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Movie Reviews
 and above H-O These movies are the creme de la creme. They epitomize the very pinnacle of American cinema. If not for them, movies like "Star Trek: Generations" would pass for the best that American cinema has to offer. Not that that would be bad, but it wouldn't be the same. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003) The Italian Job (2003) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2003) Insomnia (2002) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001) Ocean's 11 (2001) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) High Fidelity (2000) (Movie Reviews Links Page) (5 AMHB: A-G) (5 AMHB: P-Z) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003) After the battle at Helm's Deep, Gandalf (Ian McKellen), Gimli (John Rhys-Davies), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) meet at Isengard with Treebeard, Merry (Dominic Monaghan) and Pippin (Billy Boyd). When they arrive, Pippin finds the Palantir (the glass ball with which Saruman was communicating with Sauron) While they sleep, Pippin becomes curious and takes it from Gandalf. It begins to glow and Pippin writhes in pain. The rest wake up and attempt to help him. After the ball is back under wraps (literally), Pippin says that he saw an image of a stone tree burning. Gandalf, while still angry at Pippin, realizes that they have been given a peek into the enemy's plan. Sauron plans to attack Minas Tirith, the capital of Gondor. Gandalf and Pippin ride to Minas Tirith to seek the support of the Steward of Gondor Denethor (John Noble) Rohan prepares for war while Denethor mourns the death of his son Borimir. Pippin feels guilty and so pledges his service to Denethor, who accepts. Meanwhile, Merry decides to fight with the soldiers of Rohan, and Aragorn must find a way to match his forces with those of Mordor. At the same time, Frodo, Sam and Gollum are making their way up the secret passage into Mordor, with Gollum setting a plan into motion that could rip the friendship of the two hobbits asunder. What will the fate of Middle Earth be? If you haven't seen this trilogy yet, get off your ass. I'd just like to note (read: gloat) that I saw this movie a full 9 days before it came out in theaters. What can I say that hasn't already been said about this movie? it's simply...simply jaw-dropping in terms of...everything. Its scope, its depth, its quality, its characters. It is epic, truly and simply epic. It caps the trilogy perfectly. The previous two movies built perfectly to this one. They dropped hints of what was to come from the beginning, and now comes the payoff. If you don't especially like the Lord of the Rings, you'll probably go from being very interested to very bored many, many times during the movie. This is to be expected, although to be fair, the movie is not aimed at people who don't especially like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Some highlights of the movie were the sweeping views of Middle Earth, the running competition between Gimli and Legolas on who could kill the most Orcs, the "Oliphaunts", Gandalf kicking ass and taking names, Sam's speech to Frodo on Mount Doom...in fact, Sean Astin in general was top notch in this movie. In conclusion, Peter Jackson did an excellent job bringing J.R.R. Tolkien's 3-part novel to the big screen. Sure, he had to cut a lot out because of flow issues. Sure, some may say that the "Return of the King" deviates too widely from its textual counterpart at the end. But the movie, all three movies in fact, are solid representations of the book, and are a much higher quality trilogy than "The Matrix" trilogy, or (probably, at least so far...) the modern "Star Wars" trilogy (Episodes 1-3). I realize Episode 3 hasn't been released yet, but it's got some big expectations to fulfill if it's going to make up for Episode 1. In any case, J.R.R Tolkien isn't rolling in his grave in the least. I say, good job Peter Jackson. 7 years of your life was well worth an epic modern trilogy. We shall see how you do with "King Kong." I'm watching you. The Italian Job (2003) Oh ensemble 60's heist flick remakes, I can never get enough of you. As long as your script is solid, your soundtrack is catchy, and you help redeem my view of one of your leads, I can guarantee you a special place in my heart. I am glad to say that "The Italian Job" (2003) starring Mark "Planet of the Apes" Wahlberg, a remake of "The Italian Job" (1969) starring Michael "Planet of the Cider House Rules" Caine, fulfilled all 3 obligations for said special place. The basic premise is as such. Thieves Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg), Stella Bridger (Charlize Theron), Lyle (Seth Green), Handsome Rob (Jason Statham), and Left Ear (Mos Def) plan to steal gold back from their former friend Steve (Ed Norton), as revenge for his murder of Stella's father John (Donald Sutherland). How they accomplish this, and all the cool scenes that follow, is what the movie is all about. I didn't know what to expect going in. I had seen the commercials weeks before, and knew the general plot, but wasn't sure how everything would go down, or if the movie could live up to my heightened expectations for its sub-genre. All the plot twists that had been revealed in the TV commercials had been forgotten, and I think that's why I enjoyed the movie so much. It wasn't spoiled for me by the TV equivalent of an inconsiderate fellow moviegoer. First, I'll talk about the script. It's very fast-paced, and if you don't pay attention, you may miss some things. The dialogue crackles at moments, is relatively weak at others, but on average the screenplay is wholly satisfying. The characters, even those who do not last long in relation to the whole movie, are well-developed and realistic. While the characters have clearly defined roles in the heist, each character has his or her chance to shine as the comic relief, or the serious hero, or the eager backup, etc. Some parts, most especially the flashbacks to events in characters' individual pasts, provide not only hilarity but character backgrounds in an effective way. The plot, as well, is smart and nicely adapted from the original. As mentioned before, several elements from the 1969 version remain. I have not myself seen the 1969 version, but I am aware, from IMDB.com, that the ending was one of several plot elements that were changed. Secondly, I will briefly rave about the soundtrack. Much like "Ocean's 11" (2001), this film had a catchy jazz soundtrack backing it up. I can't express how important a catchy soundtrack is to a movie of this sort. It can literally make or break my enjoyment of the action. There are no particularly standout songs from this soundtrack, like in "Ocean's 11", but there needn't be for the soundtrack to provide enjoyment. Thirdly, I will talk about the actors. It is often thought, in ensemble films such as this, that "the movie was only done because a lot of stars' schedules were free". Well, I'll have you know that Ed Norton only did it due to contractual obligations. That's right, Mr. Norton was most displeased to be forced to take part in such a movie, thinking that it was below him, apparently. While I will not comment on how this affects my opinion of Ed Norton, I will say that it didn't seem, while watching him play the role, that he was doing anything to bring the movie down, or otherwise acting below his abilities. It felt like he was having fun being the bad guy, or at least, not not having fun. In any case, Mark Wahlberg is the true breakout star for me in this film. I must say, Mr. Wahlberg had a coolness about him in this flick that was absolutely crucial to the role. He brought a certain je ne sais quoi that I've never seen him bring in any of his other roles. He has redeemed himself for "Planet of the Apes" (2001) in my eyes. I don't hold grudges.for long. One good flick is enough to turn around my perception of an actor. So, Mark Wahlberg, you are on my good side, for now. I'm watchin' you though. I see you eyeing that "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" sequel script. Don't think I won't come over there. The only other true star besides Marky Mark is Seth Green. Seth Green plays the perfect cool nerd. He's endearing while still making sure it is known that he knows computers perhaps better than he knows himself. His recurring gag, involving the first peer-to-peer file-sharing service Napster, is hilarious every time it is mentioned. Donald Sutherland also plays his usual super-smooth-yet-internally-complicated role with style, class, and ease, and I wish we could have seen more of him as John Bridger. However, his demise is the main catalyst for the movie, so his acting is crucial in making us want the good guys to succeed. This makes his character perhaps even more important than that of Charlie. I will wrap up this rather lengthy review by saying that if you haven't already seen "The Italian Job" (2003) and would like to enjoy it, I recommend waiting to rent it on DVD or VHS so that you can forget the plot twists revealed in the TV commercials. It is well worth the money you will pay for it. I will end with a paraphrased sample of the dialogue. (After stealing $35 million in gold bars) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) The trilogy continues with this second-of-three epic. "The Two Towers" begins where the first movie left off. The Fellowship has split up. Borimir (Sean Bean) is dead. Frodo (Elijah Wood) and Samwise (Sean Astin) make for the Black Gate of Mordor, while Gimli (John "And My Axe!" Rhys-Davies), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), and Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson) attempt to rescue the captured Merry (Dominic Monaghan) and Pippin (Billy Boyd). Frodo and Sam run into Gollum (voiced by Andy Serkis), the creature who bore the ring before Bilbo took it from his cave. Gollum promises to lead them to the Black Gate but secretly wants to kill Frodo to get the ring back. Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin escape their captors and wind up in Fangor Forest, where they befriend Treebeard, an Ent, or herder of trees. Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn pursue them into the forest, only to be met by what they think is Saruman (the evil white wizard). Instead, they discover Gandalf, who has been sent back to Middle Earth as a white wizard to fulfill his mission. Gandalf wants them to travel to Rohan, a kingdom of man, to enlist the support of Theoden, the king. However, Theoden's mind has been tainted by Grima Wormtongue's (a creepy, creepy guy) influence and is being controlled by Saruman. Gandalf and company travel to Rohan and free the king's mind from Saruman, and attempt to get the king to fight against the advancing armies of Mordor. Theoden, however, decides to make the city flee to Helm's Deep, a safe place in the mountains. Grima goes to Isengard (Saruman's base of operations) after being thrown out of Rohan, and reports what he saw, including the likely new location of Theoden and his army at Helm's Deep. Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam make it to the Black Gate with Gollum. However, Gollum doesn't want them to try to get in through the Gate because they would be easily caught. He knows another way, a secret way, to get into Sauron's territory. When asked why he never told them about it, he replies with the common line "(You) never asked me!". . Can the armies of Rohan survive the Orc onslaught at Helm's Deep? Can Isengard be overcome? What of Frodo's desperate quest? Seriously, if you haven't seen "Fellowship" and "Two Towers" by now, go out and rent them now so that you can see "Return of the King". I'm not usually one for ridiculously popular franchises, but this trilogy has lived up to even diehard fans' expectations. Cinematically, it's very well done. The effects are state-of-the-art, and look extremely realistic. So much so that you forget you're looking at something created by a computer. The cast was perfectly chosen, and they prove themselves even more as the exposition of "Fellowship" changes into the build-up of "Two Towers" It's just a very well-done movie, with much respect to Tolkien's original vision. There is a few extra things added for whatever reason, but they don't take away from the movie's quality or significance. Insomnia (2002) Premise: There is a flaw in his plan, however. It seems that the murderer (Robin Williams. Yes, I said Robin Williams) saw Dormer kill his partner, and wants to hold it over his head in exchange for Dormer making sure he isn't found out in the case of the murdered girl. To complicate all this, the unusual absence of night in this Alaskan town (Northern Alaska experiences 6 months of straight day and 6 months of straight night), in addition to the crises swirling in Dormer's mind, make it impossible for Dormer to sleep. Will Dormer survive this test of mental strength? What will become of him? Of the murderer? I suggest you see it for yourself. Comments: Kidding aside, I really like what they did with the concept. The script, while not being revolutionary in terms of dialogue, does have it's moments. The dialogue is above par for any average flick. Robin Williams, someone you wouldn't imagine playing a murderer, is excellent in this film. He's so conflicted, but not conflicted to the point that he can't convince Dormer to work with him. Maura Tierney, of Newsradio and ER fame, plays the friendly innkeeper. I note this because I think Maura Tierney is going places, and I want to make sure everybody knows it. She's an excellent actress, and although her part isn't huge or even that crucial, she does provide a certain je ne sais quoi to the screen that would have been missing had she not been in the movie. Overall, I highly recommend this movie if you like Al Pacino, or want to see Robin Williams not dressed in women's clothing. If you like Al Pacino AND you don't want to see Robin Williams in women's clothing, this is your movie. Favorite Lines: Back to Top
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001) Chances are, you've either read the books, seen the movie, both, both and own several pieces of merchandise, or are Elijah Wood. Either way, you know the general story, because even if you aren't one of the above, chances are at least one of your friends is. So, I'll skim over it really fast. So, there's this place called Middle Earth. It's full of all these fantastical beings, like elves, dwarves, hobbits, orcs, balrogs, wizards, and even humans. A long time ago, this really evil guy named Sauron made a ring that gave him mystical powers. This ring was The One Ring, and with it he covered Middle Earth with his armies. However, he was defeated eventually when this guy named Isildor chopped his hand off and took the Ring. Instead of destroying it, he became drunken with power and kept it. Eventually, he died and the Ring lay dormant for thousands of years until a creature named Gollum found the Ring. He kept it for many more years, until he lost it to Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm) Bilbo kept it for many more years (sensing a pattern here?) Now, as our story begins, evil has re-emerged. Sauron's spirit calls for the Ring, and the Ring is desperately trying to get to a payphone. All kidding aside, the Ring wants to be found by Sauron's underlings, and when it is, Sauron will be able to cover Middle Earth in another age of darkness. Gandalf the Grey (Ian McKellan), a mighty powerful wizard, is concerned about this, and enlists Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) to take it out of the Shire-the home of the hobbits-before Sauron's wraiths (yes, wraiths) can get it. Soon (and by soon, I mean halfway into the movie), it comes to pass that Gandalf realizes that the only way Sauron will not get the Ring is if it is destroyed in the only place it can be unmade-where it was made, Mount Doom, which is deep in Sauron's territory. A council of Middle Earth's leaders (kinda like the Big Three meetings during WWII, only with more dwarves) creates a Fellowship that will take the Ring to Mount Doom and destroy it. The Fellowship consists of Gandalf, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Samwise, Borimir, Aragon, Gimli, and Legolas. Along the way, they face many perils, and many many special effects. Despite my somewhat indifferent-sounding plot summary, I really have absolutely no problem with this movie. Even the length is excusable, given the epic nature of the story and the amount of material Peter Jackson was forced to cut out of it in order to make it bearable in a single sitting. Is it the perfect movie? For "Lord of the Rings" fans, it is. I see no huge, glaring flaws in it at all, and indeed, no tiny, glaring flaws either. It is faithful to the book, the special effects really do look great, the screenplay is well-adapted from the book, the cast is great, the acting is far above-par. Let's face it folks, this is the definitive movie trilogy for Lord of the Rings. No one will ever have to translate the books into cinematic form ever again after the final movie installment. It would just pale in comparison. Peter Jackson is a clever bastard for attaching himself to this project. Albeit, one false move and he will be taken to be un-made by the billions of LOTR fans that exist on this planet, but so far so good. In any case, if you haven't seen this movie, you are a cinematic idiot and I weep for you. Albeit, I saw it AFTER "The Two Towers" opened in theaters, but I have an excuse. Umm.I was dead at the time. "Ocean's 11" (2001) Premise: Hell, no! He goes right for the jugular, this one does. He's got the biggest caper ever concieved ready and waiting to be pulled off, and all he needs is a team of guys. He and his partner (excellently played by Brad Pitt) decide to gather this elite squad of thieves. Through a series of very well-written sequences, they gather men until their number totals 11, including Danny Ocean. This group has just become....Ocean's 11. Will I tell you the rest of the story? How they accomplish their goal? If they accomplish their goal? I think not. Go and see it yourself. It's worth any amount of money not exceeding $15 a ticket. Comments: Wow. That's all I have to say. Wow. Now I have something else to say. As you may (or may not) recall from Fuv Ma' Poppin's review of the movie, the ensemble cast is highly praised. I fully agree with Mr. Ma' Poppin. There isn't one character in the movie that isn't excellently acted. The comedic timing is far above par in this movie. It's part caper flick, and part comedy. I'm glad to say that the 2 genres are capable of being blended without losing much (or even anything) in the blending. I'm not a big Julia Roberts fan, so I'm glad to say she was not one of the Ocean's 11, because I would have had to see much more of her. Instead, she played a relatively small but pivotal role as Danny's ex-wife, who is dating/married/seeing (this point was rather unclear, although it seemed to lean toward a flight of fancy) Benedict at the time. She was...all right I guess. My opinion of her has not changed. However, my opinion of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Andy Garcia have gone through the roof. I never really had a problem with George Clooney, but I was ready to take him or leave him. Now he has shown me the extent of his...well...comedic abilities (he serves as more of the catalyst for the action than for the actual action itself, I think), and I thoroughly enjoyed him. Now, I would like to say a few words about the writing. My god, it was excellent. Really. I mean, sure, there may be some goofs here or there, some bad facts or impossibilities, but I say, if you're going for perfection in the reality sense with a fictional movie, then you might as well do a documentary. People don't want things to be the way they actually are. Plots aren't overly entertaining if every law of logic or physics is followed. Sure, I won't deny it, there were some close calls in this movie where, in real life, Ocean's 11 would have become Cellblock D's 11, but that was for suspense. And I'm glad to say it worked out for the best. Secondly, writing for 11 main characters (that's only the good guys, mind you.) is not an easy task. Writing for 11 unconventionally well-thought-out main characters is virtually impossible. Believe me, I speak from experience. The more characters you have, the less character development you can fit into a movie. However, the writers give us just enough about the characters to make them stand out as individuals. In the end, you care about how each character fares. That's the main point here. Favorite Lines: "I'm gonna drop you like 3rd period French." Brad Pitt: Tell Riggs I want to see him! So, after we go down the elevator we can't open, get past the guards with guns, get through the impenetrable vault, we're supposed to just walk out of there with $160 million? Matt Damon: I was just trying to deliver my balloons! "Why do they always paint hallways that color? "I know everything that's going on in my hotels" "Amazing. You want a magazine or something?" (The next 3 lines are part of a scheme to keep Benedict busy.) "Cracker!!!" George Clooney: There's a 95 lb. Chinese man with $160 milliion dollars behind that door. Brad Pitt (on phone with Benedict): In fact, I'm staying in your hotel. 2 words: mini bar. (George Clooney walks out of prison with a tuxedo on) Hey, Vince needs a girl. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Premise: Comments: Oh right, I was supposed to talk about the movie. It was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I defied my own ratings system to give it 6 Annoyed-Monkeys-Holding-Balls out of 5. This movie is only awesome, however, if you have seen most of Kevin's Smith's prior endeavors into cinema ("Clerks", "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy", "Dogma"). If you have not seen those movies, the movie will be amusing, but much of it will be lost to you. However, why you would see this movie if you weren't a Kevin Smith fan is beyond me. It is a laugh-out-loud movie, to be true. Without a doubt, this is a movie for the fans, and that's the way it ought to be. I plan to see it again, and perhaps a third time. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were great on the set of "Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season" Shannon Doherty was good. I have a new love of any cameos by Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek. Ah, hell, the entire cast was great in this flick. And the "bluntsabre" fight with Mark Hamill was so cool. Good job, Kevin Smith. Good job. Favorite Lines: Jay: Zoinks yo Jay: Don't you never say an unkind word about the time! Me and Silent Bob fashioned our whole lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a smmooooth pimp who loooves the (expletive deleted) and Tubby here's my black man-servant, WHAT!? Intern Guy: You're the man, sir. Jay: Damn youse, damn youse all to hell! Silent Bob: THE SIGN...ON THE BACK OF THE CAR...SAID 'CREATURES OF HOLLYWOOD...YOU DUMB F***!! Guy in Movie: You're no longer Good....Will Hunting (snicker) High Fidelity (2000) Premise: Comments: God, I loved this movie. People may say it sucked. To those people, I can only shake my head in wonder and walk away. The movie treats you like (A) you know things about pop music and (B) like you are an incredibly philosophical person who will get what Robis saying (which isn't too incredibly hard to understand anyway.) I like being treated like I am not the average American movie-goer. I like being spoken to by a movie, instead of being spoken-down-to by a movie. This movie spoke to me, and for that I simply must give it the highest score possible. Some things to note: The film was based on the cult book of the same name by Nick Hornby. To Nick Hornby, I give a nod of respect and admiration. I highly suggest you go out and get the book to read it. I did. In addition, on a side note, I would love to see a female give her opinions on the wackiness of relationships as Rob has done in this film. However, I believe it would turn into a male-bashing session instead of a witty commentary on society. "Wow, your being really controversial" you say. Well, yes, yes I am. So sue me. It's my opinion and I am sticking to it. Favorite Lines: "Do you want me to help you with the sorting? What order are you doing it in? Alphabetical? Chronological?" - Dick "We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five." - Barry (Jack Black) "Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelies and the Palestinians." - Rob "Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains." - Rob "I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago." - Rob "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" - Rob
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