Exeter College Darts

New

New can generally be relied upon to bring along a team of wankers and beat us by a small margin, but still finish below us in the league.

Matches

All our games finish 6-6, or 7-5 to them (this match report is an example). Our favourite was when we played like utter shite but still knocked them out of last year's beer leg in their own bar at the semi-final stage, due to their abject failure to double out. This was despite the unbelievably hostile atmosphere of four other college teams, plus New's mates, all yelling at us and explaining just how much they fucking hated us.

The other classic moment involving New was when, needing an unlikely 12-0 victory away at Keble to pip us for the Division One title, they went 10-0 up before amusingly blowing it to lose the last two legs just as our team descended on Keble bar. Hard cheese.

Players

Simon Pilsbury
Shit hot and fucking campbed. Both of these facts were demonstrated at last year's Varsity darts. Known at Exeter for "Pilsbury Darts" (41) or "mibruvver Pilsbury Darts" (45, of course).

Jon Rourke
Most people don't object too violently to Rourke, but I do. I just think he's a fucking c*nt.

Rob Lynch
Most people do object violently to Lynch, generally known as New's biggest wanker. Fortunately he isn't actually very good at darts.

Banter

Poor value, with only one song (and it's shit) - "New army, new army ..." Our responses frequently resolve around the incident when their graduate accommodation burnt down not long ago, as in (to the tune of 'English Country Garden') :

"How many lived and how many died, in the New College fire disaster?
Nobody died, I wish Rourke had been inside, in the New College fire disaster ..."

Or a slightly harsher one, in the form of a round to the tune of 'London's Burning' :

"New is burning, new is burning,
People dying, people dying,
Aaaah! aaaah! / Aaaah! aaaah!
Pour on petrol, pour on petrol ..." (repeat as necessary)

Then, of course, you can always wheel out, "Who the fucking, who the fucking, who the fucking hell are New?" as well as adapting all the usual standards.