cat's got your toungue

This guy and I have been flirting since the beginning of summer, and in the last couple months have "hooked up" a couple of times. Well, the first time, he told me that he thinks I'm "the one" and how much he likes me, etc., etc., bu then went back to his old girlfriend shortly after... but not for long. Last weekend while I was out of town for the afternoon with my roommate, he and his brothers and my brother were all having a guy chat at the house. I got a message from my crush while I was out that he was waiting for me at my place and at the end of the message "love you too".

When I got back, it turned out that my brother had told him how much I care about him and want to be with him, and also turned out that he feels the same. We were talking at my house and he told me that he really likes me, thinks that we could make a great life together, thinks we have a really strong and rare connection, that he dreams about me all the time and that I'm everything he's ever wanted in a woman and more - which is exactly how I feel about him - but every time I go to say something, no words come out!! So I end up just answering yes or no to his questions asking if I like him too, and if I think we'd be good together.

Well, we spent the night together, and it was a wonderful night. When we woke up in the morning, we just decided to stay in bed until the afternoon and just layed there in each others arms listening to music, not even talking, it was a comfort I never knew existed. Anyway, as he was leaving, he asked me if I wanted to do something later that day to which I obviously responded yes to, but said I had some house chores and other stuff to do first. So... after I got all my stuff done, a few of us decided to get a movie and some pizzas and have a lounge night, so I went over to his place (only a couple doors away) to see if he wanted to join us. He was laying on his couch watching TV and said that he was feeling really crappy, turns out he'd been drinking quite a bit the night before when he said all those wonderful things. He said that he didn't remember much of the conversation he'd had with his brothers and my brother, if any of it at all. So I didn't say anything, just said that we'd be at my house and for him to drop by if he was feeling better. We didn't see each other or talk to each other for a couple days (I'm petrified of coming on too strong or smothering him so I do the complete opposite, to a fault I think), and then I finally decided to contact him and see if he wanted to get together for go-carting or something. He responded that he had no money so couldn't afford to (txt messaging), so I messaged back for him to come over and hang out later when I was done work if he wanted to. He went out drinking with friends instead - which I took no offence to because we hadn't made plans to hang out together, but was obviously a bit disappointed. Then last night I got my brother to come over to his house with me to just hang out (because I wanted to break the ice in a casual way), but when we got there, he was on his way out with his kids, but said to drop by later. Well, a bunch of people ended up at my house and by the time I finally got them all to leave and convinced them that I was staying home (because I wanted to go see him), I guess he was asleep because he didn't respond to my message asking if he was still awake. I really hope that he doesn't think I'm using him for sex since I can never express what's going through my head when I'm with him.

I'm horrible at the whole "be open about your emotions" thing, but really want to let him know that I'm REALLY into him, and I really think the feelings are reciprocated - am I wrong to think that he was so open that night because he was drinking (liquid courage), and that he said exactly what he's been thinking?? Or would he have been making it up... although he had no reason to. I know that if I had been drinking that night I would have had the courage to tell him how I feel too.

So my question is, do you think that since I'm so bad at expressing my feelings that it would be wrong to put it into a letter?? I'm really good at writing my feelings, but I can't spit a word of them out when it comes to talking face-to-face, unless I'm drinking, but I don't want to do that when we're drunk.

The other part is that I'm going away on vacation for two weeks very soon, and want to get some clarity on what there is between us before I go so I'm not stressing about it, because right now I'm REALLY stressing about it, I'm terrified of missing out on something great... HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

cat's got my toungue

Dear cat's got my toungue, if you want my opinion...

I think a letter might be a good idea. I am not entirely convinced he was drunk the night he was so open. If he wasn't there are a couple of reasons i can think of as to why he would say he was drunk and couldn't remember. He may be guarding himself because of your reluctance to express your own emotions in response. Or he may have regretted saying what he did because to some degree or another he wasn't being honest or thoughtful. By writing a letter expressing your feelings, giving an explanation of your reluctance to express your feelings, and telling him that you are ready to have some kind of committed relationship; you will either give him peace of mind in relating to you (if he is sincere), or put him in a position where he will have no excuse not to be consistent in the expression of his feelings (unless he is not sincere in which case you will know more easily). The only negative effect that may come of a letter is to learn that he was not sincere. But that is a negative you would be better off knowing.

Best wishes,

Opinion Guy

Probably Overreacting

I've been involved with my boyfriend for 3 months. Up until this past week, he's been very communicative and forward with his feelings for me. I'm one breath away from telling him I love him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me. This week, he's been more distant. There is a lot going on with his job right now that's putting him under a lot of stress. I've told him I'm there for him if he needs to vent or talk about anything, but that's all I can do. I just feel like he's shutting me out more than he had ever done in the past. Three months' time is often a crossroads, and I really want to make it to the next phase of this relationship. How can I show him how much he means to me without smothering him? How can I get myself to stop worrying about this when I'm 95% sure in my head that everything is fine and his feelings for me haven't changed? I'm 30 and he's a very mature almost 27-year-old. We know we want the same things in life and ! have talked about the future before. Just tell me something that will chill me out, please.

Probably Overreacting

Dear Probably Overreacting, if you want my opinion...

You seem to have it figured out so I will just validate your own feelings. You have told him you are there. You recognize the danger of smothering him or pushing him away by being too persistent. You are confident he has feelings for you. You recognize there are stress factors that could be responsible for his distance. Now the hard part... be patient and be there for him. At least for as long as it is reasonable to do so. I think you are on the right track.

Best wishes,

Opinion Guy

use for sex

How do you know if a guy really likes you or justs wants to get some? My whole school is saying he likes me but I don't know if it true or he just wants some.

use for sex

Dear use for sex, if you want my opinion...

If he is only interested in you for sex, it will become apparent quickly if he realizes you have no intention of giving it to him. His interest in you will dissapear as fast as he would after getting what he wanted.

Opinion Guy

Dating

I was wondering if a 16 year old girl and a 21 year old guy are dating. Age does not matter between us. It doesn't seem like an age difference when we hang out. Is this wrong or right?

Dating

Dear Dating, if you want my opinion...

I cannot give you an answer to that question but I can tell you that there is more to consider than how it feels when the two of you are together. A very important consideration is whether or not laws are being broken, or may be broken. If that is a possibility I don't think the risks are at all worthwhile. If there is any seriousness to the relationship it can wait a couple of years. After that I don't know what to say. I don't know enough about either of you or your relationship to form an opinion. But I suggest listening carefully to the opinions of friends and relatives who do know.

Opinion Guy

My Dilemna

I have known this guy for over 2 years now. He and I were dating for a year before. However, He decided to break up with me last year. I was crushed and devastated without knowing the reason. I was so much in love at that time. After a year, he got back to me again telling me that he would like to start all over again. I know this may sound ridiculous but I accepted him after we talked and he explained the reason. He was very open to me this time, telling about his complicated past. He was once turned down by the family of the woman he wanted to marry. His heart broken had been broken. I try to understand his complicated past. Because I understood that he was always closed hearted, whenever he was involved in a new relationship due to his heartache past.

This time around, he often called me and seemed like he cared about me more than anything else. He asked me to go to football game with his buddies and their girlfriends for weekend trip. I did enjoy the weekend. Only it was frustrating because I didn't have any thing in common with one of his friends and his girlfriends. Also I felt like a fish out of water mingling with the other couples. They all seemed to have serious relationships. However, I was still trying to figure out what kind of relationship we have. We talked about marriage but he wanted to take it slow. We have great physical relationships. While he was driving in the car, I showed somewhat frustration by the way I acted. Sighing and complaining that I have a headache.

I felt cranky and moody in the car. When he reached out his hand to mine, I let his hands go so fast.

Looking back, I hope he's not offended by it. When the couple got out of car, we were dead silent. He never said a word and just kissed me on the cheek and then left.

I haven't heard from him over a week and a half. I am not sure if this is end of it or not. However, I would like to save this relationship. I am not sure it is best to call him back as if nothing happened or is best not to call him until he called me. I have a fear of him not calling me forever. Even if I call him, what is best way to say? I left my camera in his car so I know I have to meet him at some point. I am confused what he is thinking right now. This is the first time he has seen me getting frustrated and upset. I hope he doesn't take it as end of our relationship. Since he has had a complicated past, I think he is afraid to call me again because he might get rejected by me. What shall I do? I am in dilemma!

My Dilemna

Dear My Dilemma, if you want my opinion...

The only way to find out what he is thinking is to call him or go to his home (better idea because you can get your camera while you are there) and ask him. It seems like you both have some problems communicating and would rather remain silent or act out negative feelings in non constructive ways, rather than confront an issue head on. If you want to have a relationship that will last you both need to be able to communicate your feelings.

Sincerely,

Opinion Guy

need better sex

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We loved each other so much and are looking forward to our marriage. No doubt, we have had sex and I mean satisfying blissful sex. He can always get me into sex and making me super high before we even have the actual sex. However, I don't know how to satisfy him and getting him into sex, which I know he really wants me to either flirt or dress sexy. But I want to make him happier and learn more interesting way to get him enjoy the sex more. Can you teach me how to satisfy his needs and make me the one to start off the sex instead of him? waiting for your response. Thank u.

need better sex

Dear need better sex, if you want my opinion…

If your man is pleasing you as well as you say, I wouldn't worry that he is not enjoying sex. For many the giving of pleasure is as enjoyable as getting. But it is understandable that you would want to take a more active role. You can learn what he would like by experimenting with different things and reading his responses. But the very best way is to ask him. Don't be shy. Most men will welcome the opportunity for that kind of open dialogue, and will be flattered by the interest shown in wanting to please them.

Opinion Guy

Uncertain

I am in a very confusing situation and I'm not quite sure what to do. I met a guy last May while I was in the end of a relationship. At the end of June, I finally contacted him and we met for drinks on a Friday afternoon. I left Sunday. Needless to say, it was an amazing weekend and I wasn't really expecting to fall into a relationship with him. I started seeing him quite frequently and spent the majority of my free time with him. He was very easy to be myself around (which I wasn't used to) and a lot of fun. The first issue was his relationship with his ex-girlfriend (they had just broken up in May). She called all of the time, signed her messages "Love Ya" and always seemed to be in the picture. I told him I was fine with a friendship, but that this was over the top. I ended the relationship in mid-August b/c of their "friendship". I was so paranoid one night that I snooped (very ashamed of that) and his messages to her were signed "love" as well. It So he and the ex have gotten back together, but he says he doesn't want it. He was apparently telling her last night that it wasn't going to work (who knows if he did). This is my dilemma....I am in love with him and want to be with him but don't know if I can trust him. I don't even know what he wants (aside from the physical). I don't want to walk away, but how do I proceed???

Uncertain

Dear Uncertain, if you want my opinion…

I have heard of similar situations to yours. My advice is to explain to him that you understand that he was friends with the ex but that the intimacy he shares with her is not one you are comfortable with and that you need to know that you are the only woman he is going to be that close too. In my experience, when a man and a woman who have had a relationship, and are now in new relationships, continue to be that close, it is because there is still strong feelings between them. It is not out of line for you to say you cannot continue knowing that he still has feelings for another woman. Be prepared for the possibility that he may choose a close friendship with his ex over you. But if that happens be glad to know that you have certainly avoided a greater amount of heartache and wasted time by knowing early where his heart lies.

Opinion Guy

So Lost??

I have been best friends with this guy. About a year ago, he made a move on me and since then we've been sleeping together. But aren't in a relationship. It's kinda like "friends with benefits". I was ok with this, because no one was getting hurt. About a few months ago, he's started to mention how he likes this girl in his class.

In the past, before we started sleeping together, we've always talked openly about liking other people. But now that we're sleeping together, I really haven't mentioned another guy to him. But he feels comfortable enough with me to mention another girl that he likes. I find this to be bothersome, because to me, it feels as if I have gotten close to him, and have started having feeling for him. And I don't like the fact that he comes here just whenever he is in the mood for sex, but has true feelings for another girl at the same time.

I want to tell him that I want to stop having sex if he likes another girl, because to me it feels like he doesn't respect me enough to have a relationship with me, and that hurts. I try really hard to not sleep with him, but whenever we are alone we end up going all the way. I want to sleep with him still, but not if he likes another girl. The whole time I've known him, he's always been there for me and has protected me against other abusive guys, and now it feels like he is the one that is hurting me the most (emotionally).

I know what I am doing is wrong, and I shouldn't be sleeping with a guy who I am not in a relationship with. But I have feelings for him now, and to hear him talk about another girl hurts. What should I do?

So Lost??

Dear So Lost??, if you want my opinion….

It seems to me that you already know you should not continue having sex with your friend while he is dating other women. It will only cause you heartache, and make you resentful towards your friend.

If you suspect that your friend does not share your deeper feelings you can make the excuse that you want to stop having sex with him out of fairness and respect to the other woman he is seeing. It is a valid reason to stop so you wouldn't be lying. You might also consider letting this guy know how you really feel. Either way it is best you do not have a sexual relationship with him while he dates other women, and considering your change in feelings, I would think it would be doing yourself a favor to stop having sex unless he feels the same way about your relationship as you do.

Opinion Guy