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June 22nd, 2000
Well, I feel a little better today. Kinda disappointed about the concert but I still had a good day. Decided to try to get back into donating plasma again. Need the extra cash anyway. I was told I gotta come back in a few days cause I took a generic Darvocet about a week ago and they think my drug might come in dirty soooooo I have to wait. It's all good. I'll donate on Tuesday. I need to find some friends to go with so that I don't have to go by myself. I hate that. I mean I know alot of people there but it's still more fun with a friend. I don't get many people visiting me at home either. It gets kinda lonely. I'm really happy about meeting all the guys at gay.com. It's nice to have someone to hang out with. I'm going over to teddibears tomorrow to fix his hair. Anyway, not sure if I'm gonna go out this weekend. I might. Really broke this week though. We'll see. OK thats it for today. A
June 26th, 2000
I am sooooo excited. I met this girl at the club on my birthday with my friend Jason. Really sweet. Well, I saw her a few times after that. Once at the Bar and once at my house with Jason. Never really had much of a chance to talk though. Either the music was blaring or whatever. Well, I invited her over for crafting day Sat. She wrote me this lovely email back about what was going on and that she was very appreciative of my invite and so on. What a sweetie. Oh and you should see the elequent way she words her self. I was just in awe. Anyway, so I write her again and she writes me this time we exchange phone #'s. I called her up yesterday and invited he over. We sat here for a bit and then decided to go out for coffee and nibbles. We went to Ziggies. I swear I could talk to you all night Elissa. This had to be one of the most amazing conversationalists I have met in a very long time. I have been needing a female friend to hang out with for a while now sooooo of course I am thrilled to death. Guys you have to meet her. Anyway, we talked about all kinds of things. She really made me feel good. We exchanged back and forth flowing ever so smoothly as only a Gemini can from subject to subject into this ocean of topics and really only grazed the surface. There is just so much I want to listen to learn from her and hear about and share as well. I can'tremember a time I had such a great conversation with someone. My GOD I am just giddy. Hehehe. We think alot alike in some respects but so differently in others it's just tantillizing. I feel my self craving for more. Ya know. Elissa I really want to thank you for coming over. I am soooooo glad I met you and hope we become really great friends. You inspire me to think and to write. I kind of understand how Dawn feels at times when she and Melina write thier songs. You inspire me to create. Whatever it may be. I think I could really write those books with your help. I really do. I haven't felt this way in soooo long. School was always a fear for me as I have told you. Would you be willing to help me? You really are amazing. I can't pinpoint what it is. Maybe it's just the Gemini thing. Maybe it's more. You seem so focused in where you are going and I lack that focus. Perhaps you could teach that to me. I have been wandering aimlessly in search for something and I think with you as a friend I just might find it. I don't mean to overwhelm you. I just need someone like you that I can share my thoughts with and who will share theirs and we shall see what becomes of it. Great minds ya know? GOD there is just sooooo much stuff in my head right now I am having trouble keeping up on what I am writing. LOL I could just type and type at this point but I think I may be getting a bit repetative. I will stop for now. I have some running around and errands and such today, but I will continue with this soon. I hope we can get together again this week. Anyway TATA for now. Kiss Kiss A
June 30th, 2000
I could just scream and throw things today!!!!! This isn't fair!!!! My parents decided to tell me yesterday in an email that they would appreciate me using my yahoo email instead of me gay.com addy to write to my family in France. "We don't want to announce your orientation" WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?????#@#$%^&*(^$#%@ Ooooooooooo it makes me soooooo mad. Why now? Here I am 29 years old, I've been with Dawn for almost 3 years. If she was a man this wouldn't be a problem, or if I werea man for that matter and she was herself..LOL. Why is it OK for them to lie to the family about my "Orientation" for the last 3 years or more and not OK for me to be honest??? This has just completely blown my bubble. Here I thought I was one of the lucky ones, with wonderful, open-minded, accepting, and supportive parents. Whoa was I ever mislead. I feel ike my world just crashed down around me. My little fantasy world just EXPLODED in my face. God does that hurt. I don't have the slightest idea what to say or what to do. I have started by closing down my yahoo mail account. Thats a start I suppose. I truly understand why these teenagers kill themselves over this, ya know. I'm listening to Heart right now. Ever heard the song Will you be there? Its making me feel a little better I suppose. Why is it such an issue??? Who I love!!! Don't we have more important concerns to worry about with our children then their happiness. I'm sorry that I am not like them......NO I'M NOT...but I guess they are. I think I've done pretty well living my life the best I could. I'm not perfect and I've made my share of mistakes, as we all have. I have never been as well taken care of or as happy as I am right now with Dawn =) So why do they think there's something wrong with that??? This is the first time I've really had to deal with this so I am just completely confused, scared, sad, angry, OH just about everything is running through my head right now. My parents have been telling the family in France that I am still married to my husband, children, good job, the works. I guess they are embarrassed as to what I have become. Is what I am sooo wrong? Is loving my SOULMATE so wrong. Is happiness not something I deserve? Is my life something I should be ashamed of? I DON'T THINK SO!!!! I am not going to hide who I am anymore. It's not right. I won't do it!!! EVER!!! I need to thik some more. Thats it for now. This coming month of July should be very interesting. I'll keep you updated on the progress. Hope everything works out. Wish me luck!!! =( A |
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