Why the Ace of Spades? |
||
| Main Page
|
We would tell you about the past political history of Ace of Spades, but if we did, it would just blow every other candidate completely out of the water. Instead, we'll rattle off a bunch of names and letters to make him sound important. Names like Thomas Dewey. Adlai Stevenson. George McGovern. And surely you recognize organizations like the APAT. The AAE. The PST. The RMA. Don't worry if you don't recognize them all. They're all really important. In fact, if we were to tell you how important all those names and initials are... well, look out then, buddy! The past doesn't really matter that much anyway. An intelligent Of Spades supporter would tell you that everything you just read from this page ceased to matter before your brain even processed it. In fact, every single event in history up to this moment just completely lost all meaning. Why? Because Ace of Spades said so. And when Ace of Spades is elected into office, the first law that will be enacted is, "Anything that Ace says is fact, period." The other candidates have all hired a bunch of actors who are playing these cliched parts of "supporters" and "party members." But Ace mentioned these men, and how annoying the way they fake their support for their candidate, and just yesterday, none of them were ever on camera. So, obviously, the other candidates are already groveling at his feet, since nothing of this sort would happen unless Ace thought of it, first. What makes Ace the best choice for president? All the other guys are just repeating themselves over and over again when they call him a "amateur," and "a man completely unqualified for the job." They keep repeating this incessantly, only making slight changes like word choice, order of sentences, location, vocal pitch, time of day, and intent. All Ace of Spades supporters are well aware of the basic rule, "If somebody repeats something, it thereby becomes meaningless." We spend hours combing through every second of our opponent's speeches, trying to find the one moment when they slip up and make the same point twice. One particular candidate called his opponent, "the worst possible choice on election day." Only a few elections later, he went on to call his opponent, "probably the worst man you could possibly elect." Notice the repetition of the word "worst." He even thought he could get away with changing the form of the word "elect," but we caught him on it! Needless to say, this man's integrity and reputation for results mean nothing now in the light of this evidence! Ha! What else qualifies Ace of Spades for his role as leader of the free world? Look, he's already said he's going to win the election. Just take him at his word, already! If you don't, he'll make sure to tell you again that he will be the victor in 2004, and he'll just say it again and again until you finally believe him!
|
|
