Quote of the Week:
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

Song of the Week:
"Say" by John Mayer

Pic of the Week (click to see larger version) :

(BabyGirl as cute as ever!)

November 9, 2008:

I fully realize it's been a long time since I last updated. :-p

I kept wanting to put up some new Joslyn pictures, but the process is such a long one that I would usually want to do other things. But her Halloween costume was SO adorable, I just had to get off my butt and finally get some of the pictures up. ;) That and the videos, since I've been doing those lately too. Everything from her birthday party to Halloween and inbetween. :)

I also have put up some pictures of my family's new doggies, Samantha and Kia. I know some of you had been asking for pictures so you could see what they look like, and it took me a bit to get 'em up (as we've had them for a few months now), but I hope you enjoy the pics nonetheless. :)

Both updates are on the Picture Page so feel free to clickie clickie and have some fun. :)

~Keri

June 29, 2008:

Wow. Looking at the last time I updated, I realize now just how long it's been since I put up some new Joslyn pictures. Oops. :-p

But fear not, I have new BabyGirl pictures now! I finally got off my butt and uploaded, edited, sent them to Julie, waited (lol *ducks away from Julie*), and now have finished the whole process with some great pictures...as well as, God help me, some videos featuring Joslyn, myself, and my mother. (And a cameo appearance of Missy's voice too. :-p) I may be crazy for the addition of the videos as there's high blackmail material in there... Keri dancing, Mom singing and looking slightly crazy, us making odd baby-like noises, and all sorts of goodies. Julie will probably be blackmailing me in moments. I await the threatening letters with glued on magazine words. ;)

Seriously though, feel free to head to the Pictures page to see the update for the Joslyn pics. I hope you enjoy the pictures, as it's been awhile. She's looking adorable as all get out, smiling, getting mischievous, all of that type of stuff. Yes, I'm a proud aunt. Get used to it, if you haven't already. :-p

March 16, 2008:

This update is mainly a pictures one. :)

Obviously as it had been a couple of months since my last Joslyn update, I must put up pictures of the precious babygirl. ;) She keeps getting cuter and cuter. She's developing much more of a personality now...and she smiles more, which is something I always adore.

Also, I have some pictures from my mom's Songster pianist retirement after 50 years of playing. (You heard that right. 50 frickin' years. I bet a lot of us couldn't do something that long. ;)) The Songsters threw a beautiful dinner/program for her...and so I put up some pictures of it. We're all decked out and looking pretty/handsome as it was a special occasion. I really do love my mom and appreciate all she's done...so I wanted to maybe just say a "thank you" of sorts with this picture page for her. (And yes, she just saw it. :))

Thanks for checking out the update, and to see the pictures, just go to the Picture Page and scroll down for the "new" and "updated" signs. :)

January 21, 2008:

First update for 2008. Woot da woot. ;)

I decided with the new year, it would make sense to start us off with a nice, big update. I have heard the cries for certain updates *cough*quotes*cough* and these cries will be appeased. That is right, my dear friends -- your Friends' Quotes page has been freshly updated with quotes from your favorite people! (Including a load of Julie. But are we surprised? We know the best friend is more talkative than anyone else, so wham bam thank you ma'am, she gets caught a lot more. ;)) I hope you have fun with them. The quotes that were on that page previously have been moved back, in case you end up in search for those as well.

And of course, because a new update would not be complete without a special little Babygirl... I have a new Joslyn Pics update on the Picture page. She is as adorable as ever...and apparently growing a mullet. *grins* ;) Lastly, I have also updated with a few new poems on the Poetry page. :)

I hope you guys enjoy the update...and thank you once again, Julie Bulie, for your generous hosting of my pictures. You rock as always for taking the time to download and then upload them to your site. :)

November 29, 2007:

Sometimes I amaze myself with the ability to still update my website even when I've had a crazy week. I truly think it's just because I absolutely adore pictures of my niece and wanna share them. That's the only reason why I'd take the time to upload them from the camera, edit them, have Julie upload them to her site, then do HTML code...all when I'm tired. ;)

If you haven't already guessed, there's a new Picture Update -- consisting of both pictures of Joslyn as well as another link with pictures from my Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy looking at them. :) I was going to bust out a quote update but then...I looked and the quote update would have been pathetically small. Even after trying to scrounge together some more quotes. So that was a bust. You people need to talk more. :-p Other than that, I did add a couple more poems...but otherwise I ain't touching anything else. I'm tired. The Keri wants to go rest and put her nose in a book. hehe Enjoy darlings. ;)

November 3, 2007:

Gee, not even a month went by before I actually updated. This purely has to do with Joslyn, as I'm sure you all know. That girl is photographed way more than you'd think is humanly possible. ;)

If you didn't figure it out already, we have another Joslyn picture update! If you would like to see the pictures, feel free to go to the Pictures page and look for the update there. Huge incentive? The baby is dressed up for Halloween and looks more adorable than ever! I laughed a lot when I saw the pictures. I'll admit it. She looked funny, hehehe. ;)

Other than that though, not much else is going on in the way of updates. I did add a few more poems to the Poetry page but other than that, that's about it.

Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you enjoy the new pictures! :)

October 14, 2007:

See what being an aunt does? It makes me update way more frequently 'cause I have pictures I wanna share. ;)

Actually, today is a pretty big update overall. I've been making the new/updated things for a week or two now during my free time. Work was hellish for a couple of weeks there, so this last week I actually had a fairly normal schedule to be able to get some of this stuff done. And of course, I have a wonderful best friend in Julie Bulie Wulie as she doesn't mind uploading tons and tons of pictures to her website. She is the Buliest ever. (Hi. hehe ;))

So what are the updates? Well, to be honest with you...if you go to the Pictures Page, you will find the majority of the updates. Of course, there are new Joslyn pictures to show off as she's getting more adorable with time. :) I also put up some pictures from the SoCal GCN Gatherings that I've been going to. I love those guys and love the time I do occasionally get to spend with them, so I wanted to show 'em off. ;) There are also a few pictures from when Sara, my parents, and I went to see Wicked: the Musical a few weeks ago...and also when we saw Allie in Spring Awakening. :) Lastly, I have also updated the Poetry page with any poems I've written up till this date.

Thanks for visiting everyone, and I hope you enjoy wandering around the updates. :)

September 8, 2007:

Okay, I know it's been ages since I updated this website. I let it go to the wayside in the last couple of years. I'm surprised Geocities never took me down -- thank God they didn't 'cause dangit, I like my website. Even if it was infrequently updated. :-p

The main reason I'm updating is because I am now officially an aunt! :) My brother and his wife had a beautiful baby girl. I updated the Pictures page with some new Joslyn pics and she's not even a week old yet. If you'd like to see those pictures, feel free to click here to visit the Pictures page. :)

In addition to pictures of my beautiful baby niece, I also updated the Friends Quote page. I know, right? FINALLY. :-p Some of my friends were asking for a quote update, so I started gathering some quotes together...and here's the result. I think I'm gonna keep it up 'cause it's always nice to see and look back at what people have said. ;)

I'm going to be updating again soon with some more pictures of a couple of GCN gatherings I've gone to, as well as most likely some more of Joslyn without a doubt. ;) Hopefully that'll be soon as I'm working quite a bit this week, and on my downtime I wanna see da baby. :) Thanks for visiting and seeing the new update...I know, I know...finally. :-p

October 1, 2005:

First things first, I have a big announcement for those not in the know (although almost everyone is in the know I believe, but that's beside the point -- I deserve big announcements all over the place dangit!!)...
I AM ENGAGED!!

Hehehe, yep yep yep. I am an engaged woman. ;) Sara proposed to me when she visited California in August...and I of course said yes. :) Don't ask me when we'll be getting married, we haven't decided on a date yet. Mainly because right now, we're focused on getting me moved to Texas and settled in first. That will be happening in almost exactly two months from now. Crazy, huh? But yep, we're focusing on that, so I don't know the details yet. :)

But I am a very happy woman, as you will be able to see in the pictures in my new update, hehe. ;) I'm a dork and in love. Sue me. ;) :-D

*sheepish grin* I know it's been a long, long time since I updated this site. At least with an actual real update, I've done minor ones...like updating poems or updating the All About Me page and stuff like that. But it's been awhile since I real one. Mainly 'cause my life suddenly got very interesting again! lol ;)

In this update, I've got pictures for you! I have new pictures from Claire's 2nd Birthday Party... as well as new pictures from visits between Sara and I. To see those new pictures, you can go straight to the update, if you'd like, which is here. :)

I wanted to update the friends' quotes at this time too, but quite frankly, my wrists are killin' me from all the coding. :-p Plus my new comp doesn't have Microsoft Word, so the document I keep them on is kinda funkified. ;) So I'm going to take a break and maybe I'll put it up in a couple of days when I feel like I have the patience for that document, lol. Until then you can enjoy the pics. :)

And enjoy me being engaged!! EEEEE!! *cough* Right. Hi. Still eeeing. Me. Shutting up. Yes, right. Hi. Bye. Toodliloo. *cough* ;)

April 10, 2005:

What can I say? My friends are funny. *laughs* No really. I swear, it used to take me a few months to gather up 10 pages of quotes from my friends to make an update. Ever since I joined GCN, I don't know...they seem to be a hilarious group by nature. As well as a very loving and supportive group...and kind group. And I just love capturing that about them. :)

So YES, there is another quote update! And it's only been about two weeks! I know. But really. You'll be glad I didn't wait and continue to save them up 'cause within two weeks, I already had 20 pages. Yes, 20. It's craziness. :-p

I don't have anything else, really. I keep meaning to do other things, but life keeps interrupting it seems. That or migraines. Stupid migraines. I really hate those things. *sighs* I so need to talk to people at Borders. It's not even funny anymore. :-p

Nonetheless, enjoy the quotes. If my new friends keep it up, I'm sure there will be another update within a couple of weeks. It's a whole new site 'cause of that. lol, suddenly, Keri updates! I know, concept. ;) Enjoy. Click here to get to said quotes, if you'd like to read them. Take care, m'friends. :)

March 28, 2005:

Hola m'friends. :) I got a teeny tiny update for you. That's because I have yet to have any new pictures. (I'm an idiot for not bringing my camera with me to the big ol' Easter day o' fun...) So it's just a quotes update for the most part...or well, the whole part. lol. Shut up. :-p

So yes, if you would like to see some new Friends Quotes, simply go here to do so. :) Alas, the page was getting way too long, so I moved some of the older quotes on there to the previous quotes page (the top link at the bottom of the page). In case you miss those ones and want to see them again some day. :-p Otherwise, it's mainly new ones. I credit most of the quotes to my new buddies. lol, since my old buddies have gone so quiet lately! Darn you all! You know I'm quoting, don't you?! Hehehe. ;)

Nonetheless, that's mainly all I got. And I'm sleepy. So I'm going to bed. I do have to work tomorrow, although I talked my way out of showing up at 5:00am, so this is good with me. Instead I simply work till 11:00am. I am smooth. And I think management is now scared of me leaving someday, so they accomodate me a lot more. lol, they can't lose their best employee. ;)

So yes, enjoy! And I shall sleep now. :-p

March 10, 2005:

Hey everyone. :) I got a new update for ya'll... finally. I know, I know, it took me long enough. But I have my reasons. :-p

Nonetheless, first of all, I have a new update on the Friends Quotes page! I'm sure you're all going to love that, being quoted and all. lol, although it's a bit of a Keri love fest in parts, so for that I apologize, but I like to keep that type of stuff, hehe. But there's still lots of fun things throughout. :)

I also have updated Picture Craze with a couple of updates there. I recently got my roll of film developed -- and it's been around for a good couple of months waiting to be finished. So first of all, I have a Claire Pics update, and then I also have a separate Random Pics link put up. On there, you'll find pictures with some friends and family, just random stuff that I didn't have anywhere else to put basically, lol.

Anyways, that's all the update I got for you. I'm currently doped up on Dayquil and needing food, so I'm not going to babble. Oh, and thank you to everyone for your support regarding Rocky's death -- I felt the love. Thank you, I do appreciate it more than you know. :)

February 12, 2005:

I love you, Rocky...and I will miss you. You'll always be my Big Boy.

January 18, 2005:

Yes yes, an update before the month is up - be rightfully shocked! ;)

There aren't any new pictures...my roll of film has yet to be finished. I have some of Claire, and pics with Laura and Merry on that roll, but alas...needs to be finished before I turn 'em in. So no pictures. I know you're all very sad because my pictures have become a staple when updating, heh. ;)

However, I have updated! This time though, I did something a bit different. I updated the Friends' Quotes page with lots of nummy goodness. Quite a few quotes actually considering the fact that it's only been a couple of months since the last update. I think that's because I'm trying to pay attention more now for quotes than I have in the past year or so. But yay, we all love quotes! (Except for Anya of course...it would be a sign of the end of the world if she suddenly enjoyed seeing herself quoted afterall. I'd run. And hide. With fear. From her, most likely because she WILL be the one to bring the end of the world, I just know it. ;))

I also put a poem up on the Poetry page, but I haven't really written anything the last month or so. I feel like writing, I just haven't been able to find the words, it seems. (Little edit: I found the words apparently, because I've written quite a few new poems since this update. *cough*)

And that's it. I'd babble, but really, I have a headache. I'm beginning to think they're eye strain headaches. 'Cause I'm fine until I come home and hop on the comp to check things out...then my headache starts and quite frankly it doesn't cease and desist... even after taking pain meds...even after a hot bath... nope, no ceasing for Keri! (Yes, I tried all of the above today.) Bleh. And it's keeping me from wanting to write in my novel, which sucks, because I really do want to. I guess that's why I updated my site today, because it's kind of mindless activity... I wanna write though dangit. *pouts* :-p

Hehe, okay I'll shut up. Enough whining from da baby. ;) Next update will prolly be a pictures one. Till then.

January 2, 2005:

Look at that... it is now officially 2005. I'm going to have to get used to writing that. It was already weird doing it New Years Day at work. ;) I figured with the new year...it'd be only appropriate to have an update on my website. Lucky for me, I had some material to be able to do this, otherwise that woulda been pathetic, right? :-p

First of all, there are some cute new Baby Claire pictures here. There are also some pictures from this year's Christmastime, and you can see those here (or go through the Pics page and see 'em there -- whichever way your little heart desires). :)

Lastly, I also put up a couple of new poems on my Poetry page, if you'd like to check them out.

I feel like I should pull a Karen and do this really eloquent New Year post. (Because I must admit, Karen, your new entry rocked. :)) I don't know what to say though... 2004 held a lot of...learning for me. I've had some tough years, prolly the year after my dad's heart attacks being one of them, the year of social anxiety disorder appearing, and now this one. At least the tough years seem to come every couple of years and I get a break inbetween, I suppose. But it never makes 'em any less difficult.

It's hard to know how to feel about 2004. I wasn't that happy, but at the same time I'm proud of the way I've turned out at the end of the year. 2004 brought the realizations of how crappy of a person I was and how I'd treated those nearest and dearest to me...but because of those realizations, I was able to do something about it, grow from it, and become someone I can look in the mirror at and not cringe. I'm happy with the changes that have occurred in me and my heart -- I'm just waiting for my outside world to match it, for happy circumstances to find me. I've given it all up to God though, I know I'm not in control and I wouldn't want to be anyways with something so important. I trust Him...and am waiting life out because He's asked me to do so while He works on things. I don't know what He's doing, but I'm trusting Him...having faith for the first time in a couple of years. I think that's what He wants to see most from me afterall...faith.

That's 2004...essentially it was a year of growing up, relying on the practical and logical side of me for once, while once again learning how to have faith again... and now, here comes 2005. Hopefully, things will be revealed to me sometime soon and 2005 will be a much better year. Until then, I hold onto the promise of something better than what I currently have...and believe that all the work I've been doing on myself will be worth it ultimately, because I'll be happier with myself and others will be happier with me as well.

Here's to 2004...I'm honestly not gonna miss you. Sorry. :-p

November 30, 2004:

What happens when Keri has a cold and the heater is broken and it's freezing cold? She updates her website apparently. :-p I know, miracle of miracles. :-p I couldn't take a nap or sleep because I was waiting for the heater repair guys to come -- which yeah, they never did so we'll be spending the night in freezeville once again. This does NOT help my cold. :-p So since I couldn't sleep or anything, I just occupied my time on here making some updates.

For once, there are no new Claire pictures...although we babysat her on Saturday and I did take new pictures -- the roll is just not finished yet. She was the most adorable thing -- the pictures will show for it and I'll tell stories then. :)

However, I have updated! I actually updated the Friends' Quotes page with a few quotes from the last few months that I saved. Not a lot, but some. Enough to tide a few people over. Unfortunately, some of the material isn't as incriminating as in the past. ;)

I have also updated my Poetry page. I put up some new/recent poems of mine as well as a couple of older ones that I love. I figured if I was at, I might as well put a few up. :)

And that's it... that's all the updates I got. That's all this loopy-headed, drugged-up Keri can provide for you today. I know I'm weird with the update when I'm sick, but alas, nothing better to do when I can't lay in bed and sleep. I hope everyone's doing well...me, I'm well, sick. :-p At least I'm not the only one -- Laura and Merry are sick too. You'd think that'd be a sign to management to lighten up on us, because they're makin' us sick but nooo. I was late to work today 'cause the freeway was jammed, and usually I'd be fretting because of getting an occurance but honestly? I couldn't be bothered. I was loopy and just happy to be driving 10 mph at that moment. Okie dokie...babbling girl shut up and go eat some chicken pot pie. :)

November 17, 2004:

I know, it's amazing, I'm actually updating my site. Will wonders never cease. :-p

Course, I'm sure ya'll won't be surprised to hear that it's a Baby Claire picture update. ;) Mainly I got pics so soon because of Halloween and the fact that she was in her cute little costume. She's adorable as always, and if you would like to see for yourself, you may proceed to this page. I hope you enjoy the pics. :)

Other than that, I don't really have anything else updated. Life's been too... I guess busy for that. But not busy in a good way. Anyhow, I'm not gonna babble, just wanted to say there's new pictures of da baby. Hopefully I'll have some more for you soon enough... Lord knows it's possible with the way I take pics of this baby. I could fill up a whole photo album with the pictures I've taken of her since her birth. :-p Right, shushing. Enjoy. :)

October 28, 2004:

I have updated. :) I mainly did so only because there was a pic of Julie, Allie, and I above that I'd been telling our friends I'd share with them for awhile now... and because I had some new Claire pictures to share as well. So if you would like to see the pic of Jules, Allie, and I just look above, and the pics of Claire are here. :)

I honestly don't have much to say in this update about my life. I mean, there are things going on, don't get me wrong, I just don't feel like babbling about it all.

Let's just say going through the motions of school and work, as usual. Just completed my midterms yesterday. (I had to actually go in for a few of 'em, which was interesting and growth-inducing.) Work is crazy busy because of the "holiday build." Too much to do with not enough people, so frazzled we are. And other than that... I'm actually for the first time in awhile doing something just for me. No other reasons than my own growth and learning. It's helping my self-esteem and confidence a lot. I haven't really told anyone about it...it's nothing big, it's just... important to me. Maybe I'll share someday.

Until then, I'm not in big share mode. I'm more introspective Keri lately...just working on things, that's all. Anyways, shushing up. Enjoy the pics. :) The only reason why I'm babbling here in the first place. ;)

August 5, 2004:

Yes, I am really trying to do a bit more updating... Hopefully, I'll get to more than just this, but for now, you can see a new update of Friends' Quotes! :)

Be forewarned though... there is a lot of... JULIE quotes. A lot. LOL. This is because she's the only one I talk to on a regular basis online. The rest of you stay relatively quiet or don't say much on your journals...or if you do, it's void of your normal funny-ness! It's so sad. It leaves a girl with little quoting opportunities when she tries to go back through many entries and quote ya'll. So sad. *tear* :-p

Enjoy though, the small update it is. I possibly am going to play more on my site and do a bit more updating...we shall see. :)

Edited for another update: I have done a couple more things...just minor updates. I updated the PB Past page so that everything is on one main page, but that's about it. I also moved the Buff1f/Kristen quotes onto the Friends' Quotes page since they're better suited there. That's mainly it for that...

I also took off the Surprise! page because eh, even I was tired of lookin' at Shawn's butt and for most people, it was no longer a surprise nor funny, so off it went. And lastly, I rearranged the Art page, but that's about it. Nothing new up on there, 'cause I'm rarely artistic. ;)

That's it for now.

Edited yet again: I pulled off a big update, not a measily one for once! ;) I did a complete overhaul of the Words from the Heart section. I have taken down a lot of the old poems I had up there, because well, I don't consider them that good anymore...and instead I put up a lot of new ones. I think the "latest" poem I had up there was from 2001, so that lets you know just how much this section has been neglected. I put up a lot of recent poems, all the way up to one I wrote just last month. I hope ya'll enjoy the new poems, if you haven't seen them yet, that is. :)

August 3, 2004:

Y'know, I'm beginning to think if it weren't for these Claire pictures I keep taking, this site would hardly be updated! *cough* I keep meaning to do some things over...I really do. But eh, life has been super busy the past month or so, so I haven't really focused on much else than the busy-ness. Sorry. ;)

Nonetheless, as if you didn't expect it already... there is a Claire Pictures update! I know you wanna see, she's absolutely adorable as always. :) These were taken a couple of weeks after the last update, but with the busy-ness, I just never had a chance to put them up. Now I can though, so up they go. :-p

As for life, things have been hectic. But at the same time, things are beginning to fall into place. I'm not expecting some magic genie thing to happen where suddenly everything is perfect!, but slowly but surely things are falling into place. And for some reason, I'm okay with slow and sure, because slow and steady wins the race... That seems to apply to many facets of my life right now. Although now that I have finally gotten adjusted to this whole "take your time, don't worry about it, and things will fall into place" mentality, I suppose it's not so slow.

For instance, AA Degree in English almost complete. I have 11 official units left to take, but I'll add on a Travel class to that for fun (and for full-time benefits) to have 14 units total. Classes start at the end of August, so that's not too far away. It's crazy to think I've been working on this thing for over two years now, and it's almost done. Almost complete. My goal, my very first goal. I suppose people can no longer say that I never finish what I begin, because look at me...that's all my mentality has been the last couple of years -- finishing what I started.

That applies to work as well. I officially had "hell week" at work last week, and trust me, I thought about quitting probably 10 times during that week...it sucked that bad. But...the thing that kept me there, that still keeps me there is the fact that I am going to finish what I started. I had a plan, I'm sticking to the plan. I'm at the halfway point...I can do it.

But nonetheless, I am taking it slow and steady. All of it. All the things in my life. There's no rush... there really isn't for once. I'm just letting it all happen naturally. I suppose I am able to recognize that I am in this "place" (not physical necessarily) for the next five months...that it's not going to come any quicker if I will it, I am here. Five months. That ain't budgin'. So I might as well enjoy it, and soak it up for what it's worth. Why rush it? Why rush things? It'll happen in due time. *laughs* I can begin worrying about my "next step" in three months or so. That's when I'll need to begin planning, so that's when I'll worry. Until then, slow and steady wins the race, right? :)

Ever feel like you're a different person than you once were? I feel that way. I'm different...and I like the way I am now. Me being able to not rush things is new...I like that. I like what I see more and more.

Anyways, I shall stop babbling. ;) As you know, Claire pictures! And I may come back and update some more today if I feel like it. It's either that or nap-time...and nap-time looks tempting, but we shall see. Hope you enjoy the pics, they're adorable, as always. :)

June 30, 2004:

Yes, yes, I know it's been awhile... I swear, I really did mean to update this site in the whole doing a whole new overhaul type of way...but well, things got busy. I got a job, I suddenly had a lot of clients with my travel agency, and I had full-time college going on. Needless to say, I have been a busy girl. The last two days have been the first time I've been able to really relax in a good few months. It's kinda nice � I like this feeling of not having to necessarily get anything in particular done. I'm just kinda putzing around and I like that. ;) I'm sure that'll change soon enough but for now, I'm eating it up for all its worth.

So what does that mean for you? It means... I have new pictures!! YAY!! :)

If you would like to see new Baby Claire pictures, please go to Picture Craze and go click on the recent update. I know you'll love them, because she just keeps getting cuter and cuter. I don't know how that happens, but it does, lemme tell ya. ;) And I should have more cute Claire pics up in a week or so, because I have another roll I'm supposed to turn in.

I wish I had more to update you with, but alas, not so much. :-p

Like I said, things have been really busy. I got straight A's for my spring semester so that's good. :) And right now, I'm taking Speech 101 for summer and lemme tell ya, it's been crazy...summer courses are insane, but I have a feeling this one in particular is more insane than some others. I'm going to be doing another full semester in the fall and theeeeeen, guess what m'friends? I will have my AA degree! Ain't it somethin'? :) I'm happy about that...one of my goals finally gonna be realized. Between you and me (hehe), it will be nice to get off this whole "AA degree" kick I've been on for the last couple of years. I'm ready to get away from school. I'm ready to get away from it right now honestly, 'cause I'm kinda burned out, but alas...one more semester till I'm finished, I can hack it, so I'm going to. :) Could be an intense semester since I save some of the worst classes for last of course, but hopefully it won't be too bad.

It's also weird being a workin' woman now. I've been at Borders now for three months. In some ways, it's seemed to have passed by quickly and in other ways, it feels like I've been there forever. :-p I'm beginning to get a bit tired of the ... predictability of the job. It's like we always either a) shelve, b) RPL, c) shelve, d) alpha, or e) SHELVE. Notice a theme? ;) I love RPLing and I love alphaing, but I don't like shelving...and of course, it would be the thing we do the most. :-p I will say however that it's really nice having money coming in and saving up and all... I dunno, I wonder if all jobs are like this. Predictable. I wonder if being a travel agent full-time would be predictable...it would be a lot of the same stuff, but wouldn't it still be exciting with new clients coming in, new trips, etc all the time? I wonder, hm.

I'm in this weird point in my life where I'm not quite sure what I want. I know I don't wanna work at Borders for the rest of my life. I know that much. :-p I know I'm not going to be one of those employees who stays there and makes it up to supervisor and then assistant manager and all that stuff. I don't think I'd want to... So I mean, there's being a travel agent, which I enjoy...but I wonder if it's what I'm supposed to do. I dunno, I'm hitting one of those indecision points again, I think. *smirk* Well, it's been a year and a half or so with this travel agent thing under my belt, so I guess it's about time that I began to wonder if I'm supposed to do something else. (It seems to be a pattern for me afterall. :-p) I still enjoy it, I just, I don't know...I'm trying to figure it out.

I think I read somewhere that the average person changes careers/jobs three times in their lifetime. I have a feeling I'm gonna be one of those average people. ;)

I'm rambling now, and here I thought I didn't have anything to say on here, lol...anyways, I think I'll shush up. So yes, go see Claire, she's cute! And hopefully, it won't be as long till the next time I update. :-p ;)

March 30, 2004:

What is this you say? An update...before the month is up?! Why yes, it is indeed an update. ;) Granted, it's not a friends' quotes update, because yeah, I need to gather more quotes to be able to do that, but an update nonetheless.

What does this update consist of? BABY CLAIRE PICS!! YAY!! :) I love me my baby cousin Claire. She's so cute. :) And I wanna thank Julie publicly for allowing me to use some of her webspace to be able to house the baby Claire pics, because yeah, without that, I would possibly have to take down even more pics off this website because of lack of space (I'm almost up to my 15 MB limit). So I appreciate it greatly babe, thank you. (LOL, although I know it's just so you can melt at Claire pics all the time in the future if you want to!) ;) *laughs* And um, that's it mainly, that's all the update is.

I know I said I was going to start working on updating this website, but I think I forgot. *cough* I do plan on doing that sometime, but I guess I've been like, "Well...I have homework to do, and between doing homework and working on my site, I should PROLLY be doing homework..." so I would be good and do that. Instead of this. Be proud. Even if it means no updates. *cough* However, I just had to update the Claire page, that was essential. Everybody loves to see new pics of the da baby Claire because she makes everyone's hearts melt! Hee! ;) (*smirk* Or at least it makes Julie and my heart's melt at the very least. ;))

However, I do have some good news!

I ... have a job. Yes, please pick up your jaws now. :-p Keri has a job.

I am going to be working at Borders: Books and Music. I am a part of the Inventory Processing Team... I'll be working Tuesday through Saturday, and here's the kicker: 6 am to 11 am. EEEEK! LOL, anybody who knows just how much Keri loves to stay up late at night and sleep in late knows this is going to be quite an interesting shift in her life. I swear, I think I'm going to be in shock the first week of work or something before I start to get into the swing of things. :)

Luckily though, maybe it will only last for a few months before I'll be able to advance to a seller. The assistant manager, David, told me during my interview that advancement happens fairly quickly around there, and that I'm lucky because I'm actually already a step ahead of most people � most people start as a cashier and are paid $6.50 an hour...I'm starting in the IPT and am going to be paid $7.25 an hour. Pretty good. :) I think sellers get paid about $8.00 if I heard right from other people. But I'd like to become a seller at some point � and then I won't have to keep the early hours! :)

But for the first few months, IPT is where I will be, and I will enjoy it for what it is...and enjoy the team, because it's not usual that you get to work in a team fashion like that at a place like Borders, I would think. I'm looking forward to it, even if I'm a bit nervous. The good thing is that David hired four other people to be in the team (the IPT is new), and I believe we are all starting together on April 6th, so I won't be the only new one...which will be really nice. :)

So that's my exciting news. :) For anyone who didn't already know, that is. YAY, I'm a workin' woman, a savin' money woman, and just plainly a woman! Hehehe. ;)

March 5, 2004:

Yes, be amazed, I am actually updating my journal only a month later. Will wonders ever cease. ;)

I'm not going to babble though, I don't have too much to babble about quite frankly. I'm just posting here to say that I have made a couple of updates to the site... I have updated the Picture Craze page. I ended up taking out a few of the pics links, because I was running out of room on my website for storage. Some of them I didn't care to have up anymore, and I wanted to put up some new baby cousin Claire pictures. Soooo, you lost a few random things, but in place of it, you are getting new Claire Pictures! Rejoice, I know you wanna, lol. ;) So if you're gonna miss my Australia pictures, or pics of the kids from my mom's school or anything like that, I'm sorry. You're going to have to do without. Heh. ;) Also, I was going through all the pic links I still do have up, and some of captions were so out of date that I re-did a few of those as well.

I also weeded out a few...nuisances in the friends' quotes section, but I won't expand on that. I plan on reworking the site soon, there are some things that just really need to be updated. A lot of the main links are just well...old, considering the fact that they've been up here for a couple of years now. However, that's not going to be done right away, it'll prolly take a little while to get everything done that I wanna get done. Just a warning to ya'll though to keep on the lookout for when I do put something new up. :) This site is gonna be updated more than it usually is...just 'cause I feel bad for letting it sit here for a year. That's just kinda sad.

Anyhow, I shall stop babbling. Be sure to check out the Claire pics, she is utterly adorable. :)

February 11, 2004:

In less than 2 minutes, it will be February 11th. Hard to believe that I have literally not updated this page in almost a year. Even harder to believe that the date I finally get around to updating it with things is in direct relation to what my last journal entry was about. I'd call it a coincidence, but I'm likely to begin to think it's a sign of some sort. Almost like it's supposed to happen this way-- I'm supposed to update this page and follow up on everything from the last year. For those that do not remember, February 11th was the day my Grammy died last year...and therefore, today (it is now midnight) is the anniversary of her death.

I seemed to be in a denial of sorts most of the day. Like this wasn't happening, this day wasn't coming, there is no such anniversary. However, then I got around to having to update this part because of other updates in the site (which I'll get to in a minute)...and I read my last entry and well...that could make reality all the more obvious for anyone. And now that midnight has hit, it is time. It is time to face what I have been in denial about for days if not weeks. It has been a year.

You know what I've been doing lately? Thinking in my head: "This time last year, I was..." and finishing the thought. This time last year, I was packing...to go to Texas for Sara and my anniversary (although that was on the 19th- not the 11th)... and freaking out inside because I was leaving, and I didn't know if or when she was going to die. If my choice to leave was going to be a bad one. If I was going to regret it. If I wasn't. If I was being selfish because I needed Sara more than I needed my family, and therefore wasn't thinking too much about my family. Lots of thoughts were running through my head this time last year...lots of emotions were running through my heart-- I was happy because I was going to see my girl...and I was sad because I knew I was going to be losing my Grammy soon. Too many thoughts and feelings.

It's just crazy. I can run down the timeline for you, exactly how the 11th happened. I remember it so clearly. I remember waking up and finding my mom and aunt upset because they'd just gotten a call saying they needed to hurry-- that her time was running out, she'd be gone soon. I remember crying and feeling so torn about leaving, my mom holding me and insisting that I leave...and amazingly, remember her insisting that I needed to leave because Sara was who I needed to be with...and not saying it harshly, saying it truthfully, sincerely. I think that was the only reason I could grab my suitcase, hug them goodbye, and leave for the airport-- because my mom said it was okay to need Sara and not her...that was the only real reason why I wanted to leave right at that moment-- so I could endure the three hour plane ride, and then be held and taken care of by my girl. It was something to look forward to.

I can remember being at the airport, calling to leave the info of where my car is in the parking lot on the answering machine, getting my mom, and realizing Grammy was dead. Even though my mom said nothing and acted happy. Everything is a blur after that. I just hung up, went "Huh"...took me and my suitcase to check in, sat down to wait for the plane to board and stared out the window thinking nothing, got on plane and thought nothing, got off plane and honestly seeing Sara is even a blur-- I don't really remember it. The clarity comes into play when we were at Chick Fil A having dinner, and I'm sure she could sense something was wrong but just didn't know what. Then quite casually, I said, "So, I think my Grammy's dead." *little smile* Poor Sara. She didn't know what to make of me and just stared for a moment, because no tears, no upset, I just said it like I was saying that it was going to rain today. Me: "Yeah, think she died before I got on the plane. My mom didn't say but I could tell." *shakes her head* I honestly didn't feel anything. I was so numb. I couldn't feel sad about my Grammy, I couldn't feel happy about seeing Sara, I could only exist. *pauses* It was only later, once I got the truth that she was dead from my aunt that I could begin to feel...and sobbed like no tomorrow in Sara's arms. *pauses* It's weird how some things are so clear from that day, and how time seemed to stop for awhile before it began again.

*shakes her head* I honestly don't know what I'm trying to say...I'm thinking so many things. I'm sorry if I'm rambling.

I miss her...I do. It's weird how I used to not enjoy going to see her the last couple of years of her life because Alzheimer's had such a strong hold on her, but now, I would give much just to be able to see her once, even Alzheimer's her once. At least I could see that smile she always had on her face when she saw me. She always liked seeing me, without fail. I want to hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek...but that will never happen.

*pauses* I think Grammy would have been ashamed of me most this year. I fell...and I fell far after her death. I wasn't myself anymore, and man, only recently have I been able to begin to be myself again. It's still hard and I still slip into that rut sometimes, but man...it's good not to be there constantly like I used to be. I was so angry...so hurt...so disappointed. You name it, I was it. I gave up on God...although thank goodness, He didn't give up on me as I've been seeing recently. I just think she wouldn't have liked seeing me the way I was. *pauses* Although I think she'd be proud of the way I'm beginning to turn it around now...recognizing it and taking care of it.

I feel like I have come full circle this year. February broke me... and I believe I remained broken for a long time. I think in August, I began to melt although that process seemed slow... then in September, I began to be molded into something new...and man, that molding process continued for months. The last month has been particularly difficult in the molding aspect-- I feel like God has been really using this month to mold me. And now? I think I'm coming full circle... I think He's going to fill me once again. I just don't know how or when. Thank God I have finally come full circle-- it may have taken a year, but in the end it's worth it, because I'm getting back to the me I used to know. And hopefully, I'll grow from that and become an even better me.

This past year was possibly the hardest year of my life. Actually, no, it was-- straight up was. So much crap from every angle I looked, and quite frankly, I think I played a huge part in that. I've learned to stop looking at other people and what you think they're doing wrong, and how they can't do anything to make you happy...because I realized it meant I was actually the one that wasn't happy. Me. Not because of them, just me alone. It was me that needed fixing, no one else. Me that needed to find a way to get my happiness back and not expect anyone else to do it for me. It's hard to look in the mirror sometimes and see what's looking back at you...but I had to do that a few months ago. But like I said, thank God, I'm coming full circle and beginning to be happy with myself again. It makes it so much easier to be happy with others too.

*shakes her head* I honestly don't know what I'm talking about here, so I think I'm going to stop. For some reason, it's hard to be as eloquent as I was in the last entry...it just ain't happening tonight, I guess because it's not eloquent, it's not beautiful. It's real. It's harsh. And all you can do is face it. I'm not going to sugar coat this day. This day is going to be difficult, I know it. I don't know how alone I'm going to be, I don't know if I'm going to be okay, I don't know anything. All I do know is that it's going to be hard. I can live in denial all I want, but when the day actually comes, it gets real VERY fast.

So if you see me today, if you talk to me, don't be surprised if I'm not up to par...if I'm not particularly hilarious...if I'm not telling stories. Because most likely, all I'm going to be wanting is to have some sort of comfort...even if it's in the company of others. There are things I need, people I need, that I very well am probably going to have to do without. And because of that, I don't know quite what to do with myself. I know my mom will be home tomorrow during the day, so we may do something together to keep ourselves from going crazy and crying all day...but both her and my dad will be gone for Songsters at night, so it will be interesting to see how I do once I'm alone. I think I'll be just crying in my room most likely.

I wish I was chipper. I really do. I wish I could be normal me right now, but it just ain't happening. Next time I leave an entry, I promise I'll be a bit more happy.

Thank you for listening to me...I just...needed an outlet, and well, this seemed like an appropriate place because of my tribute to her below this.

On a lighter note, I DO have updates in here. :) FINALLY, a YEAR later too...I have finally updated the Friends' Quotes page with tons of goodness. These quotes have literally been sitting around in a document for the last year. I have gathered them over that period of time-- and although I didn't quote hardly at all for a few months, there's still tons. So have fun, and enjoy. :) Also, for those that don't realize it...the Picture Craze page has been updated as well. I put up the Claire pictures link on there, in case you haven't seen them (my baby cousin Claire)...as well as I have finally put up a link for the Sara and Keri pictures. *laughs* I haven't updated the pics page in so long, I could tell because I had "New!" next to a 2002 Christmas. So enjoy. :) I'm prolly going to be updating the Claire pictures in a couple of days, because we're getting film developed where we took pics of her a couple of weeks ago...and of course I'll have to share because she has gotten even cuter. :)

Once again, thanks for listening...and I hope you enjoy the updates. It's been awhile in waiting, I know.

March 5, 2003:

Let's get the happy stuff out of the way, because I think I'm actually going to use this "forum" to...feel and speak my mind about some things for once, instead of just babbling away like normal. So first things first, something I'm sure lots of my friends will be very happy about � there's a new quote update! I think there's something like 90 new quotes up, so have fun with it. That's what happens when it's been months since I last updated. :) So go HERE if you want to see wonderful new quotes. If you wanna stick around for my meaningful babble, more power to you. :-p

Most of you know this, but for those of you who don't...my Grammy died on February 11th. I just attended her memorial on Sunday, and I don't know if I've quite expressed my feelings on it yet. Everything comes out in small little heaps...it's like one thought here, then 30 minutes later, one thought there. And I don't want it to be that way � I want to be able to express myself clearly, the way I usually am able to...but maybe, that just can't happen with death. It's too hard. Especially when you're so close to the person.

I was very close to Grammy. I was always the spoiled grandchild because I was the only grandDAUGHTER. Grammy had wanted one for so long, and she had to sit through the births of 3 baby boys before I finally came along. ;) So when I did, she showered me with love and attention. She'd spoil me rotten with gifts and food and anything else my little heart desires. I can remember spending the night at her apartment many times. *smiles* I can still smell the aroma from the elevator � it was always a peculiar aroma, and one that always stuck with me. She'd let me go swimming in the pool downstairs, 'cause hardly anybody used it. I can recall the way her apartment looked perfectly. She was a writer, maybe that's where I got my passion from, so she always had a typewriter in the room where I stayed. The bed I stayed in used to be my mother's and Judy's. I had a favorite pillow � the lion pillow... but mostly, I always remember breakfast because she'd spoil me with donuts, and then snacks would be chips or popcorn. She'd try her hardest to get me to eat vegetables, but she just couldn't do it. It never worked, and I was as stubborn as a mule (got it from her side afterall). ;) But I guess mostly, I just remember laughing with her...I always felt very special around her...which said a lot, because at other places, I was too quiet to be special.




Granted, my Grammy surely wasn't perfect � she had her form of prejudices. That was probably her biggest fault...but she had so much more that just made up for it time and time again. She was no saint, but she sang like one.

... Maybe that was one of the hardest things at her memorial... was standing there singing the benediction we always sing at our church, that she taught me when I stood next to her... and not being able to hear her voice singing that song with me once more. I had done without it for 7 years or so already, but that day...I felt the emptiness. ... But at the same time, I felt her singing with me, with us... I couldn't hear her, but I could feel her... throughout the building, singing in her soprano voice one more time. It made teary then...just like it does now. How I'll miss that voice...she really did have a beautiful voice.

I think one of the things I'll never get is how a memorial is supposed to bring a sense of closure. I didn't feel the closure. I just felt more alone...and it didn't make her death any more real. It already felt very real.

Stacie said it's more a social thing...a way for everybody to be able to say their good-byes, to end the chapter of Grammy's life socially. But I realized something that day...they say good-bye through you. It's their way of saying so long to an old friend. They tell you how they feel and what Grammy meant to them, and that's it...I don't think they'll tell me again. Suddenly, it's done � it's over for them, they played their part. I didn't say good-bye though. I don't think I'll ever say good-bye.

My poem I wrote about my grammy (that ended up on the insert on her) ended up being a buffer of sorts...a safety net. I only had to encounter one or two "I'm sorry for your loss" comments (which boil my blood for some reason). The rest were about my poem...about how beautiful it was, how I have such a talent for poetry, how I'm following my grandmother's steps afterall. It was easier that way � not having to hear or deal with their "I'm sorrys" 'cause sorry seems so fake to me, so politically correct. Stacie asks me what I would want people to say then, and it's very simple...that they'll be there for me, that's all. That if I need them, or I need to call them, they'll be there. That's when I feel support and I feel love. I just feel their pity when I hear "I'm sorry." So I guess God had a way of keeping me somewhat sane during the memorial thanks to my poem insert...it gave people something ELSE to say to me other than they're sorry, and I'll forever be grateful for that. 'Cause I could have seen myself being so angry otherwise.

*pauses* You know...the weirdest thoughts go through a person's mind when they're grieving. I had one of those. What was it you ask? It was this:

Why do people draw hearts the way they do, when a heart looks nothing like that? There's things going in and out of the heart, pumping life into it. But a heart drawing is closed, formed. Maybe it's society's way of showing that people think their heart is only there's, and only they have the right to let somebody into it, and even at that, there's a key to open that heart. (I'm not saying that's bad, this is just one of my thoughts.) But I was thinking of the way the heart really is...how things flow into it and out of it and how it pumps away to give you life. That's really how it is though... because, people flow in and out of your heart... when they flow in, they pump your heart, they give you life... when they flow out, there's emptiness. Nothingness. ... Until someone else flows in and makes you feel alive again.

I felt that many times... Grammy left and it felt like my heart gasped because suddenly, there was no life in it, a life had been taken from my heart... and then someone would flow in and make me feel alive by making me smile or be happy for a few moments, usually that person was Sara... but at some point, the inevitable happened � you'd feel that emptiness again... until the next time you remembered you're still alive.




My mom says she wants to die. She wouldn't, but she wants to. *pauses* I never wanted to die, I never felt that way... but I did feel like I didn't want to live sometimes. I'd get angry at myself for being happy, for living. I felt like I deserved to be still and unfeeling...so I would be...even cold and heartless. Caused me more grief than I would have had anyways, I think.

I realized a few days ago though... I want to live... and be happy. And I regret every moment where I punished myself (and possibly others around me) for living, because I wish I could get those moments back and continue living and being happy. You can't though... you can only learn from your mistakes...record them...and try your best not to ever do it again when death comes around. 'Cause it will. It's inevitable too. Hopefully, I'll just be better prepared next time.

Stacie said something before my Grammy's death - the day before, when we knew it was coming sometime � and it made a lot of sense... God never planned for us to deal with death. It was not in his original plan. We were not made or built to be able to handle it emotionally. That's why it's so hard, and it's so painful. Because there's a separation there that was never meant to be there in the first place.

I'm starting to think I could never have enough space to write down all my thoughts or feelings.

A piece of my heart was taken on February 11th...and I wasn't able to make the choice about whether or not it could be. Proof yet again that you have no control over your heart or what it says. It hurts. And it feels lonely every now and again...




But it also feels a desire to live and be happy. To sing like my Grammy did. A beautiful voice to fill the space that's lonely... and that voice can only happen...by living.