No More Secrets, No More Lies

A Soldier's Fortune

 

CHAPTER ONE

           Thunder boomed. Sydney Morgan jumped slightly as cracks of acoustical energy followed. The overhead lights of Farnsworth Investments flickered. Ignoring this early morning summer storm, Sydney turned back to her new secretary, Tamika Harris.
           "I realize this is your first day here, so let's get some things straight. I do hope you're good at prioritizing. I expect all of the transcription and the filing completed at the end of each day-" Suddenly, static crackled through the intercom on Sydney's desk.
           "G'morning Sydney!" Albert Tibble's voice came through. "If you have a free moment, let's talk!"
           Sydney rolled her eyes upward. It was way too early, she thought, for Tibble to be calling her into his office.
           "I'll be right there Albert!" She flicked off the intercom, then aimed a rueful smile at Tamika. "One does not wait for a free moment when the Vice President summons." She grabbed a pad and pen, got as far as the doorway, then turned, and smiled. "By the way, welcome aboard!"
           Seconds later, as series of thunderous explosions pursued Sydney down a monotonous gray corridor, her mind created a list of reasons why Tibble wanted to see her now.
           He didn't like the last analysis she'd completed, or another lay-off was in the works-her name heading the list. No! Worse. The firm changed to a less comprehensive healthcare, an HMO that would probably not cover all Brian's needs. The last thought produced nausea.
           When Tibble's secretary signaled Sydney to go on through, she took a breath before gingerly stepping across the expensive Persian rug that boasted unique shades of burgundy and gray. She headed toward the large desk and sat down on a tufted winged-back chair that flaunted its own distinct red and black color. Light and airy, the spacious office contained a slew of expansive floor-to-ceiling windows, attributes her office clearly lacked. All served as poignant reminders that years ago, if she hadn't been so impulsive, so blinded by anger and wounded pride, she might possibly be enjoying a similarly decorated office with as many, if not more, wide sweeping windows. Inwardly she snorted, picturing her unique view of Farnsworth's parking lot.
           "Sydney, please have a seat," Albert Tibble absently commanded, obviously unaware that she was already seated. All she could see now was his balding head, as he was focused on a manila folder, a rather thick manila folder. She shifted in the chair as that same thick manila folder stirred her curiosity.
           Get on with it! Her mind urged. Years ago she'd learned to project a screen of self-confidence that allowed no one to detect what was really going on inside her.
           You can be as nervous as hell, but don't dare show it!
           Words expressed by a man she had spent years forgetting, or at least dismissing from her daily thoughts, but whose words at moments like this come in quite handy.
           Tibble's head suddenly lifted. He slipped off his rimless glasses, placing the end of one arm into his mouth. His faded brown eyes regarded her with a measure of interest. He then folded the frames and placed them on top of the enigmatic folder, essentially refocusing both their attentions back to it.
           "We have a firm here who's going public," he started, "and has requested the use of our services in underwriting their IPO."
           Sydney nodded. Ignored the distant groan of thunder. Ignored the butterflies in her stomach.
           "Although the telecommunications industry has slowed," Tibble continued, "this company has held its own through smart strategic moves." He returned the glasses to the bridge of his nose.
           Sydney nodded, holding back any comment. Tibble, she knew, preferred to finish his spiels without interruption. But the man did ramble. She pushed aside images of similar manila folders piling up on her own work-buried desk.
           "The guy in charge is quite the entrepreneur having built his company from scratch."
           Her eyes traveled down his stubby fingers that caressed the edge of the yet unnamed folder.
           "The shareholders are looking to sell enough stock to raise monies for expansion."
           She felt her heart flutter. Ah, a "big one" and pictured in her mind's eye promotion rising like a sweet welcoming sunrise.
           "The SEC requires the stock be registered before they sell to the public. That's where you come in. You'll draft up the report for the SEC's approval."
           Possibly substantial pay raises...
           Tibble lifted the folder, raising it several inches above the polished glass. As her eyes struggled to make out the name pasted on the side, a streak of intense lightning flashed through one long expansive window.
           "Promising companies," Tibble continued, oblivious to the storm, "still can turn out dismal failures." Deliberately, he lowered the folder. "We can't afford to carry losers on Farnsworth's books. We don't need the aggravation." His gaze fell heavily on her. Then he shoved the enigmatic folder across the glossy surface. "I need your opinion on this!" The folder stopped at the edge. Overhead thunder broke, rattling windows.
           Sydney ignored the dryness inching up her throat and stared at the voluminous file. She knew what Tibble meant. He didn't want to be the only soul accountable if this company turned out a 'dismal' failure. Slowly, she drew in a breath. Exhaled. Reread the label.
           GS ENTERPRISES.
           The mental sound of the words rattled like an elusive pebble trapped inside the drum of a dryer. A peculiar feeling of déjà vu tugged inside. Hadn't she heard the name mentioned during a recent conversation? Hadn't she once recommended that same name to-?
           "We need to get moving on this!" Tibble directed. "You're scheduled to meet with their people this coming Wednesday morning." He leaned his thickly set frame back into his chair, crossed his arms over a barrel chest that a well-tailored dark gray suit failed to disguise. "That'll give you slightly over two days to pull this together. If there are any questions, call their legal counsel." He drew out a business card from inside the folder. "Name's Greene...Attorney Harold Greene."
           Another flash illuminated the room, contaminating everything in its eerie glow. Somewhere from the depths of Sydney's mind, a long affable face took form. A man with thinning brown hair. Horn-rimmed frames held together strategically with wads of yellowish tape. Harold Greene, who on more than one occasion would find himself as arbiter between her and a certain CEO.
           The cotton dryness advanced. She contracted inside, like the narrowing spiral found in a whirlpool.
           She read the name again-Harold Greene, Esquire. Was this coincidental? Red-letter warnings resonated in her mind, attaching themselves to the initials G.S. GS Enterprises...Grant Sinclair...exceedingly handsome Grant Sinclair-too handsome for his own good, Grant Sinclair. Damn, she thought, he had changed the company's name-and to one she'd once suggested but he'd deliberately shot down to prove he was in control.
           Tibble, unaware of her angst, ventured off on another spiel. Sydney searched his creviced face for answers to questions she dare not yet ask. She felt rising warmth, the words forming inside her throat died there. Because if this was Grant's company, every emotion connected with that man's betrayal would manifest itself on her face. Dare she take a chance and have Tibble detect her reaction when he confirmed her suspicion?
           No! She wasn't ready! She wasn't ready for the disturbing probability that Sinclair was back in her life.
           You can be as nervous as hell..
           She couldn't even swallow. Somewhat unsteadily she rose from her chair, then braced herself against the massive desk. "I'll get on this immediately." She winced at how her voice sounded like a dozen eggshells breaking. Then she gently gathered the cumbersome folder into her arms, thankful that her shaking fingers had something to grasp.
           "And you want my impressions by Wednesday?" she asked, thankful her voice at least did not quiver.
           "Preferably Tuesday morning...early!" Tibble replied, cutting the time he'd previously given. "I certainly hope those furrowing brows aren't an indication you're having reservation about taking this one on."
           Sydney thought of Brian's baseball game later that afternoon. She had promised her son she'd be there this time. She could pull it off. Sleep was not an option. "Yes. I mean no. I mean...I do want this."
           Tibble's regarded her with mild curiosity. "Look at it this way, Morgan, when you meet with them on their own turf, you're sure to get a free lunch."

***

           Moments later, before returning to her own office, Sydney ducked into the ladies room where she soaked a wad of paper towels in cold water and applied them as a compress to the back of her neck. Furiously, she tugged more paper towels from the holder, simultaneously releasing a string of sharp expletives.
           Her life was finally in place, her past put behind her. She glared over at the enemy-the GS folder lying innocently on the cold marble countertop. Several options rushed through her mind. She could flush the pages down the toilet. Or better yet, put that new shredder to good use.
           Sydney heaved a sigh and darted one more hateful glance at the folder.

***

           "We've got a priority one," Sydney informed Tamika, deliberately holding down her panic as she walked into her office. "We're handling the GS account." She looked at Tamika, as if expecting she would recognize the name, stand to attention, perhaps even salute. "We need to get a report back to Tibble tomorrow morning." Sydney released a mild expletive. "I have to be out of here by six-thirty. I won't have time to go home and change."
           Cautiously, Tamika ventured closer. "Don't worry, I'll work extra tonight, and I'll rearrange my schedule and come in early tomorrow."
           Sydney smiled, appreciating the effort. She dropped the folder on her desk, knocking over several decorative desk puzzles, plus a double-framed photograph whose edges were garishly decorated with an assortment of bright colored buttons. Brian had insisted she keep it on her desk. The puzzles helped her maintain a degree of sanity and, she ruefully noted, would get good use in the upcoming week.
           Tamika picked up the overturned frame containing two 3" x 5" photos. "What a darling little boy!"
           "My son," Sydney said
           Tamika's left brow lifted slightly, and Sydney sensed she was probably looking at Sydney's naked left hand.
           "Yes, I see the resemblance, especially the blonde hair. And this nice looking man in the other photo, I gather he's your husb-"
           "Yes. Unfortunately, he died in a motorcycle accident." Sydney did not bother to look up, but continued to straighten out the puzzles. "I was pregnant at the time with Brian." She felt her words sounded rehearsed, but she also knew they were usually enough to stop further questioning.
           Tamika gave a sympathetic nod. "That must've been a terrible time."
           "Yes, it was," Sydney replied softly, then took the frame from Tamika's grasp, shoved it behind the puzzles. She redirected her attention to the GS folder, whose dimensions now appearing more intimidating on own her smaller sized desk were still not as intimidating as Tibble's words.
           "You'll meet with them on Wednesday!"
           As she ran a manicured fingernail along one side of the folder, she felt a sudden sharp pain.
           GS Enterprises...Sinclair Associates. Out of your life forever? Yeah, right, jokes on you kid!
           She touched the cover, its porous surface absorbing blood from her finger. Pulling her hand away, she noticed the paper cut. Absently, she sucked her injured finger, and with the other hand, flipped open the cover. She Sensed Tamika's eyes drilling into the middle of her forehead. Although well over a decade had passed, images of him eddied through her mind-each one threatening to hurtle her into a swirling vortex of time that would send her back into that shadowy past where memories could rise like bones from a grave dug too shallow.
           "Sydney, is something wrong?"
           As if she'd touched a hot plate, she jerked her hand from the folder. But not before reading the first line again-Grant A. Sinclair, CEO and President of GS Enterprises.
           Tamika put down her steno pad, then reached across the desk.
           "No...I'm fine."
           Sydney felt as if she had been pushed over the side of a raft, thrown into swirling whitewater rapids, swept up, pushed, dragged, and submerged into an undercurrent of raw visceral emotion. Unable to breathe as the foggy grayness attempted to pull her under again, she helplessly watched herself drown as her mind dredged up more images of that regrettable weekend she had shared with that man. She walked over to the one narrow window that offered that priceless parking-lot view, and pressed her forehead against the cool surface. Morning traffic was easing up. Hartford was a great place to submerge one's identity. Or so she'd thought.
           A city of insurance companies, banks, and investment firms, a place where you lived and worked in relative anonymity until eventually you became like one of those look-alike compacts that now lined her view. Or so she'd thought.
           She turned to Tamika. "Yes, I could use something-tea, coffee, anything."
           Tamika made a quick exit.
           Sydney turned back to the window where his reflection emerged. How could she face him after all these years, let alone work with him on this account? Out of the corner of one eye, she glanced at the folder. Then at her son's picture. If the truth were known about her and this man..
           Suddenly, she could hear whispered voices with side-glances cast her way from her inquisitive colleagues. How she detested gossip.
           "This should help," Tamika said.
           Gratefully, Sydney took the cup of steaming coffee from her.
           "Look, let's take a break, then get together on this."
           Tamika, still looking a bit confused, made another exit.
           Sydney settled behind her desk. The storm raged outside, and the one inside her was just beginning.

***

           Parents and friends waited, anxiously, on bleachers, tucked in lawn chairs, sprawled onto blankets spread across a summer-scorched grass. Overhead lights flickered as sunset came. Suddenly, blue and red uniforms spilled out from opposing dugouts.
           Sydney, carrying a pair of high heels in one hand, a box of popcorn in the other, struggled to reach the top of one bleacher. Once seated, she peered over at the scoreboard.
           The score tied, top of the sixth.
           All Brian had to do as the Phillie's pitcher was strike out the rival team's next three batters. The championship was in the bag.
           Simple enough, she thought. Nonetheless, Sydney's fingers anxiously squeezed the cardboard box.
           A poignant lump formed in her throat as Brian positioned himself on to the pitcher's mound.
           After the game, they were headed for Bradley Airport where he would board a flight to Sarasota, Florida and stay with her parents in their new condo located off coastal waters.
           "Walk's as good as a hit!"
           In one fluid motion, Brian pitched the first ball.
           "Steee-rike one!" yelled the Ump.
           A synchronized groan rumbled through the opposite stand.
           Sydney sucked in the warm July air.
           "Steee-rike two!"
           She exhaled on the following rumble.
           Brian, completing his third wind up, released the ball.
           WHACK!
           In horror she watched the ball's trajectory carry it past the bright lights. As it made a re-entry, it hopped several times before the Phillie's shortstop scooped it and hurled it to first.
           "SAFE!"
           The next batter wiggled into position. Again Brian readied for the pitch.
           "Why is that southpaw wearing that Mickey Mouse mitt?" someone suddenly shouted.
           Sydney felt her lips contract into a thin smile.
           "Don't let the glove fool you. He's the junkman," a young male voice cried. "Morgan pitches the whole enchilada-fast, curve, knuckle-"
           Moisture stung her eyelids. Brian sometimes pushed the rules with his pitches. Although his coach did not encourage curve balls, as they were tough on young players' arms, Brian did what was necessary to win.
           Brian needed no defense from her.
           WHACK!
           Jolted by the definitive sound of ringing metal, she strained to follow the disappearing sphere into the starless sky. Brian repositioned himself directly beneath the ball.
           Again, she held her breath knowing the ball was coming straight for his eyes. Most kids flinched at the sight of an approaching ball, letting it fall to one side.
           Brian let it come right at him, he calmly reached upward, caught it into that 'Mickey Mouse' glove. Launched it to his second baseman in time to tag the incoming runner.
           "OWWWT!"
           The next batter approached the plate, his young face scrunched into a pained expression of pure concentration.
           Brian, taking his cue from his catcher, raised his arm into a wind up, threw three fast pitches, each one crossing the strike zone, each one drawing a strike. On the third out, Brian's team came up to bat.
           It wasn't long before the Phillies had the bases loaded, with Brian on deck and two outs against them. If he struck out, they would go another inning and the other team could turn the tide.
           He knew it. She knew it. Everyone in the ballpark knew it.
           At this point Sydney couldn't tell if she'd been eating popcorn or cardboard.
           Brian no longer wore the glove, and the reason for wearing the smaller size was now obvious.
           "Hey, that kid's missing a right hand!"
           Sydney stiffened and bit her lower lip.
           "How in Sam Hill is he going to hit the ball?"
           She tasted blood. Let them see for themselves. Watch a boy with a formless stump for a right hand play ball.
           "Why doesn't his coach put in a pinch hitter?"
           That coach, she was tempted to explain, had shown Brian how to hit a ball by using a backhanded approach instead of the usual forearm swing. A swing he'd perfected.
           Sydney merely smiled, choked back the expletives that begged for release.
           The first pitch whizzed low over the plate straight into the catcher's mitt.
           "BALL ONE!"
           The second pitch, slightly higher.
           "Steee-rike one!"
           Murmurs of doubt grew, rippled like storm-driven waves. Sydney looked neither to her right nor left, but kept her pupils fixed on the form crouched below the blue batting helmet.
           WHACK!
           The elusive ball floated out of the outfielder's reach, landing on the opposite side of the fence. One by one, Brian and his teammates circled to home.

           "Omigod...omigod...they did it!" she cried as caps and gloves flew in all directions. She turned toward the 'voice' that had spouted off about her son's playing ability and shoved the mutilated box of popcorn at him. "Here, you need this more than me." Abruptly, she turned away from his shocked expression, and holding a shoe in each hand, made her way back down the bleacher.
           "Hey Mom, we're undefeated!" Brian shouted through the silver-wired mesh. "We're number one!" he cried over the din of screaming teammates.
           Almost at eye level, Brian was fast approaching her five-foot-five height. His broadening shoulders would eventually give him a build much like his father's. She could only nod in response to his words, then blinked to clear the moisture from her eyes, all the while remembering Wednesday's forthcoming meeting at GS. She pushed aside the disquieting feeling that gnawed inside her -- a feeling that felt not unlike one felt by approaching impending doom.

***

           Sydney pressed down on the accelerator, cautiously eased into the traffic and prayed the aging Celica's engine would not stall as it had been doing lately.
           "Brian, keep your seat belt fastened at all times, listen to what the flight attendants tell you. Make sure Gram calls me when you get in, and-"
           "Aw Mom, I'm not a baby." He tugged his cap down concealing a pair of rolling eyeballs. Then he turned toward her. "You won't forget to feed Augie and the hamsters?" he asked, giving his own 'to-do' list. "And make sure you check the lock on his cage. And you better get him some more crickets. Augie likes an occasional snack. Not too many or he'll get too big for his cage. Gee, I wish I could take him."
           Sydney let out a sigh, wishing the same. The iguana hadn't been her pet of choice to say the least.
           "Brian, it's not that Gram wouldn't appreciate Augie visiting them, but he's better off in familiar surroundings." She could picture her mother now, standing on some chair, peering down at Augie from a safe distance.
           "Gee Mom, I wish you were coming."
           "If things let up at Farnsworth, I'll try to fly down for a week. I promise."
           "I hope you can make it for my birthday."
           "I'll try," she said, hoping she could get away by then. Her workload had doubled over the past several months, with no increase in pay or hint of one, at least not until that morning. And then with Brian growing and constantly active, and the insurance company willing to pay for "growth" replacements for his prosthetic device. Which reminded her...
           "Brian, try to remember your prosthesis is not a baseball bat. I've had to replace two in six months, and the insurance pays for only one. I still don't understand how you lost that second one."
           She made decent money to get by, but having to pay out-of-pocket expenses for these replacements had been adding more of a strain to an already over-stretched budget. And what with the car now acting up.
           She glanced over at Brian's hand concealed inside the glove. Brian never left home without it she ruefully mused. He'd often forget the device, except on Halloweens-which served as a perfect accessory for any pirate costume he could come up with. But forget that glove? Not on your life.
           Grant Sinclair.
           Suddenly, the name sprang forth from some far hidden corner of her mind. After eleven years, images of him still came too easily. His thick blonde hair, and those pale gray eyes, compelling eyes that left an unforgettable image in any woman's mind.
           Someone had warned her sheer power in an office environment was an enticing aphrodisiac. But she also remembered how much she enjoyed watching him make those hardball decisions. Decisions that at times moved mountains. All this had attracted her to him in the first place, but all this now filled her with some remorse, even regret, and a poignant reminder of her own indiscre-
           "Remember Mom, make sure the hook is pushed in tight, else he'll escape-"
           "Don't worry!" she answered, brusquely.
           "But you don't like Augie. He knows it. If he gets out, you won't even try to catch him. You won't touch him."
           "Look, I admit, I'm not too fond of Augie, but it doesn't mean I won't take care of him."
           "He likes mainly veggies, but you won't forget to feed him those crickets?"
           She winced inside, but forced a nod.
           Seemingly satisfied with her response, Brian settled back into his seat then turned on the radio. A Karen Carpenter song-an oldie but a goodie was playing. Sydney suddenly reached over and pushed the scan button until finally settling on a country western tune.
           "Gee, Mom, with this traffic I hope I don't miss my plane."
           "Don't worry, I gave us plenty of time," she replied, throwing mental threats at the car's engine that it dare not crap out on her now.
           Brian's attention drifted to the music, hers to a night where emotions for one man had embraced more than simple business fascination. Back to a night where memories, like pieces of balsam wood floating in water, refused to sink and invariably kept resurfacing.
           "Are we there yet?" Brian asked. His hair stuck out in unruly spikes from beneath his cap. He didn't appear nervous. Her lips pressed into a crooked smile. Brian looked forward to every adventure. Much like someone else, who because of this latest development at Farnsworth, would no longer be a shadowy figure in her past.
           "We're here," she announced, dismissing all thoughts of him as she pulled into the short-term parking area.
           Moments later, they settled into stiff vinyl chairs. If she hadn't max out her Visa, she was tempted to purchase a boarding pass for herself and let Tibble go to that meeting in her place.

***

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LATE 1960's 
            Let's elope!
            Lia Stewart had made the proposal earlier that afternoon to Sean McIntyre.
            "Should I bring a ladder?" he'd asked, as her mind replayed their last words.  "Or use a disguise?  Do I knock three or four times on your window?  Or do I whistle first, then knock--"
            "We'll meet right here," she'd laughingly instructed.  "At the maple tree."
            Once they were married, no longer could Pop interfere with her life. The thought played well in her mind as she lugged the over-packed suitcase along the well-worn path that led to the maple tree.  Once there, breathless, she leaned against its side.
            It was all falling into place.  Still apprehension filled her.  Why Pop suddenly needed those pants of his hemmed tonight.  Yet she didn't dare argue with him to avoid casting suspicion.  She'd gone ahead and hemmed those pants, even if it meant that she would be late for their rendezvous.
            "I won't stop loving Sean because of what others say.  Or because of what you think of him.  I can't stop these feelings inside.  I won't stop these feelings."  Lia had wanted to tell her father but knew those very words would have fallen on deaf stubborn ears.
            She gazed up into the maple's branches at the makeshift fort of weathered- beaten planks where she and Sean had spent the better part of the past summer.  Where they shared tender moments in what he'd labeled their 'secret' love nest.
            She shut her eyes and easily pictured him.  Pictured his thick coppery shoulder-length hair.  Pictured him half-naked, wearing those cutoffs that barely covered strong muscular thighs.  The image of him sent her heart pounding.  A faint smile curved her lips.  She had come to know the man quite well over the summer.  Sean made her come alive.  More alive than she had ever felt, or, she knew now, would ever feel in any man's arms.  He'd unlocked not only untried emotions but also a passion that left her wanting more.  He had kindled a burning fire in her soul; one only he knew how to extinguish.  And over that same summer she'd proved to him her willingness to learn what pleased him.  In return, he'd made her feel loved, cherished.  Cherished, she mentally repeated.  What woman didn't want that from a man?
            A sudden breeze lifted strands of her hair.  Earlier she had been tempted to pull it up in to a neat ponytail, but instead left it hanging wild--.
            "Wildflowers," he'd murmured to her once.  "Promise me you'll never cut it."
            Willingly, she'd made that promise.  She would never cut her hair.  She would always wear it long and flowing just for him. Even when she turned the ripe age of ninety-two.
            Again the words "Let's elope!" filled her mind.  His hesitance had produced a cascade of doubt in her mind.
            "We should take it a step at a time," he'd suggested.
            She'd listened, but they were hollow words.  After a long nerve wracking silence, he'd said finally, "Okay.  But it has to be tonight.  I'm leaving for school this weekend."
            Sitting on the suitcase, the words sheer craziness swirled inside her head.  She cradled her chin into one palm.  Glanced at her watch again.  Swallowed hard.  He was late.  But then so had she been late, although by only minutes.  He'd promised to be there at nine sharp.
            "You're not going to back out on me, are you?" he'd teased.
            "I suspect if anyone's going to back out, it'll be you, Sean McIntyre.  If you jilt me, I'll never speak to you and that's a promise," although said in jest they had been her last words to him.
            A nervous tic jerked at the side of her mouth.  Sally suddenly invaded her thoughts but Lia quickly shoved her sister's image from her mind.  What she and Sean had between them was totally different from what had existed between her sister and that drifter who was looking to avoid the draft and Vietnam.  She looked at her watch again.  Twenty minutes . . . .
                                                    

***

            The clock on the nightstand by her bed read eleven-thirty.  Lia peered into the frameless mirror.  Dull, lifeless eyes stared back.  Long dark hair hung limp, dripping wet.
            "You stupid fool," she hissed.  "That man's long gone.  You were no more than a summer fling."
            She spotted a pair of black-handled scissors resting on the bureau.  Ones she'd used earlier to cut material off her father's workpants.  Deliberately, she picked up the scissors and placed the blades close against her scalp.  Unblinking, she stared straight into the mirror.  On the hard oak floor, an erratic pattern of swirling ebony fell.
 

***


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