April 6, 2001
Today we entered the Smokies. Shuckstack Climb, the first five miles of ascension in to the Smokies, is supposed to be the hardest climb until Katahdin. Even with my bum heel, it didn't feel too bad. Tonight we're staying a Mollies Ridge Shelter. Bunked platforms sleep 14 people behind a chain link fence to keep the bears out and the people in.
The Smokies are supposed to have the largest concentration of black bears in the U.S., with one bear for every 2 square miles. All of the experienced hikers say that we won't see one though. The Shenandoahs of VA and Harris Park in NJ are supposed to be the prime sighting areas. There may be fewer bears there, but they're closer to civilization—probably because Tourons feed them. (tourist + moron = touron)
My heel is perplexing. No visible blisters but still my entire heel hurts. It's the same foot I kept hurting last fall. I think that I have an emotional right foot. It's telling me to slow down or spend more time alone.
Redneck and I were talking about why we were out here. Eventually, he asked me to put it in a phrase. I told him I was here to adjust to life without Mom as my foundation of support. I told him I was trying to transition to be my own pillar of internal support. He talked to me about his belief in God. "Now there's a foundation you can build your life on."
I almost started crying. I felt like a small child following this bearded young man with the forest donning a North Face cap. His words felt true. They were so simple that I wanted to believe them. But instead I played Devil's Advocate, quizzing him on where and why his beliefs come from.
Everyone told me how cold, nasty, and unpredictable the Smokies would be. The still could be. But today has been the warmest day in a long time. I'm sitting across the pasture from everyone else watching the sunset with bare feet.
Fontana Dam is the southern entrance to the Smokies. The AT actually crosses Fontana Dam. That's the most concrete I've seen in a long time. It's as immense as Lake Fontana is beautiful. Man is amazing. Man is scary.
I'm tired of thinking about cancer. I'm tired of thinking about home. Tired of thinking about my Mom's upcoming birthday. I only want to exist. I guess that's better than not wanting to exist.
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