“BUILDING SELF ESTEEM” WORKSHOP

SESSION 1 Session#1Part1.html

WELCOME TO THE EIGHT WEEK WORKSHOP "BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM">

· WHAT COURSE COVERS?

· * THIS WORKSHOP IS FOR YOU.

* WE WILL WORK TOGETHER OVER THE NEXT EIGHT WEEKS & GO THROUGH THE PROCESS THAT WAS DEVELOPED TO RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND TO LEARN HOW TO BE THE PERSON YOU REALLY WERE MEANT TO BE, YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF, AND IT IS A PROCESS.

I want you to get from the workshop that no one is born with low self-esteem but experience in ones life can thwart one from becoming the person s/he was mean to be. Everyone is unique and deserving of being treated with dignity and respect.

The workshop is designed to provide information and exercises to encourage one to take charge of his/her life and initiate the process of becoming the person s/he was meant to be.

* I WILL SHARE WITH YOU BASIC INFORMATION GIVEN IN A SELF HELP CONTEXT THAT YOU CAN USE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.

* There is absolutely no need for a person to go through life fearful, shy filled with anxiety and have low self-esteem feeling bad about oneself - unless you choose to do so.

· FIRST, I AM NOT A THERAPIST.

· I DON'T CLAIM TO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS. BUT I WILL SHARE WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AND HOW IT HAS HELPED ME AND HOW IT WILL HELP YOU IF YOU WORK AT IT.

· I got involved because I wanted to feel better about myself. I was abused as a child. As a result I was very shy, self conscious, lot of anxiety and rage. I wanted to be happy, peaceful, less anxiety. I wanted to be a better functioning person.

· WE WILL COVER THE PRINCIPLES AND TOOLS AVAILABLE TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, BUILD SELF CONFIDENCE!!

· THE WORKSHOP IS BASED ON A COURSE I TOOK AT SOUTHEASTERN COMMUNITY COLLEGE, BURLINGTON, IA, SEMINARS AND WORKSHOPS I'VE ATTENDED, BOOKS READ, AND TAPES I’VE LISTENED TO, and utilized.

· THE INFORMATION IN THIS WORKSHOP IS SO IMPORTANT THAT WHEN I HEARD IT IT CHANGED MY LIFE! That's why I want to share it.

· I FEEL THAT IT’S SO IMPORTANT THAT I FEEL ITS BASIC INFORMATION EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW!!! That’s why I want to share it.

· INCLUDED ARE OTHER SOURCES ON S-E. BOOKS, TAPES, WORKSHOPS.

v See the Recommended Book List in your Handouts tonight.

RECOMMENDED READING

v I will introduce you to Dr. Phillip McGraw’s new book “Self Matters”. This is the best book on the subject of self-esteem that I have seen in the nearly 15 years of doing this workshop.

· HERE IS A LITTLE BACKGROUND: 1959-1960 - PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS, MAXWELL MALTZ; 1970's, 1980's, 1990's- THE MAGIC POWER OF SELF-IMAGE PSYCHOLOGY, MAXWELL MALTZ; YOUR MANY FACES, VIRGINIA SATIR; HOW TO RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, NATHANIEL BRANDEN; DYNAMIC IMAGING, NORMAN VINCENT PEAL; SELF LOVE & SELF-ESTEEM, THE NEW REFORMATION, DR. ROBT. SCHULLER; THINK AND GROW RICH, NAPOLEON HILL; THE MAGIC OF SELF DIRECTION, DAVID J. SCHWARTZ; TOWARD A PSYCHOLOGY OF BEING, ABRAHAM MASLO; PULL YOUR OWN STRINGS & THE SKY THE LIMIT, DR. WAYNE DYER; THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED, M. SCOTT PECK; THE PSYCHOLOGY OF WINNING & WIN/WIN, DENNIS WAITLEY; JACK CANFIELD, ETC., ETC., ETC. TASK FORCE REPORT JAN. 1990.

· See the handout 20 “Recommended Reading” essential information for the workshop but not all inclusive. I will hand out a larger book list at the end of Session 8. (Note: The handouts for Session #1 will be placed as links so just click on them)

• PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS. This is where the concept of the Self-Image started. Cosmetic surgery did not change how a persons sees him or herself, The “Self-Image”. The brain that alerts you to be afraid is the same brain that has been trained to what you are to be afraid of . Cosmetic Surgeon, Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics. For Example: Snakes, how did you learn to fear snakes?

HOW MANY OF YOU LIKE TO TALK, GET INTO THE DISCUSSION ?

HOW MANY OF YOU FEEL SHY, RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW ?

+ HOW MANY ARE TOO SHY TO SAY THEY ARE SHY ? No one has to talk in this workshop ! But everyone is free to talk !

· TO HELP US GET ACQUAINTED - END WITH BILL.

INTRODUCTIONS: NAME, WHERE ORIGINALLY FROM , WHY HERE OR SOMETHING SPECIFIC WANT FROM COURSE ?

· WE ARE ALL COMING FROM A DIFFERENT PLACE. WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT THAT LATER.

· I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THIS IS A SAFE PLACE. I COME FROM A PLACE OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM, HIGH ANXIETY, LOTS OF FEAR AND RAGE. I'VE BEEN THERE SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

· WE ARE ALL HERE TO IMPROVE OUR SELF-ESTEEM, me too.

- WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM CAME FROM ?

+ CAN YOU REMEMBER INSTANCES WHEN YOUR SELF-ESTEEM WAS ATTACKED ?

· WE WILL TALK ABOUT THE SELF-IMAGE CONCEPT ? (Psycho-Cybernetics)

· WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HOW THE SUB-CONSCIOUS WORKS ? (I' ll share what I learned from Dennis Waitley & Lou Tice)

· Again: No one is born with low self-esteem. IF YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM, SOME WHERE ALONG THE LINE YOU WERE SOLD ON THE NOTION THAT YOU HAD LITTLE OR NO VALUE AND COULDN'T ACCOMPLISH MUCH. AND YOU BOUGHT IT !

· WHAT WE WILL BE ABOUT IS TO CHANGE WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE A N ACCURATE CONCEPT OF YOUR TRUE VALUE AS A HUMAN BEING. YOU WILL BE ASTOUNDED.

Ø IT WILL TAKE TPP

+ TIME TPP

+ PRACTICE

+ PERSISTENCE,

· THE RESULTS ARE IN THE DOING. ITS A PROCESS ! IF YOU DON’T DO THE PROCESS NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.

· ITS QUITE SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY!!! CHANGE COMES IN MANY SMALL STEPS OVER TIME. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN. !--> --> --> --> -->!!

One day you will look back and say “Oh ! I used to be there”.

v PERSISTENCE: vs Imagination = What is the Greatest Asset ? Imagination used to create new thoughts, new things, what has never existed before? Let's explore !

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." - Calvin Collidge

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." - Beverly Sills

· The value of courage, persistence, and perseverance has rarely been illustrated more convincingly than in the life story of this man (his age appears in the column on the right):

Failed in business 22 Defeated for congress 39

Ran for Legislature -- defeated 23 Defeated for Senate 46

Again failed in business 24 Defeated for Vice President 47

Elected to Legislature 25 Defeated for Senate 49

Sweetheart died 25 Elected President of the United States 51

Had nervous breakdown 27 That’s the record of Abraham Lincoln.

Defeated for speaker 29 After many defeats and disappointments

Defeated for Elector 31 Abraham Lincoln became president of the

Defeated for Congress 34 United States & CHANGES HISTORY.

Elected for congress 37

· WINSTON CHURCHILL'S FAMOUS OXFORD GRADUATION SPEECH: “NEVER GIVE UP!! NEVER, NEVER, GIVE UP!!” AND SAT DOWN!

ð HAND OUT ABOVE ON LINCOLN!

· PERSISTENCE IS MOST IMPORTANT. THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO QUIT !! If you quit, what good is imagination ? Especially with self-improvement. SELF IMPROVEMENT MEANS GETTING BETTER AT LIVING and COPING WITH PROBLEMS.

CLICK ON BASIS OF THE WORKSHP BELOW

BASIS OF THE 8 WEEK WORKSHOP

· Here is a most astounding discovery and realization of the 20th Century and the BASIS OF THIS WORKSHOP. In another session I'll talk about the 2nd most important discovery of the 20th Century.

Ø ONES SELF IMAGE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT BELIEF IN ONES BELIEF SYSTEM. IT’S THE PRIMARY DEFINER OF WHAT I CAN DO AND THE PRIMARY LIMITER OF WHAT I UNDERTAKE. SELF IMAGE DIRECTS ME TO BE WHO I AM, WHAT I AM, AND HOW WELL I PERFORM. CHANGE MY SELF IMAGE AND NOT ONLY DO I CHANGE BUT THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGES - FOR THE BETTER.

It’s the picture you have of yourself. { If you get that, the course is already worthwhile because your life will be changed !!

· WHAT IS THE PICTURE YOU HAVE OF YOURSELF ? REMEMBER HOW YOU FELT WHEN YOU WERE 3,---5,---7,---13 ?

* GO BACK TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DAYS. HOW DID YOU RATE ??

+ Were you in the "IN" group ?

+ Athletic group, cheer leader ?

+ Intellectual book worm ? } I WAS A COMBINATION !

+ Nerd group ? }

* WHICH HIGH SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO ?

+ From the elite part of town ?

+ Wrong, i.e. "POOR" part of town ? ("East High against the World !")

* HOW DID YOU FIT IN ? DID YOU FEEL YOU BELONGED ?

+ Included ?

+ Popular ?

+ Shy ?

+ On the edge of the group, kinda looking on ?

· WHERE DID THAT PICTURE OF YOURSELF COME FROM ??

v Do you understand that :

· FEELING DUMB -IS BIGGEST BARRIER TO- BEING SMART

· BEING SELF CONSCIOUS -IS BIGGEST BARRIER TO- BEING SPONTANEOUS

· FEELING INADEQUATE -IS THE BIGGEST BARRIER TO- BEING SUCCESSFUL

§ WHY ? = THE SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY !+ Want to be self confident ? We'll show you how.

ð HAND OUT ABOVE LATER

· THE BRAIN CAN BE RETRAINED. IT'S A MARVELOUS INSTRUMENT AT YOUR COMMAND. YOU ONLY NEED TO KNOW HOW TO RETRAIN IT.

+ YOU ARE NOT STUCK WITH THE FEELINGS YOU HAVE. "THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM" IS NOT TRUE.

· BASIC TRUTH: EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS INTRINSIC VALUE DESERVING OF BEING TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT THEREFORE I AS A HUMAN BEING AM DESERVING OF BEING TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT. EVERY PERSON HAS A “CORE” OR “AUTHENTIC SELF”, THE PERSON S/HE WAS MEANT TO BE. THIS “CORE SELF” HAS INTRINSIC VALUE.

§ Are you acquainted with your “Core” or “Authentic Self”? The purpose of this workshop is to present a path to your “Authentic Self”, to be master of your life.

¨ FIRST JUST DECIDE AND GO FOR IT. If you really want it, GO FOR IT !

· LET'S DECIDE TO SET THE GOAL TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES, BETTER APPRECIATE OURSELVES. THAT'S WHAT WE ARE ABOUT IN THIS COURSE. AND LET'S DECIDE TO WRITE IT DOWN. DID YOU? IF NOT WRITE THIS DOWN.

· PUT ON BOARD: WRITE THIS DOWN.

"I HAVE DECIDED I AM SOMEONE OF VALUE AND I APPRECIATE MYSELF. I TREAT MYSELF AND OTHERS WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT."

· WHY IS IT THAT OUR SELF IMAGE IS ONE THAT PROMOTES LOW SELF ESTEEM ?

¨ FIRST, (I can’t say often enough) EVERY ONE IS BORN OK. EVERY PERSON HAS AN INTRINSIC VALUE SIMPLY BECAUSE S/HE IS HUMAN. WE JUST NEED TO RECOGNIZE THAT OR OUR PERCEPTION IS INACCURATE. (Intrinsic= like grain in wood. The essential nature of a thing.)

¨ IF YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO BE THE PERSON YOU WE MEANT TO BE, THEN YOU HAD TO DEVELOP A PRETENDED OR FICTIONAL SELF.

¨ OUR CONSTITUTION, THE BASIS OF THIS COUNTRY, SAYS WE ARE BORN EQUAL, ---HAVE CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS, THE RIGHT TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. Do you believe that every person is equal ??? How many citizens believe that ??

DEFINITIONS OF SELF-ESTEEM

California Task force to Promote Self-esteem and Personal Responsibility: “Appreciating my own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly toward others.”

ð SEE THE HANDOUT DEFINE SELF-ESTEEM for more definitions.

· HENRY FORD: "IF YOU THINK YOU CAN OR IF YOU THINK YOUR YOU CAN'T, YOU'RE RIGHT !"

· MY DEFINITIONS:

An innate sense of my self worth that provides a strength of center to allow me to live and grow so that I participate in the adventure of life to its fullest. i.e.: An innate sense of ones true value. (Innate: Possessed at birth; possessed as an essential characteristic.)

OR

Self-Esteem is that portion of my Self-Image that acknowledges my inherent value as a human being having the tremendous potential for learning and developing my natural talents. (Inherent: Existing as an essential part.)

* It’s not an ego trip ! It’s not just feeling good about yourself ! It’s coming from ones core self !

+ A love of self, regardless of any specific performance.

CLICK ON “DEFINE SELF-ESTEEM" for more definitions.

DEFINE SELF-ESTEEM

· Also see the definition in the handout by W.E.A.V.E. LENGTHY BUT VERY GOOD. There are basic principles stated that we will talk more abour later. And other definitions.

CLICK ON “WEAVE SELF-ESTEEM FOR WEAVE’S DEFINITION. USE THE BACK ARROW TO RETURN TO SESSION 1, PART 1.

WEAVE SELF-ESTEEM

v SELF-ESTEEM IS THE INGREDIENT ESSENTIAL TO LIVING A FULL AND JOYFUL Life!

· ANYONE HAVE A DEFINITION OF SELF-ESTEEM THEY USE ? WRITE IT DOWN.

· The S-E movement has faded because its true nature was not understood by many. It was not related to the Self-Image & the Core or Authentic Self; Being. It was just about feeling good.

CLICK ON & READ, EVIDENCE OF A SLIPPED SELF-ESTEEM

EVIDENCE OF A SLIPPED SELF-ESTEEMl

· WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM YOU FEEL: VULNERABLE, PUT DOWN, NOT ACCEPTED, NOT INCLUDED, POWER LESS!

· We’ll talk about how to deal with it when slipped in Session 6.

v WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM CAME FROM ? IF NOT BORN WITH IT, WHERE FROM ?

1. WE GOT OUR LOW SELF ESTEEM FROM OUR PARENTS AND HOME ENVIRONMENT WHICH WAS PASSED DOWN FROM THEIR PARENTS AND ENVIRONMENT.

Many people have been so knocked down as an infant and child, when they were powerless, they feel they have little self value and even now as an adult. The negative picture presented to them was internalized and engrained to became a part of their self-image. But that picture is not who they really are.

2. PAINT A PICTURE: DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid) = ()--ZZZ<>{}[]\\\|||///(}-){000YYYXXX{]\}{ A HELIX HALF FROM YOUR MOTHER AND HALF FROM YOUR FATHER.

WE HAVE GENES, DESIGNER GENES -

§ HEALTH, COLOR OF HAIR, EYES, SKIN, etc.

R EVERYONE COMES WITH SOME PRE-WIRING OR PRE-PROGRAMMING. WE ARE LEARNING MORE EACH DAY. All humans are programmed: to talk; walk upright; read facial expressions, etc.

§ FOR INSTANCE OUR DNA GIVES US:

· PREDISPOSITION / TENDENCIES TO BE: AGGRESSIVE/RETICENT,

· EXTROVERT/INTROVERT, ENERGY LEVEL (HYPER/LAID BACK).

· HOW WE LEARN: EYE GATE, EAR GATE, BY DOING, TOUCHING.

· X-Y CHROMOSOMES: MALE - FEMALE PREDISPOSED CHARACTERISTICS

+ (WE EACH HAVE BOTH CHARACTERISTICS BUT ONE DOMINANT)

· ALL HAVE A DRIVE FOR AUTONOMY. Be ones own boss; have the power or right to be self-governing. Important to develop properly, the drive to operate inside-out. Often squelched in childhood. How do we help an independent, unruly child without squelching ?

3. ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT ON TENDENCIES & FAMILY CONSTELLATION :

· JOHN THE OLDEST: SMART, TAKE CHARGE

MARY NEXT: NICE, COOPERATIVE THEN YOU COME:

* WHAT ROLE IS AVAILABLE TO YOU--ORNERY, REBELLER,??????

(Studies show place in family has an impact)

· EVERY PERSON FINDS A NICHE, A ROLE THEY CAN PLAY.

· WERE YOUR PARENTS STRICT, DEMANDING ? WERE THEY LOVING AND UNDERSTANDING, A BOOSTER RATHER THAN ALWAYS CRITICAL ?

· WERE THEY HAPPY QUIET STAY AT HOME PEOPLE OR WERE THEY HAPPY GO LUCKY, PARTY PEOPLE ?

4. WHAT WAS THE PICTURE YOU GOT OF YOURSELF? OK, LOVABLE, LIKABLE,

CAPABLE ????? WHAT WAS YOUR SELF-IMAGE ?????

5. MOST CRITICAL: HOW DID WE INTERPRET WHAT WAS SAID AND DONE ? (Example: child playing, runs in the street, gets paddled. Interpreted as love ? Its taken in context.

!!!!!!!!! IT WAS WHAT WE BELIEVED AND TOOK AS TRUTH THAT BUILT OUR SELF IMAGE WHO WE BELIEVE WE ARE. WHO I BELIEVE I AM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!WE ARE RIGHT NOW THE COMBINATION OF OUR DNA AND OUR INTERPRETATION OF OUR EXPERIENCE TO DATE. !!!!!!!!!

End Session #1, Part 1.

TO CONTINUE CLICK ON SESSION1PART 2.

SESSION 1, PART 2