
Sleep - 11:01 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
I had about 3 dreams and I was up at 2:20, 3:20 and 5:20, I thought that I heard my alarm each time and I turned on the radio.
March 25, 1977
I think dreams are cool, excellent and fantastic. They are a major portion of my life. They are like an adventure that happens nightly. I think that if people learned to listen to their dreams life would be more interesting and less greed and want would be going on. I could possibly be wrong on this account as with any account in this entire diary.
My story (My House) has slowed up in work since when my mother read Chapter 11. She warned me that this shouldn't have been written. I think that everything has the right to be written and this is my fantasy.
We are square dancing in gym class and my partner the other day was a really foxy chick. She my not be according to popular opinion but I think she is the greatest. I still have a problem. I don't have her in any of my other classes. I don't even know her last name. I don't know if she has another boyfriend or anything. I don't even know if she would like me at all. I wish that I could do something to get aquatinted, but what?
Lately, I was trying to figure out if girls consider me attractive. I honestly don't know. Do I have too much acne? Am I to heavy for my height? Am I just plain ugly? At least I have one good sign, or maybe its a bad sign. There are a few girls who call me on the phone, say "hi" and then hang up. They never give me their names or anything.
I should have brought my story home over the weekend so that I could work on it, but I didn't. I want to make something happen in the story, maybe I should just rewrite it.
Sleep - ? Read some science fiction.
Wake - 9:17 AM
Dream - We (Henry and I) had to follow a certain setup. It was 10 sheets or scraps of paper they had each place to go we had to find something at each place. Each place had a few traps. Finally the 9th house was the guy that was tailing us home. The whole plot was setup to make us find something. (It had a name but I don't remember) They would cause the finders great riches. Since we were being followed, they would pick up the riches and not us. This was a sequel to a dream that I had one other time, where we also refused to help the enemy.
March 26, 1977
I just remembered one of my forgotten dreams. I don't remember the plot, but it was about a new pair of maroon shoes that I got. They were excellent shoes, but the best thing about them was that they were platform shoes and I was really taller with them on. I went to the NCAA National Prelims (swimming) today. It was really exciting, I feel like doodling:
(Insert doodles here)
Sleep - 1:24 AM
Wake - ?
Dream - About a swim meet. It was a pretty big one, just like the NCAA National Meet.
March 28, 1977
"A Song" (Also on Tape)
Oh once there was a farmer
who had a little dog
He went to work one Monday and came back with a frog
Oh once there was a farmer
who had a little cat
He went to work on Tuesday
and came back very fat
Oh once there was a farmer
who wasn't very funny
He went to play poker one Wednesday
and came home with a lot of money
Oh once there was a farmer
who had a little bear
He went to work one Thursday
and found he wasn't there
Oh once there was a farmer
who had a bitchy wife
He went to work one Friday
and he came home with a knife
Oh once there was a farmer
who had a pretty knife
He went to work on Saturday
to try and save his life
This song is on tape so that the melody can be heard. I have reached a climax in my book, but I don't want to end it now. The climax is fairly high and it is nearly impossible to top it. The book would turn out to be a very long short story if I were to finish it now. I'm going to keep writing it and carry it further on. I have planned to kill off Harold. That will create some action. I still think that a suspended animation will be part of the story. It could possibly be the end, but not necessarily.
Sleep - 10:16 PM
Note: I will concentrate hard to remember tonight's dream.
Wake - ?
Dream - Can't remember right now, but I'm still trying.
March 29, 1977
The only thing that I remember from last nights dream is a face of a bald, well not quite bald man. He had white hairs. I am lousy at descriptions of people, but I do know that if I saw the face again I'd recognize it.
Sleep - 11:25 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - I was at a swim meet and I had to do backstroke. The other team was so slow that they moved three blocks out into the middle of the pool to start. I was so good that I had to dive across a big part of cement. I'd never make it in real life. I also dreamt that at Euclid I had a 59.5 in the 100 fly. 56.0 was next on the list (unlikely) There was also a segment were we went to a Marine Corp. Camp. My father was reminiscing about the good old days. They were talking about setting up a camp in a factory.
March 30, 1977
Sleep - 11:22 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Dream - Definitely had one. One part we were listening to my clock radio and stereo. When I tried to turn off one radio the other one would go off also. There was also a hotel scene were there was a game room. We found out how to rip off a cookie machine. There was more too.
Sleep - 11:18 PM
Wake - 6:20 AM
Excellent Dream, but right now I can't remember it.
March 31, 1977
Question: There are two guys who are having a discussion and they want to prove which one of the two are crazier. The first one goes out and slaughters a person for no reason at all. The second person sets up all the evidence so that it points to himself. Which of the two are crazier? Which took the biggest risk? Would the first guy get caught anyway?
Sleep - 11:11 PM
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