8/28/04 Update coming later today. Here's a picture of lions using an airplane.

Haldir jockeys for position in front of Gandalf.

August 22, 2004

LOTHLORIEN, Middle Earth—Coming off the bizarrely uncompetitive series against the Uruk-Hai, the Dom-Land Caribou might be excused for a little sluggishness in the first game of the MEHA finals, but the 5-1 loss to the Eldar was a more like a disaster. The Eldar with their incredible unbeaten record, earned home-ice advantage, and the Lothlorien crowd took advantage to be very loud.

"I didn't know elves could be so...so..." said Boromir.

"Mean," finished Frodo. The former ringbearer seemed a bit jittery and extra wide-eyed as did some of the members of his team who managed to make it to the post-game press conference. Legolas, Pippin, Sam and Aragorn were particularly shaken by the ruthless crowd and headed straight for the showers after the game.

Apparently the Eldar captain Galadriel, used her mind-reading abilities to discover disquieting information about each member of the Caribou, which she shared with a variety of loud-voiced elves. Who just happened to be sitting behind the 'Bou bench. The media has complied with the MEHA's request not to publish anything specifically screamed, wailed or chanted.

The league has issued the Lady of Light a strong warning and is considering a suspension for abuse of supernatural abilities.

"It's perfectly natural," said Galadriel. "It's not my fault I'm graced with better natural abilities than everyone else."

Problems began early for the defending MEHA champions when head coach Elrond had his usual pre-game anxiety attack and had to be left on the bus with a portable DVD player and a copy of Newsies set permanently to "sing-a-long." His favorite song is "Santa Fe," including the reprise, and passers-by could reportedly hear the Sindarin rendition loud and clear.

"Usually he at least makes it to the locker room," said Boromir who scored the 'Bou's only goal. "But after what happened with the fans and all, I can see why he didn't want to be here."

Gandalf, as per usual, filled in as temporary coach but quickly lost control of the team as the Lothlorien crowd began mercilessly taunting the Caribou, switching from player to player with sneerignly imaginative jeering.

"It was bad," said Gandalf, "and I've played baseball in New York."

Pippin, at one point, began to sniffle and had to be escorted to the dressing rooms. Frodo was continually knocked over as he stood aghast. Sam played nearly the entire game blushing red as a strawberry Icee, and Legolas' jaws were clenched so tight, the training staff was concerned about his dental health. Aragorn and Boromir endured quite a bit of human bashing, which didn't seem to bother the elder son of Denethor too much.

"You're less sensitive about stuff when you're dead," he said. Merry and Gandalf also withstood the insults fairly well.

"You've got to be able to take it if you're gonna give it," said Merry. "Just wait 'til they're in our barn."

"I've played baseball in New York," explained Gandalf. "And a goalie just has to get used to the abuse."

Only Gimli escaped the brunt of the abuse. "We dwarves have heard it all," he said. "And anyway, Galadriel likes me."

Unfortunately, the Lothlorien captain had no mercy for his teammates, especially Legolas, and the 'Bou collapsed under the psychological warfare. Haldir took the opportunity to rub salt in his fellow elf's wounds by scoring his first postseason hattrick.

"That was quite nice," said the Marchwarden of Lorien. "We'll have to do this more often." His brothers Rumil and Orophin scored the other goals.

"Splendid," they said.

"Grrr," said Frodo.

The series continues next week in Lorien. MEHA officials are planning to make announcements to the crowd about proper behavior.

**Note: Due to family circumstances the Dom-Land Caribou updates will be a little...wonky. They may be early or more likely late, but probably no later than Mondays. Also, Bubbles will probably not be able to respond to email unless you have a specific question or correction. Sorry about that.

Hey, Caribou fans. Thanks for voting in the poll. Thanks to the 100% "yes" vote, there will be one more season of Dom-Land Caribou. Whee!

***It has come to our attention that some people have been listing the Dom-Land Caribou as their own personal websites. We would appreciate it if you didn't. Thank you.***

Playoff Primer

1) Each round is a seven-game series. Basically, two teams play each other until one team wins four games. That team wins the series.

2) There are no ties. If a match is tied at the end of three periods, the teams will play 20-minute overtimes until one of them wins or they both drop dead. In the case of dropping dead, all members of both teams have to be completely dead. The game will then be temporarily postponed.

3) The teams who have qualified for this year's playoffs are:
The Dom-Land Caribou
The Fighting Uruk-Hai
The Ithilien Rangers
The Eldar
Whoever wins the Caribou/Uruk-Hai series will go on to play the winner of the Rangers/Eldar series for The Precious.

4) Although there are traditions of throwing things onto the ice in the NHL during the playoffs, (i.e. the octopus in Detroit) the MEHA has strictly forbidden the throwing of cephalopods. This measure was taken to prevent the injury and/or death of anyone trying to capture The Watcher in the Water.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

Dom-Land Caribou Forum

Caribou Buttons and LiveJournal icons

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