 Buffy:1) Don't have sex with your vampire boyfriend unless you're sure his curse doesn't contain a loophole you could drive a truck through.2) If you live in a place where your nightmares have nasty habit of coming true, it's time to start dreaming of nicer things. 3) Just because you have a sacred duty is no reason not to have a social life. 4) If your principal has a really bad attitude and a really strange resemblance to that Ferengi from Deep Space 9, you can be sure that he's not your 'pal.' 5) Don't drink anything unless you know *exactly* what's in it. You could end up being sacrificed to a giant worm. 6) Graveyards can be really romantic if you're with the right person...or right vampire. 7) Monitor your mother's love life--she could be dating a robot. If you find out that she is, kill him. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. 8) If you are a vampire slayer, dating a vampire (even if he looks like he should be an underwear model) is probably not the best idea. You could get hurt later. 9) If you are going to kiss a vampire, make sure you are not wearing a cross. It hurts! 10) Don't accept food from your mother's new boyfriend until you test it for mood altering drugs. 11) It's okay to date older men--provided they have souls and are not involved in a college fraternity that sacrifices girls to a giant worm. 12) Don't worry about your mother getting wise to your slaying habits--she won't get a clue unless you tell her flat out.
13) Good idea: Inviting a foreign exchange student to stay with you. Bad idea: Inviting a mummy who has taken the place of a foreign exchange student to stay with you.
Angel:1) If you lose your soul, expect to have to buy a whole new wardrobe to reflect your new bad-ass attitude. Hello tight leather pants! (see also #7)2) Perseverance, mind tricks and chain-saws will make people tell you anything you want to know. 3) Don't tell a vampire to "show me your world." Odds are, they will take it literally and bring you across. You'll regret it later. 4) As a general rule; don't bite gypsies. 5) The color black goes with everything. 6) By all means brood if you can look sexy while doing it. It grants you the immortality explained in #7. 7) If you are the main draw of the female audience, you will not be killed off, no matter what bad things you've done. Rather, you will be sent to Hell over the summer and given your own show in 1999.
Xander:1) If your teacher has a thing for you, either you're on Dawson's Creek or she's a giant bug. Either way, it's a no-no. That sort of thing went out with the '50s.2) Comedy has its time and its place--the apocalypse is neither the time nor the place. 3) If an exhibit at the zoo is closed, there is probably a really good reason. 4) B-I-T-C-H does NOT spell bitca.
5) If your school does one of those sex-ed classes where they give you an egg as a baby to take care of--boil it. It'll save you a lot of trouble later.
Willow:1) Getting dates over the Internet is not a good idea--they could be sickos, freaks or demons accidentally scanned onto the Internet. Exercise caution. Exorcise come-ons.2) Going through other people's lockers and hacking into computers illegally are bad things--unless you're trying to save the world, then it's okay behavior. In fact, it's standard. 3) Dating a guy of a different species is just fine, (vampire or werewolf) unless they lose a soul or it is a full moon. If this occurs, it's time to call it quits before you or another character gets hurt. 4) As a general rule, dabbling in the black arts is not a good idea.
5) Computer disks with important information on them have a habit of falling into places you'd never think to look until the season finale.
Giles:1) Living in the bookshelves of a library is not the best way to get a date.
2) Avoid living in towns dubbed "Boca del Infierno" by the Spanish. I mean, if they think it's bad, where will that leave you??
Spike:1) Smoking will kill you--unless of course, you are a vampire or some other creature of the night.2) It's probably not the best idea to let your girlfriend's ex move in with you. It could cause strange Jerry Springer-like relationship problems later.
3) If you end up going to a concert like Woodstock, don't bite a flower person. You'll spend hours watching your hand move--and that's not the best way to spend the evening.
Dru:1) Give your daisies plenty of water and sunlight so they don't wither and die. Also, another good idea would be to feed your pet bird while you are at it.The Lost Cast:1) If the real estate is cheap and the graveyard is full, chances are you're living on a Hellmouth. In which case, it's time to move.2) Don't call forth demons unless you're sure of what you're doing. 3) Joining a fraternity that has a giant snake in it's basement is not the best way to meet women. 4) If you see someone with a messed up face, fangs and a serious bad attitude, don't worry. It's just a gang member on PCP...really! 5) If you are an inconsequential character with ties to a certain group of gypsies, expect to be killed off. 6) Don't ignore anybody--it, or they, could come back to haunt you later. 7) No one ever really dies--they just come back in flashbacks or as other characters. 8) If you are anointed, avoid guys with bleached blonde hair, cages and sunlight as a general rule. 9) If your name is Joss, you can bend the rules of the supernatural as much as you damn well please. Example: Darla enters Angel's apartment without being invited...? 10) If there is a group of strange kids at your school who seem to cause trouble wherever they go--avoid them. They are either in a gang or battling demons and the undead. Either way, you could get hurt. 11) If your ventriloquist dummy starts talking on it's own--something strange is DEFINITELY going on. 12) Don't lie and say you were at the crucifixion if you weren't 13) Resurrecting the dead and other acts of playing God will get you into major trouble.
14) Bringing someone back from the dead, even if they are a loved one, is not a good idea--they won't thank you for it later.
Buffy Can Count This High:
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