Exeter College Darts

Oriel

Generally one of the more amiable colleges, but known as chumps rather than champs. Their tail starts at two, or in recent weeks at one as they have ceased bothering to play any matches at all under Allouni's somewhat erratic captaincy. Hence they have gone down to division two, as one of our songs had long predicted (see below).

Matches

Oriel have a habit of going well ahead against us and then somehow throwing it away, usually courtesy of Kader Allouni (read a classic example by clicking here). Last year's game was a prime example : they somehow went 4-0 up, we came back to 5-3, then Allouni and partner stepped up in the doubles and cracked under the usual banter (see below) to let us in for an eventual 7-5 win. There was a similar story this year : against Oriel you are never out of the match (if it takes place at all).

Players

Kader Allouni
Oriel's departing captain and Exeter's favourite figure of fun. Liable to crack if you wave your library card at him, particularly if you ask him whether it is his. Known for doubling in straight away, getting down to a double before the Exeter player is even in, and then missing it consistently for about 15 minutes before eventually losing the leg and being consoled with a loud "Hard cheese!" from Jimmy.

Steve West
Pretty damn good (won singles cuppers last year) but he still over-rates himself. Looks like Kevin Phillips. Known as "Wicked wicked wild" after Sultoon proved unable to call him anything else. The only Oriel player that is not part of their tail.

Dave "ya folla" Follows
The subject of lots of crap jokes from us based on “The Sting”. Simply not very good but still goes to varsity trials. Sing to him (to the REM tune 'Sweetness Follows') - "oh-oh, oh-oh, fuck off Follows".

Banter

Oriel have, to our knowledge, never raised their voices at a darts match. Let them know, to the tune of "A Finger of Fudge (is just enough)", that

"The Oriel team is coming and they'll buy us all a beer
The Oriel team is coming and they take it up the rear
Their scoreboard's always broken, so why the fuck's it here?
The Oriel team is going to play Division Two next year"

-a prophecy that has now come true. (Though I may have got some of the words of this one wrong.) I also like one that Jimmy came up with the other week, never as yet sung, to the tune of the Beatles' "Revolution" :

"You talk about rele - gation
Well you know
Oriel are in division 2
You say you want a celebration
But you know
That your darts are utter poo-ooo
You may hit the treble twenty-eee
But you know you'll never double out
Don't you know you could be here
All night ... All night ... "