New York - Sara Croft, sister of the ever-popular Lara Croft of "Tomb Raider" fame, has been traded to Marvel today in yet another stunning move by the Marvel top brass.

"We're bringing in these news things all for our new readers," Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada said. "When we start cranking out 'Sara Croft - Boob Raider' we're really gonna topple the industry.

Marvel ended up giving a box of Twinkies, three stale potato chips, a warm six-pack of non-alcoholic beer and the character Gambit to Top Cow to obtain the rights to Sara Croft.

The key man on the trade was Ultimate X-Men writer Mark Millar, who is slated to pencil the new Sara Croft series.

"It was a f---ing unbelievable trade," Millar exclaimed. "We cleared out space in the fridge and got rid of some third-rate character, and we got the chick with 36DD boobs that all guys wanna shag!"

"It was the lack of fan support for Gambit that led us to trade him," Quesada said. "Not once since I dropped his book has anyone made a plea for him. In fact, I went on that bulletin board, and all I saw was anti-Gambit stuff."

On an unrelated sidenote, Top Cow has made plans to re-issue the Gambit series to spearhead their new movement to get new female readers.

"What idiots!" was the response from Top Cow Managing Editor Ranae Geerlings.

"They just gave us one of their most popular characters AND some snacks for the storyline meeting."

In other Marvel news, Cabana Claremont was caught pouring gasoline in Joe Quesada's office. He was apprehended by state police, who claim he was "frothing at the mouth, muttering under his breath."

Apparently, the comic book legend was unhappy with having his book yanked, being made a cabana boy, being put on the Artie and Leech series and finally being made janitor at Marvel.

"Hey! Where's my mai tai?!?" was Quesada's response to inquiries.

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