Issue 13
Part One of 'Whips and Pains'

There was a storm over Premise City Penitentiary; rain and thunderclouds drowning out the light. Boonditch sat in his cell in the maximum security ward, smoking a cigarette and looking out his tiny cell window.

Lightning slashed down into the exercise yard, illuminating the entire prison for a second. Boonditch saw a shadow move along the outer wall, disappearing before the flash of light had ended.

Checking his watch, Boonditch smiled.

‘Right on time.’

Lying back on his cell bed, he finished his cigarette and waited. In front of his cell, a guard sat on a stool reading a magazine.

From out of the darkness, a metal coil whipped around the guard’s neck, choking him. A woman dressed in a leather bodysuit stepped out of the shadows, holding the end of what looked to be a whip.

Smiling, the woman flicked a switch and electricity sparked down the whip to where it was wrapped around the guard’s neck. Shuddering, the guard collapsed to the ground; smoke drifting from his mouth.

Reaching into the guard’s pocket, she removed the keys and opened Boonditch’s cell.

“Who the fuck’re ye?” Boonditch yelled, trying to keep the smile off his face.

“I’m Dominatrix. I was wondering if you would like to help me and some others take out Inadequate Man.”

“Others? Who the ‘ell would I be working with?”

“The S&M Boys. I’m getting them out right after you. So are do you want to stay here or not?”

“No, no. I’ll come with ye. Just as long as me brother ain’t ‘elping.”

“Then let’s go.”

Dominatrix had disappeared into the shadows before she had finished speaking. Still trying to hide the smirk, Boonditch followed after her.

Kane was snoozing on the plane as the hostess announced that they would be landing at Premise City airport in a few minutes. Wiping the drool from his chin, he buckled his seat belt and put his tray in the upright position.

The plane descended and landed outside the terminal. Looking out the window, Kane saw men running to surround the plane.

The plane stopped in the middle of the runway, the people in the plane stirring as they wondered what the holdup was.

A voice came across the intercom.

“This is Dominatrix speaking. There is someone on your plane I wish to talk to. If you wish to live, you had best hope this person comes and exits the plane. If not, then the S&M Boys will blow it up.”

Outside the window, two men walked around into view outside Kane’s window. They were encased inside metal robots, with hydraulics enabling them to move. Looking through the roll cage in the front of the machines, Kane realised that it was the S&M Boys.

Sam pulled a lever and the robot’s steel arms rose, bringing missile launchers strapped to each arm into view. Mark raised his arms and high power gattling guns fired into the air, causing the passengers inside the plane to start screaming.

Kane swallowed. How the hell did they know that he was on the plane?

“Gerbil, you have two minutes to get off or everyone dies,” her voice came across the intercom again.

‘Gerbil! Why would they want Gerbil? I’m the one everyone wants to kill, not him.’ Kane thought as he looked over at Gerbil, jealous, and Gerbil just shrugged at him.

“I have no idea why they want me, sir. But I have to go,” Gerbil said.

“No, Gerbil. Who knows what they want to do with you. It’s not safe.”

“Most likely, they wish to hold me hostage, sir. If I don’t go, then these people will die and it will be on our heads…if we have heads after the plane is blown up. Besides, sir. I know that you will rescue me. It is what you do.”

Gerbil moved from his seat towards the exit; the other passengers staring at him as he opened the emergency door and stepped outside. Henchmen quickly ran up and herded Gerbil into a waiting van.

Kane watched, struggling not to give chase, as Dominatrix’s voice came through the intercom again.

“I control Premise City now. Do not expect the police to help you. And don’t expect any help from Inadequate Man. He seems to have disappeared.”

Outside the plane, Mark turned towards the terminal, his voice booming out through speakers in the robot.

“Dang! Ah was hoping to blow up the plane.”

The S&M Boys moved away, the robotics whining as the hydraulic limbs walked them forward.

‘Where the hell did they get access to that type of technology?’ Kane thought as the plane moved towards the terminal again. The van with Gerbil had disappeared, and Kane needed answers.

Kane sat down in a café across the street from Drew Mate’s apartment building, sipping a half-double decaf.

‘You know, if you halve two, then you get one. So this is just decaf? I thought this was special coffee. They ripped me off!’ he thought. He was about to complain when he saw Drew Mate exit the building and start down the street.

Dropping some coins onto the table, he started down the street after her.

“Drew!”

Drew turned around, looking down the street before turning back around. Calling out again, Kane ran over and tapped her on the shoulder.

Drew turned around again and reached into her bag.

“Come any closer freak and I’ll use my pepper spray!”

“Drew, I’m wearing sunglasses. The pepper spray wouldn’t get in my eyes.”

“Oh…good point. How do you know my name?”

“Because it’s me. Inadequate Man. I’m just wearing these giant sunglasses so I won’t give away my secret identity.”

“And the giant overcoat in the middle of Premise City’s hottest summer?”

“Oh…it’s to hide my combat suit. I usually wear much cooler stuff than this. My stuff is the bop.”

“You mean the bomb?”

“Whatever. I need some information.”

“How did you know where I live?”

“Sometimes at night I’ll stare at your window.”

Drew stopped, staring at him.

“I mean, I…keep watch. In case someone tries to take you hostage again. That is not the point. What the hell is going on here?”

Drew thought for a minute, before continuing to walk with Kane.

“About two weeks ago, a woman broke into Premise City Penitentiary and helped Boonditch and the S&M Boys escape. The next day, Boonditch’s henchmen started rising up, taking back their crime ring.

“The S&M Boys went to the Police Headquarters and offered an ultimatum; they could either be shot, blown up, or they could surrender. In those robotic suits, they’re nearly invincible now. After four days, the police gave up. Since then, they have taken over everything, even the newspapers. We’ve needed you, Inadequate Man! Where the hell have you been?”

“I…I had business in Europe. This morning, they stopped a plane at the airport and took Gerbil hostage. Why do they want him?”

“Two nights ago, I snuck into the Police Headquarters building and overheard some people talking. Supposedly Dominatrix believes that as Gerbil is always seen hanging around Inadequate Man, they must be friends. They tried to find out where he lives, but he is almost impossible to find. Even I can’t find out anything about him.”

Kane smiled at that. A year ago when they decided to start this superhero business, Gerbil hacked into the government database and deleted all records of their addresses and contacts, just in case something like this ever happened. Back then, Kane had thought it wasn’t necessary. Now he was glad he had let Gerbil do it.

“So they think that if they take Gerbil, they can set a trap and catch Inadequate Man. You realise that they have set a trap don’t you?” asked Drew.

“Yes.”

“But you’re still going to try and rescue him?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so. They’re holding him inside the Police Headquarters building.”

“Good. I need to know everything that you know. Maybe I’ll be able to use it to trap them, and not me.”

Drew started talking as they continued walking down the street.

Inadequate Man had been watching people come and go from the Police Headquarters building for over an hour. Boonditch’s men guarded the building from every angle, but there was only one man patrolling the roof.

Waiting for the guard on the roof to turn away from him as he walked behind one of the sheds that housed the air conditioning motors, Inadequate Man leapt into the air.

Landing on top of the guard, he stood up, checking that no one saw him. Smiling, he headed towards the door.

The sound of metal crashing made him spin round, the shed housing the air conditioning motors falling apart as a metal behemoth stepped forward.

“This time, we’re gonna kill ya good.”

Inadequate Man leapt off the roof, but not before Sam unleashed two guided missiles that locked onto his image.

Kane raced across the skies of Premise City, two missiles following behind him. He changed direction and the missiles looped back around, slowly gaining ground.

‘This wasn’t meant to happen,’ Kane thought as he pushed himself faster than he had ever flown before, his face sweating from the exertion.

Ducking around a building, he dropped down low and turned into an alley, hoping that the constant change in direction would throw the missiles off. Behind him, he heard a missile detonate into the side of a building, the street below being showered with bricks and mortar. Turning back, he flew over the damaged building. It was an old grocery store that was for sale. Flying low, Kane made sure that no one had been injured.

Rising back into the air, he just got out of the way as the second missile streaked towards him. Shocked, Kane sped off again, the missile turning to follow.

Atop the Police Headquarters building, Mark moved to the edge and aimed his targeting system at Inadequate Man. Raising his arms, the gattling guns roared into life, firing hundreds of bullets towards him.

A bullet grazed his leg, slicing through his suit and cutting him. Wincing, Inadequate Man lost concentration and started to fall, the missile following.

Doing a loop, Inadequate Man came into Mark’s view again and the gattling guns again roared into life. Pushing himself harder, Inadequate Man flew straight up, faster than Mark’s targeting system could track him.

Below him, the missile slowly started to gain ground.

Kane pushed harder, heat starting to build around him as he sped through the air. Looking down, he saw his suit was starting to come apart from the pressure and the heat.

Below him, the missile continued to catch up.

‘Run out of fuel, you stupid bloody missile!’

As the missile came to within a metre of his feet, its flame spluttered and died, falling back towards the ground.

Slowing, Kane breathed heavily, exhausted. Turning, he headed back towards the Police Headquarters building.

“Screw you S&M Boys, I survived.”

Smiling, Sam unleashed two more missiles.

“Shit!”

Kane spun in the air, the two new missiles giving chase. Growling, he lowered himself to street level, the missiles following. Turning, he looped through the street until he came towards the Police Headquarters building from the other side.

Raising himself to rooftop level, he flew across the top of the building, between the S&M Boys; the missiles just behind him on either side. As he passed them, he heard two detonations.

Turning in the air, he saw the S&M Boys engulfed in flames, the machines moving aimlessly around the rooftop as Sam and Mark tried to beat the flames back.

Landing on the roof, Kane quickly made his way down the stairs to the basement. A man stood watch outside of a prison cell, but before he could realise that he was being attacked, Inadequate Man knocked him unconscious.

Taking the keys, he unlocked the cell that was holding Gerbil. Quietly, they made their way up to the ground floor of the building, sneaking towards the back door.

Opening the door, Kane leapt into the alley and dispatched the thugs standing guard. At the end of the alley, he saw Drew pull up in her car and they hurried towards it.

“I’m sorry, Inadequate Man, but we haven’t had a chance to talk yet.”

Spinning, Kane turned and saw a beautiful woman standing in the alley behind him. She was dressed in a skin-tight leather body suit, her long black hair pulled into a ponytail behind her.

“Gerbil, get in the car. I’ll handle this.”

Gerbil started towards the car as Kane advanced. Dominatrix smiled and pulled at her belt, which quickly uncoiled into a whip.

“I have no idea who you are, or why Boonditch and the S&M Boys are working for you, but you should not have messed with me.”

Dominatrix leapt forward, twisting in the air to kick him across the head, but Kane reached up and blocked her foot. Spinning, Dominatrix lashed out with her other foot, sending Kane staggering back.

Landing on her feet, Dominatrix smiled as Kane touched the side of his face and his hand came away wet with blood.

“You’ve been a bad boy, Inadequate Man, and you need to be punished.”

She flicked out with her whip, Inadequate Man ducking and grabbing it as it flicked past. Wrapping it around his wrist, Inadequate Man stood up.

“Like I said, it’s over Dominatrix.”

Dominatrix smiled, pressing the switch on the whip’s handle. Kane screamed as electricity flooded his body, sparks dancing between his teeth.

Kane collapsed, turning to see Gerbil starting to run back towards him.

“No! Get out of here, Gerbil. I didn’t go through all this just to have you captured again.”

Pained, Gerbil halted, getting into the car. Before he had closed the door, Drew was speeding away, guards firing shots at the back of the vehicle.

Kane let go of where he had been holding the whip, his skin blistered and bleeding. He tried to get up, but his legs wouldn’t move.

A shadow fell across him and he looked to see Dominatrix, rolling her whip back up.

“Are…are you going to kill me now?” he asked.

Dominatrix smiled. “As much as I would love to, my boss wants you for something else. But when he’s done, and if you’re good…then maybe.”

Dominatrix laughed, kicking him in the head and sending him into blackness.

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Copyright © 2002.
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