Stardust- a mystical journey begins

Traveling South

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked. "No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

Heaven

When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces." "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St.Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!" "Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."

Don't Despair

A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the sixty bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 5-1."

Sesame Seed Buns

I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he was in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."

String

A string walks into a bar and the bartender says " We don't serve your kind around here, so you'll just have to leave." So the string walks out of the bar and sees two young ladies walking down the street and asked one to tie him in a knot and the other to kinda fluff him out a little with her comb. After thanking the ladies the string goes back in, sits down at the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says " Aren't you the same string I just told to leave?" And he replied "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Long Life

When my grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm tired and slower, etc., etc., etc. He responded with, "Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?" My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, ...."Anyone who's 99."

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The midi you are to listening to is a song by Enya.

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