Ace of Spades practice debate |
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Below is a transcript of a practice debate held by Ace of Spades. The moderator's comments are in blue, Of Spades' are in black. Disclaimer: The following comments may or may not have actually been made by Ace of Spades.
Alright, let us begin. First, Mr. Of Spades, I would like to ask you a question regarding the main differences between yourself and your opponent. Yes, of course. My opponent is such a bore. He keeps saying the same things over and over again. Why, just a few weeks ago, he was telling some other guy how he was never going to get elected. And then... get this one... he came out and told me I wasn't going to get elected. Gosh, he just says the same damn things over and over again, doesn't he? Why does anybody even pay attention to his crap? Mr. Of Spades, your opponent has made several blazing comments regarding your lack of experience in politics. How do you respond to these allegations? Well, let me tell you something about my opponent. I have studied his work record, and found that on two separate days, he has not done any work at all! This obviously shows that my opponent never does any work on any day, as any rational person would logically conclude. Out of curiousity, Mr. Of Spades, what two days of the week were those non-productive days on? Saturday and Sunday. See, not only did he not work for two days, he didn't work for two days IN A ROW! What do you think about that, huh? Well, your opponent has made great strides in progress toward better education for the mentally challenged. How would you continue... So what? That's all stuff from the past! I don't even need to pay attention to what he's done to know that I can do better! You seem to think that just because this guy's done some good work in the past, he'll do more good work in the present! Pardon me for being blunt, but what kind of idiot are you? So sorry, Mr. Of Spades. Next question. Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh has recently called some of your proposals for health care reform "ill-defined" and "preposterous." How do you respond to... Oh, so now the other guy's hired an actor to pretend to be a radio show host! Where does this guy come up with this stupid stuff? Sir, let me assure you that Mr. Limbaugh is not an actor. He's been a name in political commentary for... Yeah, right. All he's doing is ripping off that speech I gave two months ago where I hired an actor to play a radio commentator. I tell you what. The other guy's really beginning to bore me with this whole "Trying to win an election" story he's writing. Every speech, it's the same old thing. He's got all those actors playing reporters in those seats. And every time, they ask him all these questions about issues and other junk. Could this guy be any more tedious? Get a new style for your speeches, already, pal! Well, moving on. A lot of people are portraying you in the underdog position in this election. How do you respond to this? As you know, I've already decided that I'm going to win this election. ... ... ... ... ...and? What? I told you I'm going to win this election! That's all there is to it! But don't you have any response to your critics? Any attempt to justify your confidence in your victory? Oh, you don't fool me. No answer would be good enough for you, anyway. So I'm not even going to answer at all. So you have no response to those who criticize your success rate and lack of experience in politics? Hey, pal, I was President of my high school senior class! I'm sure you've heard of the BHS, and all the big names that came out of there like Billy Wistrap, or Roger Hartman. I beat guys like that with no problem, so why should this opponent be any trouble at all? I mean, all he has over me is much more experience and a better grasp of the issues. You're going to let something as meaningless as that determine who you believe is going to win this election? That's it. I give up! Hey, pal! I'm telling you to stay right where you are! That means you have to do it! [slamming door] Hey, no fair! I said you had to stay put, so you had to. Everything I say has to be right, dammit! Waaaaaaah!
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