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Hate Mail
June 5, 2001
From CVary@aol.com
Dallas Rocks. They are better than your crappy and poor canadien team
Ummm... Should we tell him that this isn't GoHabs.com
Nahhhh, I like the free traffic.
June 5, 2001
From Leni Sommer
I'm sure that you've gotten a number of intelligent and well-written responses to your board, but of course you would choose to post only the ones that are as hateful and obscenity-filled as your site. No better way to perpetuate the stereotypes, right? This is a common practice of such hate groups as the Klan and the Nazi Party in all its incarnations.
I have tried picturing the teams that I hate in place of the Stars in all of your attacks and have reached the conclusion that you are not in any way as funny or clever as you think you are. Mean-spiritedness and hatred to the extent that you are exhibiting are very self-destructive, both spiritually and physically. Enjoy all your stress-related illnesses--the headaches, the TMJ problems, the ulcers, oh, and especially all the autoimmune diseases I see coming your way.
Wooo, I've been a little busy for a while, and I had some Stars fans with some brains send me lovely letters.. Although I'm not quite sure if this person is a Stars-lover. He/She doesn't really say...
Personally, I find it extremely ironic that someone would insinuate that my behaviour is similar to that of the Nazis and KKK, when everyone knows that Texas is America's Flag-State for bigotry. I couldn't be that bad because I'm simply a pea-brained, peace-loving, sled-dog lovin' Canadian. Just livin' in the land of multi-culturalism, perogies, infinite blubber and two World Series Championships.. Hmmm.. I suddenly feel like drinking a Molson...
I can bet you that every Nazi and KKK member not only hated, but also ate.. And farted.. And blinked.. And walked.. And... And.. Wait! I think me and Leni are onto something, because I DO THOSE THINGS TOO
So do you, now that I think about it.
I'm far from the wittiest guy out there. I agree that most of those Dallas pictures are stupid, yes. I think many of my replies to my hatemail could easily be more scathing, but I'm not about to pre-construct an attack against someone. But to be saying that I'm a closet-Nazi or a member of the KKK because I hate the Dallas Stars is ludicrous..
Well, maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. It's about the smartest thing we could expect from a Stars-fan.
April 24, 2001
From: Abigail Buress
What on earth would posses any half sentient being to go against all laws of nature and root AGAINST the Dallas Stars? You are obviously suffering from some kind of psychological disease that causes you to become a, gasp, imagine that, an oilers fan. Take a long look around, you lost AGAIN. Get a grip, Edmonton couldn't find their way out of paper sack, much less into a win over Dallas. Hey, that's ok though, someone out there has to be a complete ass, and I'm afraid (now that's an interesting thought, try that for your completely self-appreciatingly pompous picture gallery) it's just you!
With love,
Another Dallas Stars Aficionado
(ps. Texans aren't hicks, get your terms right, we're Cowboys and Stars!)
Sorry, Abby. I hadn't had the chance to get back to you on this email. But I'd never put an email in the trash box.. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was
| YELLOW |
Whoops.. I'll have to remember not to use that word around someone from Texas. Anyone who has seen the Back to the Future trilogy (which was banned in Texas along with other great pieces of pop culture such as Judy Blume's Super Fudge, The Price is Right, and MC Hammer), knows about the Marty McFly syndrome where he snaps when someone calls him
| YELLOW |
Whoops.. There's that word again.
I wonder why I feel so compelled to use that phrase when focusing on Abby's letter? Hmmm.. Maybe it's because she's too
| YELLOW |
to attack me. She'll hide under the safety of Dallas' win over the Oilers, and poke at me me by calling me "completely and self-appreciatingly pompous" like a little kid hiding under the blankets of her couch-fort and slapping at someone's foot as they walked by. This amused me plenty as a child, but it's laughable now.
But I do have to laugh at her last line. Go on.. scroll up and re-read it.. Okay, I'll give.. Texans aren't hicks, but Hicks (Dallas' owner) sure is a Texan
Okay, this repsonse is over because that was a pretty pathetic joke.
April 23, 2001
From No.1 Stars Fan
Hey there No.1LoserFan! I saw your web-site, and well...I wanted to wait until we eliminated your ass AGAIN before I told you what a freaking loser you are! You can rag the Stars all you want, b/c they are obviously doing something right (or did you not notice that your season is OVER!) But mostly, I wanted to remind you of such things as spell check. If you are stupid enough to post derogatory things about us, at least have the decency to do so in an intelligent fashion. Grammar mistakes just show your stupidity and discredit all the hard work you have done to try to look cool (which you are not, by the way!) So, in closing...I would just like to say GO STARS! Oh, and the Oil suck ass. Better luck next year...oh wait, until you meet us in the playoffs. Why bother???
Sincerely - No.1 Stars Fan
Alright!! Some more crap email from crap Texas trash! There's a thing called a "sore winner"; and then there's a thing called a "hick sore winner". No.1 Stars Fan beams these qualities without even trying.
The thing that I find funniest about this whole email is that a hick from Texas is actually questioning my grammar and intelligence. But you know what? For once, I'm going to go out on a limb and agree with him. His intelligence outweighs mine tenfold. He has no "You can rag the Stars all you want, b/c they are obviously doing something right (or did you not notice that your season is OVER!)" run-ons in his sentences. And there are no "I saw your web-site, and well..." comma splices or incorrectly used ellipsis. And I personally found his closing remarks "So, in closing..." to set new standards of creativity.
Well, I didn't think it could be done, folks, but there is an intelligent Stars fan out there.
April 2, 2001
From: Blow Me
You are a fucking loser! You are the biggest loser out there! OMG you're message board doesn't even work! GRAB A BRAIN YOU ASSWIPE! BY THE WAY DALLAS RULES!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SUCH A f##kING NUT CASE!!
After being abducted by Carolina Hurricanes fans (I know there aren't many, but they are cultish), I am finally going to respond to some of the hatemail that's been accumulating. First up is Blow Me. Well, I took that suggestion to heart.. Don't believe me? Well, I had this sudden urge to go to PlayGirl.com and fantasize that you are one of the studly hunks up on the web.
And I like how by re-emphasizing the fact that I'm a loser TWICE in a row, it seems to have taken a greater effect than just doing it once.
Wait a minute.. I'm not here to pick apart some fucking Dallas fans' grammar.. I'm here to tell him that HE'S THE FUCKING LOSER!!.. And that he's a loser, too!
October 2, 2000
From: Tyler Austin
Dallas rules
Oilers suck!!!1
What has this world come to? When one's own family will fall apart and criticize another's obsession? This message posted on my message board was from none other than my infamous drinking-partner: my cousin Tyler. I am now ashamed to say that he and I share the same blood. In a show of committment to my Oilers, I renounce myself of having any relation to Tyler until he cheers for the Oilers. It is my personal mission to show Tyler the light, and cheer for the proper hockey team. He will, oh yes he will, become no2oilerfan. That I can personally garauntee!
As for my other cousin Ryan, I know that you've been posting the idiotic messages everywhere about the Oilers. I'm not stupid and know how to track IP's. I denounce you as family until you go to another game with me and pour beer on the opposing coach's head.
I've staked my claims and layed my ultimatums. When I say that I'm the world's biggest Oiler fan, I put them even before my family.
September 18, 2000
From: Bob Backenhurst
Dallas Rules Man!!!! Mike "the Rocket" Modano is the man with the Gawddam plan... I'll tell you what boy! And don't you forget it. What in the hell is wrong with you making my dallas stars look like goofs in you picture section, you butt munch Canadian ass!!
Well, this was a birthday present and a half for me! I wake up to find that this American patriot left me a little message. Heh heh... What a goof. Mike Modano is the "man with the Gawddam plan"??? Ooookaaay... And I don't think there's anything wrong with me because I expose the truth of the Dallas Stars. Belfour is an abusive drunk. Modano is a fag. Guy was an old smelly fart. Ken Hitchcock is a fatso.
And as for those rumours of Modano being "the Rocket"... Well, from what I've heard through the grapevine, he really is "a Rocket" if you're a SWM, 20-28, gentle yet firm build. I imagine that you fit right in that category Bobby.
August 1, 2000
From dallasstar29@hotmail.com
Yo shithead i hate your page. just because dallas kicked you asses in most of the finals doesnt mean that u can put fake pics of the stars on your webpage. man your fuckin screwed up if all u can do in life is critisize. by the way visit my webpage at www.wehateoilers.com
Dallas has kicked our ass in most of the finals? Huh? I honestly have no clue what this person is talking about. Actually, criticize is not all that I do. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am an Oiler lover first, a Dallas-hater second. Therefore, I spend most of my life in awe of my team. And that also wasn't very nice, sending me on a wild-goose chase like that to www.wehateoilers.com. You had my hopes really up about seeing a cool page.. I'm going to go sulk in the corner now with my thumb in my mouth (suck suck)
July 18, 2000
From CVary@aol.com
Dallas kicks ass. Bill Guerin is such a dumbass. Hull and Modano can kick his ass any day of the week. I don't know if you looked, but I left a nice little message for you on www.thedallasstars.com. The author is "dallas fan".
That's right... if Guerin got into a street fight with Pantie-Boy and The Yapper, he would lose hardcore. Glad to be informed of this fact. I'll have to remind Guerin to watch his back.
Oh boy, he left me a message on Dallas Stars.com... I think I may have pissed off the cowboys.
I went there and look at how he bashed me! (snicker)
July 7, 2000
From Cory
your a fuckn losr you goof your just mad that your team sucz and my team won the cup hahaha go fuck yerself yeh frickin loser eddie the eagle would kik yor butt you freank
Well, this was a pleasant surprise in my mailbox this morning! I tell you, the average IQ of your regular Stars-fan has got to be 36. Doesn't that letter above have "HILLBILLY ACCENT" written all over it? I really hate it when someone calls me a "freank"
June 28, 2000
From BmPdLs21@aol.com
Hey, why dont you just remember this... edmonton got their asses kicked by dallas and got knocked out of the playoffs in the first round 2 years in a row, and dallas will do it again next year! And i guess it would be good for you if eddie did enter alcoholics anonymous, because that would be the only way the oilers would even have some small hope of scoring on the stars!
-#1 stars fan
Thank god this guy doesn't know his hockey, because the Stars have beaten us the last 3 years in the playoffs. (Shhhh)
Pretty tame stuff, so far, but if any of you Dallas fans think you can beat this fellow, send it my way. I won't edit anything except for a couple swears! Click here to email me with your comments.