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What makes Fred such a great playwright is his capacity to display the full range of emotions. An inevitable product of his extensive theatrical training. Here he displays grief...
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His life
It's only natural that you might want to know something about the individual who put this page together so it's only natual that one of the first links ought to be a to a history of the author page. Unfortunately in this case you've wasted your time. There is nothing to say about the author. Nothing has ever happened to him. If he went to school we have been unable to trace the fact. He achieved, presumably, nothing of distinction in the academic field. Nothing that we've been able to find out anyway. There is a rumour that he was outstanding at creche, but so far it remains only a rumour. When he left school, assuming he did in fact go to school in the first place, he slid into the workforce without a ripple, working with such a magnificent lack of distinction that we have been unable to trace exactly where it was he worked, what he did, or if in fact he actually did anything at all. He was not killed in Vietnam. The only positive fact we have been able to glean about the author is that the image of the author at the top left corner of this page is remarkably accurate. The small piggy eyes. The shock of absent hair. The unkempt beard with the remains of last weeks breakfast embedded. Surely these are the marks of the true artist. Unfortunately he aspires to be a writer not an artist.
As for his talent, if any, these pages will lay it bare. Browse and suffer as those of us in his family have had to do all these years. |
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His works
The writings of an author can amount to a substantial body of work. Taken together you might see in their collected works a substantial critique not just of the particular miliu in which the writer works, but a scalding commentarly on the whole progress of civilization itself. The body of work is a burnished mirror reflecting the world of the writer and bringing into sharper focus the very values we hold dear. Unfortunately looking into the somewhat tarnished and cracked mirror that is Fred's body of work is more likely to make you scream and beg for mercy than enlighten and instruct. The fact is that the body of work that constitutes Fred's literary output comes from such a demented source it is automatically suspect. His brain is believed to be recycled. Part of a transplant experiment that went horribly wrong. Fred works in a padded room in the family basement and the horrible cackles and sounds of self flagellation that can be heard wafting faintly through the sound-proofed door are evidence that Fred is working on another opus. The great pity is that so much labour has been expended for so little return. |
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His Impact on Philosophy
It's a little known fact that Fred, (or Fweddy Snookums as he is known in some circles) has almost single handedly overthrown some of the prime tenets of eastern philosophy. Temples in the highlands of Nepal have been wracked with philosophical upheaval; Venerable Gurus have had their faith shaken to the core and have been seen hanging out in seedy bars drinking Johnny Walker and gloomily predicting the immanent end of everything; The Dali Lama is believed to have considered renouncing his faith and joining a rock band. The cause is Fred's search for, and ultimate discovery of the solution to, one of the great philosophical questions posed by eastern philopsophy. "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"Fred knows. Fred can do it. Fred can clap just one hand Bump into Fred in the street and he will be more than happy to demonstrate. He's been doing it for years. When some dickhead gets up in a lecture and says pompously "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"Fred stands up towards to back of the hall (Third row from the back, sixth seat in from the left) and claps one hand. Clapping one hand is not, in fact, all that difficult. The novice, with a few seconds instruction can produce a faint flapping sound. Not perhaps much, but a good start. To achieve more requires some practice and to be perfectly honest most people don't seem to be prepared to make the effort. This is somewhat surprising considering the deep philosophical questions raised by Fred's single hand clapping. However Fred has put in the time and can produce substantial and sustained clapping with one hand. It is done as follows. The wrist is cocked back and held rigid. The fingers are left loose and limp and then the fingers are cracked against the heel of the hand in much the same way you would crack a whip. The result is a clap much like a standard clap except produced with one hand. This was only the beginning for Fred, of course. He went on to ask some more deep philosophical questions. "What is the sound of the other hand clapping?"Substantially the same as the first hand clapping, of course, but done left handedly. This produces a left handed sound, of course, not to be confused with right hand clapping. "If both hands are clapping single handedly is this the same as clapping with two hands?"To the novice it might seem so, but there is a substantial difference between clapping with two hands and two hands clapping seperately. For example the fervour with which each hand claps can be varied. Generally speaking when you get up in the theatre to clap the cast at the end of the show you adopt an attitude and go for it. A rave loud hands belting together clap, a sedate, polite that-was-OK,-but-it-didn't-really-move-me clap, or the lethargic slow yea-you've-done-your-job-now-get-off clap. With both hands doing their own thing clap-wise you have so many more options. We could be on the brink of a new era in critical appreciation with new nuances of audience responsiveness to the performing arts. Naturally Fred is seeking a grant from the Arts Department to further his work. Watch this space. |
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