One measure regulates the amount of lead in drinking water and the other was established to provide further protection of marshes and wetlands.

"Could it possibly be that there is some sign of intelligence coming from the White House," asked enviromentalist Moreland Greener. "Since the president has shown no concern about global warming or arsenic in the water supply we were beginning to wonder if he was trying to bring about the so-called 'End Times' of religious prophecy."

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer dismisses such statements, saying that those who belive the president could care less about the enviroment were being ridiculous.

"President Bush cares greatly about the enviroment," he told reporters, "and knows first hand about the dangers of ingesting lead and how it can turn you into a retard, although by no means can keep you from becoming president."

Bush himself took time out from his busy schedule of touring the country and bothering normal, everyday folks with his relentless budget push to comment on the wetlands initiative.

"What you must understands, is that the wetlands is of the upmost importantness. We must protect this place that is home to wetbacks and wetnaps. Not only have I allowed (the Clinton measure) to become law, but I have even improved upon it."

The president beemed with pride as he unveiled his proposal of "keeping the wetlands under constant surveillance, to make sure no one does any damage to the pristine enviroment."

The president's plan calls for the construction of oil drilling platforms in the center of all wetlands "so that oil workers can keep a look out for those who would seek to spoil the scenic beauty."