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First of all, I don't want to be doing this. I don't like asking for help, and especially don't like asking for money. I even had trouble selling things for school fundraisers...
I also know there are a lot of options....I've used many of them up by now. Bad credit -- really bad credit -- is limiting. Tired of borrowing from Peter to pay back Paul, so I can borrow some more to pay back Bob. People are as tired of me asking as I am. Tried selling things, don't own anything anybody seems to want, and the topic of selling certain things causes too much stress in this house so it's off-limits for now.
And blah blah blah. It took a lot for me to reach this point, and I have to tell myself a bit too often that The Universe isn't "out to get me." Usually I can convince myself.
Enough babble, here's the scoop!:
- Sat. April 10, 2004:
- rent's paid for this month (*blessing), but about $220 late fees are due and the landlord's losing her patience.
- the electric bill is seriously past due, right now it's about $375, around $450 total. I make too much to qualify for LEAP, and I've used up payment plan options; disconnetion can happen within a couple weeks. Why so much? A $400 balance carry-over appeared last October, they couldn't explain it and wouldn't remove it without "research fees," and as long as it was unpaid my service was at risk for disconnection. </screwed>
- the phone bill's not late yet, but close enough. And Qwest is still Qwest, nicer except when money's involved, and eager to send out disconnect notices and charge reconnect fees (have one of each for this year already).
- banking at Wells Fargo has been a bad experience for me. Their $1.62 billion profit status is due to policies and procedures that are not in the customers' best interest, and I've contributed several thousand to that. I got a keychain as thanks. $1.62 billion. That's just obscene.
- and yet I work there -- can't leave, A) it's a job, and B) the pay's good for now. That'll be changing later this year when our department changes. So I have a job, but the night hours and fact that I touch checks (lots of businesses either bank there or bank somewhere that's bought out by WF) make looking for a second job more difficult.
- Direct Deposit Advances result in a vicious cycle, and payday loans are like adding rocks to my pockets. Big rocks. I've been stuck in this cycle for a couple years now, and I'm dizzy. I wanna get off, I think I'm gonna yarf 8-X
- let's see....what else....one reason why I never speak or smile anymore is my rotting teeth. A trip to the dentist is a ways down the road though; I've always had bad teeth, and no amount of brushing or flossing has ever helped. This doesn't help what's left of my self-esteem, which affects the job hunts and socializing (both of which I desperately need). The cat needs to go to the vet, poor thing's constipated and it seems to be due to a serious physical problem that simple wet food won't fix.
- and finally, I'm still living with my ex and need to pay for a lot of stuff with that too...and once the bills are caught up and I'm getting my entire paycheck again, I can focus on that. Trying to do everything all at once is getting me dangerously close to another heart attack. It'd be the second one for me, and I'm now in my mid-30's.
And that's the gyst of things, but only the bare basics. A few years ago some bad decisions and wrong choices were made, and now things have spiralled far beyond "out of control." All I'm trying to do is avoid being homeless and committing crimes to survive; if someone can donate a few bucks to help prevent either, it'd be very much appreciated :)
If you feel like offering any amount at all, a few cents or a few dollars, even some useful advice or friendly words in the guestbook, thank you
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