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The uncut X-Beacon files April 1999
Murder Mystery Deepens! PaDS Team Quizzed!The PaDS Beacon article tends to get written at odd times and in odd places. For example, at present I’m sitting amidst the crumbling splendour of Painswick’s legendary Institute Hall, as a member of the PaDS team for the Village Quiz Night. Surprised? So am I! Particularly since my inclusion in this brainy elite was actually at the suggestion of The Most Organised One. ‘His brain is in perfect, mint condition,’ enthused the MOO to the rest of the PaDS committee, ‘At least, he’s never used it in all the years we’ve been married. Anyway, he can’t be trusted to run the bar. Sitting him down with paper and some crayons to scribble with is the best way to keep him out of mischief for the evening.’ And so, with a zillion brain cells buzzing all around us, I join the PaDS team to wrestle with questions like: where does the word ‘canter’ come from? My suggestion of ‘a dictionary’ is treated with a certain contempt. ‘I think it comes from Canterbury, as in Canterbury Tales’, opines Elaine Howell, our formidable Publicity Secretary, who keeps on at me to write something about the next not-to-be-missed PaDS production, the mysterious and murderously hilarious Agatha Crispie at the Institute on May 14th and 15th. ‘From the evidence available, I consider that unlikely, dear lady’ responds Benedict Kolczynski, who is already well immersed in his role of Chief Inspector Ditherington of the Yard in the aforesaid not-to-be-missed production at the Institute on May 14th and 15th. ‘One might as well conclude that ‘run’ comes from Runnymead or ‘amble’ from Amberley. Or ‘crawl’ from Crawley’ ‘I’m pretty sure it’s from the Italian ‘canta’, chips in the fourth member of the brains trust, Louis Nayegon, ‘As in, ‘Ziss horse canta gallopa so fasta’. The team ponders this suggestion… There is a soto voce interjection from the sidelines: ‘Elaine’s right! It’s from the Canterbury Tales…’, hisses Jacek Wolowiecz, our barman for the night, the stage manager for the aforesaid not-to-be-missed Agatha Crispie and inventor of a particularly cunning revolving bookcase-cum-secret passage, which has already led to the mysterious disappearance of three actors during rehearsals. These disappearances have led to a certain creative tension between back stage and the cast. The actors on the team, therefore go for solidarity, ignore the advice and plump for the Italian explanation. Unfortunately, meanwhile, the quiz has moved on to other questions without us. So it is that the St Mary’s Church team wins for the 3rd year running (and hearty congratulations to them) whilst PaDS comes… well, there is more to quizzes than right answers! There is dramatic style! There is the essential mystery of theatre! We believe our answers must have won in both these departments! And on the subject of mysteries, Ms Howell insists that I remind you again about Agatha Crispie at the Institute on May 14th and 15th! Alongside the two mysterious evening performances, there will be a murderous matinee on Saturday, 15th. Tickets will be available soon from the Post Office, the Shetland Shop and Londis. Or you can call Elaine now on 814152 for advance bookings. Finally, I have also been asked to point out that ‘canter’ does indeed come from the Canterbury Tales. So what? I still think our answer had more style. Jack Burgess PaDS |
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