5 am friday morning thursday night far from sleep i'm still up and driving can't go home obviously so i just change direction cause they'll soon know where i live and i wanna live got a full tank and some chips it was me and a gun and a man on my back and i sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants you can laugh it's kinda funny the things you think at times like these like i haven't seen barbados so i must get out of this me and a gun and a man on my back but i haven't seen barbados so i must get out of this yes i wore a slinky red thing does that mean i should spread for you your friends your father mr. ed and i know what this means me and jesus a few years back used to hang and he said "it's your choice babe, just remember i don't think you'll be back in three days time so you choose well" tell me what's right is my right to be on my stomach in fred's seville and do you know carolina where the biscuits are soft and sweet these things go through your head when there's a man on your back and you're pushed flat on you stomach it's not a classic cadillac...
Me and a Gun, Tori Amos
Crucify Myself
My Story
Little Earthquakes
What To Do If You Are Raped
Screams in Cathedrals
The Myths...The Facts
Precious Things
If Someone You Love is Raped
Winter
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Spring Haze
The Drug Rohypnol and Rape
Make the Sky Fall
Some Quotes
Happy Phantom
Connecting with Other Survivors
Cloud On My Tongue
Book Suggestions
Tear in My Hand
Some Links
Jackie's Strength
Online Resources
Dancing in Graveyards
Lyrics to Tori's Music
Silent All These Years
Speaking About Rape
Pretty Good Year
Awards
"Me and A Gun is NOT about HIM. It's more about me forgiving myself. I made a commitment not to be a victim again, by writing and by singing as often as I can Me and A Gun. It's like I refuse now to be a victim of my own guilt." - Tori Amos
Hi, my name is Laura and this is my web site.
What started off as a little project has turned into so much more...the name of this site, 'I Sang Holy Holy,' is a verse from a song by Tori Amos called 'Me and A Gun.'
Through Tori's music so many survivors of rape, like myself, have found their way towards healing. I created this site so that other survivors would find some comfort in just realizing that you are not alone.
Whether you are a survivor yourself, taking a step in your own journey towards healing, or if you have a loved one that has been devastated by sexual assault, you are welcome here. I invite you to explore with me the thoughts shared on this page. I'm working on collecting survivor stories, poems, and more to add to this site soon. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me.
Together in the journey......
Some reflections from Tori about the song, 'Me and A Gun'
"I was kidnapped and sexually violated. You feel like your boundaries have been crossed to such an extent that there is no law anymore, that there is no God. You feel like the Mother in you will do anything to protect the child in you from being shredded before your very eyes. You're thinking 'I gotta get out alive, I gotta get out alive.' With Me and A Gun, I hope that attackers as well as victims are listening. As well as judges, as well as lawyers. I want you to taste in the back of your mouth what it was like to be in the car with that pervert." - Tori Amos
"The rapist knows Me and A Gun. The boyfriend of the girl who was raped knows Me and A Gun, because he's had to live through it in a different way. The parents of the girl...we could go on and on." - Tori Amos
"I survived this torture which left me paralyzed for years. That's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violence through sex. I really do feel as though I was psychologically mutilated that night and now I'm trying to put the pieces back together again. Through love, not hatred. And through my music. My strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, I kept alive my vulnerability." - Tori Amos
Would ALL men, under the right circumstances, rape?
Should young boys be given formal training when getting
their drivers licenses to resist their "natural" urge to rape?
Should we teach young girls that rape is all about sex, and that
they can prevent their own rape just by dressing differently?
One book would have you think so....
click here to read about the controversial new book!
Are You a Rape Survivor?
Please consider filling out our Survivor Survey by clicking here.
The results of the survey will be used in a book refuting the claims of the book
'A Natural History of Rape' by Randy Thornhill and Craig Palmer...
ensuring that the biological defense does not become an excuse for
rape in the criminal justice system and that victims are not blamed for
their rapes on the basis of what they were wearing.
The success of this project depends on the willingness of survivors to speak out.
If you know a rape survivor who may be interested in participating, please let
them know about the survey as well. It is completely confidential. Thank you!!!
Do you have a poem or personal story you would like to share?
Email me or sign the Guest Book and I'll include it on my site!
Let's link sites!!
Here are some banners!
Are We Both On-Line At the Same Time?
If the graphic below says "Click for Live Help," then I'm on-line!
Feel free to send me an instant message by clicking on the graphic below.
Special Thanks to...
Shannon, who created Welcome to Barbados, the inspiration for my site.
Lis, of Escaping Hades, her courage is inspiring and her friendship is a blessing.
The Ripple Back to Me and Over The Bridge mailing lists for all their support.
My close friend
Liz, for making many of the fabulous banners on this site.
My husband, for his patience when I stay up all night obsessing about the site.
fabulous people have stopped by
Disclaimer: I am a fellow rape survivor, and although I have been trained as a counselor for sexual assault and battered women, I am by no means a mental health professional. Please use this site as a resource to provide information, advice and support, but if you are in a crisis situation, please call 911 or contact a friend you trust. To find a therapist, call RAINN at (800) 656 - HOPE and they can connect you with your local rape crisis center.