Issue 10
Part Two of 'Brotherly Love'

Kane could hear voices, but they were distant, and faded in and out. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt glued shut.

“What the hell did you do to the car?”

“Nothing, one minute it was going fine, and the next it just stopped.”

“I told Kuffs he should have let me drive. You over-revved the engine.”

“I didn’t.”

Kane tried to move, and slipped back into unconsciousness.

Waking up, he heard more voices. Not moving, he tried to open his eyes while he listened.

“Got a bit o’ car trouble, lads?”

“Who are you?”

“Just someone passin’ by. Thought I could lend an ‘and.”

“Well, get on your way. We don’t need any help.”

“Bet you I can fix it in under a minute.”

Silence. Kane opened his eyes, only to meet blackness. Talk about an anti-climax.

“How much do you want to bet?”

“Fifty quid.”

“Fifty quid! This is Premise City, we don’t deal in Pommy currency.”

“I mean fifty dollars, you prig. Now ‘ave we got a deal or what?”

“All right. You got one minute. Starting now.”

Kane heard a bonnet raise and some noises. Feeling around with his hands, he guessed he had been locked in the boot of a car.

He heard the sound of footsteps, then a car door opening. A moment later, he heard the car turn over and start up.

“There ya go, now where’s me fifty quid?”

“How did you know what to fix?”

“Because I pulled it out before you guys left the parking lot.”

Kane heard scuffling, followed by two thumps and then two heavier thumps. Footsteps walked around to the rear of the car and he heard car keys moving in the boot lock.

Opening the boot, Junkie Jake smiled down at Inadequate Man, eyebrow rings glinting in the street light.

“Aren’t ya glad to see me,” he said, grinning.

Jake helped Kane out of the boot, steadying him while Kane regained his balance.

Pulling out his switchblade, Jake cut the ropes that were binding Kane’s wrists and ankles.

“Thanks Jake, I owe you one.”

“That’s all right, this one’s on the ‘ouse.”

Jake walked over to where two bodies lay unconscious on the road. Reaching into the jacket pocket of the taller one, he took out the wallet and removed a fifty dollar note.

Stashing it in one of his leather jacket’s pockets, he grinned.

“Actually, it’s not on the ‘ouse. It’s on ‘im. But a bet’s a bet.”

Kane looked into the car, spotting a car phone. Checking the street signs, he called the police to come pick up the two henchmen.

“Thanks again, Jake. How did you know what was going on?”

“Well, it ain’t that common for some poof in a Scottish dress to get out of a limo and walk into a restaurant with six guys following him with gas masks. So I put two and two together. The driver stayed with the limo, so I couldn’t do anything to that car, but when I saw them dump you in the boot, I just followed behind until they broke down.”

“Thanks, Jake. You saved my neck.”

“And now you gotta save Drew’s neck.”

Kane’s eyes bulged. He had forgotten that Drew had been taken captive.

“We need to find them. Drew was about to tell me where his hideout is, but then Fagghus came. She said…his hide out is at…argh! I can’t remember. Jake, we have to find his lair. Where is the most common place in Premise City to find gay men?”

“The Catholic church?”

“Ok then, where’s the second most common place?”

“The Anglican church?”

“All right, excluding all religions…and political parties…where is the most common place to find gay men?”

Jake rubbed his chin in thought.

“I’ve got it! The Blue Oyster Bar! It’s near the docks!”

“Right, then that’s where I’m going. Tell the police to get there in about twenty minutes.”

Kane left Jake to wait for the police and flew into the air, heading towards the other side of the city where the docks were.

Landing in an alley near the docks, Kane realised that he wasn’t wearing his costume, only his mask. In this suit, he’d have almost no protection if they attacked him.

‘Well I don’t have time to change, so I guess this will have to do,’ he thought to himself as he made his way out of the alley.

Two blocks over, he found the Blue Oyster Bar. It was a simple brick building with a small neon sign above a single metal door. Staying in the shadows across the street, he saw a limousine pull up outside; men rushing out of the bar to surround the car with machine guns.

Backing further into the shadows, he watched as Fagghus got out, pulling a lollipop out of his mouth as he gave orders to his men.

Behind him, a thug reached into the limousine and pulled a still-unconscious Drew Mate from the car, pulling her over his shoulder.

Without thinking, Inadequate Man leapt straight into the air, heading back into the alley before rising above the buildings and heading back towards the bar. Flying across the street, at the last minute he banked, dropping straight down above the thug carrying Drew.

Striking out with his fist, he knocked the thug backwards, his other hand scooping up Drew Mate. Touching down with his feet, he pushed off again, straight into the air.

The others surrounding the car spun to see Inadequate Man streak back into the air.

“Shoot him! He’s getting away!”

Fagghus pointed in his direction as his henchmen opened fire. Bullets flew around Inadequate Man as he jigged left and right, trying to stop them from getting an aim. He clutched Drew to his chest, shielding her with his body.

A bullet tore through the suit, entering his body at the top of his shoulder before exiting out the other side.

Screaming in pain, he accidentally let go of Drew.

‘Shit!’ He spun in the air and dove towards the ground, pushing himself as hard as he could. Just metres above the ground, Kane reached Drew and swept her back into his arms, grunting as it put strain on his shoulder.

“There they are! Shoot them, darling. Shoot them!”

Dropping Drew had put them both within sight of Fagghus’s henchmen and, cursing, Inadequate Man leapt off again. Bullets started flying around them once more and Inadequate Man changed direction.

Inadequate Man spun as they crashed through the window of a nearby abandoned building. Glass cut into his back and he grunted as he crashed to the floor, the rotted wood collapsing, sending them to the floor below.

Drew Mate moaned, moving her head to a more comfortable position against his chest.

Outside, he heard more guns firing and the floor above them was peppered with bullets. Leaving Drew on the ground, he crawled over to the window.

Fagghus was hiding behind the limousine as the henchmen reloaded their weapons.

“You two darlings. Go and see if they are dead. The others, come inside. We’re going to have to find a new hideout. And I had just finished redecorating!”

Fagghus stamped his feet, pouting, before heading inside. Two henchmen broke off from the group, heading towards the building.

Inadequate Man left Drew Mate lying on the floor and flew up to the next level, looking for a window that wasn’t facing the bar. Spotting one, he eased it open and slipped out, flying up to the roof and waiting for the two henchmen to enter the building.

Dropping down, he quietly opened the door and followed them in. In the darkness, he could just make out their shapes as they moved towards the stairs. Tensing, he rushed forward, swinging both his fists into the back of the first thug.

As the henchman crumpled to the ground, the second spun and opened up with his gun. Inadequate Man leapt into the air and flipped over the thug’s head, landing behind him.

Before the henachman could turn, Inadequate Man swung, knocking him unconscious. Quickly tying both of them up, he moved back to the front door, and made his way towards the Blue Oyster Bar.

Sneaking around to the back, he heard Fagghus’ voice coming from the back entrance. Waiting, Inadequate Man listened as Fagghus talked to what Kane guessed was one of his prostitutes.

“Now, sweetie, don’t tell me this is all you earned tonight. Everyone knows that Macy is the girl to do if you want to have a little fun.”

“I’m sorry, Fagghus. But it’s been a slow night.”

“Well, maybe. But don’t think I’m gonna let this slide. Now scram, darling. I have some packing to do.”

He heard footsteps as Macy walked away and the finally sound of the rear door closing. Creeping up, Inadequate Man caught the door before it clicked shut and locked him out.

Entering the rear of the bar, he closed the door quietly behind him and waited for his eyes to adjust to the gloom. He seemed to be in a storeroom; cases of Cascade and Boag’s stacked up along the walls. Moving towards the next door, he opened it a crack and peaked inside.

Fagghus was sitting over at the bar, drinking a Shirley Temple through a bendy straw. Henchmen were quickly working to pack money and drugs into boxes, ready to be moved to wherever Fagghus decided to move to.

Kane knew this was his best chance of stopping Fagghus; before he was able to properly set up his operation. Waiting until he was sure that no one was looking, Kane slipped out of the storeroom and moved to hide behind some spare tables and chairs.

As one of the henchmen walked past with a box, Inadequate Man leapt up from where he was hiding and kicked it out of the thug’s hands. The cardboard tore open, and money and drugs spilled out across the floor.

“There’s enough evidence here to put you away for life, Fagghus. Get ready to join your brother.” Inadequate Man stated, staring at Fagghus.

Fagghus put his drink down and smiled.

“Jail wouldn’t be so bad. I love playing the bitch. But I don’t think I want to spend anytime with my brother. Boonditch was always too Scottish for me. That and he can’t stand homosexuals.

“But I don’t think you’re in the position to be threatening me, Inadequate Man. You see, I have all these big hunks of man meat to protect me. And you, well, you’ve got no-one darling.”

Fagghus giggled as his henchmen formed a circle around Inadequate Man and moved in. Kuffs stood at the front, smiling and cracking his knuckles.

“It’s time for payback, Inadequate Man.”

Kane swallowed, wishing again that he was wearing his latex suit. With that on, he would not have to worry about getting injured, and this would be over in a few moments. But without it, he was unprotected, and everyone knows that there is nothing worse than not having any protection at the crucial moment.

“Now Fagghus, I expected more from you. I thought an artist like you would have henchmen that did more than just beat people up. I mean, at the least, I thought that they would dance while they did it,” Kane said.

“Oh, they can dance, honey. They’re absolutely fabulous dancers. Boys! Do the Can-Can!”

Cursing, the men quickly made their way onto the little stage in the corner of the bar. Linking arms, Fagghus turned on a stereo and they started dancing in line.

Rushing forward, Inadequate Man drove his fist into one of the stage’s supports. Before they could react, the stage collapsed, pulling a part of the bar’s roof down on top of them. Kuffs grabbed a henchman to shield him from the damage and then got up.

Stumbling, Kuffs pulled out his revolver and aimed at Inadequate Man, firing at an empty space. Inadequate Man appeared beside him, pulling the gun from his hand and throwing him across the room, sending him crashing into the bar and landing at Fagghus’ feet.

Outside, sirens could be heard in the distance, coming closer.

Kane smiled.

“It’s all over Fagghus.”

Fagghus threw his drink.

“You may take our lives, but you’ll never take our freedom!…furniture. Don’t you just love this matching turquoise sofa and duvet. It has a foldout, wanna try it big boy?”

“What? Shut up, Fagghus.”

“Oh please, darling. Think outside the square you live in.”

Fagghus leapt over the bar and grabbed a shotgun from under the counter. Raising it, he fired as Inadequate Man leapt out of the way.

As Fagghus chambered another round, he stared at the shotgun.

“Ooh, I love a pump action!”

He aimed again and Inadequate Man dived out of the way as a table was blown apart. Springing up from his roll, he leapt over the counter and pulled the shotgun away from Fagghus.

“Give it up, Fagghus. You don’t stand a chance!”

“Alright, alright! Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Ooh…mental image of you in panties…blue ones…lacy ones…yummy.”

Kane punched him, shutting him up. Shuddering, he looked up as the police entered the bar.

The Commissioner rushed in, and seeing Kane, relaxed.

“Hi Commissioner. There’s another two thugs across the street, and Drew Mate is there too.”

The Commissioner sent two police officers to arrest them as the others quickly started hauling the other henchmen out of the wrecked stage.

“So, Inadequate Man, this is the notorious Fagghus. Nothing worse than a man in a dress with a gun. Thank goodness you put a stop to him.”

Fagghus sneered at the Commissioner, but the Commissioner ignored him.

“Boys, put this man in cuffs.”

“Oh, darling. Been there, done that.”

Kane and the Commissioner stared at each other in confusion. Noticing, Fagghus giggled.

“Oh…you meant handcuffs. Oops.”

On the floor, Kuffs moaned.

Shuddering again, Kane left the police to finish up inside, walking outside at the same time Drew was emerging from the other building.

“Drew…I…I’m sorry this didn’t turn out.”

“What do you mean it didn’t turn out. You caught Fagghus and kept organised crime in disarray. I would say that it worked out perfectly.”

“That…well yes…that worked out fine. I meant…the date…I mean dinner. Maybe…maybe you would like to try it again sometime?”

Drew smiled, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

“That would be nice,” she said.

Smiling, Drew turned to walk away, getting a lift with the police. Before she left, she turned around.

“But next time, wear a black suit. Chatruesse is a classy restaurant.”

She closed the door and the police car drove off. Smiling, Kane thought how Gerbil is going to rub that in when he told him later.

Reaching into his jacket pocket, wincing as his shoulder stung, he dialled the number for home.

“Martha? Yes, I’ll be home in a while. The man I was talking to today, Mr Jameson, when did he want us there…ok then. Could you make a booking at the airline…three tickets. Thanks Martha.”

Hanging up the phone, Kane watched as Fagghus was taken away. Touching his cheek where Drew had kissed him, he leapt into the air, heading for home.

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