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Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Plot Summary for
Dumb & Dumber
Lloyd and Harry are two men whose stupidity is really indescribable. When Mary, a beautiful woman,
looses an important suitcase with money before she leaves for Aspen, the two friends (who have
found the suitcase) decide to return it to her. After some "adventures" they finally get to Aspen
where, using the lost money they live it up and fight for Mary's heart.
Memorable Quotes from
Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd: When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling.
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[After Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]
Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't do anything dumber, you do something like this... and completely redeem yourself!
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Harry: So you got fired today?
Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.
Harry: I lost my job today too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: Oh, none taken. But you know the thing that burns me though? I spent my entire life savings changing my van into a dog.
Lloyd: It's alright, Har. Chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.
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[To the dogs in his van.]
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Harry: Check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd Christmas: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti.
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Lloyd: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Harry: I was thinking the same thing.
Lloyd: That John Denver is full of shit, man.
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Lloyd: If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.
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Harry: Hi Lloyd!
Lloyd Christmas: Hi Harry!
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd Christmas: Not bad. Fell of a jetway again.
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Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah! Unless you wanna work fourty hours a week.
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Harry Dunne: Skis, huh?
Beth Jordan: That's right!
Harry Dunne: Great! They yours?
Beth Jordan: Uh-huh.
Harry Dunne: Both of 'em?
Beth Jordan: Yes.
Harry Dunne: Ah... cool!
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Lloyd Christmas: I can't believe it! We've got no food, we've got no jobs, our pets heads are falling off!
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Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
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Lloyd: Mary... I desperately want to make love to a school-boy.
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Lloyd Christmas: Excuse me, miss, what's the soup du jour?
Waitress: The Soup of the Day.
Lloyd Christmas: Mmmm...sounds good, think I'll have that.
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Lloyd Christmas: Were are you from?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd Christmas: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.
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Lloyd Christmas: This isn't my real job you know.
Mary Swanson: No?
Lloyd Christmas: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up money for a pet store. I got worms!
Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd Christmas: I got worms! That's what we're going to call it. We're going to specialize in selling worm farms. You know like ant farms. What's the matter, a little tense about the flight?
Mary Swanson: Something like that.
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Lloyd Christmas: Well suck me sideways!
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Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
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Airport Clerk: Sir, you can't go in there!
Lloyd Christmas: It's ok, I'm a limo driver!
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Harry Dunne: Once, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shitsu.
Mary Swanson: Really?
Harry Dunne: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.
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Lloyd Christmas: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...ending up together?
Mary Swanson: Not good.
Lloyd Christmas: Not good like one in a hundred?
Mary Swanson: I'd say more like one in a million.
Lloyd Christmas: So you're telling me there's a chance?
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Lloyd Christmas: I'm talkin about a place where the beer flows like wine, where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talkin about Aspen.
Harry: I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
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Lloyd Christmas: So where are you headin'?
Mary Swanson: Aspen.
Lloyd Christmas: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!
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Lloyd Christmas: I'll bet twenty dollars I can get you to make a bet before the day is out.
Harry Dunne: You're on.
Lloyd Christmas: I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'll do it.
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Harry Dunne: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?!
Harry Dunne: The owls! They're beautiful!
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