Issue 6
Part Three of 'Proto-Typical Male'

Previously…While working on the ‘Grey Man’ case, Kane is attacked by Steve. Gerbil tries to help and is seriously wounded. Kane, still wounded from the fight, vows revenge…

Over twenty helicopters circled above them, so many that there was no way Kane could safely fly.

Running back to the car, he jumped in the driver’s side, pulled the keys from his utility belt and started the engine.

Putting the car into drive, he pushed the accelerator to the floor. The tyres screeched as he pulled away from the kerb, running into the side of another car.

“Sorry!” he yelled out the window as he sped off in the direction Steve had gone, the car honking its horn in protest.

Approaching the corner, he spun the wheel, not taking his foot off the accelerator. The car spun, going up on two wheels as it tried to turn. Desperately he pushed down on the brake, the car slowing and dropping back onto four wheels.

He saw a motorcycle turn down a street in front of him. Reaching the street, he spun around the corner and sped up, slamming the brakes on to avoid a jaywalker.

It was getting close to lunch time, and traffic in the city was thick. Kane was slowly catching him, but not fast enough.

Shouting in frustration, Kane pressed down on the horn.

“Frigging Sunday drivers!” he screamed at no one.

The light ahead went red and Steve slowed the Harley to a halt. By now, Kane was only three cars behind him, and Kane slowed down.

He could get out of the car now and attack him, but something held Kane back. Sitting and waiting for the light to turn green, he tried to think.

Something was not right about the whole thing. Firstly, how could this guy be so strong? No one had ever beaten Kane in a fight, but this guy had done it with ease.

Which led to question two: how was he going to beat him?

There was more, and Kane knew it, but couldn’t work it out. Frustrated, Kane pressed down on the horn, urging the light to hurry up and turn green.

Steve looked around at the sound and saw him. ‘Shit! Maybe honking the horn wasn’t such a good idea.’

Steve revved the Harley as the light went green and sped off. Kane shouted in frustration as the car in front of him stalled. Spinning the wheel to the left, he slammed down on the accelerator, while mounting the kerb and moving onto the footpath. Steve was almost out of sight. Honking his horn to warn people to stay off the footpath, he followed the motorcycle. People jumped out of his way as he sped past.

Ahead, two men came out of a shop carrying a large piece of plate glass. He pressed down on the horn, but it was too late. The two men stared at him, painted white faces miming shock before they dropped the glass and leapt out of the way. The plate glass cracked as it hit the cement, slowly toppling over. Jumping on the brakes, the car smashed into it, shards of glass crunching under the tyres. Looking in the rear vision mirror, he saw the two men get back up, uninjured, miming certain rude gestures at the rear of his car.

Taking a deep breath, Kane sped back up, quickly gaining on the motorcycle. Steve pulled into an alley on the other side of the road. Cursing, Kane spun the car between two parked cars and sped across the road, after him.

An air horn blasted at him as he reached the mouth of the alley, the bus clipping the back of his car and spinning him into the alley wall.

Fighting to keep the car under control, he saw Steve turn down another alley and he quickly followed, puddles of storm water spraying out from behind.

They came to another intersection and the Harley quickly turned, the bike slipping in the water. Wobbling, Steve regained control but Kane was able to catch up.

Desperate, Steve left the alley and jumped back onto the street. Kane had not even realised they had made it into Chinatown.

They turned a corner and Steve quickly turned into a fish market, weaving the motorcycle through the crowd.

“Shiiiiit!” Kane honked the horn as he plunged into the fish market, people leaping out of his way and crates of fish crashing over the windscreen.

They came out the other side of the market and Steve turned into the Townlink tunnel. The tunnel went underneath the city and came out on the other side, near Scotlandtown.

As they entered the tunnel, both of them slowed down. Easing off the accelerator, Kane started to think over the things that were nagging him; Steve was riding the Harley the ‘Grey Man’ killer had stolen, the killer left brain tissue on the victims, the first time Kane met Steve was as he was leaving Amy Covest’s office.

As they came out of the tunnel, the pieces of the puzzle fit into place. So happy that he had worked it out, he nearly missed seeing Steve turn off down one of the many side streets of Scotlandtown. Tapping the brakes, he spun into the street, tyres screeching.

Kane spotted Junkie Jake on the other side of the street. Slamming on the brakes, tyres smoking, he yelled for Jake to get in.

Before Jake had closed the door, Kane sped off again, speeding to close the gap between him and Steve.

Junkie Jake stared at Inadequate Man and quickly buckled on his seatbelt. “What’s going on?”

“I think that guy on the Harley is the ‘Grey Man’ killer.”

“No, not that. What the hell are you doing driving, you don’t have a licence.”

“What makes you think I don’t have a licence?”

“You told me you failed the bleeding thing last Tuesday…again…for the twenty seventh time.”

“Shut up! They put trick questions in that stupid bloody test! How the hell am I supposed to know a black and yellow sign with a roundabout symbol is still just a frigging roundabout sign. It could very easily mean detour ahead!”

“So you don’t have a licence.”

“Fine, Jake, I’ll admit it. I don’t have a licence.”

Jake laughed. “Inadequate Man, Premise City’s leading crime fighter is…breaking the law. Can ya feel the bleedin’ irony!”

“Shut up, Jake. Can you drive?”

“Course I can bleedin’ drive. Got me licence first go. Only prigs can’t drive.”

“If I didn’t need you right now, I’d rip out one of your nose rings. I need you to follow the Harley while I check something out.”

“What’s in it for me? Car chases can be dangerous, like.”

“You can…umm…you can keep the car. Here’s my phone, when I have the information, I’ll call so I can find out where you are.”

As they reached a corner, Inadequate Man jumped out and Jake slid into the driver’s seat, quickly speeding back up. Rolling, Inadequate Man leapt into the air.

Landing on the roof of the Neuter Towers building, he quickly ran down the stairs to Dr Covest’s office. Storming into the room, he slammed the door behind him.

“You created the ‘Grey Man’ killer, didn’t you?”

“Hello, Inadequate Man.”

Kane jumped, startled, noticing Drew Mate getting up from where she had been sitting on the couch.

“Drew, what are you doing here?”

“Therapy. I told you yesterday. By the way, she’s getting away.”

Kane looked up just in time to see Dr Covest run through the door. Catching her at the elevator, he carried her back into the room and dumped her on the lounge.

“The man that left here yesterday, Steve. You did something to him, didn’t you?”

Dr Covest covered her face with her hands.

“We had been seeing each other for over six months. Two weeks ago, I caught him sleeping with someone else. He said that he was a man, and men can’t remain faithful to just one person.”

“So you did something to him...”

“I thought…I thought that seeing as he only thought with his penis, I may as well make it so. So I went to his house…drugged him and…”

“You transplanted his brain with his dick. But how could it have worked?”

“A mixture of norepinephrine, steroids and androgyns. It should have kept him alive, but in a coma. But he…”

“He woke up.”

Dr Covest nodded between her hands.

“That’s why we find brain tissue on the victims, because he is trying to rape them but his brain’s there instead. When he can’t have sex with them, he kills them in anger. Yet he can’t stop, because he thinks with his penis, and all it wants to do is have sex.”

Dr Covest was crying.

“It wasn’t meant to work. I was angry. I was going to put them back but…”

“He woke up. You created a monster.”

She looked up at him, her eyes red.

“None of this would have happened if he hadn’t cheated on me. Even now, he’s causing me trouble, typical male!”

Drew hit her in the face, knocking her unconscious.

“He’s not a typical male, he’s a proto-typical male.”

Inadequate Man went over to Dr Covest’s desk and called his mobile. Jake answered.

“Where are you?”

“Stuck in bleeding traffic. The prig threw a parked car into the middle of the intersection before speeding off. Sorry, Inadequate Man.”

“Where was he heading?”

“Towards Neuter Towers, I think.”

He thanked Jake for his help and hung up, hearing the sound of a motorbike coming up the street. Drew was looking at him.

“Is he coming here?” She asked.

“He needs more drugs, he’ll be here any moment.”

“Maybe you can stall him from getting them and he’ll just…conk out.”

“I might not be able to stall him for that long…but I’ll try. Now, we only have a few minutes. I have a plan.”

The elevator chimed and heavy footsteps came up the hall to the office. Steve kicked open the door, knocking it from its hinges and splintering the wood.

“Amy!!!”

Kane exploded from behind where the door had been before Steve could react. He grabbed Steve around the shoulders and ran towards the window, shattering the glass as they fell through.

Steve’s hand reached out and grabbed Kane’s leg as he flew away, pulling them both down.

They had already dropped two stories and the ground was coming up fast. Kane flew forward, holding Steve’s shoulder and twisting out of his grip.

It was too late.

Their bodies crashed into the pavement, the impact cracking the concrete and shattering the glass windows on the ground floor.

Kane stifled a scream as he felt one of his ribs crack.

A few metres away, Steve stood up. Drool was dripping from the corner of his mouth and his eyes had begun to sink into their sockets. The crotch of his jeans was soaked with blood; his brain almost completely destroyed.

He cracked his knuckles, and Kane saw he was barely hurt from the fall.

“Steve sick of you getting in Steve’s way! Steve gonna kill you!”

Kane started to back away. The fall had been Kane’s last hope.

Tyres screeched as a car shot out of nowhere. Steve’s legs flipped from beneath him and he struck the windshield before rolling over the top of the car.

The car skidded to a halt and Junkie Jake wound the window down, grinning.

“Well, ‘ow’s this then, Jakey beats the bad guy that Inadequate Man couldn’t kill.”

Steve stood up, wiping away blood from a split lip.

“Steve gonna make you pay, boy!”

Jake screamed, putting the car in drive and flooring it. The car went ten feet and stopped. It had finally run out of petrol.

Steve caught up with the car and lifted it over his head. Jake screamed again as the car was flung through the air, landing on its roof. Growling, Steve started walking after it.

Kane’s eyes bulged as he watched Steve slowly crush the car, Jake screaming for him to help. Drew reached the ground level of Neuter Towers and ran over to him.

“You have to do something,” she screamed.

“What can I do? He’s stronger than me, faster than me…how the hell can I stop a guy pumped up beyond superhuman levels with drugs and a dick for a brain...literally.”

Drew looked up at him, her cheeks flushed.

“You’re Inadequate Man. You’re Premise City’s superhero. You have to do it.”

Kane stared back at her, her words inspiring him. An idea formed in his mind and he smiled at her before running across the street and into a newsagency.

By the time he returned, the car was almost completely crushed, Jake’s screaming coming from somewhere inside.

“Hey Steve! I got something for you!”

Steve looked up for a moment before looking back at the car.

“Leave Steve alone. Steve busy.”

“But I’ve got porno’s! Busty Babes, Lesbian Lovers, Hustler Extreme, you want them?”

Steve’s head whipped around at the word ‘porno’. Kane dropped the plastic wrapped magazines on the ground and stepped back.

Steve tore open the first magizine, tearing the cover in his rush. In front of him was a picture…and a little sticker.

Steve looked up in confusion, drool dripping off his chin.

“You have to pull the sticker off to see the good bits.”

Steve tore at the sticker and pulled it off, grunting at the picture underneath. He turned to the next page, and saw three more stickers.

By page 37, his face had become flushed. By page 62, his body had started to spasm and his face was bright red.

He finished the first book and picked up the next one, tearing off the plastic and opening the page to…another sticker. His throat gargled and his eyes seemed to almost pop out of his skull.

Coughing once, he crashed to the ground.

Drew ran over as Kane leant down to check if he was still alive. He was breathing, but had slipped into a coma.

“What did you do?”

“I sexually frustrated him. I got him really horny but the stickers stopped him from getting too turned on. With all those attempts to have sex with his victims failing, and then this torment, it was too much and he overloaded. I’m surprised he got to the second magazine”

“But how did you know it would happen?”

“Everyone knows that if you get a guy really excited and then you don’t do anything about it, it can cause serious damage.”

Drew chose to ignore his comment. Behind them, a police car pulled up and an officer got out.

“Officer, that’s the ‘Grey Man’ killer. He needs medical attention.”

“Yes, Inadequate Man. We received word from the hospital that Gerbil is out of intensive care.”

Kane nodded. A road crew had pulled up and was starting to cut Jake out of the car. Across the road, police had taken Dr Covest into custody.

Kane smiled and nodded. Everything in Premise City was safe again. Saying goodbye to Drew, he leapt into the air. He headed towards Premise City Hospital, thinking of how one woman’s revenge had cost over ten women their lives.

Shaking his head, he landed on the hospital roof and entered through a service door. Still thinking, he headed towards recovery. Headed towards the only family he had.

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