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Inadequate Man: Defender of Premise City

Issue 12
Part Two of 'Hostile Intentions'

Previously…while on a business trip to Paris, Kane and Gerbil try to prevent a hostile takeover by Luis Bricante, and lost. Now they have just six hours to find out what is going on, or else Mr Jameson is going lose everything he worked for.

“Martha is Bricante’s spy!”

Gerbil startled Kane as he hopped up, excited.

“What?”

“It all makes sense now, sir,” Gerbil said, excitedly. “Mr Bricante knew everything that we were going to say, before we even said it. How would he know that unless he has been spying on us? Martha has had access to all of the Jameson files, as well as being in the room when we discussed our strategy. So it has to be her! Martha is spying on us for Mr. Bricante!”

“Gerbil! Please! In six hours, Mr Jameson will lose his company because we screwed up. This is NOT the time to start on your ‘I hate Martha campaign’. If you keep this up, I might just leave you here in Paris!”

Gerbil sat down in his chair, silenced. Kane shook his head, downing the rest of his coffee.

“Now, we have to work out why Bricante wants Jameson’s business, and we have to work it out now. I’m going to fly over to Bricante’s factory and take a look around.”

Leaving Gerbil in the dining room to start researching any possible connection between the two businesses, Kane went into his room and retrieved his suitcase. Reaching beneath the lining, he removed the false bottom and took out his Inadequate Man costume.

‘Boy, that fake bottom was hard to explain that time we had business in Bangkok. Trafficking latex suits indeed! At least they offered to put us up at the Hilton while they sorted it out,’ he thought as he changed.

Kane went to the balcony and checked that no one was looking. He opened the balcony door and leapt into the air, soaring above the streets of Paris.

Bricante’s factory was located about twenty kilometres north of Paris and Kane headed that way, flying through clouds as much as possible. Dropping out of the clouds, Kane spotted the factory below him.

Flying lower, he saw men with machine guns patrolling the outer walls of the factory. Waiting until the guard in the south-west corner turned, Inadequate Man dropped down into the factory, diving behind some crates and waiting for the second guard to walk past.

Looking at himself, he realised red and blue latex really stood out in a cement factory.

‘Why the hell do superheroes always wear ridiculous colour schemes?’ he thought as he watched the guard patrolling on the roof of the building turn away.

Inadequate Man tensed as he darted across the loading zone to a door at the back of the main factory.

Reaching the door, he turned the handle and pushed. The door didn’t move. He turned the handle again and pushed hard against the door, using his body weight to try and force it open. Still it wouldn’t move. Above him, the guard on the roof was turning back around.

‘I’m screwed,’ he thought as he took a step back.

On the door, was a simple sign. ‘Authorised Personnel only, pull to open.’ Inadequate Man turned the handle and pulled, the door opening easily. He leapt inside just moments before the guard noticed.

The interior of the factory was dim, and very noisy as factory workers assembled what looked like oversized tractors.

Listening, Inadequate Man heard Bricante’s voice. Off to his right, he saw a small office, with Luis Bricante visible through the doorway.

Sneaking forward, Kane hid behind a pile of sheet metal and listened.

“I shall have ze chemical factory by tonight, and ze next stage of production can begin. Monsieur Jameson zought to bring in some…outside assistance, but they were easily taken care of. As yet, zere have been no pro-blams encountered and everything is still running according to ze schedule.”

Two men and a woman walked out of the office. Turning the woman looked at Bricante, not smiling.

“It had better run according to schedule. We are not paying you ninety million Euro for a product you cannot deliver.”

“Do not worry, I will deliver ze product.”

The three left, leaving Bricante standing in the room. Reaching into his pocket, he took out his mobile phone and dialled a number.

“Bon journo Pierre, is everything still running to schedule?…good, ze old man is coming to my house tonight to give me ze papers…no, zat won’t be necessary at ze moment…maybe later…ok zen.”

Bricante ended the call and left the office. Kane was right, there was a plan, but he still had no idea what it was.

Kane crept back to the door that he had entered through and slipped outside.

“Hey, stop down there!”

Before the guard finished calling out, Inadequate Man had leapt into the air, darting away as quickly as possible. He heard the sound of guns being fired behind him, and bullets thudded into his latex suit, but he was quickly out of their range and heading towards the clouds.

Dropping down into the nearest town, Kane found a public telephone and dialled his hotel number.

Gerbil answered, excitedly.

“Sir, I think I may have worked out why he want’s Mr Jameson’s company!”

“Why’s that?”

“Mr Bricante mentioned that he wanted to use Mr Jameson’s oxy-hydrogen compound in his machinery, but that would be impossible because the compound is too volatile, which got me thinking. What if Mr Bricante did not want the compound as a fuel source at all?”

“Do you mean he wants to use it as a weapon.”

“This compound is reported to burn much hotter than napalm or any other incendiary known to man, and is almost impossible to douse. Used as a weapon, it could cause massive destructio-”

Kane heard a thump on the other end of the line and the phone went dead in his ear.

“Gerbil? Gerbil!”

Kane ran out of the phone booth, leaping into the air and speeding towards Paris, pushing as fast as he could go.

* * *

Gerbil was not in the hotel room, nor had any of the staff seen him leave.

Running to Martha’s room, he pounded on the door, but she was not answering either.

Checking his watch, he realised it was 7:45, almost time for Jameson to hand over the papers. Cursing, Kane ran back out onto the balcony, screaming across the skies of Paris towards Bricante’s mansion.

Jameson’s car was parked in the driveway, but Mr Jameson was nowhere to be seen. Guards patrolled the mansion, just as they had at the factory. Checking his watch, the dial said 7:56.

Kane pulled the visor down on his helmet and engaged the Giant Prick attack; a central steel ridge popping up on his helmet. He flew low, straightening out just a metre off the ground and headed for the front doors.

Guards shouted as they spotted him and opened fire, the air around him turning into a maelstrom of bullets.

He struck the solid oak doors and smashed through, rolling on the ground and up into a run before the guards inside could react. Off to his right, he could see Mr Jameson standing in Bricante’s office.

Yelling, he rushed into the room startling both Jameson and Bricante.

“Mr Jameson, don’t give him the papers. He plans to use your compound to make weapons of mass destruction!”

Bricante snatched at the papers, but Jameson pulled them away before he could take them. Snarling, Bricante roared for his guards.

Snarling back, Inadequate Man picked up a coffee table and threw it into the chest of the first guard to come through the doors.

“You don’t know who you’re dealing with Bricante. You may as well give up now.”

“I know all about you, Inadequate Man. And I know zat if you ever want to see Gerbil again, you will stop fighting right now.”

Kane hesitated and the guards pulled him to the ground, binding his arms with ropes behind his back.

“After my security was alerted at ze factory, I had my men pick up Monsieur Jameson’s wife and daughter, and zey too are with Gerbil. Monsieur, if you do not give me your company, zen zey shall die.”

Jameson collapsed, raising his arm to hand Bricante the papers, begging him not to hurt his family. Bricante smiled coldly as he took the papers.

“It has been a pleasure doing business with you, Monsieur Jameson. Guards, tie him up as well. Zey all know too much.”

Inadequate Man and Mr Jameson were thrown into the back of a truck and taken to Bircante’s factory. Guns trained on them, they were herded into the main factory where Gerbil and Jameson’s family were huddled.

Gerbil had a large lump on the side of his head where he had been struck, dried blood tracing down his right cheek. Opening his eyes, he smiled at Kane, mouthing that he was all right.

Across the room, the three people Kane had seen earlier in the office were waiting at a boardroom table that had been set up in the middle of the factory, all dressed in different military uniforms. Seeing Mr Jameson, the woman stood up.

“Mr Bricante, you promised us no complications. It appears that too many people are becoming aware of our plan.”

“I assure you, madame, zat zere are no complications. I am merely cleaning up any loose ends.”

Inadequate Man pulled against his bonds, testing how tight they were tied. With a little flexing, he should be able to reach his utility belt and activate his Multi-Prick Attack. He just needed some time.

“I was just wondering, Bricante. Why do these terrorists want you to develop weapons for them.” Kane said as he started working on the ropes.

The woman stood up, furious.

“We are not terrorists! We are the leaders of the three most powerful second-world countries!”

“Second world countries? I’ve heard of them, there’s that country that is one of them…you know…it’s near that other one.”

The woman screamed in frustration. “If you ask someone to name a first world country, they can do that easily, America, England, Australia. If you ask them to name a third world country, they can do that, Somalia, Nigeria, New Zealand. But ask them to name a second world country, and nothing. Nobody cares about us!

“We, as the most powerful rulers of the second world countries are tired of this. With these weapons, the world will finally know who we are!”

Inadequate Man thought for a minute, still pulling at the ropes.

“But you wouldn’t stand a chance against the other countries,” he said.

The woman smiled coldly.

“With these weapons, we would be almost unstoppable. But if we did lose, then at least they would still know who we were!”

Luis Bricante raised his hand, silencing the woman.

“I do not mean to interrupt, madame, but I zink it would be wise to keep ze plan a secret.”

Kane’s fingers brushed across his utility belt, almost reaching the button for the Multi-Prick Attack.

“Bricante, I am curious though, how did you know who I was?”

“Well, Mr Yess, I had a little help.”

From inside the office, Joseph the busdriver walked out, holding a machine gun, followed by Martha.

“Martha! But…you’ve been with me for so long!”

Martha smiled, holding a revolver in her hands.

“Luis Bricante approached me months ago and told me to infiltrate your business, as he was sure Mr Jameson would turn to you. When Gerbil was injured, I thought it was the perfect opportunity. Though I did not know that you were Inadequate Man until I searched the false bottom of your suitcase.”

Gerbil tried to get up, furious that Martha had snooped through their things. Luis Bricante laughed, patting Martha on the back.

“I did not expect you to make it zis far Monsieur Yess. I am almost sogh-ry to have to watch you die.”

Inadequate Man stifled a laugh.

“You’re soggy?”

“No, I’m sogh-ry.”

“That’s what you just said. You’re soggy to watch me die.”

Luis Bricante growled. “Not soggy, SOGH-RY.”

“I heard you. You said soggy.”

“No! I said SO-REE. It is just my accent!”

“Oh, you meant sorry! Now I understand.”

“Yes, I meant sogh-ry.”

Inadequate Man laughed. “Ha ha! You just said soggy again!”

Growling, Bricante leapt at Inadeqaute Man; just as his finger pressed the button. Spikes sprang out from his gloves, shredding the ropes.

Inadequate Man grabbed Bricante and threw him into his own men. Before the guards could react, he used the spikes to cut the ropes of the others.

Bricante was up, ordering for his men to fire. Kane leapt into the air, flying through the factory to draw away their fire. Bullets exploded around him, ricocheting off machinery and chipping cement off the walls.

On the ground, Martha raised her revolver and aimed, firing off a shot. The bullet caught Inadequate Man in the ribs, knocking the wind out of him.

“I suppose I should have noted that I was an excellent marksman on my resume when applying for the job,” she said.

Martha took aim again, smiling. Gerbil slammed into her and the shot went wide. She crashed to the floor, her head striking the concrete and knocking her out.

“Try and take my job,” Gerbil mumbled as he took her revolver and returned to help the others escape.

Meanwhile Inadequate Man continued to fly around the factory, using the machinery as cover as he dove down to disarm the guards one by one.

Luis Bricante snatched a machine gun off one of the guards and aimed it at the three leaders who were trying to sneak out.

“You people are not going anywhere. We had a deal!”

Luis Bricante gunned them down as they tried to escape, turning to face Kane. “I am going to kill you, Inadequate Man.”

Inadequate Man dodged as Bricante fired, bullets peppering the containers behind him. Looking up, Kane noticed the label on the containers.

Oxy-Hydrogen Compound.

“Stop, Bricante! You’ll blow the factory up!”

Bricante continued to fire, the bullets igniting the liquid spilling out.

In the corner, Joseph helped Martha to her feet and they slipped out a side door. Kane checked that the others had escaped before flying towards the nearest window.

Bricante watched as the flaming chemicals spread towards him, engulfing his factory. Firing at Kane as he flew out the window, he screamed in rage as the burning chemicals reached the machine’s fuel tanks.

The factory exploded behind Kane as he soared into the air. Dropping to the ground, he saw fire engines heading towards the inferno.

Leaving Mr Jameson to explain what had happened, Kane picked up Gerbil and they headed back towards their hotel, the factory burning beneath them.

* * *

“So, as I was saying, sir. All I had to do was follow the evidence and-”

“Ok, Gerbil. I admit it. You were right about Martha. Now Mr Jameson was nice enough to pay for us to stay in Paris for two more weeks, and I want to enjoy this holiday.”

“Sorry, sir. I won’t mention that Martha was a treacherous hag again, sir.”

Kane rolled his eyes. He was never going to live this down.

Well, another adventure finished, and a free holiday to boot. But maybe they should have skipped the holiday and gone straight home. Find out why next issue.