Hah! Bet You Never Thought We Could Catch Xander Brooding!

By Ayelle and Catoninetails




DISCLAIMER: We do not own Buffy or Angel (ooh, what a thought) or any of the rest of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Joss Whedon, WB and Mutant Enemy do.

RATING: PG-13

CONTENT WARNING: Some violence, some smooching. Nothing serious -- about the same as the show, with slightly stronger language. But what really gives it the PG rating is -- horror of all horrors -- the hyena jokes. (Not.)

SPOILERS: Everything, we guess. This story takes place in the Fall of '98. Maybe 'The Pack'?

SUMMARY: Buffy and the Slayerettes spend Friday the Thirteenth fighting a new demon, only this time there's a complication in the form of an unexpected body-swap (remember Amy and her mother in "The Witch"?) between the two characters who desire it least. By the time the story ends, Spike frenches Cordelia at last... Willow finally makes with Xander... Angel socks Giles... and a new demon has come to play. No, wait, it's not what you think... but you'll never know what we're talking about unless you read it!!!




Prologue: Misplacement


Angel was out patrolling for vampires, alone. No one really expected any trouble -- the only vampires who would be stupid enough to be out on stormy unpleasant nights like these were the newly risen, and they were mostly disoriented and no trouble to dispatch. Buffy was taking a night off from slaying, relieved from her sacred duty in order to rest up. According to Giles, the upcoming Friday, November 13th, was going to be unusually bad.

Besides, as Buffy had pointed out to Giles, Thursday was going to be a major test day, with crucial exams in two subjects. There was no possibility of passing without intensive tutoring from Willow. Therefore Buffy, Willow and Xander had gathered at Willow's house for an all-night studyfest, complete with little powdery donuts. Angel, who was well aware that he was not merely unhelpful when it came to this kind of thing but actually detrimental (not to mention somewhat, well, distracting), had offered to patrol around the usual vamp-spots -- the park, the graveyard, the mall, that sort of thing. Buffy had agreed reluctantly, Willow gratefully, and Xander downright eagerly.

Disgustingly eagerly, in fact, Angel reflected. Xander had been getting more and more obnoxious lately. His animosity toward Angel had never been a secret, but ever since Buffy's undead beau had recovered from his not-so-brief stint as the demon Angelus, Xander's commentary was reaching an unprecedented new level of sarcasm. Buffy referred to it as Xander's "innocent-bystanders-run-for-cover-cause-this-flame-war-is-about-to-turn-one-big-city-into-lots-of- little-tiny-ashes" mode and was considerably annoyed, but there was really nothing to be done except hope that Xander would eventually grow up and stop looking at Angel as if he had a neon sign over his head reading "Park Your Stakes Here!".

Angel heard footsteps sneaking up behind him. Gripping the wooden stake, he slipped behind a tree and waited until he could clearly see his tracker's silhouette against the street lamps. Game face on, Angel leapt out in deadly silence, stake aimed for the heart. The vamp ducked his blow with surprising agility for a newbie; by the time Angel recovered himself for a second strike, his would-be stalker's face was clearly visible: Xander Harris.

"Jesus Christ, you almost killed me!" Xander snarled. "I guess you're the slay-first-ask-questions-later type, huh? Lucky for you Buffy's not so stake-happy!"

"What are you doing here?" Angel demanded, lowering the stake as his face reverted back to normal, registering Xander as "no threat." He added in as contemptuous a tone as possible, "The last thing I need is to have to protect a child while I'm on patrol."

"You can hardly handle the job as it is, huh?"

"Xander, go away and let me do my duty."

"Your duty," Xander mocked. "Dutiful Angel, always happy to help his girlfriend out. Wouldn't you like to think she needs your help! Buffy would be better off without you. She can handle her job just fine."

"Buffy's busy right now," Angel remarked in an almost wistful tone, refusing to rise to the bait. But he could not stop himself from commenting, "Shouldn't you be busy as well? It's not like your GPA has a generous safety margin."

Xander glared. "Buffy told you about my grades?"

Angel just smirked. Actually, Buffy hadn't told him, but it wasn't hard to guess given Willow's banter and Xander's prickly responses. Nevertheless, as easy as it was to snipe at his young would-be-rival, the storm was getting steadily worse and Angel had work to do. "Why did you come here?" he asked impatiently, scanning the trees around them for possible threats.

Xander's face was shadowed, his expression indecipherable. "I don't trust you to do what's necessary when Buffy's back is turned."

Angel stared. "You still don't trust me?" he said incredulously, though he knew the answer perfectly well. It wasn't a matter of trust. It was jealousy and loss, emotions with which the cursed vampire was intimately familiar. He knew what it felt like -- and what it could drive someone to do.

"Buffy seems to be comfortably numb around the undead -- enough to ignore the fact that you're still a bloodthirsty demon. I try to keep my perspective."

"And what does Buffy has to do with this?" Angel asked sarcastically.

"She has everything to do with this, and we both know it! Her life has been going steadily downhill since you started making with the big smoochies! No one has caused her more anguish, more heartbreak, more pain than you have..."

"So you're trying to protect her from me, is that it?" The unceasing roll of thunder made a perfect counterpoint to his savage growl.

Xander's face, twisted in anger, mirrored Angel's snarling game face. He stepped closer to Angel and spoke quickly and clearly, every word meant to wound. "The others may have chosen to overlook what you were -- what you are -- but I never will. As if saying that you've changed makes it all right to forget all the families, all the futures, all the lives that were ruined because of you -- "

Angel took an abrupt step back, eyes gone wide in shock and fury, emotions seething within. He tried to remind himself that Xander was just trying to provoke him, and not to rise to the bait, but the accusations hit too close to home. "You.... vile..." he managed before he choked on his own preternatural rage. Every instinct Angel had screamed at him to attack, to wipe away Xander's arrogance with his own blood, as if by doing so that would erase the insult, the gross unfairness -- but killing the messenger was hardly the way to clear away his pain, and his guilt. "I have not forgotten," Angel hissed. "I cannot ever forget -- "

"Then you'd better watch your step around the Slayer," Xander taunted, "cause one of these days your whole creature-of-the-night-routine ain't gonna impress her any more, and she'll wake up to what you really are. And I'm gonna be there when the stake in your chest is hers, you sadistic son of a bi -- "

His words were cut off by Angel's ferocious roar and leap for his throat. The storm, as if on cue, lit up the sky in a brilliant flash of blue lightening. As blackness reasserted itself to the cacophony of thunder, the rivals were locked in mortal combat. Both were too furious even too object to whatever radio-crazy was playing "Hall of the Mountain King" at top volume. For the most part Xander concentrated on keeping the enraged vampire's fangs off his neck for as long as possible, and the rest of his mind was torn between stark, primal terror and a wholly unnatural glee. Even if he died now -- which seemed increasingly likely -- dead-boy was going down...

Angel's thoughts were far less simple. After his initial infuriated attack, he was much more concerned with regaining control over the demon that rose howling within than in actually finishing off Xander the Slayerette. But he wasn't making much progress; Angelus was at the wheel and driving like a maniac.

Fortunately -- or unfortunately, depends on your perspective -- Xander had spent enough time in the company of the Slayer to pick up a few tricks. When Angel hesitated, Xander struck him in the back of his knee, and as he went down, smashed him beneath the jaw. Angel's head snapped up. Xander put all his weight behind his elbow and drove it into the vampire's solar plexus.

The move might have actually worked on a human, but since Angel had no breath to recover, he retaliated almost instantly. Purely on reflex, he backhanded Xander with all of his unnatural strength behind the blow.

The demon side of Angel would have been elated to see the sardonic teen go flying across the clearing and land, twisted in an unnatural position, clearly unconscious -- and helpless. Had he seen that, Angelus would have gone for the kill and Angel might not have been able to stop him. But it never came to that. In the instant of contact, as Angel's fist hit Xander's face, lighting flashed again directly over them, and the scream of thunder dissolved the world into white silence.


End Prologue





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