Stardust- a mystical journey begins

Ego

Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.
Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant that we were on a dangerous collision course with that ship. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."
By that time the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."
Back came the flashing light,"I'm a lighthouse."

Quality of Life

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, only a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions.. Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

The Driver

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Overworked!

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:
Better to be safe than....................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the.........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..............daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ...........how?
Don't bite the hand that.......................looks dirty.
No news is.........................impossible.
A miss is as good as a........................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog.....................math.
If you lie down with dogs, you.......will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust........................me.
The pen is mightier than......................the pigs.
An idle mind is......................the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there's..............pollution.
Happy is the bride who..................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is.........................not much.
Two is company, three's.....................The Musketeers.
None are so blind as.....................Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed............get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.......see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind.................get out of the way.
There is no fool like...........................Aunt Edie.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and......you have to blow your nose.

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The midi you are to listening to is a song by Enya.

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