It's been announced today the Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada will be cutting many Avengers books with the launching of "Ultimate Avengers" in August.

"The fact is, here at Marvel, we have too many books," Quesada said. "Frankly, it's kind of like Wrigley Gum. Avengers is like Juicy Fruit, Iron Man is like Doublemint, Thor is like Big Red, and so on and so forth. Basically, it's just too many choices for our new readers, so it's just best to cut them now before they get really confused."

Quesada also hinted at the slaughter of the Scarlett Witch when the mass exodus of mutants begins this July.

"She's a mutant," Quesada said. "We have way too many mutants anyway. And although she has a W in her name like Wolverine, it just isn't the same."

Slated to be cancelled are Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America.

"We don't really need those books, they're mostly just the solo adventures of the Avengers," Quesada said. "However, we are going to add a new Wonder Man miniseries, which should become an ongoing series. Also, Thor will be replaced with a Wolverine book."

For those wondering if Marvel is ever going to stop cancelling books the fans actually read, the answer appears to be no.

"Ultimate Spider-Man has become very redundant," Quesada hinted. "It's kind of like Ramen noodles. Ultimate is beef flavored, Amazing is chicken flavored. We don't need that kind of redundancy here at Marvel.

Also, we're replacing Alex Ross on Universe X with Simpson's artist Matt Groening, because people have heard of him. I mean, who is this Alex Ross guy anyway? Sounds like one of those leftovers from the Harras days. Gotta clean house with Clorox of that."

Joe Quesada also announced that Marvel will launch a Marvel Knights line starring the second most popular X-Man: Angel!

"People love Angel," Quesada said. "After all the Wolverine lovers, I get the most email from Angel lovers, not counting those Gambit people, because Gambit isn't a real character. Or Rogue, she doesn't count, either. Or Cyclops, Storm,
Jean Grey, Jubilee, Psylocke, Artie and Leech, Thunderbird III, Iceman, Caliban, Cable, Meltdown, M, Sunspot, Cannonball, Proudstar, Maggot, Dr. Reyes, Marrow, Forge, the Beast, Chamber, X-Man, Bishop, White Queen and Banshee - they don't count either. Angel is really popular. He deserves his own book."

Finally, more bad news for Chris Claremont. His new, untitled book has been yanked, before issue #1, and Claremont has been hired to be Quesada's cabana boy.

"Claremont was getting lots of complaints, so it was a matter of keeping those complaints down," Quesada said. "He's really good at handing out towels, and he makes a mean mai tai. I think fans are really going to notice the improvement."

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