HomeInfo PagesAbout UsenetRogues Gallery

"Now go do that do do that you do so well ..."

with apologies to Mel Brooks!

The Poopie List

Posted by Many, Claimed by No One!

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you fell the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toliet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toliet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've realized IT still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants to your knees, then you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is SO huge that you're afraid to flush without breaking the poopie into pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSEY POOPIE: It's so noisy that everyone within a five mile radius is laughing.

DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie that you have after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid mark on the bottom of the toilet bowl.

CORN POOPIE: (self-explanitory)

GEE-I-WISH-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts SO badly coming out that you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out SO fast your butt is splashed with water.

SQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid squirts out and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

HOMELESS POOPIE: It smells SO bad your nose burns.

SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not at the toilet because you're sure you're about to fart...oopps! A poopie.

DANGLING POOPIE: The poopie won't fall in the toilet after your done poopie-ing it. You just sit there and pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

If this isn't the perfect example of life with Inflammatory Bowel Disease, I don't know what is!

Conventional Wisdom Teaches Us: If the outhouse is a two-seater, you got to learn to be sociable!

20 Things To Do in the Bathroom Stall

Submitted at various times by Mark and also Jane Dozier

• 1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a high lighter?"

• 2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

• 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

• 4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

• 5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

• 6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

• 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh. Eight to 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

• 8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

• 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

• 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

• 11. Say," Interesting ... more sinkers than floaters"

• 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

• 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!

• 14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

• 15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

• 16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

• 17. Before you unroll toilet paper, consciously lay down your "Cross-dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

• 18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

• 19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

• 20. Bring a chocolate bar into the stall with you. Smear chocolate on your hand and reach under to the next stall asking, "Do you have any toilet paper?!"

Hey, If you're gonna be a while, might as well get comfy! But watch out for those paper cuts! Ye-ouch!

The Funny Pages Main Page
The Joys of IBD IBD & Working
An Ode(or) to Flatulence Assorted Funnies
The Holiday Pages

The Latest Addition:

The Lighter Side of Medical Treatment

This Page © 2000-2002 Another Vulgar Web Page, Vulgar Brothers Incapacitated
Note that some graphics here came from ComicChild.com