DACHSOPEDIA               

A - Z OF LIFE (ACCORDING TO DAISY)

ARMCHAIR Natural sleeping quarters of the dachshund. Cushions and rugs are welcome extras, but not essential. The armrest makes a perfect head support.

 AUSTRALIA a.k.a. "Downunder", country of birth of and residence of exceptionally intelligent and beautiful dachshund a.k.a. Daisy a.k.a. Myself.

BARKING - There are few breeds as efficient as the almighty dachshund at barking to protect home and hearth. I use my "BIG DOG BARK" to scare away such unwelcome individuals as postmen, kids on bikes, mothers with babystrollers, and strange dogs who actually have the audacity to use MY street as a public thoroughfare!

BEAUTY - Well, what can I say? When it comes to dachshunds, beauty is not only skin deep, it goes all the way to the bone. ALL dachshunds are beautiful!

 BED - Another of the natural sleeping quarters of the dachshund. Especially good in winter. The pillow makes a wonderful headrest.

BIRDS - These pesky creatures actually think that they can come into MY yard. Birds are really quite stupid - no matter how many times I chase them out, they always come back. Will they never learn?

 CAR - One of the joys of my life is a ride in the family car. "How far can I lean out of the window?" is a game I like to play, but the humans go nuts and pull me back in. Oh, the feel of the wind as it rushes past my ears!

CATS - Natural enemy of the dachshund. How I love to chase those pussy cats! I just know I'll catch one some day. I used to make it a rule to chase all cats, but since having a cat sister, I have mellowed. My advice to fellow dachshunds is this - if the opportunity arises to adopt a cat as a sibling, take it - cats get food at least once a day and they often leave scraps. Believe me, cat food is quite tasty!

 CHRISTMAS - That magic day that comes but once a year. Food, food, glorious food! Presents too! Really, it is such a wonderful day that it is worth humouring the humans by wearing those ridiculous reindeer antlers.

COLOUR - Dachshunds come in such a wonderful variety of colours. Personally, I think chocolate and tan is rather becoming!

COMFORT - The very essence of a dachshund's life. It is the dachshunds natural instinct to seek extreme comfort whenever possible. As a rule, I find the armchair very enticing but beds and clothes baskets (full of clean, fresh clothing, of course) are very acceptable alternatives.

 DACHSHUND - The most magnificent of all dog breeds! (Don"t tell my dog sister Maggie this - she is only an honorary dachshund).

DIGGING - One of the pleasures of my puphood. I used to love to help my grandma in the garden, but somehow she never appreciated my efforts. Was it my fault that I couldn't tell the difference between a weed and a petunia. Isn't it supposed to be the thought that counts?

EATING - The greatest joy in life!

 EYES - Very important part of a dachshund's anatomy. Humans can easily be manipulated by "the look"! - "Oh, the sweet dachshund, a.k.a. Daisy a.k.a. Myself, would never have done such a thing. It must have been the cat!" "Never mind the extended stomach, don't the eyes tell you I'm starving?"

FAMILY - I wish every dachshund could have a good family! My human Mumma is my special person, but I also have a human Dad, three human brothers, two human sisters, a dog sister and two rat sisters, and they all love me to pieces. It's a wonder I can ever find enough peace to take a nap!

FOOD - Yum! Food!  

GROWL - This is an unhappy topic. I have been known to growl when confronted by strangers and small children. Sometimes I feel like biting as well, but this does not please my Mumma very much, but I just can't help myself. Not all dachshunds like being prodded and poked by total strangers, you know!

 HOWL - I am a little ashamed to admit it, but I really do howl when my Mumma goes out and leaves me at home. It doesn't matter that all of the rest of the family are at home, I feel like I'm all alone when my Mumma is not there. Hurry up Mum, and come HOOOOOME!

HUNTING - The almighty dachshund is a magnificent hunter, even if I do say so myself. Birds, rats, mice, lizards, cats are all one and the same thing to this fearless canine, a.k.a. Daisy, a.k.a. Myself. My mission in life is to rid the yard of all such intruders. My family expects (or at least, I think they do) to be able to sit in the yard without being assaulted by the sight of lizards basking in the sunshine or birds twittering in the bushes.

IPSWICH - Found in Queensland, Australia. Place of my birth and residence. Go to my Ipswich page to learn more.

JOKES

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old dachshund asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

KENNEL - I've heard that some dogs actually sleep in a kennel. Maggie and I had one once, but we refused to even enter it, let alone sleep in it. After all, how could you possibly fit two armchairs in a kennel.

KITCHEN - That most wonderful room in the house where food is prepared and eaten. The only improvement that could possibly be made to a kitchen would be the addition of an armchair.

 LAZY - Some people say that it is lazy to sleep twenty hours in a day, but I've never been of that opinion. After all, a girl's gotta get her beauty sleep!

MAGGIE - Magnificent Maggie, my adored older sister. She's really a Tenterfield Terrier, but I certainly don't hold that against her. Maggie's taught me almost everything I know about life, from barking at that dreaded postman to digging up those tasty little grubs out in the yard. She's a great pal!

MAXIE & BONNIE - These are my rat sisters. My human sisters think that they are just the ants pants, but personally I wouldn't give you tuppence for them.

MYSTERIES OF LIFE - I have yet to discover the answers to certain intriguing questions, hereto referred to as "the mysteries of life". Just where does my Mumma go when she leaves the yard without me? What does a postman taste like? What is a xylophone? In reflective moments, I ponder the mysteries of life.

NAILS - It is an ambition of mine to enter the Guiness Book of Records as the dachshund with the world's longest nails.  I hate getting my nails clipped so much and I make such a fuss that no human in my house ever wants to clip them. Really, I think I'd rather be boiled in oil than have my nails clipped.

 NOSE - Another very important part of the dachshund anatomy. Apart from the obvious, my nose is special, even if I must say so myself. In fact, it is downright talented! Not only can I smell around corners, it is a very handy little tool for opening doors. Actually, my Mumma calls me a "sticky beak" - things just kind of stick to my nose - it is always so lovely and moist.

OWNER - This is a contentious issue in my house. The humans think that they own us, but Maggie and I know different. All the same, it never hurts to humour the humans.

PERSONALITY - Personality plus, that's me. Come to think of it, it's all dachshunds!

POSTMAN - The bane of my life. This detested individual actually thinks he can ride his motorcycle past my house every day. Not only that, he has the audacity to touch my property (i.e. the letterbox) with his hands. Maggie and I wait for him every day, and despite barking ourselves hoarse, he pays not the slightest bit of attention. Boy, is he lucky there's a fence separating him from us!

QUADRUPED - A sure footed four footed animal, a bit like myself and the other lovely dachshunds of the world. Unfortunately some dachshunds suffer from back problems which leaves them with only two working feet. So please all you dachsies out there, look after your backs.

 QUEENSLAND - I live in this state in Australia. Often referred to as "beautiful one day, perfect the next". Aren't I a lucky dachsie girl?

RATS - I love to hunt rats. I actually caught one once - it was a proud moment! I've also dispatched of a few mice in my time. Hail the mighty dachshund warrior, a.k.a. Daisy a.k.a. Myself.

 REFRIGERATOR - This great white god resides in my kitchen. It is a neverending source of tasty things to eat. I believe that other dachshunds also worship the great white god.

ROYALTY - It is my belief that Queen Victoria was owned by a dachshund. Therefore, the dachshund is royalty - seems natural to me.

SAUSAGE - No, I am not referring to something good to eat. I am not a cannibal! In Australia a.k.a. Downunder, dachshunds are often referred to as 'sausage dogs'. Oh, what the heck, who am I kidding? Sausages are good to eat!

SLEEPING - One of the pleasures of life! Now, let me see. Where will I sleep today? Armchair, bed, my chair in the sun, at Mum's feet, by the front door, top step. Decisions, decisions, decisions! I know - I'll try them all!

SNACKS - Those tasty little treats that keep me going from meal to meal. My aim in life is to have as many as possible, and Mum's aim in life is to give me as few as possible. Hmmmmmmmmm! I think I'm winning!

SNORING - The humans in my family say that I snore, but this is just a malicious rumour. I've never heard myself!

 TAIL - Dachshunds have particularly beautiful tails - perfect in shape, size and symmetry, and such an expressive part of the body. I'm inordinately proud of mine and hence, I use it frequently. Really though, it is rather naughty of me to be so vain about my tail, particularly since my sister, Maggie does not have one (something unspeakable happened to hers when she was a tiny pup).

TENTERFIELD TERRIER - My older sister, Maggie is a Tenterfield Terrier. This is an Aussie breed of dog, and they are sure full of action and fun. Mum says that Maggie is a "pocket rocket" whatever that means, but I tell you, she can sure run faster than me. (Except for the time she hurt her leg, asnd for a whole week I could outrun her in the chase for the postman. Boy, did that feel good!)

TUMMY- A very important part of the dachshund anatomy. Apart from the obvious pleasure in keeping it filled, the tummy was just made for rubbing. I expose mine (to the family only, of course) as often as possible, in the hope that some passing human will take the time to give it a good rub. Oh, the pleasures of life!

UNDERCOVER - No, this does not refer to the dubious world of espionage. I am referring to sleeping under the covers of the bed of course. Here, in sunny Queensland (beautiful one day, perfect the next) it is a little warm for sleeping under the covers in summer, but the perfect place to snuggle into in winter. Why don't my human siblings appreciate 30lbs of warm dachshund on their feet or chests?

VITAL STATISTICS                                                                                

WAGGING - As aforesaid, I am quite vain about my tail, and tend to show it off frequently, primarily by wagging. My Mumma says I'm a very polite dachshund because I wag every time she speaks to me. In fact, I think my tail is the fittest part of my body - it certainly gets more exercise than any other part.

WALKING - Maggie and I love to go for walks in our matching harnesses. It is so exciting to sniff all those alluring smells of the outside world!

WARMTH - Dachshunds worship the god of warmth, seeking warmth and comfort wherever possible. It is a human responsibility to provide dachshunds with the wherewithal to fullfil this basic need.

XYLOPHONE - What is a xylophone? I've asked Maggie, I've asked passing dogs, I've even asked Bonnie and Maxie, my rat sisters. Can anyone tell me what one of these mysterious objects is?

 YAPPING - My sister, Maggie yaps. (I prefer to use my "big dog bark".) The humans sometimes find Maggie's yapping annoying, but I find it terribly exciting and can't help joining in. WOOF, WOOF, WOOF! (translation for humans - Daisy the Wonderdog to the rescue!)

ZEBRA - At first glance, it may appear that a zebra has little to do with a dachshund. However, my human sister loves zebras, and for some reason, many of the other animals I have shared my life with have been black and white. I think I've come up with the perfect zebra shape!

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