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First Entry:June 1st 2000
Thank you again all you wonderful boys at GAY.com for another fabulous evening... You guys are really sweet. FunBoy I had a blast talkin to you, Z~Matador you hot stud you, Ozzie nice to see you again, Land Of Ozz sorry 'bout the mix up, Lathen sorry you had to go so soon, Hangin' Out you crack me up*we just have to meet up*, Gavin where were you tonight???*probably writin' in that journal of yours too :)*, and all the other fabulous people who swung in and out. Anyway, on with my incessent babble. Dawn's been playin' Final Fantasy 8 on Playstation all night, and I just got done in the chat room...since you all had to sleep or something, LOL. Sleep what a buzz kill. I suppose I will have to at some point but not yet. I at least wanna get this thing underway. My QUESTION of the evening or morning as the case may be is this. WHY in the hell do we feel the necessity to let society beat us down so bad that we are afraid to come out of the Damn CLOSET??? We are all so diverse and so beautiful. I hate it. I'll never go back there and no one can make me, and believe me ladies and gents I am coming for you next. If I have to drag you kickin and screamin I'll get you out here in the open. My girlfriend said a beautiful thing to me today. " I would rather die in the light, than live in the dark!!!" I agree with her whole heartedly. Some people seem to think that its harder for boys to come out than it is for girls. I wanna know how? I've been threatened before, my girlfriend has had a gun put to her head, I've been in my share of fights as well, but not only that. My relationship is trivialised by some men with "ohhhhh can i watch" or " I'd love to join you" or " You just haven't had the right MAN yet". Love the girlfriend for this she says to the last one " Well neither have YOU" I could just die laughin at their faces.Ooooo and do they get pissed. LMAO. Do people not consider how stupid they sound??? I mean I have alot of str8 friends and I don't see anything wrong with it. :) It just kills me. Ya know if I were a str8 guy with my girlfriend and some guy said he'd love to watch us I'd clock him. BAM, no second thought. Hell if he was even talkin a little tooooo nice to her, I'd still kill him. So why is it OK just cause I'm a woman??? Do you get it??? I'm lost. My point is this...Being GAY is hard, Being a Lesbian is hard, Being Bisexual is hard, Being Transgendered is hard, I suppose being str8 is hard, andYa know Being HUMAN is hard. It's all relative. Everyone thinks their story is the hard luck tale from HELL. I really can't compare to anyone else. I've heard some good stories, some bad stories, and some awfully indifferent tales too. But being human is just a hard job. If people could just learn to accept each other as human, maybe we'd get somewhere. Alot of my friends wrote in the Census under race, HUMAN.What is the point of classifying us if not to keep us apart and keep us DOWN. In this world there are so many things to worry about. Who I'm loving doesn't seem like it should be anybodys worry but mine, ya know? Who I choose to hold hands with, to eat with, to go out with, to talk to, to share with, to marry, and to have children with, is my RIGHT. As an AMERICAN CITIZEN!!! Isn't it? How did I get left out of the choice for FREEDOM? When was the decision made that said " Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" ohh but not the gay folks, not them they don't count. WHAT??? This is Completely and Totally UNACCEPTABLE to me. You know folks you can make all the excuses you want. I am not mad at you, but at society. If you stay in the closet things just are never going to change. Visibility and education is the KEY. Show your friends, your family, your job, you are the same out of the closet as in. What has changed? You haven't. You're still a good person. You still work hard. You're still a mother or father, a sister or brother, a son or daughter, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a neice or nephew, or a grandchild.. You still pay taxes, and you are certainly the same beautiful person you were before you said a thing. You didn't flirt wih your str8 friends before, did you? Why would you start now? Besides gay people are prettier anyway. LOL What makes str8 people think they were attractive to me in the first place. God!!! Anyway! OK the girlfriend says it's time for bed, and she's the BOSS. Love ya honey. So off we go. Besides, I wanna.....well....you know....hehehehehe. OK I'm outta here. Latar taters. See ya tomorrow. Peace, Love, and Hairgrease. Byyyyyeeeeeeee ;)
June 2nd, 2000
Some friends of mine decided to visit me today. Matt and Star I miss you guys, and wish you had more time to hang out. This is a fun story. We were remembering how I ended up here in lovable Springpatch. I'm not sure how it all happened. It happened so fast it was just like a flash, but I'll remember what I can. It was a brite shiny happy day down in Florida. I had just gotten done donating plasma and got a message from my X,.* This was prior to me coming out of the closet btw* to call him. We had just broke up a few weeks ago and he had gone back home to Reed Springs, MO. Anyway, so I call him back, and we discuss missing each other, I would come up there, he thinks I wouldn't. I tell him give me a few days and I'd see if I could find a way and I'd call him back. He says OK. We exchange "I love you" and goodbyes, and I'm off to find a ride. OK, several hours later, who decides to come visit me after taking off to God knows where with God knows who. She says, "Come outside, see my new car". Well new to her anyway LOL. So here she is my friend, with a car, and always up for a road trip *thinking* Hmmmmmmm. "Hey star, wanna go for another road trip?" She asks "Where?" I say "Springfield, well Reed Springs." She looks at me with this raised eyebrow look like I've lost my mind, sighs and rolls her eyes. "I just got back from there....*sigh*" "So lets go back" I'm laughin'. She looks at me again and tells me she will but she won't leave without Matt her boyfriend this time. This was the reason she came back to florida in the first place. I agree. We go tell him. I tell my friends, Dave and Josh, that I gotsta go. They think I'm nuts too *They didn't like Frank in the first place and thought I could have done better, and were glad he was gone in the first place*, but I said I wanted to anyway. They conceded. So we're off to pick up my things at my place and we're off. I left a note for my roomies, since they were asleep, and we were on our way. I had $5 to my name and I don't remember Matt or Star having any. It was a long trip. We had some great conversations, and we get into Tennessee. I go to call Frank, only to find out that he took off with his brother to Nebraska and they had no clue, if he was even planning on comin' back. F*cker!!! So I tell them I'm comin' up there anyway and we'll talk when I get there. Well now I'm pissed off but there is little I can do about it. It really didn't surprise me all that much ya know? Lyin' lil' sh*t. Anway on with the story. So with dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to Springpatch. God knows why? Took me three days at Bob's house before I asked where the bar was. This story is the one on the front page. Anyway, I couldn't find Frank so I was over it!!! His loss. Thanks to my beautiful Dawn for coming into my life at just the right time. I did end up meeting up with him many months down the line, but thats another tale for another day and another time. So thats it for now...gonna go out tonight I hope. Might write more later on tonight. So see ya later kiddies. MMMUUUAAAHHH. Love ya!!!
June 3rd, 2000
Well last night at Bar1 was a lot of fun. Gavin glad I got to meet you. Sorry we didn't get to talk much, but I don't think I could have heard you anyway.LOL The music was pumpin' and I found me some dance partners. It was great. KC you are a doll. Thanks for the great dances moves. Brent, thanks for takin' me up there. Lynn it was a pleasure meeting you and dancing with you too. Hey Charles, sorry I missed your call. Thought maybe you'd end up coming up there anyway. Jason, will surprises never cease. Tell your friends thanks for bringin you. It was so nice seeing so many people at Bar1 for once. Last few times I was there it was completely dead. Then around ! o'clock we decided to go to Marthas Vineyard. No cover at this point yeah. Marthas was still pretty full and KC was there too so I was happy to have my dance partner back. That lil bald girl was cute KC, hope you can hook up.Brianna Grant it was nice seeing you again. I know someone else who was happy to see you too. *wink wink* OK another shout out for the boys at GAY.com, okdirtdart,monkeydance,SKY *thanks for the wonderful pics and that halarious joke,,jamie00*you are too a cutey, don't argue with me!!! :)*,joplette*thanks for the compliment on my page, why don't you leave a message on my message board, teddibear*did you go to the bar last night? I looked but didn't see you : ( maybe next time, Zz19, ElChango, Mr Branson,ryfry*and where were you last night???didn't see you either*, Z~matador*nice to see you again, Hangin Out always a pleasure, Lathen and last but not least Gavin. Oh well maybe next time we can all wear GAY.com shirts LOL.Might be easier to find us all so we can PAARRRTTTEEE. I am just bushed today. No hangover though.HURRAY!!! Just tired. Thank you Dawn my love for having some food ready for me when I got home. You really are the bestoboth. I love you with all my heart for all eternity. Cuddling with you is the softest, warmest, most spiritual, earth moving thing in the whole wide world. You breathe new life into me everytime we kiss. I love you more and more everyday. I am so happy and lucky to have you. Thanks for everything last night my love. You're the best. OK enough of that...sorry got carried away like I always do when I think of her *SIGH*. Got my Playboy magazine today...finally. Love the Covergirl!Mmm Mmm Mmm.Well its a nice day so I'm gonna go for a walk. Until later on people...Sign my MESSAGE BOARD will ya. Thats what it's there for. So I know what you all think. I'd love to here from you all. If you want to be a little more personal then theres always email. Addys on the bottom of the page for ya. K? See you all later. Hugs and Kisses THE BITCH =) |
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OK, so I was feeling a bit of a scrapbook moment. Thats me on the left at like 19, and Dawn and I with some of the girls at the March in DC. There is apparently no indecent exposure laws in DC for breasts so all the girls could finally be cool just like all the boys on that hot spring day. My girlfreind and I decided to join them at one point, but not for long. hehehehe. No sunburned boobies for us ya know...LOL.Well OK thats it for now. Gonna see if you boys are in chat. mmmuuuaaahhh. Ezybug
June 4th, 2000
OMG!!!What a fabulous evening!!! Chapter65806 THANKS TONS!!!! for bringing me tonight. Thanks Michael also for joining us at the bar. See what you missed *Hangin Out*<-----for not coming to the bar tonight. =) Thank you so much all of you from GAY.com. Jayson, the first one of the evening that I saw. You are so wonderful. Thanks so much for introducing me to Seether and for trying to help me locate teddibear. Teddibear, you are a hotty, like I said at the bar "You NEED a new pic. Those ones you have don't do you justice you are way more fabulous in person." Ask SKY if he'd take some good ones for you. His work is really good. Trust me I looked. Thanks again for the pics of everyone SKY. Farmboy34 it was great meeting you tonight. Hope I get to see you again sometime. Chat or at the bar. Gavin it was great seeing you again and actually talking at least for a few. Glad I got to introduce you to a few of the others as well. Lathen maybe I'll get to see you next time. And of course HIP HOP. Hope it all works out with the little bitch troll spy who was bothering you honey. You are to sweet and I'm sure after 7 years your Honey knows that. I don't know his name so this is for him. " You got a good man hun, ya gotta cultivate the good ones. Hold on to him. The good ones are hard to find." *Kisses* I danced my ass off tonight boys. *PHEW* Hope your happy. =) I'll get skinny for sure tryin to keep up with all of you. Where do you boys get the energy??? and do they sell it in a bottle??? LMAO We certainly will have to do this more often. My legs hurt....*whining* Gonna sleep well tonight, thats for sure. Charles I am so glad you decided to go out tonight and so happy you took me. I had so much fun. You are the sweetest guy hun. *and a cutey too* WATCH OUT boys he's bulkin up =) Thanks again. What are you doing next weekend hun? That goes for the rest of you. Gonna be out next weekend too? Maybe we can get all of us there at Bar1 some night. What a party that would be. I hope I didn't leave anyone out. If I did I'm sorry. Memory lapse again. Let me know so I can fix it. OK thats it for now. Time for bed. Will write more probably tomorrow. After I clean this house.UGH
Until tonight my sweets. I gots nuttin' but loves fo yas Thanks Everyone!!!!Mmmuuuaaahhh...Angel
June 5th, 2000
For some reason I forgot what day it was yesterday. Anyway, I have found some new links to add while I was browsing the internet today and while reading The Advocate which we have just recently subscribed to. I am somewhat dismayed at the fact that it comes wrapped up like my Playboy. I know , I know, some of you don't want everyone to know your gay *shhhhhhhhh* WHATEVER *rolling eyes*. Does anyone really think they're fooling anyone. I've seen enough fags and dykes in my day to spot you across the room. *Siren sounds* The Gaydar never misses. =) OK so some of you are not as obvious as others, but still if we keep hiding from the fagbashers and the ones who hate us, they can continue with their thought of " Well you've been in the closet this long, why come out now, or ever for that matter?" Great. Yeah go ahead, stay in there, and drive yourself crazy by denying who you are. NOT!!! I won't anyway. I don't think it's right that a leading GLBT community magazine is condoning this crap. OK, I'll stop there. It just makes me MAD!!!! On to something a little lighter. Here are some of the new sites I found. The Action Coalition for Global Change, doesn't that sound wonderful. Global change is certainly what I'm fighting for =) I also found a page with complete information and lessons on treating HIV and AIDS, it's called AIDSMEDS I hope thathelps anyone out there with questions. I also found a few Gay friendly workplaces. One is Bell Atlantic, the other is Equil Motiva Equiva. I'm gonna check them out a bit more later. Tell me what you think, OK? Next is the Las Vegas Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Southern Nevada. I think I'm gonna try to find the GLBT centers for every state and put them all on a page. If it hasn't already been done. Next, "The Doctors are OUT and our visitors are celebrating" from an ad for Gay Health, I found in The Advocate. Also The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered living in the Northeast. Want some wonderful jewelry, try Jewelry by Ponce. They have some lovely stuff. How about a glass of wine? Mmmmm. I love wine. Hey not all dykes drink beer and wear flannel.*looking down at my flannel P.J. pants and the flannel shirt I just put on cause it was cold today* =) hehehe. Anyway on to more of my cool sites I found. Here is a wonderful homepage about Homosexuals, I found while browsing around. Here's another Beautiful site, a wonderful statement. I found this just before we left for the march in DC and it touched my soul. Inspiring indeed. Last but not least is the GRC, Gay Rights Club at Yahoo. Never even knew there was so much stuff to see out there, it's hard to keep up with it all. So there's a few new ones to look at =) eventually I'll put them in the proper places on my pages. OK shout out for today to the GAY.com boyz.=) First and foremost Jet35 since you were feeling so left out sweetie you can be first this time. Yes of course I'd do that for ya. SEE =).. SKY so happy to hear about your play comin up. I hope you have the opportunity to come out to Bar1 anyway Saturday night. I'm getting more excited about my Birthday everyday. Trying not to think of the getting old part. UGH!!! Hangin Out always great to see you. Thanks for introducing me to Bleh. Maybe next time we'll have the chance to chat a bit more, Bleh. Teddibear great to see you again. It is so nice to be able to see your faces while I'm chatting with you all now. Joplete thanks once again for the compliment about my page. You are a sweetie. Hip Hop where were you last nite? Well I had to take off somewhat early last night. Sorry guys, but the GF came home and I really wanted to spend some quality time with her. Decided to move around the furniture in our bedroom last night. Oh it looks soooooooooo much better now. I got my candles all set up all over the room now. I had no idea I had so many of them...lol. Well that's about all for today. I scanned some more pics from the march and am trying to organize the page little by little. There's just so much stuff on there. I think it's gonna take forever to load up ya know? If anyone has any suggestions on what I could do let me know. K gotta go and work on it. See ya loves. OH i forgot about GODLOVESFAGS. Have to add this one just to spite Fred Phelps ....hehehe. Hey Fred? Does God have a don't ask don't tell policy? .........Buhbye
June 6th, 2000 (changed the music on my page today)
Well last night was a nice quiet evening ....or so I thought. Apparantly my manager and 2 of my neighbors apartments got broke into last night. I thought I lived in a good neighborhood. Makes me worry now. Not that I have anything anyone would really want, but still the fact remains that they found a way in there. So who's next? Ya know? Well I am taking extra steps to insure that it doesn't happen to me thats for sure. So just a warning out there. Never trust anyone. Lock those doors up tight where ever you live. OK next I want to thank Gavin for putting such a sweet mention about me on his page. You are so awesome. I really hope we get to know each other better in the months to come. My "Hello's" to Tarzann, Joplete, Jurana, ckboy, ryfry, naughty, Hangin' Out, jamie00, bleh, The Dark, LandofOzz, Midwestboy25, Jerry, JONNY, Jet35, and so many many more. You all always make me feel welcome in there. I am sooooooo ready for this weekend. Saturday we are gonna go to Bar1 for drinks and to start the celebration of my Birthday at midnight. Sunday, Dawn said she'd take me to Silver Dollar City (I've never been there). Monday we are gonna go to my Mother-in-laws for cake. She is the best cook in town and boy can she bake. Mmm mmm mmm. I can't wait. She makes this chocolate frozen pie that is just soooooo rich and yummy. Gonna rent some movies tonight. Not sure what yet. Something good I'm sure. Video Update has 2 for 99 cents on Tuesday so I'm goin' fer sure. Gotta return Monty Python too. Rented Meaning of Life last Tuesday. I love that film. Tooooooo funny. OK, I'm rambling again. Not much else to say for now so maybe I'll write more later. Until then, Adios Amigos. Love ya! =)
June 7th, 2000
Well today is yet another boring day. Went shopping a bit today. Had to buy me a new game for the Playstation. I'm bored with the ones I have now. Decided on Worms. It's such a fun game.Dawn and I used to play it together when we started dating. GOD those were good days. I was so scared of her and what she made me feel. I'd never experienced what she gave to me. I really fought her tooth and nail. I was so used to being used I just became as cold as they treated me. I'm still not as open as I could be. It's so hard to let go and love someone to your full capacity ya know? Don't get me wrong I love my girl a really really lot. I just wish I could love her as much as I want tooo and as much as she deserves. Does that make sense? So we bought some CD's at Hastings today. Cyndi Lauper, Cranberries, and a Celtic one. Watched Hellraiser last night. I love that movie. Pinhead is so cool. Hee hee hee. I hadn't seen it in a very long time. Had my first Pineapple Whip today. YUM. It was pretty good. My friend Jason came over today. He is such a good guy. His girlfriend Rachel is a sweetie too and a cutey. You lucky dog, Jason. Hehehehehehe. Thanks for hangin with me for a little while. I hate sitting here all by myself. Wish I could drive. Then I could go out. Or I could come pick you up, Hangin Out, and we could do something together. I could come see that Antique Shop you keep talkin bout. Well what do you know. My X-husband is online. Good guy. Just wasn't for us. Dave thanks for being so supportive on my decision to be with Dawn. Hope your new lady is a keeper and you are happy. As always, My friend, *HUGS*. OK I'm off to gay.com to chat with you boys. Can't really think of anything to write. Truly a boring day today. So off I go. See you laterz or tomorrow. OH, Chapter65806 hope to see you Friday so you can help me with my webpage. Can't figure out whats wrong with either the HTML code or something else. It's just bizarre. It keeps realigning the whole page when I try to put it in. I really need frontpage. Soooooooon. K, bye. A
OK, I must add my hello's to all you guys. Noel nice meeting you sorry you had to go to work soooo early in the morn. LandOfOzz always nice to see you. StLouisGuy, hope you get to move here soon and meet all of these great guys here. Ozzie whats the story, no poetry tonight? Seether2k sorry Jayson didn't show up 'til after you left. Jayson shame on you for being late...LOL. WWDDD, love that name hun, nice to see you. Hangin Out hope to see you on Saturday. Coolguy4fun, it was nice to see a new face in there.Thanks for the nice chat. Little Diva, *bows* always a pleasue. JONNY didn't get to talk to you long at all this time. I didn't know you were with Midwestboy25 =) 1 year... congrats. Thats awesome. Last but not least, Maverick, great meeting you. I hope we can get together some time and swap tips for webpages. You seem like a bright fellow. Hope to meet you and your sweetie at Bar1 Saturday too. That goes for all of you. Hope to see you all. C ya! Angel |
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