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| Purple Bunny Worshipper | Yote Lachupo | B.Crabtree | Tested in Faith |
Dear Opinion Guy,
I worship the Invisible Purple Bunny. It sits next to me, but I can't exactly see it, but I know it's there. I can feel it's love for me and when I pray to it, it provides for me. I love the Invisible Purple Bunny!!
Recently people have been mocking my belief in the Bunny. I think it's because they are so lost, they just can't see it. They need the love of the Bunny, and they need to believe in it so they can go to the Happy Forest when they die.
How can I convince my friends that the Bunny is very real and loves them very much?
Blessings of the Bunny be upon you!
Dear Purple Bunny Worshipper, if you want my opinion...
A huge congratulations to you on fining the true path in the light and love of the Purple Bunny. I know your life will be enriched and overflowing with His blessings in this life and for all eternity in the Happy Forest with all it's abundance of Disneyesque charms (remember to stock up on insulin in this lifetime. No pharmacies in the Happy Forest, and sugar comas are a real danger. And not just for the diabetic.)
I understand your concern for your friends and I am touched by your persistence and loyalty to them in trying everything possible to persuade them in the way of the Way Cool Carrot Eater. I'm sure you've tried nagging at them, and bringing up the topic at every opportunity. When they try to dissuade or dismiss you I'm certain you hold steadfast to your convictions despite their protests, explaining to them that they are fools for not seeing the love and salvation you so clearly understand in reading The Great Book of the Cotton Tailed Fellow. And if you have been devoted, as I know a caring friend like you would be, you quote the book to them at every opportunity you see. As well I'm sure you have warned them of the Place Where Carrots Will Not Grow, Predators Abound and All Key Rings Are Colorful, and Furry with Little Black Nails, time and time again. You will know you have done this enough when they begin to avoid you, make excuses not to see you, pretend they are not home when you call on them, roll their eyes when you approach, and mutter profanities behind your back. Good Job. You are a true friend! Do some more!
If they mock, and belittle your message of cute and fluffy love, it is a sure sign you are reaching them. The Hoppety Floppety One has surely burrowed deep in their chests and is ready to prepare His nest. All you need is to complete your work. For this you will need evidence. Not opinion, personal testimonies, or quotes from the Book. How can they ever be sure that these things are true? After all I know an intelligent person as yourself didn't come to the truth based solely on such things. Preposterous! I'm laughing unto tears just considering it. So there it is. Just show them His Purpleness is real, using photos (His inherent invisibility may pose a problem here. Try getting Him to wear bright clothing and novelty glasses.), documented eyewitness accounts from credible sources, or perhaps a letter from the Loving Loper Himself, signed and notarized of course. It would also help if you could show them how He has blessed you and answered prayers. Be specific and use examples that have no other explanation save that they are of Him. Simply offer absolute and undeniable evidence. You may be tempted to exaggerate, tell little white lies, deny things that are commonly known to be true when you discover they contradict what you know to be truth, etc. Resist the urge. All good tactics at early stages for hooking new converts. But we know the truth don't we? What need have we to deceive? Give them the undisputed truth and see their hearts changed and their lives blessed with carrots.
Lots of Luck (I'm sure you wont need it. After all You have the Truth on your side.
Opinion Guy
P.S. I think you may find this of interest: http://www.oocities.org/hell_bent6662003/Fundies/KHA.html
My opinion on worship and GOD. My God is between my legs and between the legs of every other male on this planet. PENIS is GOD as it has been since time immemorial. Let's face it, all males have one, most females want one (at least).
Every human being, at some stage has experienced the good feeling of a PENIS, be it your own or someone else's. For generations, PENIS had delivered the juice of life, semen, in order to procreate human beings. Don't you think it deserves more respect?
If we all learn to worship PENIS as GOD there would be no more wars, famine, want, intolerance, murder, rape,etc,etc,etc.
What do you think? Seriously...
Yote Lachupo
Dear Yote Lachupo, if you want my opinion...
There is really no need to worship the penis or any other sex organ in an organized and religious manner. And it has been done before. In fact worship of the fertile female with large lactating breasts may well have been if not the earliest forms of religion, then definitely one of the oldest. Her carved likeness has often been found among archaeological artifacts of very early socialized man in many places and among many ancient cultures and technology levels. I imagine they might just as easily have worshipped the male penis as less ancient cultures would come to do,(There are also many instances of vagina worship) but they likely lacked the knowledge we now have of the penis' role in reproduction. The females role of course is far less subtle and would to them have been most obvious.
It's hardly surprising that sex would be an early choice of worship for early man trying to understand his place and origins and to me makes more sense than worshipping an unseen creator. Sex, or the act involved in the reproduction of all animals is a very strong motivator for all species. If a species is successful it spends a lot of thought and energy on ensuring its survival through reproduction. Even when they don't realize that their sexual drive is doing this, they know they want to do it. Early man took what they knew and tried to make sense of it. Very admirable, and in many ways scientific. At least as scientific as they could be given their very basic knowledge and lack of resources.
We however, are now much more knowledgeable of such things, and our population is such that if our sex drives (which remain as strong as ever) were allowed to control us without the presence of birth control, it might actually be detrimental to our survival.
It's fine to enjoy and respect the sexual act and all it involves but worship it? No. And as for preventing "..wars, famine, want, intolerance, murder, rape, etc, etc, etc.." I see no evidence that this may be so. In fact, I think it may in many instances be the opposite. Our sex drive is a powerful motivating force but outside of reproduction it has shown the capacity to be destructive as well as creative. After all...what are missiles shaped like?
Opinion Guy
Dear Sir,
I am 18 years of age and still a virgin, however do not have any religious beliefs because i have not been educated in that field. I would like to have a belief in something which emphasis's purity, but I have no idea what religions to start looking at. It does seem a little late to start believing something but I've been told it can never be too late, which religions are there that revolve around this? Sorry if this email seems a little silly to you but this is something i seriously want to look into and would love to seek your advice on, if that is possible?
B.Crabtree
Dear B.Crabtree, if you want my opinion...
If you choose to live life as a virgin, and thats what I am assuming you mean by "Purity", then why not just live that way? I have to admit though, I can't see any benefits to the practice. And I find it odd that someone unknowledgeable of religious beliefs would even entertain the notion. Oh well. To each his own.
If you are still insistent on a belief promoting your ideals of purity There are a number of religions which teach it too varying degrees and orders to which a believer may join and live chastely. Keep in mind though that if you are in agreement about the ideals of virtue a belief holds, that is no good reason to embrace it fully. Study them carefully and be sure that you find all of their beliefs to be appealing to you and your lifestyle. There is nothing so disappointing as to see someone adopt a religious belief based on some initial positive experiences, and without having full knowledge of other beliefs, and then blindly following all that belief holds true as though it were the only truth. You need general knowledge of many beliefs to make an informed decision.
I also think it is important to ask yourself if a religious belief is even necessary. Personally I find the possibility that any god exists to be worshipped preposterous, as there is no evidence of any such beings and if you study science, no apparent reason for one to exist. A good study on secular sciences such as evolution will help you understand this.
Remember being chaste is your individual right. Practice it if you wish, for whatever reasons you may have. But don't feel that you need to adhere to a strict religious belief to do so.
Opinion Guy
Dear Opinion Guy, I need help!
My problem is of an unusual nature and until now I've been reluctant to discuss it with anyone but my pastor and closest friends. They have tried to help but the problem persists. Now I'm opting to ask your opinion in anonymity. I'm the victim of demonic oppression and I'm tired of living in sleepless terror.
I am a young man of eighteen years and although I've been terrorized by this demon for roughly a year now, I have suffered from feelings of anxiety and terror at night since I was thirteen. Almost as if I was sensing what was to come. What little sleep I get at night is often unrestful. My health and sanity are at risk I,m sure.
It visits me at night and the worst thing about it is my helplessness to prevent its coming or even flee it's presence. The sheer terror literally has me paralyzed, unable to move or even call out. I know I have authority over this thing through Jesus Christ, but my faith must be weak, and I remain it's victim. I lie terrorized and unmoving on my bed as it enters my room somehow. It is always glowering and obviously enjoying it's effect on me. It often climbs atop me staring down, it's face inches from mine. At these moments even breathing becomes nearly impossible. I don't know why it doesn't just kill me. It easily could. It must enjoy my suffering. This all may sound crazy to you but it's as real as anything I have experienced. I only wish it wasn't.
My pastor told me that other men of faith have had these encounters and that the demon is a female and called a succubus.He also told me I have power through Christ to bind and cast it away. My faith must be weak. But God how I want to believe him!
I'm almost ready to give up. Perhaps it will tire of playing with me and finally kill me. That would end it. Have you heard of anything like this? Have others overcome? What can I do? I'm desperate!
Tested in Faith
Dear Tested in Faith, If you want my opinion....
I have indeed heard of similar cases like yours and and like many other people have experienced at least some of the phenomenon you have. Good news friend. There is hope for you if you keep an open mind to the possibility that this phenomenon is based on natural occurrences in your body and mind and not supernatural in origin as you have been lead to believe.
Encarta 96 has this definition of a succubus:
In medieval European folklore, a female demon (or evil spirit) who visits men in their sleep to lie with them in ghostly sexual intercourse. The man who falls victim to a succubus will not awaken, although may experience it in a dream. The male counterpart is the incubus
A succubus is one form of manifestation described by sufferers of sleep paralysis or "night nurses paralysis" as it is also sometimes referred to. Other manifestations have included malevolent "old hags", incubi, and even alien abductors, as well as an "invisible malevolent presence". You may have guessed that this condition may go far in explaining many myths, tales and legends dating from modern times to at least the middle ages, if the science behind it is accurate. And it seems to be just that. Sufferers of sleep paralysis are understandably reluctant to accept that their experiences are less than real and indeed they are very real...to them. but rest assured you are not alone and with some education on the subject and help from professionals(like your doctor as this is not a spiritual problem but a physical one) you will be just fine.
Now I could try to make myself look brilliant by giving you all the information you need in this reply but truth be told I had to research for my reply and found it fascinating. I'm sure you will also find it interesting and enlightening so I'm going to provide you with links to the most informative sources I discovered.
Opinion Guy