Disclaimer : Argo appears as her lovely self in this story. Many thanks to Ian Horace Newton and of course, Tilly, Barbara and Mac for giving me such a gorgeous horse to ogle.
Socrates is a figment of my overheated imagination - please don't blame Renaissance Pictures for him, he's all my fault! And so is Klonos.
All of the other characters in this quasi-fable are loosely based on characters/actors who have appeared in the Xenaverse. Grateful thanks, as always, to those nice people at RenPic and their wonderfully warped sense of humour for inventing them and making them such fun to play with. Abject aplogies for mangling them like this - blame me! No one in their right minds has - or would - pay me to do this.

Warning :
(1) This is a fairy-tale, so do not expect the love affair in this story to be a conventional one. There are several scenes where women get lustily and/or lovingly to grips with other women. If you find this concept alien to your sensibilities, then this is not the story for you.
(2) I was going to write a dramatis personae for this but then I thought, "What the Hades, they'll have more fun trying to identify who's who than they'll get from reading this piffle." So that's it - you're on your own!

Thank Yous : I promise not to Paltrow all over anyone, but the following from XenaNet UK Egged Me On (not that I needed it!) :
Barbara Davies and Patience Gent for the inspiration for this story.
Mad Meg who introduced the Argo/Xena subtext to the list early this year. In her honour (!?) the prefix/suffix Mega appears frequently in Place and Proper Names.

And finally to lucath, as always, many thanks for posting this on her website.

If the Horseshoe Fits....

© Cyclops, April 1999

This is the real fable that was bowdlerised by Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Aphrodite, old Uncle Tom Cobley and all in the episode "If the Shoe Fits". No one of course, bothered to ask Argo, who was so upset at the way this beautiful love story of a manège... er... ménage à trois was butchered, that she left half-way through the episode, and didn't come back. To redress the balance, I spent a week with Argo, and with the help of the goddess Equestra, I have elicited their full, poignant story.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful golden warhorse called Argo. She was born in the stud farm of the great King Megares and his Warrior Queen Megalunia, and was trained for duties in the King's Army at his world famous School of Equitation. The broodingly handsome King and his flaxen-haired wife only had one daughter, the Princess Luxinda.
Argo was so sweet tempered and gentle that they trusted her with Luxinda when she was old enough to learn to ride and study the arts of war. The dark-haired young heiress and the palomino mare quickly became the best of friends, and the Princess' skills grew apace. This was hardly surprising as her parents were both fine warriors who led their armies into many succesful battles against the enemies of Megatania.
But good times do not last forever, and as the Princess neared her sixteenth birthday, there was a serious outbreak of peace, and the Army of King Megares was rendered redundant. The Royal Treasury could not support the burden of a large idle Army, so the King had to institute a rationalisation programme.
Megalunia was deeply worried. Luxinda's personal and physical development was at a critical stage. How was the Princess to become the best warrior she could be without an army and some wars to practise on? The Queen's other major problem was in clothing her child. Tanneries and leather crafters in Megalapolis were working round the clock to preserve her Royal Highness' modesty, and the bills were astronomical. Megalunia decided to let her husband take some of the strain.
"Meggie babe, what are we going to do about the rugrat? You always said she has the talent to be better than the both of us. It's our duty as responsible parents to give her the best education possible. How are we gonna do that now there's no war for her to practise on?"
The King stroked his neatly trimmed goatee thoughtfully as he surveyed his curvaceous wife. He seemed lost in thought, but really, he was admiring how little her figure had changed since they had first met, and how good those red leathers looked on her. He already had the solution to the problem, but he wasn't sure the Queen would like it.
"Lunie, my love, I know the separation will break both our hearts but it's for the best. It was the making of you. I'd never have met you if you hadn't been to...."
"Amazon Finishing College and Charm School! Oh, totally tubular Meggie! I'll miss her so, but you're like, so right! But the fees?"
The King shrugged extravagantly. "Rationalise the Cavalry. Sell some of the horses."
Pouting, Megalunia came and sat on her husband's knee.
"Colour co-ordination is the way to go. I vote we keep the pastel-coloured ones." She nuzzled his ear as she said this.
"Nah, the dark ones." He growled.
Many of the Amazons' most effective battle techniques were developed for and applied in the bedroom, but over the course of their long and happy marriage, Megares had learned to tell the difference between being ambushed by rampaging hormones and manipulation by an AFC&CS graduate (summa cum laude). In the end he exercised a judgement that would later make Solomon pea-green with envy.
"Look, Lunie, one for one against. What say we give the rugrat casting vote?"
Knowing how much Luxinda loved Argo, Megalunia, believing the outcome to be a foregone conclusion, agreed and watched her husband stalk off to look for their ewe lamb with an indulgently patronising grin on her face. It took him a while to find her. Her usual haunts of stable, smithy, armoury and jousting field were Lu-less. At last, the housekeeper directed him to the seamstress' workroom. She was being fitted for yet another battledress. She had sprouted an inch upwards in the last month, and there was a growing strain on the pelvic and thoracic regions of her clothing. Exhausted by his search, and embarassed at disturbing his daughter during her intimate commune with her seamstress, the King kept his query short and to the point. "Xindy, you prefer dark or light colours?"
The pins fell from the seamstress' mouth in surprise. The Princess fixed her father with a withering look. (She was going through a phase of pretending her parents were un-cool. This phenomenon was common during teenage years in the Known World.)
"Dad!!! You blind or somethin'? What am I wearing??!"
"Uu-uuuuh, black - I think."
He was having difficulty discerning whether it was navy or black in the low light Luxinda had recently begun to favour.
"Yeah, right. What other kinda colours do I go for anyhoo, for Zeus' sake??!"
Megares nodded. "Dark I guess, thanks Xind."
And so it came to pass that after her sixteenth birthday, the Princess Luxinda was packed off to AFC&CS with a trunk full of basic black battledresses and riding breeches in a range of increasing sizes to accommodate her continued growth. Unawares, she had sealed the fate of her beloved mount Argo. A few weeks after she left, Luxinda's steed was one of many sold to pay for her College fees.

Argo was bought by a small fair-haired man, loved throughout the town of Megagaphos for his kindly helpful nature. He was Baron Megolaus. The Baron bought the horse for he was impressed with her sweet temper and good manners. She would be ideal for pulling the little carriage he had had made for his delicate wife and their little daughter.
At first Argo's life with them was pleasant, if a little boring. Just some light carriage-driving and an occasional fox-hunt with the Baron. She eventually got over the worst of missing her beloved Warrior Princess, as the Baron and the Baroness were so kind to her.
Tragedy struck a couple of years later.
The Baroness died in childbirth as did the son and little brother she had just brought into the world for her adored husband Megolaus and daughter Tirella. The Baron stopped hunting, and hardly ever went anywhere for the next year, and Argo got fat, lazy, and her mane and tail and coat grew unkempt with neglect. The only company that Argo had was a decrepit, broken-winded, sarcastic old ass called Socrates.
At last the Baron began to realise his neglect and had an instructor appointed to teach Tirella to ride. He was a firm believer in the maxim that you should never teach your own offspring to ride, having suffered badly at his own father's hands.
It was still disastrous. Although she was at the right age for this (you know the age I mean - when little girls are passionate about ponies, and the heady smell of a tackroom has an aphropdisiac effect on them) Tirella was terrified of heights, and the disappointed Megolaus had to give up his dream of riding to hounds with his daughter.
And so Argo languished uncared for once more. She began to dream of her Warrior Princess again, and wondered how tall she had grown - for Luxinda had been a long-legged filly with great promise. The mare often wondered what hack or nag was being squeezed between those powerful thighs. Argo longed for her glory days in Megares' court stables.
At least she and Socrates had some human company now, for the teenaged Tirella had taken to sitting under the laburnum tree in the corner of her field, scribbling on pieces of parchment. She was teased unmercifully by her classmates from the local school for her 'mushy poetry', and Argo was often witness and comforter to the gentle girl's distress after these attacks. Socrates was scathing. He called the poetry 'drivelly doggerel' and 'purple prose'. This baffled Argo who knew that Tirella was trying to write poetry - she said as much. Socrates brayed loudly.
"Precisely - and she tries so hard, she strangles any spontaneity from it and it goes purple and turns into prose!"
It was a good job the poor child didn't understand Equine, Argo thought, as she whickered softly into the teen-poet's sweetly scented hair as she lay sobbing on the ground after a particularly upsetting ragging one day. These incidents began to happen a lot more often after Megolaus re-married. Zeus knows where he found her, she was nothing like his first wife - though perhaps that was the attraction. She was a dark-haired, homely woman, strong as a bull and she could read - almost. The Baron thought she was ideal, for she came with a ready made son, and so he gained a mother and brother for his lonely Tirella.
Meginya thought Tirella's scrolls were the strangest nonsense she had ever read - dreams of being swept off her feet by a strong warrior. Where the tall dark woman came into it she never figured out. She refrained from voicing any criticism because her new husband clearly doted on his daffy daughter.
Her son Megacles was an unfortunate lad, somewhat lacking in social skills and almost totally devoid of physical co-ordination, his reading ability was considerably less than his mother's. Her lips only moved when she read. He had to sound out the words as he went along. Tirella's poetry was such a mystery to him that he was sure it was the cleverest thing in the Known World. He longed to be that warrior and wear that skirt... er kilt ... and take the girl with the golden-red hair (he thought it was blonde, but I should mention that along with his other handicaps he was colour-blind too) and green eyes in his arms.
Tirella was crushingly indifferent to him at first, as she was to most boys and men. But as he got to know her, his increasingly importunate attentions irritated her, and she took to Argo's field more often. When he discovered and invaded this, her last sanctuary, it was too much for the hapless girl and she complained to her father.
Poor Megolaus was caught between a Roc and a Griphon. Meginya defended her son hotly, and Tirella tried to defend herself against her stepbrother's unwelcome attentions. The Baron's weary heart was sorely wounded by all this family strife, and after less than a year of being caught in the emotional crossfire, that frazzled lump of muscle gave up the ghost, and the Baron crossed the Styx to join his first wife and his little, unknown son.
From that dreadful day on, Tirella's and Argo's lives, descended little by little into misery. They both came to feel that Socrates got the better deal. He had been promptly packed off to the gluemakers. Argo barely had time to miss him, and in the grim years to come she bonded even more strongly with Tirella. As all the other staff and livestock, one by one, slowly disappeared, they became the workhorse and the Jill-of-All-Trades respectively on Baroness Meginya's estate.
Actually, it wasn't really her estate at all, she was only holding it in trust until Tirella came of age, and she had decided to make hay while the sun shone.
Tirella's iambic pentameters were a joy to behold. Her spondees and trochees were consummate works of art. Her dactyls were perfectly formed. She didn't know it, but she invented the Petrarchan sonnet centuries before Petrarch was a gleam in his daddy's eye. She could spin a ballad to bamboozle you, reel off an ode to order, and knock up a lay in a heartbeat. (Stop sniggering back there! These are perfectly valid technical poetic terms!) On the other hand, she was a complete baby as far as legal matters were concerned. She didn't realise her inheritance was being spent by her stepmother on a mess of pots, pans and whips until it was all gone. But that part of the tale can keep 'til later.

The years of grinding poverty and self-sacrifice had not bypassed the Palace. Every year the King and Queen wished and hoped for Luxinda's return - as did the court. Life without their aadored Warrior Princess was dull. While Her Highness travelled from one Amazon College in one land to Yet Another in the next kingdom, all the time chasing ever more obscure fighting skills and weapons, the Royal Household Budget had to be slashed to fund her insatiable quest for knowledge.
There were now only seventy servants intead of the usual two hundred, and the entertainment budget was almost non-existent.
Celebrations were limited to Solstices, Birthdays (the biggest splash was always for Luxinda's) and Every Second Saturday of the month (Luxinda's PMS was legendary and her cycle as regular as the moon's - these banquets celebrated safe delivery from her Temper Tantrums).

A Scientific Digression for the Worrier Princesses among you :

I'm sure at least fifty percent of the population is wondering how it always fell on the Second Saturday of the month. The Calendar of the Known World was devised in more civilised times, that is during an extended period of matriarchy, and so it is divided into thirteen equal months of four weeks apiece. None of your Julian Calendar rubbish of needing mnemonics to remember how many days in which month, thank you very much.

The name of the thirteenth month? Xindember of course!
What do you mean when is it?! It falls between Septober and Octember, for Kronos' sake! What barns were you all brought up in!?!!
Now let me get back to the story...
The cuts even affected the Queen's wardrobe allowance in the end. She had to make do and mend with old clothes. Red (her favourite colour) had one disadvantage - it faded. Megalunia ended up with a closet full of pink leather garments. She had learned to love pink instead, all for her beloved Luxinda.
At last the joyous day dawned. After more than a decade of intense study, the Princess would arrive home today. She had graduated at the top of every class related to warrior skills, and covered herself in distinction in everything else. She had sent home all her diplomas and certificates and degrees by express pigeon as soon as she had acquired them. There were many her parents could not even read, let alone pronounce, but each one increased their pride and added to their joy in their Pride and Joy. At last she strode into the Palace Hallway.
She was Amazing.
She was now Six Feet Tall.
Somehow, while she was taller and broader than ever before, she was also leaner and meaner. (Go figure.)
A mane of glossy, ebony hair fell past her shoulders almost to her waist. Those shoulders were as broad as her father's.
A cleavage her mother would have killed for stretched taut the dark blue leather of the doublet that was laced shut right up to her neck.
A broad black leather belt not only held a matching pair of ornate Amazon short swords, but also drew attention to her slim waist, and the womanly swell of the hips below.
The thigh-high boots emphasised the length of her perfectly formed limbs, to which midnight blue leather breeches clung like a second skin.
She had lost all her puppy fat and she was struggling to keep her chiselled features composed.
"Lu! Baby!" Megalunia's voice was choking with emotion.
"My own little Xindy," croaked Megares, momentarily overcome with a far from fatherly feeling for her. It was so long since he had last seen her, and here she was - All Grown Up. His Little Girl was gone.
But then the Warrior Princess' flinty exterior cracked.
"Mom! Daddy!"
The baby blue eyes were glistening with tears as she flung her magnificently muscled body at the superbly honed figures of her legendary Warrior Parents. The pressure of their group hug would have turned coal to diamond in a heartbeat. The creaking of blue, black and pink leather was so loud that Megacasca, the Butler was instantly deafened and never recovered his full hearing, and the noise of the Main Megalopolis Market was drowned out for several minutes.
All was sweetness and light between them until that evening, at dinner. It happened during dessert. Up to then their conversation had run on the pleasantest things.
Border skirmishes. New seige engines.
(Megares' lavishly hairy chest expanded with pride as he realised just how good an engineer Luxinda had become.)
The latest tactical theories. Weapons refinements.
(The King thought his daughter Completely Dazzling in every sense, and especially in every Art of War.)
Megalunia, being a woman - and a mother - was less easily dazzled, and spent a good deal of the conversation simply observing her baby, and so noticed about five million things her besotted father had missed. As Megacasca temporarily silenced them with the arrival of dessert, she took the opportunity to ask the question which had been burning a hole in the floor of her brainpan since they had said grace to Demeter (for the Food) and Hestia (for the Family Reunion).
"Lu, baby, how in Hades did you get that scar?"
Luxinda flushed a very becoming pink. There was only one scar visible, now that she had swapped her travelling leathers for her soft blue suede evening battle dress.
"Got lots. Which one Mom?" she bluffed desperately.
Megalunia's laughter chimed like a peal of temple bells.
"Lu, you're such a gas! Which one?! Du-uh! There's only one to be seen!" The Queen winked and waggled her eyebrows suggestively at her only child. Luxinda's flush deepened and spread to colour the tips of her shell-like ears. Her father was peering at his daughter's cleavage as if he were seeing it for the first time. (Strictly speaking, he was. Last time he saw her, it had yet to attain its maximum potential.)
"Aw, yeah! I see it now!" he crowed delightedly, as he at last spotted the small blemish that only served to draw the Known World's attention to the perfection of her right breast. "Darlin' a practice wound is nothin' to get embarassed about! Bet you learned a real good lesson that day!" The Princess directed her full attention to her plate. Her mother eyed her with great amusement. When she had wanted to ignore an awkward question as a child, Luxinda had always pretended to be very busy. Grown-up Lu hadn't managed to devise a better strategy for mortal embarassment.
"Oh baby, you know I know that's not how you got that scar. Spill!"
Megares looked from mother to daughter and noting the leery expression on his wife's face and his daughter's still-heightening colour, he began to get suspicious.
"Xindy honey...darlin'. You weren't.... with ...some centaur... some satyr." Or worse he thought, recalling his own courtship, one of the smelly shepherd-types that hung around Amazon villages. His Little Girl in the embrace - or worse - of one of those No-Hopers!
Luxinda's eyes flew wide open at the implications, and the colour drained from her face completely.
"NO! I mean of course not. Don't you trust the way you and mom brought me up? I'm a Princess not a Tramp!"
With an enormous sigh, Megares relaxed back into his throne at the head of the table.
"So tell Mommy - how did you get it baby?" cooed Megalunia.
"Cooking," mumbled Luxinda. Redbrick had not been invented then, but that was the shade of red now adorning the Warrior Princess' ears, cheeks, neck and chest.
Her father's jaw dropped so fast, the breeze dislodged some cutlery from the table. Her mother nearly choked on the wine she was sipping. She glowered resentfully at them both in turn.
"I was chopping vegetables, okay? The knife slipped. I never did get the hang of the cooking thing."
Megares began to chuckle.
"Good thing you're a Princess, Xindy! You need never worry about letting your husband down in that department! "
"HUSBAND??!!!"
And so the argument began.
Her Royal Parents patiently pointed out that it was her Royal Duty to marry and provide the Kingdom of Megatania with its Next Heir. She blanched at the mention of providing An Heir - she had bombed badly on the baby care courses too. She explained to them how the passing grades in the Domestic Arts had been awarded her because AFC&CS Faculties all over the Known World believed her preternatural performances in all the Bellicose Arts more than compensated for her Little Inadequacies.
To no avail - she could not escape her Royal Destiny and Duty. Megares planned to host a Ball the following week to celebrate her return, and to this he would invite every eligible male in Megatania from whom Luxinda would choose her Prince Consort. In short, it would be Her Highness' Grooming Ball.

Megalunia had noticed the droopy set of her baby's shoulders as she slinked off to bed last night, so she wasn't as sure as the King that the matter of the Grooming Ball was settled. The following morning, she made for her study to draw up the proclamation announcing the Ball and make out the invitation list.
She found her daughter sitting on the chaise longue from which the Queen usually gave dictation or composed her thoughts. Megalunia had always thought of it as substantial piece of furniture, if in imminent need of replacement. Now it creaked ominously as Luxinda sat there, her large frame dwarfing it, her legs spread wide to support the sword she was vigorously sharpening on her knees. She looked up from her work and hiked an eyebrow upwards.
"Mornin' Mom. Sending out the invites today?"
The Queen smiled. The Apple of her Eye had inherited her father's economical way with words.
"Yes baby. They'll need time to get new outfits, then get to the gym and the beauty parlour to be ready to meet you!"
Luxinda smiled a pained one-sided grin. "Need a hand?"
Several temples full of alarm bells rang in Megalunia's head. Even before she left for AFC&CS the Warrior Princess had not been renowned for her interest in the Domestic and Social side of Palace Life. She hated parties. She hated having to dress up for them. She loathed dresses. In fact, unless they were made of leather, she would not wear them. Her mother grimaced. The Ball Gown was going to be A Problem.
"Lu baby, it's okay, really. I know you'd rather be hunting or jousting or fishing, so run along and let me take care of it."
Luxinda pursed her lips.
"You're gonna invite all the eligible guys - just .... guys?"
The Queen nodded, she was not sure which part of the concept of a Grooming Ball Luxinda was having difficulty with.
"That's how you find a husband, baby - look for the right guy."
The Princess cleared her throat and started to tidy away her sword and sharpening kit.
"Mom. They can't all dance with me at the same time. Hades, I just scraped a pass in Dancing at AFC&CS! I think you should invite some eligible girls for me...I mean, for my sake. How am I gonna face all those disappointed guys? I can only pick one, right?"
Megalunia hid her surprise well. For a moment she had thought Luxinda had been way too long at AFC&CS, but her baby really seemed to be beginning to think like socially responsible adult. She dismissed her daughter's slip of the tongue.
"Hmm. Good idea Lu! Very thoughtful - consolation prizes for the losers! Yeah, way to go girl!"
Beaming with pleasure, Luxinda bent and planted a swift kiss on her mother's cheek and bounded from the study like an excited Labrador puppy.

Tirella was almost finished scrubbing the floor of the Barony's hallway when the carriage rattled slowly up to the door. It was no wonder, she thought, after the heavy day's ploughing she and Blondie had put in yesterday. (I may not have mentioned it before, but Baron Megolaus wasn't very good at naming animals, and so our noble Argo had to suffer the indignity of having to answer to 'Blondie')
Tirella got wearily to her feet (she had been scrubbing and washing since just after breakfast - before cooking breakfast she had been polishing and dusting, and she hadn't had breakfast yet) and opened the door. She was nearly knocked to the wet floor by her Stepmother and in her haste to get to their rickety old carriage and tend to Blo.... - damn! I mean Argo! - she crashed into her Stepbrother.
Poor Megacles was staggering under the weight of the parcels he was carrying and couldn't really see where he was going - not that that would have made any difference, he'd probably still have knocked Tirella down.
"Hey watch what you're doin' you lazy slattern! That's the stuff for your brother's outfit for the Grooming Ball next week."
Tirella picked herself up off the floor and started to gather the packages.
"I'm sorry....here l-l-l-let me help Tirella dear," offered Megacles with a sheepish grin on his flushed face.
"It's okay I'm fine," assured Tirella, for she had suffered his assistance before.
Megacles reached out to help, and the parcels went flying again.
"Tirella! Take my things!" screamed Meginya, holding her coat, hat and gloves out to thin air.
"Yes Stepmother!"
Tirella dashed to the Baroness' side, but she was too late, the clothes had already been dropped on the damp floor.
"Clumsy girl! Look at the mess you've made of my good driving clothes! Have them washed and ready for tomorrow morning!"
"Yes Stepmother!"
"Yes Stepmother WHAT???"
"Yes Stepmother *dear*," Tirella corrected herself as she put the soggy clothes down on the hall table and went to pick up the packages.
"Megacles!"
The hapless lad jumped a foot off the ground and dropped the packages he had just picked up yet again.
"Don't help that lazy little minx, that's her job! Now come with me - you have to practise your dancing if you're going to impress the Warrior Princess Luxinda!"
With an apologetic glance at the object of his affections, poor kindly Megacles trailed miserably after his mother.
"Wimp!" muttered Tirella under her breath as she put the shopping on the hall table then went to tend to Blondie.
"SHUT THAT DOOR AT ONCE, TIRELLA AND GET WORKING!"
With an apologetic glance at the horse, Tirella complied. Somehow the gentle golden mare seemed to understand and sympathise. Argo knew that as soon as she could, the young poet would come to unhitch her and rub her down and feed her what little she was allowed to have. She was right. As soon as lunch was served - for Meginya and Megacles that is - Tirella took Argo off to the ramshackle stables and made her comfortable. As she groomed her, the girl chattered about the news of the day.
"They drove you hard to Megalopolis, didn't they girl?"
Argo whickered in agreement.
At first Tirella had felt supremely stupid talking to a horse, but the animal was so intelligent she seemed to understand. Over the years since her father's death, while never overcoming her fear of heights enough to learn to ride, the young poet had made a friend and confidante of the once-beautiful horse, and was happy enough to drive her in the the trap or the plough.
"There's going to be an Important Ball next week to celebrate Princess Luxinda's return from Amazon Finishing School, you know."
Argo whinnied nervously - she couldn't believe her ears and she flicked them back and forth anxiously, hoping to catch another mention of her beloved Luxinda.
"That's right, the Warrior Princess Luxinda!" said Tirella, using that dreamy tone she used when reciting her most passionate love poetry to Argo.
"Such a beautiful name!"
Argo's coat rippled under the worn brush the girl was using, and her knees started to wobble. It was true! Her Luxinda was back!
"I wonder what she's like? I've never seen her. She went away a long time ago, I hear, and she's all grown up now and looking for a Prince," she sighed sadly.
Argo snorted - surely not! Luxinda would come looking for her as soon as she found out that her favourite mount was no longer in the Royal Mews. "Oh, how I'd love to meet her! I'm sure she's tall and strong and very beautiful, and maybe...oh never mind, it's just an impossible dream. C'mon Blondie, let's get you some fresh water."
Tirella barely had time to sit down on an upturned bucket to finish the stale bread and cheese which was all she was allowed for lunch, when Meginya started to holler for her again. So began the worst week of her young life. She wasn't allowed to read The Invitation, but she sneaked a peek at it anyway. All eligible young men and ladies from the rank of Baron upwards (and their guardians and chaperones) were invited. Her heart skipped a beat. She was a Baroness by birth! If she worked very hard, maybe.... The week flew by like a lurid nightmare. As well as her housework, and in the busiest week of the farming year, she now had to make outfits for her Stepmother and Stepbrother. His took the longest - the breeches were a real problem, as his inside leg measurement was never the same two times running. Meginya's gown was no worse than usual, for she was never satisfied with anything her Stepdaughter did on principle.
But at last the great day dawned and everything was ready. Tirella plucked up her courage and approached her Stepmother after breakfast (Meginya was always in a better mood right after a meal).
"Stepmother dear," she wheedled sweetly, "now that everything is ready, may I have some of the scraps to make a dress for myself to go to the Ball?" Meginya stared blankly at the girl for a moment, then recovered.
"Don't be so selfish Tirella! You know we always give those rags away to those less fortunate than us."
Meginya had discovered at an early stage that Tirella had a conscience as overdeveloped as her abdominal muscles.
The girl jutted her chin determinedly.
"I've seen The Invitation! I'm a Baroness in my own right! I'm just as entitled to go to the Ball as you and Megacles!!" Her face was flushing with temper - she had to get to meet Princess Luxinda. She felt it was Her Destiny - and when people start thinking in Capital Letters in a Fairy Tale, you know that has to be significant.
Meginya was only momentarily stumped.
"And as a Baroness, you know very well you can't go to the Ball without a Guardian or Chaperone. I'm taking Megacles. Who will take you?"
Tirella's face fell. Not only did she have A Conscience, she had Social Skills and Graces which would not allow her to Buck Protocol. Besides, she knew no Palace Flunky would let her into the Ball unaccompanied. Her eyes stinging with tears, she ran from the room, ran from the Barony all the way to the ramshackle stables. She flung her arms around Argo's rough hairy neck and sobbed her Breaking Heart out.

Megacles had been opening and closing his mouth during Tirella's interview. He plucked up his courage to speak up for the Love of His Life "Mom, why don't you take Tirella instead of me? I really don't want to marry a Princess. I'd be happy with a Little Blonde Baroness of my own, y'know." "Are you crazy?" Meginya rapped her knuckles on her son's forehead. "You have to marry someone fabulously wealthy, or my goose is cooked! There's nothing left to hand on to the Brat when she comes of age - we've spent it all on trying to make you desirable to heiresses, remember!??!"
"Yes Mom," he answered glumly, afraid to point out that if she'd let him marry Tirella as he'd always wanted to, she wouldn't have had to spend the girl's inheritance and he would now be married to an heiress anyway. The fact that Tirella wasn't remotely interested in him at all - or any other man, for that matter - had of course, escaped him completely.

Luxinda's week had been equally, or rather equivalently, awful. She had plenty to eat, had an army of servants to fetch and carry and do the hated Domestic Stuff for her, could sleep in a comfortable bed under a roof that didn't leak, and got dressed every morning in clothes that actually covered her Royal Body. For poor Tirella, this would have been the Elysian Fields. Creature Comforts were not that important to a Warrior Princess, and although Luxinda did appreciate them, her Misery was of a more Emotional and Spiritual kind. She quickly discovered that her beloved Argo had been sold. The horse dealer who had sold her had died and since all of his sales records had been destroyed, it was impossible to trace her Beloved Mount. Her Temper Tantrum rivalled those of her PMS Bouts, and it took all her Royal Mother's Cajolery to make her understand that it had been done for The Very Best Of Reasons. She came round when she realised that she herself had been responsible for her Royal Father's Decision to keep the dark-coloured horses, and she watched Megalunia storm off to pluck a murder of crows with Megares.
Humbled by her father's sacrifice of His Adored Cavalry Units, Luxinda began to notice other things around the castle. The scarcity (relatively speaking) of servants. The very robust cloth the Palace Guard uniforms were made of looked as if it had been woven shortly after she had left the Palace. Blunt enquiries confirmed her suspicions.
Then there was her mother's Wardrobe.
Megalunia liked pastels - but to look at, not to wear. She had always worn - and looked Stunning in - Red. Now she looked Ridiculous in Pink. Luxinda went rummaging. The Queenly Closet was half empty (Lu was your Basic Pessimist) and the fashions were much as they had been before she had left for AFC&CS. While she was No Slave To Fashion, her Royal Highness liked admiring beautiful women as much as the next Amazon, and she knew what was Currently In Vogue.
She picked up a very familiar old evening dress, and inspected it carefully (Lu had a Basically Suspicious Nature). The inside seams were still a deep red. Reeling with shock as Realisation Dawned, she hung the dress up, sat down heavily on her Parent's Enormous Gods-sized Bed (most commoners have King-sized ones these days, so what do you expect Royalty to have!?) and the tears slid silently down her face (Lu did have Some Soft Spots).
So it was that when the Matter of Her Ball Gown came up for discussion, mindful of her parents' Extensive Personal Sacrifices for her education, Luxinda put up a Token Argument and threw a Cosmetic Tantrum before agreeing to wear a Fabric Ball Gown. Megalunia fainted.
When the Court Physician had declared her Fit to Return To Duty, she had him check Luxinda too. Not surprisingly, he declared her to be In Perfect Health. Megalunia was sceptical - her daughter had An Agenda, she was sure of it now. What it would turn out to be, only time would tell.
And here it was - The Evening of the Grooming Ball.
The Palace was alight with candles and torches, thronged with the Cream of Megatanian Society - the Rich and the Thick, or Millionaires and Nobility if you prefer. Given the Balance of the Royal Treasury, Megares and Megalunia were hoping that Luxinda would pick a Millionaire.
The Ladies were all dressed in pink. The Queen's Perceived Penchant for Pink had set the fashion in the Kingdom for Gods knew how long, and in Polite Society a woman who wore any other colour was considered A Tramp.
Luxinda was the only one who groaned at the sight. She herself was Dressed in Pink, and she was feeling naked. Used to the robust protection of leather, she felt that the flimsy cloth, even though it fell to her ankles, hardly covered her, and she was fazed by the way her breasts jiggled about as she walked.
So was Every Male in the Ballroom, her Royal Father included. Ninety-Five Percent of them were intrigued by The Scar. The remaining Five Percent were in incipient hormonal meltdown at the thought of being the one to give her another to match it on her left breast.
When the musicians started to play, Megares led his Dazzling Daughter out onto the floor to start the Ball Rolling. They had been practising together and it had been quite passable in the dance studio. Noting with Fatherly Pride the admiring stares, the King thought he understood the source of Luxinda's discomfort.
"Nervous, Xindy babe? You don't need to be, they think you're gorgeous, and so do I, my darling!"
"Thanks Dad," she managed, wondering how in Hades she was going to co-ordinate her feet now that she was bouncing around so much. Her performance in the dance studio hadn't been hampered by an enormous, intricately-woven hairstyle piled on her head either.
The first number was over all too quickly and Megares handed her over to the Earl of Megakatatonia for a Quickstep. He misinterpreted his daughter's panic-stricken glance as excitement, and beaming indulgently at how well Things Were Going, he went to find his Darling Wife to claim the first dance of the evening from her.

Back at the Barony in Megagaphos, dusk was falling by the time Blondie managed to get the full story from the hiccuping Tirella. The Warhorse Formerly Known As Argo had had no idea that so much fluid could leak from a human's eyes without them collapsing from dehydration. That said, she shared the girl's frustration and disappointment. She too, longed to see her beloved Luxinda.
"Oh Zeus, Hera - any one of you, help me!" wailed Tirella. "Please Aphrodite, this might be the night I meet the love of my life!"
Argo sympathised, but unlike the poet, it was no dream for her, she knew the Love of Her Life was at the Ball. She let out a long, distressed whinny, which translates from the original Equine as :
"Sweet Equestra, hear my prayer. Reward my sufferings and indignities. Reunite me with my One True Love."
(Do remember that this is only an approximate translation, as there are idioms in Equine which do not translate well into Human speech.) There was a sound of ringing anvils and the Goddess Herself appeared.
"Who called me?" she asked, folding her muscular arms across her ample chest, brandishing a large hot pincers in her right hand.
"I did Mistress," said Argo, respectfully dropping her head to the Goddess of All Things Equestrian (which includes those little girls I mentioned earlier).
Equestra's sky-blue eyes narrowed as she studied the shaggy- coated mare. The poor brute's ribs were visible, and her shoes were in a dreadful state. As unkempt as her mane, tail and coat were, some kind soul had tried to brush them into some semblance of neatness.
"And who might you be?" asked the Goddess. There was something familiar about the horse, but she just couldn't place her.
"Oh, Mistress! Have I changed so much? Perhaps I shouldn't ask to see my Beloved Luxinda again, my appearance might upset her too much!"
"ARGO!!!"
The Goddess' eyes flew wide open, she uncrossed her arms, tossed her pincers away (which landed hissing in Argo's drinking water - just to reassure the Worrier Princesses among you. Though since we're talking about Meginya's estate, there was hardly any hay in the stall to catch fire) and flung her arms around Argo's neck to comfort one of her favourite steeds.
"Now old girl, tell me, how can I help?"
"See the little Human there?"
I should tell you that at this point Tirella was trying to bathe her swollen face in Argo's bucket and had been rather startled by the sudden appearance of Equestra's pincers. Since the Goddess had come in answer to Argo's prayer, she had remained invisible to the girl.
"She did this to you?" snarled Equestra, her large hands balling into fists at her side.
"Oh no, Mistress! She has been nothing but kindness itself to me. And even though she has never seen Luxinda, she has a burning deisire to meet her. Since our wishes are the same, maybe you could help her at the same time as you help me? She is entitled to attend the Grooming Ball, but her Horrible Stepmother won't let her go - told her she needs a Chaperone. " Equestra frowned. "Can't help with that. But what's to stop her going on her own?"
"It's not The Done Thing and she needs a Ball Gown."
The tall Goddess wrinkled her nose in disdain. She had been watching over all her Cherished Carriage Horses that were conveying The Quality to The Grooming Ball. "You mean she wants one of those pink frilly things?" Argo tossed her head in agreement.
"They're disgusting. Besides, I can't do Pink or Frilly."
Argo whickered disconsolately, Tirella had been so good to her, and she said so. Equestra knitted her black eyebrows and stroked her chin thoughtfully as she watched the young poet. The girl, having finished her ablutions, came over to Argo and put one arm over the mare's neck and wistfully stroked her face with the other hand. Equestra's heart - which many claimed to be made of saddle strength hide - softened.
"Well, I can do something for you Argo, but with her I'll have to use illusions. Should last 'til midnight or so. That okay?"
"Oh Mistress! Thank you so much!"
Equestra pondered her plan for another few minutes and then with a wicked grin she held out her hand and the pincers leaped back into it. She waved it above her head, like a magic wand, and with a whooshing sound as of a forge bellows, she made herself visible to Tirella.
"Hello Tirella. I....is there something wrong?" Equestra frowned as the girl's jaw went slack.
"I-i-i-i-it's you."
"Er, yeah it is me," the Goddess agreed, noting the glazed look in her eyes.
"Who do you think I am?"
"The woman in my dreams - you're real! Thank the Gods, Aphrodite heard my prayer!"
Equestra shot a quick glance at Argo and exchanged a swift whinny with her.
"Oh no dear, I'm E... er... Megalomania, your Fairy Godsmother. I'm here to help you meet the Princess Luxinda."
"But you're the woman I've been dreaming of..."
"Listen kid, Luxinda looks a lot like me. People are always mixing us up. Now do you want to meet her or not?"
"But what if it's you, not her.."
"Trust me, Tirella," Equestra butted in as patiently as she could, "you don't wanna get mixed up with me. I work long hours, low job satisfaction, no social life worth talking about. Believe me, it's Luxinda you want." "You sure?" asked Tirella huskily as she sidled up to the Goddess, breathing in the heady scent of sweat, horse and leather.
"POSITIVE!" Equestra stepped back and drew a breath to steady herself. This kid was love-sick - terminally. "Now to go to the Ball you'll need A Gown, and Transport. That I can help with."
Tirella beamed. "I'd like a pink gown in satin, with a deep frill at the neck, waist, arms and hem. And if you can do my hair, I'd love lots of ringlets. Oh, and longer hair too!"
Suppressing the urge to throw up, Equestra shot a glance at Argo and the palomino quietly shook her head. This would not impress Luxinda. The Goddess looked back at the girl and smiled. She could see nothing wrong with the very fetching short skirt with the splits in the sides that she was wearing, or the rather brief garment covering her bust. The green and rust colours went very well with her colouring and displayed a large amount of her well-formed body.
"Your wish is my duty," said Equestra, not very convincingly and she lifted her pincers.
"Hey! Be careful what you do with that thing! What is it?"
Hades! thought the Goddess and stamped her foot like an impatient steed.
"You mean my Magic Wand?" she asked sweetly, now that she had remembered to invoke the illusion spell.
"Oh..."
Equestra waved the 'wand' and....
Nothing had changed as far as Argo could see, or the Goddess herself for that matter. Tirella went to look at herself in the nearest reflective surface she could find - the water bucket.
"Ooo-ooo-ooooh!" she sighed as she caught sight of the mass of ringlets that tumbled around her shoulders and spilled down her back. The coiffure was topped by a Pink Diamante Tiara. She squirmed and craned to see her dress, but the angle was all wrong, the bucket too small.
Argo nudged Equestra from behind. The Goddess turned and glared at her.
"What?" she snorted in Equine.
"Can't you whip up a mirror? The poor little thing is so excited!" whickered Argo softly.
"Oh I'm so excited! I wish..."
With a grimace, Equestra waved her Magic Pincers and braced herself. It was every bit as bad as she expected. While Tirella cooed delightedly over the froth of pink satin she saw in the mirror, Equestra turned her attention to Argo.
With a few passes of the Pincers, the palomino's coat was clipped, her mane and tail trimmed and brushed, her hooves pared, oiled and re-shod, and she began to look like something that might once have inhabited the Royal Mews. Unlike Tirella's transformation, this was real, for Equestra's powers were only illusory for humans.
"And how am I going to get..."
Tirella turned and stopped speaking at the sight of Argo. A vague memory of how the golden mare had looked when her father, Megolaus, had bought her came back to her.
"Oh Blondie! How beautiful you are again! Thank you so much, Godsmother Megalomania."
"Blondie!" 'Megalomania' snorted in disgust and Equine. Mollified by the girl's open admiration of Argo, she decided to overlook the hideous name. "You're welcome my dear." Equestra waved her Magic Pincers and decked Argo out in the finest tackle - an ornate bridle and a comfortable, safe, side-saddle for the girl.
It took more than a little arguing and a promise of casting a spell (a non-existent one of course!) to keep Tirella on Argo's back - the the Goddess' last resort - to persuade her to ride the mare to the Ball. There was still one obstacle left.
"They won't let me in without a Chaperone!" she wailed.
Gritting her teeth and rolling her eyes to Olympus, Equestra counted to M and took a deep breath.
"Announce yourself as the Marchesa Gabrielle of Megamonomania, and you will be ushered straight in! Now go! And remember! If you stay past midnight then everything will revert to the way it was, because my Magic will fade by then!"
"I'll remember! Thank you Megalomania!" Tirella's voice drifted back over her shoulder, as Argo sprang forward and galloped for Megalopolis for all she was worth - for her Beloved Luxinda lay at the end of that road.

Her Beloved Luxinda was furious. Furious and limping. One partner after another had spent his dance tripping over her feet, trampling on them or kicking her ankles. This was due to their inability to co-ordinate their feet while their eyes were glued to the Princess' Spectacular Cleavage. (It was even more difficult for the shorter ones, for whom the PSC was at eye-level.)
After the first set of Quadrilles, Waltzes, Polkas and Gavottes was over she was longing to be back in her proper clothes and boots which would at least afford more protection for her feet and, if not stop them ogling her bosom, at least prevent it from bouncing around so much.
To add insult to injury, she could feel at least a half-dozen pairs of female eyes boring resentfully into her. She hadn't spent more than a decade at Amazon Colleges not to know what that meant. The resentment was not because she was dancing with their men, but because she wasn't dancing with them. She was itching to take action and rectify the matter. This was the Rest of Her Life she was about to throw away on some Bumbling Bloke. Something inside her snapped. She stalked out of the Ballroom in a Foul Temper, and Megalunia followed her at top speed.
Megares covered for his wife and daughter and urged his guests to enjoy themselves. Half an hour later, the Queen came back and whispered urgently in the King's Ear.
He fainted.
The Court Physician came and carted him away for revival. Megalunia took the center of the Bandstand and made a Royal Announcement.
"As you all know, the Princess Luxinda has spent more than ten years at Amazon Colleges throughout many lands. Her integration into Amazon Life was more complete than we realised. Her Royal Highness, having experienced the accomplishments of the men of Megatania, feels, in fairness and the interests of balance, that she should interact with the women of Megatania. My Lords and Ladies, Her Royal Highness, the Warrior Princess Luxinda!"
The Fanfare was "Amazons Arise!".
One Amazon did.
Luxinda was a vision in a royal blue leather battle dress, richly decorated with silver thread. She wore thigh-high soft suede boots, and hanging from one shoulder was a cape of Tyrian purple silk also with silver trimming. As she entered the Ballroom, relaxed at last in her favourite leather and comfy boots, she swept the silver helmet with its high blue feather crest from her head and handed it to one of the flunkies.
Her long dark hair flowed free and unbound about her shoulders, sending an unspoken message about her confidence in her skill as A Warrior to those who understood. Her heart thumping unevenly in her chest, she slowly scanned the Ballroom.
It was awash in a Sea of Pink Fabric of Every Kind Imaginable. There was a Froth of Frills on this Pink Ocean that made her stomach churn. Anyone vapid enough to want to wear such a dress wasn't her kind of girl (please! In ten years of AFC&SC she had discovered her likes and dislikes!) She was almost in despair, when she noticed the skinny blonde in the Pink Slinky Sheath with the Spartan Slits in the skirt. Just as she was wondering if the girl were not a bit too skinny for her liking, a shorter girl with a mop of jet black hair and dark brown eyes elbowed the blonde out of the way and dropped a curtsey at Luxinda's feet. Her Pink Dress was really a three-piece. A short jacket over harem trousers worn under a wide, circular skirt.
"Your Highness, may I?"
Luxinda cocked an amused eyebrow at the youngster's audacity. Even though she was a little young for the Princess' taste, she felt such initiative needed rewarding.
It started well and went downhill to disaster.
"What's your name, my dear?" she asked by way of an opener.
"Megatara, Your Highness"
"Pretty name."
Megatara had wanted to lead, it was almost as bad as dancing with the men. While she also asked an endless stream of witless questions, unlike the Baron of Megagaphos, she didn't make the Cardinal Mistake of asking how she got The Scar. Luxinda was relieved when the dance was over. Some of the Frilly Brigade were clamouring for her attention, but the Blonde In The Sheath Dress simply radiated sex appeal. She stood with a wicked half-smile curving her lips, her arms folded across her chest - which was nicely revealed by the low scoop neck of Her Gown. There was so much sex appeal buffeting the Princess, that she completely missed her Father's return to The Proceedings. Pointedly ignoring the Frillies, Luxinda held out her hand to Slim and Slinky.
"Your name, my dear?" murmured Luxinda, as the woman moulded herself to the Princess like a set of armour plate.
Slim and Slinky gazed intently into the sky-blue eyes which were only a little above the level of her own brown ones.
"Megallisto, my pretty Princess," she replied on a growl, breathing right into Luxinda's ear. They moved round the floor to the sensuous rhythm of the Tango as if there was only one body, one mind, and every eye in the Ballroom was glued to them.
"Lunie babe, is she really sure about this?" asked Megares, as he squirmed in His Throne trying to get used to the notion of his daughter being a Total Amazon. (Total Amazons do without men completely, unlike the Regular Kind, who find men tame and prefer Centaurs and Satyrs. Amazons who wimp out on Cents and Sats - well they're just Not Cut Out To Be Amazons, I'm afraid.) "Meggie, hon, you don't really believe she spent all that time working on her fighting skills? All work and no play would make Luxinda a dull Princess. You haven't forgotten what I was like at AFC&CS?"
Megares smiled. "No Lunie, I haven't. But..."
Megalunia pressed a finger to his lips. "She's just like that poet babe in my class - you know the one you had the hots for before you noticed my existence? What's this her name was?"
"Sapphomega," he ground out through his teeth. The memory of how he had fallen for the only Total Amazon in Megalunia's class (it was a Bad Year for TA's - Sapphomega was pretty lonely) still rankled after all these years.
"YOUR MAJESTIES?"
Megalunia nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Their Butler's Voice. "Yes, Megacasca what is it?"
"EH?""WHAT IS IT?" she screamed.
"MA'AM, THERE'S A SCRUFFY YOUNG WOMAN OUTSIDE WHO SAYS SHE'S A MARQUEE AND GARBAGE BAG-MAKER AND THAT SHE HAS TO SEE THE PRINCESS' CINDERS." "TRADESMEN'S ENTRANCE IS OUT BACK!" bawled Megares.
"NO, SHE'S NOT FROM MEGORSTRALIA, SHE ARRIVED ON HORSEBACK - FINE ANIMAL. SHALL I CHUCK HER OUT, SIRE?"
Megares was about to nod when Megalunia stopped him. She had noticed how Luxinda had scanned the assembled women. She knew her daughter hated pink and loathed frills, and she was watching from the corner of her eye as what had been a dance turned into a wrestling match set to music. She quickly scribbled a note to the aged butler on her dance card.
"You're letting a tentmaker into the Ball?!!!!"
"Trust a woman's instincts on this one Meggie!"
Scowling darkly, he turned his attention to the dance floor where Luxinda and Megallisto were getting to grips with the dance.
The Princess had had one of the blonde's hands held in a vice-like grip since early on in the dance when she had detached it from under her skirt. Slim'n'Slinky's other hand was tangled in the Royal Hair, and she was enjoying playing tag with Luxinda's's mouth. Failure was not necessarily an unpleasant option, as she got to kiss cheeks and neck or even nibble ears when she was off-target.
Luxinda finally got her act together, as with a grunt, she established a death-grip on the Insatiable Blonde's insubstantial waist and manged to pry her away from her body.
"Oh Xinda! You're such a tease!" she grinned ferally and twisted her body to slip one leg between the Princess' thighs. Just when Luxinda thought she was going to have to stop dancing and start fighting, she was saved by the Bell - or rather the Band, which struck up A Fanfare.
Everything stopped, and the Warrior Princess managed to detach the sex-crazed leech that was Megallisto from her body.
"YOUR MAJESTIES, MY LORDS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I PRESENT TO YOU ALL THE MARCHESA GABRIELLE OF MEGAMONOMANIA!" announced Megacasca, thunking his majordomo's cane on the top step of the flight of stairs at the entrance to the Ballroom. (Writing does wonders for communication when you're deaf - just ask Beethoven.)
All eyes swivelled to the doorway. Luxinda's heart lurched wildly for some reason she couldn't explain at the sound of the woman's name.
She was an Ideal of Youthful Beauty in her skimpy green top and short, rust-coloured skirt. Her hair was simply dressed - straight and wind-tossed - and it was a magnificent shade of red--gold. She walked like a Princess. She wasn't an Amazon - Luxinda would have remembered her if she'd ever met her. Dazzled by the young woman's shy smile, her beautifully formed limbs, her creamy cleavage and the perfection of her abs, the Warrior Princess nearly forgot to breathe.
Fortunately, some part of her brain knew what she wanted and prompted her muscles to ignore the paralytic effect of her Rampaging Hormones. Megalunia smiled as she watched her daughter move with the grace of a lioness to the end the stairs. Then, in one fluid movement, Luxinda detached her purple cape and spread it on the last few steps of the staircase, and stood back to admire the Beauty's Descent.
"Marchesa Gabrielle of Megamonomania, will you honour me by being the first person you dance with tonight?" Her heart was pounding like a Siege Hammer, for she had no idea if this Heavenly Creature was a Total Amazon or not. To say Tirella was in a similar state of trepidation would be an understatement. Her heart had stopped beating when she came through the door and saw the Woman of Her Dreams arm-wrestling with that Irritating Blonde. It had begun to twitch again feebly when the Princess walked to the foot of the stairs. Now, with that cloak spread beneath her feet and the nervous, tentatively questioning look in Luxinda's blue eyes, it took flight, and Time Ceased To Exist.
"It would be my pleasure, Your Highness. Welcome home," she said, and her shy little smile gained confidence.
Luxinda's face lit up as she beamed with relief when the Heavenly Creature stepped off the last stair onto the cloak-carpeted floor. She strode forward and took the Marchesa's outstretched hand in her own and bowed low over it to kiss it. The little, work-worn hand was still trembling from the effects of the Royal Smile.
"My Lady, home was never this welcoming before!" she murmured gently, looking up from the hand into her Lady's green eyes, which were wide with delight.
"Thank you Your Highness," she was barely able to speak, for the sight of those Sky-blue Royal Eyes so close to her own had momentarily stopped her breath.
"Call me Luxinda, my dear. May I call you Gabrielle?"
Tirella could only nod her assent, and then Luxinda swept the redhead into her arms, and led off the next Waltz with her.
"Oh Meggie, she's an Old Romantic, just like you!" gurgled Megalunia. "Let's take a turn on the floor, take the spotlight off of them."
The King and Queen whirled away into the Waltz, and were soon joined by the Quality of Megatania. Their tactic didn't really work, for almost everyone had taken to the floor to watch the Obliviously Happy Couple and were busy reporting to the unfortunate few Wallflowers about The Progress of The Romance.
Luxinda and Tirella wouldn't have noticed if the Ballroom Roof had fallen in. They waltzed and polka'd and gavotted to Their Hearts' Delight, with breathless exchanges of confidences from time to time. Luxinda was so much in love she forgot to eat, in fact she forgot totally about the Royal Buffet until Tire....er, 'Gabrielle's' stomach loudly announced that it was empty. Meginya watched in disgust as the Besotted Princess loaded her own and 'Gabrielle's' plates.
"What an over the top dress!" she sneered to the hapless Megacles who hadn't danced with anyone since he had stood on and torn the end of Luxinda's Ball Gown.
"I think she's very pretty. That Pink Satin suits her, and her hair is really lovely - all those ringlets. If you'd spent a little on Tirella she'd have looked just like that."
"Don't be idiotic, boy!" growled his mother as she tugged on his ear sharply. "That little slut with her dishpan hands and housemaid's knees would never scrub up like that in a million years!"
Poor Megacles thought that the Marchesa was so like Tirella that he was sure it had to be her. When Luxinda went to get them some wine, leaving 'Gabrielle' holding the plates he went over to her.
"Marchesa, or should I say.... Tirella?" he intoned gravely bowing low to her.
'Gabrielle' blanched, she had been assured that her disguise would fool everyone. She had, however, gained confidence from her time with The Love of Her Life.
"What are you talking about? I am the Marchesa Gabrielle!"
Megacles straightened from his bow and knocked both plates from her hands. Most of the contents landed all over him for a change.
"Uh...oh dear...oh my!" he muttered, as he tried to tidy himself.
"Ah, I think you know what I mean!" he said giving her an enormous wink as he wiped egg salad off his chin.
'Gabrielle' saw Luxinda hove into view like a Battle Trireme. Her face was a picture of Warring and War-like Emotions. She was Jealous, Furious and Hurt, the 'Marchesa' noted with delight.
"My Lady, is this booby disturbing you?" she boomed over Megacles' head. "Yes Luxinda dear," she smiled in relief at her Royal Rescuer.
Tapping him on the shoulder, the Warrior Princess readied herself. As Megacles turned round she let fly with a Royal Left Jab.
"That's for messing with My Girl," she snarled. Then while he was still reeling from the force of the punch, she followed up with a Royal Right Hook.
"And that's for the damage to My Feet!"
Megacles flew backward and demolished a small side table piled high with plates.
Luxinda summoned a flunky and ordered some food to be sent out to them in the Garden. The Princess was dizzy from the scent of the honeysuckle that lined the bower where they spent an idyllic half hour. She ended up feeding the entire contents of her own plate to her darling 'Gabrielle'. In between times they kissed and fondled each other shyly, both thunderstruck by the strength of their feelings for each other.
Luxinda's rough Warrior Heart was bewitched by the beauty of the Petite Marchesa's Poetry. She was amazed that the younger woman had seen her so clearly in her dreams that even the Embarassing Scar on her right breast was described in Loving Detail.
'Gabrielle' was intoxicated by the sheer physical strength and power of this Amazon, and though her stomach was far from empty, she was still made dizzy by the scent of Leather, Warrior Princess Sweat and Horse that Luxinda exuded from every pore.
Her Highness explained that she had worn this Ceremonial Battledress at every one of her AFC&CS Graduations, but had never been nervous enough to break a sweat in it until tonight - she had been so afraid of being rejected by 'Gabrielle'.
Their lips were locked, tongues sparring, hands sliding up shapely thighs when Megalunia interrupted them. They were needed to start the dancing after the Refreshment Interval. Blushing furiously, they made their way back to the Ballroom, and found that it was The Slow Set part of The Evening and the lights Had Been Dimmed.
Time flew swiftly by as they clung to each other, exchanging sweet lingering kisses and embraces. They were A Perfect Match Physically. Tirella's head rested on the PSC, the Royal Chin resting on the Marchesa's head, as they displayed Their Feelings for all the Court to see. They made such a Romantic Couple that even the most hard-hearted and sceptical among them were now convinced they were In Love. Luxinda's Royal Father had recovered from the shock of discovering his only daughter was a Total Amazon, and was completely won over by the Princess' Obvious Devotion to the Pocket Aphrodite who had won her Royal Heart.
There were exceptions of course.
Meginya and Megacles weren't on speaking terms. They each spent the rest of the evening irritating everyone by constantly interrupting conversations to enquire the other's whereabouts in their efforts to avoid each other. Megallisto had spent the evening tracking down the little slut that had beaten her to that Critical First Dance With Luxinda. That Poetic Milksop Marchesa would have been invisible if she'd had that whole dance with the Warrior Princess to herself. It wasn't far off midnight when she found Megatara in a small Drawing Room. She went for her like a Banshee Out Of Brittania, and backed her into the Ballroom.
It was right in the middle of Yet Another Slow Number (in case you hadn't figured this out by now, it was a Royal Conspiracy. Megalunia had ordered the Band to play nothing but Slow Numbers after the Interval.)
It was also Much Nearer Midnight.
It was Just About Now that Luxinda and 'Gabrielle' had become relaxed enough with each other not to care A Fig about who was watching them. Royal Hands were fondling Poetic Backsides, and vice versa. Lips were locked. Hips were swaying.
The Lovers got a Rude Awakening.
Magallisto and Megatara's catfight erupted across the Ballroom floor like a Firecracker from the Kingdom of Chin. The tangled mess of Irritating Blonde and Pesky Punk caromed off the Oblivious Pair and Split Them Up. They went careering across the Ballroom again and mowed down Megacles.
Midnight struck, and Tirella looked down at herself with horror. Her Fabulous Gown was gone, and along with her Pink Diamante Tiara, her Wonderful Coiffure had vanished. She crossed her arms over her chest and wailed.
Luxinda's eyes flew wide open. Had her Love been injured? She cast a quick glare around and couldn't see the culprits. When she looked back, her Love was racing up the stairs to the exit as fast as those Gorgeous Little Legs would carry her.
"GABRIELLE!!"
Luxinda hurled herself up the steps and was felled at the top by the hissing, spitting tangle of the IB and the PP. The three of them rolled back down the stairs onto the dance floor, and Her Highness found herself winded and pinned beneath the two of them. With a mighty heave she tossed them off, and grabbing one handful of black hair and another of blonde, she sprang to her feet dragging them both with her.
"GET. OUT. OF. MY. SIGHT !!!!!!!!!!!" she roared, and brought her hands together as fast as she could. With loud crack, Megallisto's skull bounced off Megatara's, and the pair fell unconscious to the floor. "Put this scum out with the garbage in the morning," she growled to the nearest flunky, and bounded back up the steps once more.
Out in the Hallway, she bumped into Megacasca, who hadn't heard her coming. Ordinarily the slight, elderly Royal Butler would hardly have made an impression on her headlong speed, but unfortunately, his Ceremonial Staff got tangled in her flying limbs and floored the Warrior Princess. It took six attempts to disentangle herself, as the Deaf Old Soul, unable to hear her instructions, did everything she asked him not to do.
Cursing and swearing like a Drunken Satyr, she stumbled down the Palace steps and tripped again. With a mighty bellow of frustration, she picked up the Offending Object.
It was a Horseshoe.
Not just any Horseshoe, mind, but one with a distinctive shape. A Right Fore Horsehoe with a Little Wavy Ripple to the Left of Centre. She felt dizzied at the loss of Gabrielle, now her stomach was lurching with fear. She was afraid to hope. Only One Horse had a Right Fore like that.
"ARGO!!!!"
Her heart was beating so loudly in her chest she thought she heard horse's hooves.
Actually she did.
"Are you all right, My Princess?" asked the grizzled Centaur who had just trotted up to her.
"No. Not really. Yes. I think so. No. Well... yes. But maybe... no. Aw, Hades, Megabux, I really don't know," she at last admitted to the Captain of the Elite Centaur Guard which had accompanied her on her return home from Amazon lands.
Megabux heaved a sigh and rubbed his good eye. He was used to Luxinda getting incoherent about her Love Life, but this was Incoherence on a New Scale.
"Wanna tell me about it, My Princess?"
She held up the shoe by way of answer. Megabux lifted the patch on his other eye to inspect the curved piece of iron closely.
"Argo? Alive?" Although he'd never met the Warhorse Formerly Known As Argo, Megabux had heard all about her, and knew all her little foibles intimately. Luxinda nodded, and a tear slid down her cheek.
"I saw a young woman leap onto the back of a palomino and ride off like the wind a few minutes ago..."
"NNNRRRRGH!"
(That's the closest I can get to the strangulated cry Luxinda made at this revelation.)
"If I'd known, My Princess, I'd never have let her get away with Argo!" "Was she 'bout so high, short skirt, skimpy top?"
"Yes My Princess! You're Amazing! If you can give us a full description we'll hunt her down...."
"NOOOOO!!! That's the Love of My Life you're talking about! "
"My Princess, we won't hurt a hair of Argo's mane..."
"I know that!!!! I mean the thie... the Marchesa Gabrielle of Megamonomania. My Consort-To-Be. Hades, why didn't I propose to her earlier! Megabux, don't you see? Find her, and you'll find Argo!"
Megabux smiled with relief. Megamonomania. He'd been there once. The horse and rider would be found.
"We'll set off for Megamonomania at first light, My Princess. So, tell me, this horse thief - how come she's the Love of Your Life?"
asked Megabux, as he boosted Luxinda onto his back to give her a lift back to the Palace.
"Oh Megabux, I've only ever been infatuated up to now. She was ju...." A clap of thunder drowned her words, and Megabux took off at a gallop to get His Princess home dry.

A Funereal Gloom, to which Hades himself would have aspired, descended on the Palace. The Staff found themselves wishing for a Burst of PMS - now long overdue - for some light relief. Luxinda was stomping about the Palace like a Wraith. I know stomping doesn't come naturally to Wraiths, but Luxinda managed - she has Many Skills - for she was Pale and Silent and had gone Right Off Her Food.
The King and Queen were unable to console her, even now, nearly three weeks after the Fateful Ball, as they now thought of it. The Warrior Princess had set off in High Spirits with her Elite Centaur Guard the morning after the Ball to claim her Consort. The trip to Megamonomania and back had taken a week. She had arrived back Grim and Haunted-Looking, minus her Marchesa. There was a Marchesa - a Magnificent Old Dowager, more than a century old. There was no Gabrielle in the Dowager's Family - neither herself, nor among her daughters, their daughters, nor their daughter's daughters nor...(please tell me you get the picture, because I'm getting dizzy with all the daughters).
Luxinda had torn through the Royal Library like a Frenzied Bacchae, and there was no record of a Marchesa Gabrielle of Anywhere, or even and Anything Gabrielle of Megamonomania in Bourcos' Peerage. Then she cursed and swore at the storm that had obliterated Argo's tracks that Fateful Night, until the air in the Palace turned first Purple, then Black. Eventually she went hoarse and stopped speaking altogether.
She went to her Room and Sulked, while the Army and the Elite Centaur Guard were mobilised to search the Kingdom for palomino horses. The Royal Smithy was working around the clock to produce accurate copies of The Shoe for identification purposes. The Search proved fruitless and, in the end, had to be abandoned. The Centaurs returned to their village, for they were missing their wives and families, but Megabux (a lonely old widower) stayed to help His Princess.
How can so large an animal disappear from the face of the Known World I hear you ask? What do you mean you aren't asking? You should be! Well I'm going to tell you anyway!
Equestra had spruced up Argo's outward appearance, but there was little the Goddess could do to reverse the years of deprivation. That would have taken Good Food, TLC, and most importantly, Time, which Equestra patently didn't have on the Night of the Fateful Ball. Argo expended a great deal of energy getting to the Ball and even though she hadn't so much as caught a glimpse of Her Beloved Luxinda, Tirella's blind panic spurred the horse on to another great effort on the return journey.
She was exhausted.
She almost died.
If it hadn't been for Tirella's devotion, she might not have survived the first night. Equestra might have been none the wiser, if Luxinda's anguished prayers hadn't alerted her to the fact that two of her favourites were still separated. She checked in at the Barony. She discreetly materialised all the little bits and pieces, not to mention bales of hay, bushels of oats, bags of bran and other goodies (especially Apples!) to get her Dear Argo back on Her Hooves.
As for Tirella...
What do you expect? She had met the Woman - no - the Princess of Her Dreams and had been cruelly snatched away from her before It could Get Serious. Her Poetry reached new heights of Artisitic Endeavour, but her heart was In Shreds. She was truculent, argumentative, unco-operative and generally cranky. She let her housework Go To Pot. No amount of threats or screaming from her Stepfamily could stir her from her State of Lethargy.
This seems like Impasse.
Megamexican Standoff.
Stalemate.
Insoluble.
As if!
This, as I said in my introduction, is A Fairy Tale.
Megabux, wily old Centaur that he was, had not given up hope entirely. No one ever disappeared completely unless they wanted to, and from what he had heard of the fast-becoming legendary Longest Slow Set of All Time, Luxinda had met Her Match. The girl must have had her reasons for fading into the background with Argo, whatever those might be, but one or other of them would have to surface eventually.
The word Surface made his blood run cold, for the Princess' Love for the Mystery Girl would have been enough to make mortal enemies for her. He had the Palace Guards search the river at regular intervals. He breathed gusty sighs of relief every time they reported all clear.
His next plan, hatched with the despairing Megares and Megalunia, was to have the Gates of Megalopolis watched. So far, this ploy had turned up at least two palominos a day, but none of them had matched with Argo's shoe. All of this went on unbeknownst to the grieving Luxinda.
As the third week passed into the fourth, Megabux's patient methods paid off. Argo was spotted pulling an old rattletrap driven by a rather inept young man with a big, bossy passenger - his mother. As instructed, the Guard let the vehicle go after inspecting it, and sent word to Megabux.
It was a bright sunny day - not a cloud in sight. Accompanied by a cohort of the Palace Guard, Luxinda, her cheeks flushed with excitement for the first time since her Search For Her Marchesa Failed, sprang up on Megabux's back and set off in High Hope. The trail was easy to follow, and they made good time, considering that it was Market Day, and they had hit the road just as the Schools emptied out.
Megagaphos was a charmless, if busy, little place. It was like every village you've ever seen and hope never to see again.
After a moment of Un-Warrior-Princess-like Panic when Argo's tracks were obliterated by the traffic (a haywagon, two chariots and three carriages), Megabux calmed her by suggesting that Argo might be fairly well-known in such a Dull-As-Ditchwater town as this, or at least have been noticed among all the Boring Brown Nags that were hitched around the Village Square.
The first Urchin they asked knew the horse well. Hadn't been seen for weeks, not since that Big Ball Thingy, but had re-appeared looking much better earlier today. She gave them directions to the Baron's Estate.
As they neared the Barony, Luxinda was horrified.
The House was dilapidated, very few of the fields were tilled and sowed with crops, and the gardens had gone to rack and ruin. It was as if one person was trying to do all the work. She had no idea How Right she was. The Cohort swept up the drive at a brisk canter, but at the sight of the tumbledown stable-block, Luxinda called a halt. She leapt from Megabux's back and hit the ground running. She knew which stall to head for, because she could hear a horse whinnying in distress. "ARGO!"
She ran into the loosebox, and jammed on her brakes. Meginya and Megacles were trying to take the mare's harness off and had only succeeded in getting her Horribly Tangled Up.
"Argo? Is that really you?"
The Warhorse Formerly Known As Blondie jerked her head up as far as her tangled traces would allow, and let out a long joyous whinny, that translates roughly as :
"Luuuuuuxiiindaaaa daaarliiing!"
Her Baby Blue Eyes sparkling with Tears of Joy, the Princess pushed the Bungling Baron and his Mother aside as roughly as she could. She bent down started to work on freeing the mare from the cat's cradle of leather straps in which she was enmeshed, all the time whispering loving words of encouragement and comfort. Argo was whickering excitedly, snorting deeply to draw in the familar, never-forgotten scent of her Mistress, and trying to lick her in between times.
"Cut that out, ya hear?" chuckled Luxinda, as the palomino landed a large sloppy kiss on her ear and cheek. She smacked the mare's rump affectionately.
"Your Highness! If we'd known you were coming," began Meginya, hoping beyond hope that Her Highness had come to her senses and decided to have Megacles. "We'd have baked a cake. No really...well, not exactly we... we'd have got Tirella..." babbled Megacles, unnerved by the shapely backside that was being presented for his inspection as the Princess finally freed the warhorse.
"Tirella? Now who in Hades is Tirella?" asked Luxinda, as she stood up from her work.
With a clatter, a small, furious whirling dervish spun into the stall.
"Take that!"
Whack!
Megacles hit the hay.
"And that!
Thwock!
Meginya bit the dust, of which there was not much, for Tirella had been busy in the stables, whatever about her neglect of the house.
"Get your stinking, thieving, hands off my hor....."
Luxinda was stunned. She knew, In Theory that when she found Argo, the Love of her Life would be nearby. That was Theory. Here was Solid Fact standing in front of her, hot and sweaty from her exertions, brandishing a stable broom as if it were an Amazon Quarter Staff, her face flushed with Anger, her eyes sparkling with Temper. She was still wearing her Fetching Ball Outfit.
Tirella had begun to think it had All Been A Dream. She was sure that Fairy Godsmother had just done it all to tease her, like those meddling Gods who had done nothing but make her Short Young Life A Total Misery. Now here She was, in black leather boots, breeches and doublet, gauntlets adorning her tanned, muscular arms. Which one was it? Her Beloved Luxinda, or Megalomania?
"Gabrielle?"
That settled it!
'Gabrielle' nodded as the tears started to spill down her cheeks.
"Oh sweetheart! Is it really you? I've been going crazy searching for you!! Come here to me!" The Princess flung her arms Wide Open.
Laughing through her tears, Tirella dropped the broom and hurled herself at Luxinda, who caught her on the fly, swept her off her feet and kissed her with all the Pent-Up Passion of the Last Nightmare Month of Separation.

"Megabux?"
"Sweet Equestra! You startled me, My Lady" said the Centaur.
"Er, could you and the boys back off? Leave 'em to it?" suggested the Goddess, as she flicked the inert forms of Meginya and Megacles into the stagnant Horse Pond with a casual wave of her Pincers.
"Of course, My Lady" he smiled, his good eye crinkling as he did, and he gestured to the men to move off and relax at the Barony.
"Oh and Megabux?"
"Yes, M'Lady?"
"Turn A Blind Eye yourself, there's a good Centaur!"
Shifting his eyepatch, Megabux complied.

At first Argo felt rather nervous and upset by Their Antics, because it seemed to her that her two Most Favourite People in the Known World were attacking each other.
Luxinda had stripped Tirella of every last piece of clothing she was wearing with Indecent Haste. Given how little now remained of the Once Floor-Length Skirt and the Originally Voluminous Shirt, it would have been impossible to prolong the process to anything approaching Decent Haste. Even for someone with as Many Skills as the Princess.
Tirella's attack lasted longer - in fact, this was when Argo began to calm down. The Warrior Princess' snugly fitting breeches and neatly-laced doublet required More Dexterity than the Trembling Poet could muster. Her Excited Royal Highness lent her own Shaky Hands to the assault, and this indication of co-operation was enough to reassure the Warhorse that All Was Well with Her People.
The Next Stage in Proceedings took some figuring out.
When her People lovingly brushed her or stroked and patted her, Argo could feel their love for her - there was no need for them to be able to speak Equine to tell her that. She realised now that Luxinda and Tirella had been at a loss for words to express their love for each other. Overcome with their Great Need, they had resorted to stroking and patting and doing that thing they did with their mouths to convey their feelings.
They were very strong feelings, mused Argo as she quietly observed them, for they did it all over each other's almost hairless hides, even to the parts that were the People equivalent for making and feeding foals. That seemed to be the most pleasing of all for them both.
The golden mare had never wished to be People before now. They were so precariously balanced on their two legs that it seemed as if they might topple over at any time. In addition, they killed and ate so many of the little creatures she loved - rabbits, deer, little lambs. However, when she heard her Beloved Luxinda and her Dear Poet cry out in Joy, she began to wish she might be People - for a little while, at least.

His head was nodding in the heat of the early afternoon. He thought he was dreaming, but when he heard his name called a second time and more urgently, he woke with a start and shifted his eyepatch.
"Megabux?"
"Yes, you called My Princess?"
She was leaning on the stable door, holding her doublet closed with one hand. Her face was rather flushed, and there were some Stalks of Hay caught in her hair. The Centaur kept a straight face. He'd had plenty of practice since he'd been assigned to being in charge Luxinda's Personal Security at AFC&CS.
He heard a Hurried Whisper from behind her, and she started to smooth her hair with her free hand. He nearly lost control. She'd never been Embarassed by her flings, and she'd never tried to cover them up before - this was The Real Thing!
"Arrest those idiots and take them back to the Palace straight away!"
As you wish My Princess. I'll call some of the men and have them take care of it right now."
"No, no, I want you to take care of it and get back to the Palace with the rest of the Guard."
"But your safety and the Marchesa.."
"No buts! She'll be safe with me and we'll be along soon after. I just need to...er...."
Another Muffled Whisper.
"...get Argo ready."
"As you wish My Princess!" Megabux nodded gravely and trotted off to the Barony to carry out Her Orders. He heard a strangulated sound issue from the stable as he left. It sounded like the release of supressed laughter.
Luxinda looked back over her shoulder at the giggling 'Gabrielle'. She raised an Irritated Eyebrow. The giggles stopped.
"You should see yourself from here!" the Young Poet gurgled.
The Other Eyebrow ascended - Wounded Royal Dignity.
"It's a wonderful sight, actually," said Tirella as she got to her feet and rustled through their bed of hay to her Lover's side.
"You're a sight for sore eyes yourself," she croaked hoarsely, as she watched the naked Gabrielle (she knew her name was Tirella, but in situations like this, she would always be Gabrielle to Luxinda) sidle up to her. The sight of her lover's body in the afternoon sunlight streaming into the stall had rooted her to the spot and filled her with desire again. Tirella slipped a hand inside the leather doublet and sought out one of the magnificent breasts she had been kissing earlier. She cupped it in her hand and as she savoured the weight of it in her palm, she stroked the hardening nipple with her thumb.
"We ought to get moving soon," whispered Luxinda huskily, gripping the top of the stable door convulsively with one hand to stop herself falling over. (She was waving the other about aimlessly, she had absoultely no idea what She Had Intended to Do With It any more.)
"Mmmmmm," agreed Tirella, as she leaned in closer and started to nuzzle the Princess' neck. "In... 'nother...li'l.....while," she said thickly, through a mouthful of ear.
Luxinda let out a long groan as the other small hand clasped one of her bare buttocks and squeezed its way up under the hem of her doublet.
"No... really," she gasped, as Tirella licked her way along the Royal Collarbone and started back up the Neck again. Suddenly remembering what She Had Meant To Do, she reached out for her breeches, which had somehow ended up hanging on the hay rack beside the door. "You can't possibly need...to...want to... again... already." She gave up trying to catch hold of her breeches and succumbed to Gabrielle's assault, and burying both hands in the golden hair, she bent to claim a few deeply greedy kisses from her mouth. "Anyway the Guards... are heading... back, we... should... go-ooo-ooooooh....!"
Argo pricked up her ears and watched with great interest. If the last time was anything to go by, Luxinda was about to hit the hay any second now. The Naked Poet had manged to slip a Muscular Little Thigh betwen her Warrior's Legs to let her know how possible it was and and just how much she needed her Princess.
With a frustrated growl, Luxinda scooped her into her arms and carried her to their bed in the corner of the stall.
Argo whinnied to herself in contented amusement. They were off again, she thought, as she watched the Warrior Princess wrestle with her doublet. It was tossed away impatiently, and almost hit the palomino in the flank. The Warhorse's Nostrils flared as Her Highness dived into the pile of hay after Her Poet. If they loved each other this much, thought Argo, then she would never have to be separated from either her Beloved Luxinda or her Dear Tirella ever again.

Her head was nodding in the late afternoon warmth of the loose box.
"Pssssssssst!"
Her ears flicked back. She thought she had heard a new voice in the stall.
"Psssssst!!! Argo!!"
"Yes Mistress!" Argo came wide awake with a jerk. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you arrive!"
"Don't want Luxinda to know she's been helped by a God now, do we? Snuck in 'cos I didn't want to risk waking 'em up. Anyway, that's your job!" hissed Equestra from the stable door. "Be dark in a while, so get 'em moving before A Search Party turns up!"
Argo nodded and turned to the tangle of naked bodies in the corner. She blew in Luxinda's ear. The Princess stirred and moaned softly, but didn't wake up.
Argo blew harder.
The mare didn't think it could be done, but the Spreadeagled Warrior burrowed closer to to the Young Poet.
She licked Luxinda's ear, and a hand was lazily lifted from Tirella's waist and swatted near her velvety nose. She barely ducked in time.
"Sssstop! Y'r'insssattttt'bllllle!" groaned the Princess.
Argo surveyed the situation. She knew of old that the Little Poet could sleep through a Dionysian Orgy. Her Warrior Highness was usually a Light Sleeper - usually, but Not Today. This called for drastic measures. She eyed Luxinda's prone form, and moved back as far as she could, so she could withdraw as soon as she hit target. Fortunately, her strength had been restored and her reflexes were back in perfect working order, thanks to the TLC administered by Tirella and Equestra. She knew she would need them. Stretching her neck to its fullest extent, Argo gave the sloppiest lick she could manage to a Snowy Royal Buttock.
Luxinda came Fully Awake and was On Her Feet in a state of Instant Battle Alert in seconds, and if Argo hadn't moved as fast as she had, the Warrior Princess would have Loafed her Beloved Warhorse unconscious. Blinking owlishly, Her Highness overcame her momentary disorientation and realising what had happened, she began to laugh.
"Good girl Argo! Clever girl!"
When she had recovered sufficiently she threw her arms around the palomino's neck and hugged her.
She then discovered how hard it was to wake her Adorable Poet when she Didn't Want to be Woken. In the end she managed to bundle her into her clothes (as there was so little of them, this was not as difficult as it might seem), and got her onto Argo's back for the trip back to the Palace without waking her.
And so it came to pass on that Wonderful Day, that Tirella overcame her fear of riding horses, for when she woke in Luxinda's arms, she couldn't think of a better place to be (well, she could, but not when in public and in broad - or even narrow - daylight).

And of course, as in all Good Fairy Tales - They Lived Happily Ever After.

What do you mean, how happy?

Sigh!! You're insatiable!!!

All right! All right!!!

They were married in a Moving Ceremony with all the Court Present. Tirella didn't wear Pink, but frankly, Luxinda was so nervous she wouldn't have noticed if Her Bride had been Stark Naked.
No, I mean it!
Truly!
It was the Most Nerve Racking Occasion the Warrior Princess had lived through, or so she thought, until a year later, when she was pacing the floor like Every Expectant Father ever had since Time Began. Her Beloved Poet gave birth to Their Daughter on Their Wedding Anniversary....
What do you mean, Whose Baby was it?
Theirs of course!
How???
Well Tirella gave birth, so she's the mother, obviously. So I guess that makes Luxinda the Proud Father, technically speaking. And no, there was no surgery involved, just Equestra calling in Some Favours from Aphrodite and Klonos.
Yes. Klonos, not Kronos, you read me right the first time!
You've never heard of Klonos?
I'm not surprised. He's the Known World's God of Genetic Engineering. Not a lot of people know that.
Here's why.
He was waiting for the KnownWorld to discover DNA - and since that never happened, like the rest of the Olympian Gods, he simply faded away with our beliefs in them before he had a chance to Come Into Fashion With Mortals.

Okay, this is definitely The Last Question!

She had Luxinda's Sky-Blue Eyes, Tirella's Golden-Red hair, and her features were an Intriguing Mix of both her parents', with Occasional Hints of her Doting Royal Grandparents' from time to time. She grew to be as tall as her Mother...er Father...oh Hades, you know who I mean - Luxinda. She was as sweet-tempered and gifted with with words as her Poetic Mother. Her Adoring Warrior Parent and her Beloved Warhorse, Argo, taught her to ride and drive chariots - at which she became Very Skilled.
As for Argo, she lived to a Pampered Ripe Old Age before she was Immortalised in a Beautiful Little Constellation close to Pegasus by the Goddess Equestra.

And by the way, they called their daughter Xinderella - but that's a whole 'nother story!

EMAIL CYCLOPS or lucath Cyclops' masterpieces EN SUITE EN FIN! - TICKLING TROUT! NEW! THE MILKY WAY RED HOT! - Mortal Female Blonde Girlfriend The Vigil When Fates Unravel hosted by lucath's New Xenaland - lucath's subtext stories - great Dark Angel pictures of LUCY