Exeter College Darts

Queen's

Even Rob Eaglestone's LMH darts website describes Exeter/Queen's as the biggest rivalry in inter-college darts. We hate them and they hate us, but they always lose. We love playing them, partly because of this, and partly because they provide louder banter than any other opponent. Known for announcing in their home matches before each leg, "This is the 12th leg ... Queen's lead 3-8 ... Queen's to throw first ... game on-aah" when they are clearly losing heavily. But to be fair they still just beat us to the league title this year, so we can't brag about that much. And they are quite good.

Matches

Where to start? The last two seasons have brought us four league wins out of four : 8-4 (h), 8-4 (a), 7-5 (h), 9-3 (a) - click here for a match report on that last one. We also beat them in the final of the beer leg, rubbing salt in the gaping wounds by letting Savory hit double one to win it. None of their players actually remember winning against us, since our last loss against them was when we were in division 2 and playing their seconds.

Players

Alex 'Highlander' Jenkins
Actually not a bad bloke despite almost having a fight with Balo during our last match. Every time we play he has to put up with Savory reminding him about the number of times he beats him at number one, so might deserve some sympathy. But then, "there can be only one-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" as we frequently inform him.

Mat Baker
"Matty Baker, can he hit it? Matty Baker, no he can't." (Bob the Builder).

David Traynor
Scouse tosser who was voted the leading darts c*nt in the university, winning almost 95% of the votes. Has a vocabulary of four words : "I", "fucked", "your" and "mum", though recently he may have added "last night" to this list. Fortunately these words serve all of his conversational needs. It's lucky that he's not actually that good at darts and plays at 8, so we get some legs off him quite frequently.

Wombat
The only Queen's bloke we like. Sadly left. We think he supports us. Great value, loud voice.

Phil "the real Dick" Taylor
The Scottish, poor man's Phil Taylor has thankfully toned down his act a little recently, making him less likely to get into a fight with one of our players (generally Sultoon) but fortunately still relatively unlikely to win many legs.

Big Al
Shit darts.

Banter

Queen's bar is always our most intimidating away venue in banter terms, though this probably helps us raise our game. They've got a few fans, and the noise generally begins in leg 1. As Savory plays there, he is therefore informed that he has a "fucking monkey's head". This kind of thing will continue for twelve legs that are frequently interspersed with chants of "there's only one Queen's college." They should have learnt their lesson by now - the response is,

"There's only one Queen's College,
One Queen's College,
Except for the one
In Cambridge, the one
In Belfast and the one in Birmingham
There's only FOUR Queen's Colleges (that we know of)
FOUR Queen's Colleges" (etc.)

To salute their success, there's always (to "When The Saints ...")

"The college league
Is upside down
The college league is upside down
You're going down with the New
The college league is upside down"

Or I've updated this old favourite (to the Blackadder theme tune)
"And so to Baker and his team
The art of chanting they've not mastered
Their ban - ter's tedious and shit
I hear their captain is a bastard
Fuck off Queen's
Fuck off Queen's
You may be good at darts
Fuck off Queen's
Fuck off Queen's
You take it up the arse"

Unfortunately these songs are often wasted as Queen’s never let you finish them anyway …