Hello, my name is (witheld). I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 Billion bloody chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year- old girl in America with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid do we look? "Ooooh, look here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!" What a load of crap. Basically, this message is a big STUFF YOU to all who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will sneak into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Paul in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget sailors on the Endeavor. Stuff them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a cent from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't bloody care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to society, sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email. Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and consume your genitals.